BN.com Gift Guide

The Self-Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps to an Unhealthier You

Overview

REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

Let’s face it, there are thousands of books out there to help you avoid self-destructive behavior—but what fun is that? Welcome to the first book designed to help you not help yourself. Here you’ll find unsound advice on everything from engineering a revenge affair to picking the gateway drug that’s best for you.

Chapters include:

• 12 Steps to a Drinking “Problem”
• Condoms Are for ...

See more details below
Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (39) from $1.99   
  • New (5) from $1.99   
  • Used (34) from $1.99   
Self-Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps to an Unhealthier You

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 7.0
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 10.1
  • NOOK HD Tablet
  • NOOK HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK eReaders
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$9.99
BN.com price

Overview

REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

Let’s face it, there are thousands of books out there to help you avoid self-destructive behavior—but what fun is that? Welcome to the first book designed to help you not help yourself. Here you’ll find unsound advice on everything from engineering a revenge affair to picking the gateway drug that’s best for you.

Chapters include:

• 12 Steps to a Drinking “Problem”
• Condoms Are for Suckers
• How to Lose Way Too Much Weight in 90 Days
• And more!

As you travel down the road to self-destruction, let this hedonistic handbook be your guide. It may steer you wrong—in fact, it’s sure to do so—but when being wrong is this much fun, who wants to be right?

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781400050338
  • Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 5/25/2004
  • Pages: 160
  • Product dimensions: 5.18 (w) x 8.02 (h) x 0.36 (d)

Meet the Author

ADAM WASSON is a Scotch-swilling, Marlboro-smoking, relationship-sabotaging MWM. He enjoys walks on the beach, sodomitical literature, and good food. He is looking for: a small but vehement cult following.

JESSICA STAMEN is an SWF with a kind heart, questionable morals, and a history of Oprah-esque weight fluctuation. She is looking for: a man.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

Introduction

CONGRATULATIONS! In picking up this book you have already accomplished more than you may realize. For one thing, you've made a statement about yourself—you are not someone who simply follows the crowd. Let's face it, there are thousands of books on how to avoid self-destructive behavior. As far as we know, however, this is the world's first book on how to embrace self-destruction, enjoy it, and pursue it to its fullest extent. Take a moment just to congratulate yourself on being unique enough to recognize this fact, and brave enough to investigate it.

The self-hurt goal
Our goal here is simple: We want to help you not help yourself To that end, we offer advice on everything from how to stalk an ex to how to smoke with emphysema. Wondering which gateway drug is right for you? This book will help you decide. Not sure how much degradation you can take? Probably more than you think: We'll help you push your limits.

No matter what self-destructive behavior you're interested in pursuing, chances are we've got some valuable advice and encouragement for you.

Destruction Isn't Death
Self-destruction is not suicide. In fact, they are very different. Suicidal people want to end life altogether, whereas self-destructives enjoy debasing themselves, degrading others, and generally wreaking physical and emotional havoc on the world around them. There is nothing more life-affirming than total destruction, whereas death, in our opinion, is zero fun.

If you are suicidal, then you have probably lost all sense of irony and should look elsewhere for help.

If, on the other hand, you hope to mastermind and botch multiple suicide attempts in order to frighten and manipulate people who care about you, we've got some real gems for you in chapter 8.

Your self-hurt journey
We're not going to lie to you. Self-destruction can be a difficult and sometimes lonely road. That is why, if you remember only one thing as you read this book, we want you to remember this: The whole point of self-destruction is that it's fun. If you're not having fun, then you might as well be taking vitamins, "working" on your relationships, and reading self-help books.

Your goal here should be to develop and pursue your destructive tendencies to their fullest potential, and to have a good time doing it. Before you read further, we'd like you to reflect for a moment on the most self-destructive thing you've ever done. Gratifying, wasn't it?

Okay, let's get to it!

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Introduction 11
1 12 Steps to A Drinking "Problem" 17
2 Why Smoking is Cool 39
3 Your Brain on Drugs 54
4 The "Rules" for Dysfunctional Daters 73
5 The Man and Mistress Guide to Infidelity 92
6 Condoms are for Suckers 106
7 How to Lose Way Too Much Weight in 90 Days 118
8 The Ins and Outs of Self-Mutilation 137
Conclusion 157
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(0)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 11, 2012

    H

    G

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 27, 2004

    A hilarious book filled with wit and insight

    This is a hilarious satire of self-help books that skewers everything from internet dating to self-mutilation and eating disorders with wit and style. The book works not only as a parody of the form but as a surprisingly insightful dissection of self-destructive behavior. Every page has material that will make the reader laugh out loud, and anyone who's ever behaved in a manner detrimental to themselves will find the writers' observations to be both painfully funny and painfully accurate. A great book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 5, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 4, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)