Table of Contents
Introduction and Acknowledgments ix
Introduction and Acknowledgments to the Second Edition xi
Part I Foundations 1
Program Notes 3
Rules of Engagement 7
Typologies of Domestic Violence Offenders 11
The Context of Competence 15
Pacing and Leading 17
Provisional Status Policy (Group Leaders' Version) 19
Shame-o-Phobia: Why Men Pear Therapy 21
Approaching the Unapproachable-Therapist Self-Disclosure to De-shame Male Clients 29
What Men Want From DV Groups 38
Part II Orientation Session 39
The STOP Program Q&A 41
Typical Questions and Concerns 44
Provisional Status Policy (Group Members' Version) 45
The 15 Commandments of STOP 46
Gratitude Statements: Hunting the Good Stuff! 47
Feelings Count 48
Part III New Member Sessions 49
House of Abuse 51
Time-Out 56
Part IV Exit/Relapse Prevention Sessions 63
Most Violent and/or Most Disturbing Incident 65
Prevention Plan 66
Part V Core Curriculum 69
Session 1 The Red Flags of Anger 71
The Cycle of Abuse 73
Red Flags Exercise 75
The Four-Square Technique 76
Session 2 Anger Styles 78
Anger Styles Quiz 79
Anger Styles 80
Letting Go of Anger 82
Session 3 Trauma and Anger 84
Red Flags of Trauma 85
Trauma: Response and Recovery 86
The Stories of Trauma 87
Session 4 Mindfulness and Gratitudes 89
Mindfulness in Everyday Life 90
Sumanai! 92
Session 5 Self-Talk and Personal Stories 94
Bad Rap 96
Bad Rap Quiz 97
Examples of Anger-Producing Self-Talk 98
Session 6 The Broken Mirror 100
The Broken Mirror Sequence 102
Session 7 Masculinity Traps and Tough Guise 104
Masculinity Traps 106
Men Are Supposed To… 107
Session 8 Masculinity Traps: Guidelines for Good Men 109
Relational Heroism 110
Guidelines for Good Men 111
Session 9 Jealousy and Misinterpretations 113
Jealousy: Taming the Green-Eyed Monster 114
Misinterpretations 116
Session 10 Misattributions and Negative Interpretations 118
"Who Is Responsible?" Questionnaire 119
Session 11 Substance Abuse and Relationship Abuse: What's the Connection? 122
Alcohol and Other Substances and Abuse: What's the Connection? 124
Alcohol and Other Substances Questionnaire 125
The Many Faces of Addiction 126
Why Do I Use? 127
Session 12 Accountability 129
Accountability Defenses 130
Accountability Statement 131
Session 13 Put-Downs from Parents 133
Put-downs from Parents 135
Session 14 Shame-O-Phobia 137
Session 15 Survivor Guilt and Moral Injury 140
Survivor Guilt and Moral Injury 142
Session 16 Switch! 144
Switch! 146
Session 17 Assertiveness and Asking for Change 148
Assertiveness 149
What Is Assertive Behavior? 150
Asking for Change 151
Session 18 Handling Criticism 153
Handling Criticism 154
Session 19 Feelings, Empathy, and Active Listening 159
Expressing Tour Feelings 160
Active Listening 161
Session 20 Intimacy Training: Wives and Partners Group 164
Session 21 Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 167
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 168
Conflict With Respect 169
Session 22 Intimacy Training: Telling Your Trauma Story to Your Partner 171
Telling Tour Story 172
Session 23 Hurting the Ones You Love 174
Emotional Abuse and Mind Games 175
Relationship Respect Contract 176
Session 24 Apologies 178
The Art of Apologies 179
Classic Apology Mistakes 180
Session 25 What's Up with Sex? 182
Sexual Abuse: Psychological and Physical 184
Masculinity Traps: Sex 185
Sexual Meaning Questionnaire 186
Session 26 Kids who Witness 188
When Kids See Their Parents Fight 190
Kids' Exposure to Destructive Conflicts 191
Questions for Kids 192
Part VI The Relationship Abuse/Substance Abuse Level II Supplement 195
Substance Abuse/Domestic Violence Programming 197
Supplementary Programming for Level II Substance Abuse/Domestic Violence Groups 198
Part VII Standard Forms 203
Gilt Check Questionnaire 205
Weekly Check-In 206
Evaluation Form 208
Treatment Expectations 210
References 213
Index 215
