The Stay-at-Home Martyr

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Overview

A hilarious guide to avoiding the mommy martyr trap

Calling all mommies! Somewhere under that ponytail and old T-shirt, those sweat pants and mismatched undergarments, is a sexy, interesting woman begging for a night out. To just be yourself again. So why not? Here?s why: You're tired. You can barely remember life before babies. You look like the "before" photo in a makeover contest. Every minute has been reduced to a single purpose: your ...

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Overview

A hilarious guide to avoiding the mommy martyr trap

Calling all mommies! Somewhere under that ponytail and old T-shirt, those sweat pants and mismatched undergarments, is a sexy, interesting woman begging for a night out. To just be yourself again. So why not? Here’s why: You're tired. You can barely remember life before babies. You look like the "before" photo in a makeover contest. Every minute has been reduced to a single purpose: your darling children. What’s wrong with that? A lot.

The Stay-at-Home Martyr gives you the tools to get back on track. Written by two women who’ve been there, almost done that, this guide takes a sidesplittingly funny yet compassionate look at the modern-day phenomenon of mommy martyrs—showing us that not only can we carve out time and interests apart from our kids, but that by doing so we might even do our demanding young "bosses" a world of good.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780762749423
  • Publisher: GPP Life
  • Publication date: 9/24/2008
  • Edition description: First
  • Pages: 232
  • Product dimensions: 5.64 (w) x 10.92 (h) x 0.58 (d)

Meet the Author

Joanne Kimes is the author of Pregnancy Sucks as well as nine other titles in the Sucks series. She has written for the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and FOX.

 

Jennifer Worley left her position as V.P. of Creative Development at Radar Pictures to pursue her writing career. She has written on various feature films and has a graduate degree in Human Development with a specialization in Early Childhood Development.  She lives with her husband, four kids, and needy dog in Los Angeles.

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Table of Contents


Prologue     1
The Stay-at-Home Martyr     3
Parenting through the Ages     5
In the Beginning, There Was a Lightbulb Moment     8
Birth of a Martyr     10
Admitting You Have a Problem     12
"Glamour Do" or "Glamour Don't You Ever Look in the Freakin' Mirror?"     19
From a Positive Pregnancy Test to a Negative Self-Image     20
Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes     23
Let's Get Physical ... Don't Panic, We Don't Mean Sex     34
Out with the Old, and In with the New You     38
Doctor You Up     41
Martyr-Dumb     43
Kids Are Boring     45
Worry Wartyrs     49
Poo-poo Pee-pee: A Person Cannot Survive on Monosyllabic Repetition Alone     51
Get a Hobby-and No, PTA and Scrapbooking Do Not Count     56
Go Mental     58
'Til Death or Martyrdom Do You Part     63
The Family Food Chain     64
We Know What Boys Like     70
It's a Family Affair     74
What to Expect When You're Expecting Too Much     76
Communication Is the Key to Boredom     78
How to Start a Fire with Wet Wood     83
Counseling beforeCanceling     89
From Dog Tired to Doggy Style     91
My-Husband-Makes-Me-So-Mad-Libs     93
Date Night     95
Hiring a Sitter     96
But I Don't Wanna!     102
Children of a Lesser Mom     109
Who Needs Who? The Industrial Strength Umbilical Cord     111
You're Mad for Fashion     125
The Rescuers     128
Lost in Translation     130
Lowering the Bar to Raise Happier Kids     131
Home Is Where the Martyr Is     137
Back in the De-cor     139
Preschool of Interior Design     141
Less Is More than Enough     144
The White Zone Is for Immediate Loading and Unloading of Kid Crap Only     148
Nature vs. Nurturing Our Young     150
On the Road     152
Other Living Creatures     154
Meals on Wheels     156
Germs Are Good (and Other Reasons to Stop Cleaning Your House)     159
The Friends and Family Plan of Attack     165
If You Don't Have Something Nice to Say... You Must Be a Martyr     167
Martyrs Have a Short Shelf Life     170
Husbands Can't Share Lip Gloss     172
Women Live Longer than Men     174
Divorce Happens to Half of Us     176
Learn to Talk the Talk     177
Make New Friends     178
Family Matters     180
Getting Away from It All (and Bringing It All with You)     187
I'll Be Home for the Holidays (while the Rest of You Go Out and Have a Good Time)     189
Fly the Unfriendly Skies     192
The Ghost of Martyr Future     195
School Daze     196
The Ins and Outs of Offspring     199
Empty Nest = Empty Life     201
Back to the Workforce     205
My Martyr, My Pimp     206
Martyr-in-Law     208
Congratulations, You're a GrandMartyr!     211
FAQs     212
It's Always Darkest before the Dawn     218
Epilogue     220
About the Authors     222
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