The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes That Smart People Make

Overview

Filled with the true stories of Bushong's own clients, clear explanations of the seven psychological impasses, and explicit details to help you learn where your own troubles may lie, The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make in the ultimate guidebook to the most persistent relationship problems we all must face.
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Overview

Filled with the true stories of Bushong's own clients, clear explanations of the seven psychological impasses, and explicit details to help you learn where your own troubles may lie, The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make in the ultimate guidebook to the most persistent relationship problems we all must face.
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
While the "smart people, dumb mistakes" approach has been overused, this clear, honest and practical guide is smarter than its title. Bushong (Loving Him Without Losing You) is a veteran Denver psychotherapist and radio talk-show host whose practice focuses on relationships. She takes the unusual stand that "what is considered normal is not always healthy," and encourages readers to create and maintain relationships that are different than the norm. Bushong offers background on how and why people sabotage their relationships with unrealistic beliefs and poor role models from childhood. The resulting "seven mistakes" she sees most commonly in her practice include: forcing intimacy; expecting your mate to read your mind; playing the martyr; thinking you are always right; rescuing your mate; taking your mate for granted; and letting passion die. Explaining how to avoid and repair each mistake, Bushong encourages healthy personal boundaries along with an "It's you and me against the world" attitude toward primary relationships. She addresses herself directly to women in relationships with men, treating her readership as strong, smart and competent, and shows them how to balance taking and giving. Bushong's is a refreshing voice in the crowded field of relationship advice to women. Author tour. (June)
Library Journal
Shah, whose main claims to authority seem to be that he worked for Playboy and has had many failed relationships, has put together a self-indulgent book. He outlines the build-up and fall-down of his 13-year relationship with "Carmen." In the course of this expos, he spouts unproven theories about women and relationships that are regressive enough to make even Phyllis Schlafly blush. As if the content weren't bad enough, the writing style seems to be more Penthouse than Playboy: "The three days that followed saw us making love in every corner of my apartment, even at the top of the San Ynez mountains." It seems that Shah and "Carmen" could have benefited from reading Bushong's book. Bushong, a psychotherapist with years of media experience, has put together a no-frills guide to keeping relationships honest. She could well be called the great enumerator; in addition to the seven dumb mistakes, she includes the "16 essential elements of a healthy relationship," "four steps to healthy communication," "five great intimacy builders," and so on. There's not a lot surprising or controversial in this book, but it is clearly written, and most of the advice rings true. Most public libraries could benefit from acquiring Bushong's book, but Shah's book is not recommended.Pamela A. Matthews, Univ. of Maryland Lib., Baltimore
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780679448297
  • Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 5/13/1997
  • Edition description: 1 ED
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 230
  • Product dimensions: 6.44 (w) x 9.55 (h) x 0.94 (d)

Meet the Author

Carolyn N. Bushong's first book, published by Continuum Press, was Loving Him Without Losing You, a regional bestseller. She has written for many publications, including New Woman, Cosmopolitan, and The Rocky Mountain News. She lives in Denver, Colorado.
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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments
Introduction
Pt. 1 Why Smart People Make Dumb Mistakes
1 How Relationships Really Work 3
2 Relationships 101: Why We Do the Things We Do 24
Pt. 2 The Seven Dumbest Mistakes: How to Stop Making Them
3 Mistake Number One: Forcing Intimacy 49
4 Mistake Number Two: Expecting Your Mate to Read Your Mind 75
5 Mistake Number Three: Playing the Martyr 104
6 Mistake Number Four: Thinking You Are Always Right 129
7 Mistake Number Five: Rescuing Your Mate 152
8 Mistake Number Six: Taking Your Mate for Granted 177
9 Mistake Number Seven: Letting Passion Die 200
Epilogue 227
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