Read an Excerpt
I was a child I had a very intense relationship with God, or so I thought. I
can recall many times that I would make deals with Him. I knew He had His hands
in everything and could do whatever He wanted. This meant that I needed to get
Him on my side.
funny thing is that I really developed my relationship with God sitting in the
bathroom. Please give me a second to explain.
my parents would go out of the house I would start to worry. For the first
couple of hours I would just feel a little tense, but after a while, when I
figured they should have been home by now, I would really get nervous. My
stomach would then feel sore and I would immediately get the urge to go to the
bathroom. It was then and there that I spilled my guts out to God. I would pray
that He bring my parents home safely, and I promised that in return I would be
the best little kid in the world. Each time I would take upon myself a
commitment to do some good deed.
amazing thing that happened was that my parents would arrive very shortly after
that. This seemed to confirm to me that the bathroom was a very special place
for meeting God. I believed that for me the bathroom was the sanctuary where
God heard my prayers. Others went to synagogue or church, but God and I had a
special meeting place in the bathroom.
when within seconds of my prayers my parents would arrive home, I felt that God
had manipulated me. I thought to myself (but I knew He read my thoughts),
"You knew all along that my parents were about to arrive, and You stalled
them. You set me up to get the better deal."
seemed to be a big part of my dialogue with God from childhood into
adolescence. But finally I couldn't stand living in fear and the constant
feeling that to get anything from God there always had to be some kind of
one day, I finally mustered up the courage to deny God. But even when I stopped
believing in God, I nonetheless continued to fear Him.
our happiness, confidence, and spiritual growth are stifled by our perception
of God. Many people are still living with their childhood God and need to free
themselves from His overbearing shadow. The remedy to this problem is to
finally, maturely confront the true identity of God and ourselves.
the simple reading of the Bible give us the whole picture? Or is there a secret
side to God and humanity that will put everything into perspective?
is what this book is all about. But you are probably wondering who am I to be
talking about the secret life of God. How do I know what it is?
the last twenty-five years I have researched this very issue. I didn't do it to
write this book. I did it to heal myself of theophobia—to free my soul from a
pervasive fear of God and to find personal enlightenment and happiness. I knew
in my heart that I had been dealing with a deity created in my own image, born
out of my fears and insecurities. I decided that I needed to find a source that
could answer my questions about who is God and why do I exist. I needed a book
You Always Wanted to Know About
Yourself, but Were Afraid to Ask.
my search I did not find such a book, but I found something better—I found an
entire tradition that deals completely with this issue. It is called Kabbalah.
is the mystical interpretation of the Torah, which embodies the teachings of
the prophet Moses. It is a tradition consisting of ancient wisdom that reveals
the inside story of God and humanity created in the divine image. It exposes
the secret life of God and our ultimate purpose on earth. It offers profound
answers to deep questions like:
did a perfect God create such an imperfect me?
God is so good, why is this world so bad?
God is so kind, why is there so much suffering in the world?
do bad things happen to good people?
do I exist at all?
does God want from me?
I ever be good enough?
God need me?
difference do my choices make?
I free, or is life predetermined?
God is all-powerful, then why does He want me to serve Him?
is God referred to as He? Why can't God be female?
happened to all the miracles?
answer some of these questions takes only a chapter, to answer others takes a
answers in this book are not mine. I am just translating the secrets from
Kabbalah into a language that anybody can understand. All I want to do is share
the incredible relief I experienced when I discovered that God is not who I
thought He was. And I want to share the empowerment and awesome joy in getting
to know the real me and the real you.
hope that by the end of this book you will not only have answers, but also have
glimpsed the rich treasure trove of wisdom that can lead you straight to the
source of all life, love, and happiness.
the Jewish tradition the essential name of God is called the Tetragrammaton
(from the Greek for "four letters")—transliterated from the Hebrew
heh vav heh).
a reminder that God is beyond human grasp, this essential name is never
pronounced, even in prayer. The common practice, when speaking colloquially of
this name, is to use the Hebrew word
literally means "the Name." This is what I do in my personal life,
and this is the approach I took in my two previous books
for the purposes of this book—because we are addressing common
misunderstandings about God, I felt it would be necessary to use the word
succeed at redefining it and clearing out a lot of the baggage it conjures up
for people. Also, to avoid the convolutions of English usage, I reluctantly
acceded to using the pronoun
though (as we will see in chapter 5)
can be very misleading and does not give us the full truth about God.
subtitle of this book hints at the fact that we are all secret agents in the
secret life of God. Indeed, the secret life of God is so secret that it is
secret to most of us, who, in fact, are living it.
it doesn't have to be.