The Real Rules For Girls by Mindy Morgenstern, Paperback | Barnes & Noble
The Real Rules For Girls

The Real Rules For Girls

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by Mindy Morgenstern

Here it is, girls! Everything you need to know in order to live a fabulous life. (Okay maybe not everything, but a heck of a lot of it.) When should you dump him? When is it cool o use a credit card? When is it okay to kiss up to your boss? You'll get the lowdown on all that and more in this hip survival guide for girls who know that the only rule really


Here it is, girls! Everything you need to know in order to live a fabulous life. (Okay maybe not everything, but a heck of a lot of it.) When should you dump him? When is it cool o use a credit card? When is it okay to kiss up to your boss? You'll get the lowdown on all that and more in this hip survival guide for girls who know that the only rule really worth following is this: Be true to yourself. Written with fierce wit and complete honesty, The Real Rules for Girls is not our mother's rule book. Packed with wisdom — and quotes from evryone from Maya Angelou to Liz Phair — it'll help you navigate life's highs and lows with style and substance.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
Gail Gilchriest Screenwriter, and author of The Cowgirl Companion Finally — The Real Rules for REAL girls. Every girl should have a copy in her back pocket. It's a tough world out there, and this book's short, sassy chapters are the cheat sheeets.

School Library Journal
Gr 8 Up-Girls will find this honest title helpful and entertaining. It's filled with practical tips and sound advice. The six chapters-"Romance," "Work," "Social Life," "Family," "Money," and "Life Tips"-each contain a snappy one-liner. For example, in the romance section, this gem appears: "The football captains of today are the burger jockeys of tomorrow." Told in an up-to-date, breezy, first-person voice, the book offers the author's personal anecdotes and life lessons hard won. The information is presented in a nonjudgmental, down-to-earth tone. Clever patter and good advice aside, the real highlights are the wonderfully kitsch black-and-white photographs that recollect the `50s and '60s. The creative layout draws readers' eyes to all sides and corners of the pages. The design is reminiscent of Barbara Kruger's provocative work-thought-provoking statements superimposed on mundane photographs. A delight from start to finish.-Elaine Baran, Gwinnett County Public Library, Lawrenceville, GA Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|

Product Details

Gallery Books
Publication date:
Edition description:
Sales rank:
Product dimensions:
0.31(w) x 8.50(h) x 5.50(d)
Age Range:
13 - 17 Years

Read an Excerpt


There's a lid for every pot.

OKAY, I KNOW IT SOUNDS TOTALLY LAME, BUT IT'S SOMETHING MY GRANDMA USED TO TELL ME WHEN I'D WORRY ABOUT FINDING MY LIFE PARTNER. What she meant was: there's someone for everyone. I gotta tell you, her old-world sentiment was a comfort when I was feeling hopeless about dating. That and her Velveeta cheese casseroles, but that's another story.

A couple of years ago, I was over at my friend Kelly's and we were cooking pasta carbonatta — which is not an easy task, by the way — when we realized that we needed a lid for the pasta pot. Well, we looked everywhere but it turned out she didn't have the lid-mate, and, to tell the truth, I panicked.

Had Grandma lied to me? Had I been building my romantic hopes on a total lie? Then I thought: No, that lid is probably sitting alone and unused in someone else's cabinet without its pot-partner. Oh sure, it might be used as a substitute every once in a while when another lid was dirty, but it never really fit in with the other pots and it knew it.

And then it occurred to me — what we as a nation must do is free all of the single lids and pots so that they may find each other and be happy. I said to Kelly: That's what we as single babes have to do, too! Free ourselves from our "cabinets" and get out there and find the lid for our pot! She looked at me kinda weird, but then totally agreed. So, we put on some lipstick and went out to find our soulmates.

In fact, we were so excited about our mission that we forgot to turn the pasta off, and now I can't even apply for fire insurance until the year 2050. But I didn't care because we had met so many cool people that night. So remember: If you're a pot you will find your lid one day, or vice know what I mean.

Just remember to turn the stove off.

You should always be driving, even from the backseat.

JUST REMEMBER THIS: IF YOU'RE GETTING PRESSURED TO DO IT — WE'RE TALKING ANYWHERE FROM HAND-HOLDING TO HOME BASE — DON'T DO IT. That's because someone pressuring you to do something before you're ready is always wrong. Even if they tell you they love you, even if your best friend has already done it, even if they tell everyone you're a loser for not doing it. This has got to be your idea.

There is no Happily Ever After.

I KNOW THAT'S A BIT HARSH, BUT I'M ONLY TRYING TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE REALISTIC SIDE OF LONG-TERM ROMANCE — IT'S NOT LIKE WHAT YOU'VE SEEN IN THE MOVIES. Take An Officer and a Gentleman for example. Okay, you know the end where Richard Gere struts into the paper bag factory where Debra Winger works, picks her up and carries her off into the sunset? You're left to believe they lived happily ever after, right? Cha! If there were ever a sequel, this is how it would be:

Debbie weighs about three hundred pounds; overweight after having four whiney kids. She yells at Rich all day about his drinking. They fight constantly about the fact that he can't hold down a job, and they're forced to eat Hamburger Helper...without the hamburger.

Okay, maybe I went too far. (Me, go too far?) But the fact remains that no relationship is perfect.

But here's the good news: You CAN have a dreamy relationship. Just remember that it's a package deal: along with the romantic days filled with champagne and sunsets come the UNromantic days when you're both tired of one another and one of you has bad breath. A couple in a strong relationship can work through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Lead your own conga band.

YOU KNOW WAY BACK IN THE OLDEN DAYS LIKE ON I LOVE LUCY WHEN ETHEL WOULD INTRODUCE LUCY AS "MRS. RICKY RICARDO," INSTEAD OF "LUCY RICARDO?" Well, that's 'cause Lucy was considered the "little missus." Everyone was supposed to pretend that she didn't have a real identity apart from being Ricky's wife. This was totally strange since, after all, the show's called I Love Lucy. (Like, Hello? Who's the star here?) But back in the '50s, people bought into the idea that Lucy was successful only if her husband Ricky was. Weird.

Although you don't hear women calling themselves "Mrs. John Jones" or whatever today, we still might think in the same terms and not even know it. C'mon, we've all lived through some version of: That guy is so cool. If only he'd ask me out, I know I'd be, too. What I'm saying is — you could be the Ricky (Rickina?) Ricardo, leading the conga band down at the Tropicana. Then you'll be cool, 'cause you've done it for yourself.

The football captains of today are the burger jockeys of tomorrow.

OKAY, TODAY YOU'RE SAYING YOU JUST GOTTA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THE COOLEST, MOST STUDLY GUY AT SCHOOL OR YOU'LL DIE. But trust me, in ten or fifteen years, you'll be riding in the back of a limo, having just received the Nobel Peace Prize, and on your way to the Democratic Convention to accept your party's nomination for President, when suddenly and without warning, you will become very hungry. You won't have much time between events so you'll tell Jeeves to pull the limo over while you pop into Mickey Dee's for a little nosh.

On the way in, you'll think about ordering the chicken sandwich without the bun, rationalizing that you'll save the calories so you can get the chocolate milkshake, guilt-free.

That decision made, you'll confidently dash through the Golden Arches looking totally hot in your $3,000 Versace suit that Donatella insisted she design especially for you. You'll reach the counter while hastily rummaging through your Dolce and Gabbana looking for something smaller than a 'hundred,' when something will tell you to look up.

Your eyes will lock instantly, he'll smile at you, and you'll smile back 'cause you're never rude, and you'll think to yourself, Hey that balding Assistant Manager who just asked me if I want to "Super-Size that" looks awfully familiar. Then it will hit you like a ton of bricks: It's what's-his-name from tenth grade — the guy you thought you couldn't live without. At which point, you will drop to your knees, not caring that some kid has totally spewed his Happy Meal on the floor right in front of you, and thank God you listened to your Aunt Mindy and refused to give up your own dreams for his.

You be the judge, Judy.

THIS APPLIES TO ANY SITUATION, NOT JUST TO GUYS. But if you're like me you've spent WAY too much time worrying about what other people think of you. The deal is, everyone has their own point of view (my therapist calls it "perspective"), and you know what? We can't really change what goes on in the heads of other people. Sure, you can argue and tap dance until someone lets you have your way, but you can't really affect the basic way that other people think. And believe me, I've tried...and tried.

After twelve years of therapy and fifty thousand dollars, I've learned that we can only control what we think. (And by "we" I don't mean me and my many personalities. I mean you and me, you sassy wenches.) So, fellow control enthusiasts*, next time you're re-living an embarrassing moment imagining that your wildest crush thinks you're a total freak, gain control by asking yourself what you think about him.

*such a nicer term than "control freak" — don't you agree?

Copyright © 1999 by GIRL PRESS


I'm proud to say I was the first person to utter the dreaded "P" word on television. That's right — "period," and I don't mean the punctuation mark. That was my small (but significant!) contribution to feminism.

All right, so I'm not Gloria Steinem. But let's face it — the only preparation we got for the arrival of our first period were the directions on the back of a box of "feminine products." Was there anything more confusing? We were more embarrassed about the onset of "womanhood" than ever.

Wouldn't it have been great if someone would have told us the truth? That your period can be a big fat drag, but that it's ultimately kind of cool since it means being able to have babies? But that hip attitude was impossible at the time, because we lived in a world in which the P-Word was weird and shameful. So that's why I am glad that I was the first one to toss it off casually on network TV.

And while we're at it, I wish someone would

have told me the truth about a lot of things when I was growing up. Life would have been so much easier if someone had sat me down and told me The Real Rules: That the guy you thought was "all that" when you were thirteen would make you gag when you're thirty. That the road to your dream job is filled with lots of sucky jobs along the way...That's the stuff no one tells you when you're a kid.

And that's what this book aims to do — to tip off girls to the truth about topics which were so dimly lit for my generation, and still are for girls today. We need to tell girls that it's possible to follow your dream and figure out a way to pay the bills, and that your mother will always make you crazy, but you'll learn to deal with it.

Of course, our parents tried to tell us those things, but in a different way, and in a different time. Now it's the turn of my generation to lend a hand to the next crop of girls, with advice based on our own experience — and on a very different world. You and I can make things a bit easier for our daughters, nieces, goddaughters, and granddaughters. Let's break the silence and tell them The Real Rules. And hey, we may even be reminded of a few things we've forgotten ourselves.

— Courteney Cox Arquette

Copyright © 1999 by GIRL PRESS

Meet the Author

Mindy Morgenstern is a television writer and producer. She has written for dozens of television shows, including The Journey of Allen Strange, Even Stevens, and All About Us. She lives in Los Angeles, about eight blocks form Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.

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The Real Rules For Girls 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 2 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book has what it takes to keep a teen girl perplexed as well as humored. The sarcatic tone is entertaining enough to read in one sitting, and then refer to it later on for additional pleasure. "Sassy wench" and "thumb rot" are only a few fiesty terms that Mindy Morgenstem uses to emphasize and teach.
Guest More than 1 year ago
i didnt know were was my head i thought he loved me i gave my all the next day he calls saying he dont love me.