The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man

The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man

3.6 62
by Laura Doyle
     
 

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A New York Times bestseller, this controversial guide to improving your marriage has transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance, harmony, and the intimacy they crave.

Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he

Overview

A New York Times bestseller, this controversial guide to improving your marriage has transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance, harmony, and the intimacy they crave.

Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he withdrew—and she was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it. When Doyle surrendered control, something magical happened. The union she had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed her was back.

The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. Laura Doyle’s model for matrimony shows women how they can both express their needs and have them met while also respecting their husband’s choices. When they do, they revitalize intimacy.

Compassionate and practical, The Surrendered Wife is a step-by-step guide that teaches women how to:

· Give up unnecessary control and responsibility
· Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle, or dismiss their husbands
· Trust their husbands in every aspect of marriage—from sexual to financial
· And more.

The Surrendered Wife will show you how to transform a lonely marriage into a passionate union.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780743211505
Publisher:
Touchstone
Publication date:
02/28/2001
Sold by:
SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
288
Sales rank:
92,706
File size:
2 MB

Meet the Author

Laura Doyle is the author of the controversial bestsellers The Surrendered Wife and The Surrendered Single. A popular speaker on relationship issues, she teaches workshops based on her books. She lives in Costa Mesa, California, with her husband.

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The Surrendered Wife 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 63 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is the second copy of "Surrendered Wife" that I've purchased (I lost my original copy). The title is unfortunate because I feel its turned so many women off. Really this book she be called "How To Live With Your Husband." As a stong-minded woman who married and divorced early in life, I had come to the conclusion I just couldn't get along with a live-in husband or boyfriend and all men were just impossible to understand. I married again and luckily stumbled on this book. It was better than marriage counseling (I ought to know) and a lot cheaper. It showed me how to take a good look at myself, my husband, and how to respect each other. It's not, as the title might imply, about giving up your life and becoming your husband's slave. It's an insight into women and men and how we process information, how we perceive each other, and how to maintain your marriage while being true to yourselves. I refer back to it from time to time for reminders, which is why I'm ordering it again. Want a happy relationship? Give this book a try, making your own modifications where needed, and you might be surprised at how much fun marriage can be.
Guest More than 1 year ago
i feel that this book is definitely worth the read. stick with it. at first you might think her ideas are out there, but they work.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Wow. I found this book during my darkest days of heartbreak - married 5 years and utterly hopeless that things would change for the better. So when I saw this crazy book I was desperate enough to check into it. After the first few pages the light came on in my mind, and I got so excited as I saw how I participated in creating the frustration, exhaustion, and misery of every day life.*****Now we've CELEBRATED 10 years! I wish I could convey how amazing it is to be passionately in love with a strong, sexy man who knows his own mind and heart, has determination and initiative, and absolutely adores his (very imperfect) wife. Ladies, you can have this too - this is who your man really is inside, if you decide to work on becoming the best you first. This book isn't about some religious gimmick, but I'll venture to say it just might become your Bible for marriage. Enjoy!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I am a working mother and a feminist and I loved this book. Reading an excellent book is one thing, taking the advice in it, entirely another. I have found that if you are courageous enough to actually DO some of the things (or better yet, ALL of the things) this author suggests, you will see excellent results in terms of an improved marriage and simply feeling better about yourself and reducing your overall stress level. I realize this is a hotly debated book with hotly debated ideas and that the author has no credentials in the area of marriage counseling, child rearing or psychology. I can see her borrowing some ideas from 12-step programs. This is, nevertheless, one of the most helpful books I have ever read on marriage. The only struggle is taking the author's ideas and manifesting them in your own behavior. It takes discipline and it takes courage.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is a rather controversial approach in a time when men on television are depicted as bumbling idiots barely capable of crossing the street or constantly playing the role of the antagonist. Overall I liked the book and felt that it gave new light to the age old (and often misunderstood) biblical principle of submission in marriage. Whether we like it or not, there can only be one head of an organization (marriage, baseball team, etc). Somebody's gotta submit and if you're a Christian, that's the wife. That means the husband is responsible for the health, welfare, and happiness of his wife. That doesn't mean that he's the tyrant screaming 'Where's my chicken pot pie!!' Surrendering, though, is a band-aid in a marriage where the wife is controlling. Controlling women (and men) need a basic course in people skills...Dale Carnegie for instance (Power and Confidence in Dealing with People). So he took the wrong exit on the freeway...big deal!! Turn around!! Is it really worth hurting his feelings over? So he hasn't mowed the lawn in 3 weeks...that is a big deal. Get off your butt and handle your business. So she over-cooked the chicken...big deal. Is it really worth hurting her feelings over? Be grateful that you have a wife that cares enough about you to take the time to cook dinner. If we start prioritizing these issues based on the qualifier 'Is it really worth hurting his/her feelings over?' marriages and relationships will be healed. In first grade, most of us learned to treat people the way we want to be treated. Apparently everyone has forgotten this basic people skill when it comes to their marriage.
Guest More than 1 year ago
In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnation of lust, or seen statistics on the horrors of pornography use, nor read about how pornography use in a marriage harms the intimacy and respect. I would not recommend this book to any woman looking for learning about true submission, which involves submitting to a husband who respects you and is faithful only to you, not entertaining thoughts of other women. Very sickening! I'm throwing the book away.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book has helped me in so many ways, i can't even write them all down. Laura hits the nail on the head with issues of trusting your husband (or SO), even to the point of not questioning...it's liberating to let go of your own doubts, and this book encourages that. Way to go, Laura!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book more than a year ago and I still have to go back and use it as a reference. This book is EXCELLENT!!! I was raised to be an INDEPENDENT STRONG BLACK WOMAN so when I got married I was an INDEPENDENT STRONG BLACK MARRIED WOMAN. I took charge and control of EVERYTHING which led my husband to be the weak one. The Bible clearly states the woman is the weaker sex. So everything I was raised with was totally against God's Word therefore my marriage was suffering. This book, with God's Will, allowed me to let go! A friend suggested it to me and I have suggested it to another friend whom I saw so much of me in her and her marriage. She just read the first five pages and called me to thank me! Just now I suggested it to two other ladies and I just found out Laura Doyle wrote one for single women. :O YEAH!!! No it wasn't easy to give up so much but it was worth it. I'm less stressed which makes me not only a better wife but a better mother. My husband feels more of the strong one in this marriage, more trusted and more 'manly'...even when he was laid off I didn't take control. My husband is still the head of our household. While so many of our friends are getting divorced...we're getting ready to celebrate our 10th Anniversary. Again, THANK YOU LAURA. I'm not only a surrendered wife but also a HAPPY, STRESS FREE, DEBT FREE SATISFIED wife.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have not yet completed the entire book, so will come back and write a follow-up review, but I had to add my two cents now. As a 40 year old, professional (doctorate prepared) with three kids, I was burnt out to the max! I never had any time for myself, felt like I always had to do everything, and resented my husband for every bit of it. How could this happen to a woman so determined to have it all? Wow, was this book eye-opening! If you are like me (determined that I would never, ever "surrender" to anyone), plan to bristle at certain (or all) sections. But take a deep breath, read them again, and remind yourself that things aren't so great the way you are currently doing them, and perhaps the author is on to something. I have not even employed all the suggestions yet, but already my relationship with my husband is better, and I have way, way less stress. What would my women's studies professors say??? They'd probably faint; but then again, they were all divorced. Hmmmm . . .
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book about a year and a half ago, after my husband called me, "controlling." I was shocked that he would think my "strong" personality was so unattractive. Needless to say, after reading the book, my marriage is better than most. I apply all the principals -and find that my husband actually makes better decisions when I don't try to control him. He used to come home from work and sit in front of the t.v. all night ignoring the kids and me. No more! I am no longer "his mother" and now, his loving partner. He does everything for me, (he wants to)and constantly brags about how lucky he is to have me as his wife--now--not then. It isn't about being submissive, and those that think that don't understand the book or don't want to admit they control their husbands. The biggest thing I have learned is to respect your husband, and he will turn the world over for you...Thank you Laura! My three kids will actually have loving parents that stay married. Thank goodness!
Guest More than 1 year ago
*sigh* It would seem that many of you that are angry have not read the book and are simply basing your opinion on the title. The saying 'Do not judge a book by it's cover' has been around for a very long time, and yet people continue to do so. This is about letting your spouse have the control over their life that you want over yours. Don't tell them their faults. They may not care about what YOU think is a fault, and very likely don't want to be belittled. Don't nag about their choice of clothing. If they like it, who cares what others think? Don't boss them around. Everyone is an independent citizen, and can make their own decisions. The list goes on and on, but the fact is that these days, more and more, women are being domineering in marriages and not men. While men are frequently culprits in these behaviors, the occurrance of John Doormat is no longer a rarity. To put it differently...when was the last time you naysayers asked your husband's permission to do something, and when was the last time he asked permission to do something? As a side note, this applies equally to men and women, but since the market for self help books is dominated by women, it's pointed to them for obvious reasons. I will say that domineering girlfriends are what ended the three relationships before I met the wonderful lady that is my wife. She is strong and rarely bosses me around. I bet we're married for the rest of our lives. Dennis
Guest More than 1 year ago
It's funny how we as women are conditioned. Most every woman I know can be coined as a 'control freak'. It's such an ugly term, but we bring it on ourselves. I used to tell my husband what to wear, who to be friends with, how to deal with his boss, what to do during his free time, etc. This has taught me that I can only control myself, and by surrendering this innappropriate control, more intimacy builds in my relationship. I'm an easier person to be around. I no longer tell him where to park or how to drive or how to clean the kitchen. In turn, I praise him for the things that he does do right and in turn he strives to be better. No one responds to bossing around or nagging, least of all men. When I ceased this behavior it just cleared everything up. I got the results I wanted, because he got the treatment and respect that he wanted. Surrendering and being indepent can be achieved in the same relationship. You don't have to boss people around to be independent. Laura talks about having outside interests apart from your spouse to nurture yourself. She also encourages 'self-care' in which you take a bath, go get a massage, sit and read, or whatever energizes your soul. Sometimes we look to a spouse or a friend to satisfy these needs for nurturing, when we can find them within ourselves. This lifts the control off once again from our spouse...where it didn't belong in the first place. So many people make the mistake of not accepting responsibilty for their own boundaries in their relationships. No one is responsible for making you happy or fulfilling all your needs. You are. Once you take this burden off other people, they are free to turn around and give love freely, which is the best kind afterall.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was brought up by a very strong, independent single mother. I wanted to have the 'perfect' family when I got married. Our perfect love fell apart because I didn't understand how men react from constant 'improvements'. Ladies, just because you know how to do something better than him--don't correct him! Give him that appreciation, trust and total acceptance and I promise you the passion will remain and grow. I'm still the ultra independent business woman now but I know not to point out a guy's weaknesses. I'm sorry folks but I can't help but to think that all these bossy moms over the last 30 years have lead to a lot of wimpy guys in their 20's. Think about it.
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Guest More than 1 year ago
I saw this book advertised on a talk show, and the host said he didn't like the idea of anyone in a marriage surrendering to anything. However, I did decide to get the book anyway because I knew I was controlling in some issues. The book was a great joy to read at first because it spoke of things like complaining how your husband loads the dishwasher doesn't get you anywhere etc. The more I got into the book, it just seemed to me to say that women need to let their husbands make all the decisions in life to avoid confrontation. The ideas about letting your husband take over certain tasks around the house doesn't work for me either because I am a stay at home mom. When I hear my husband complain about how he doesn't want to do much because he is gone for 12 hours a day it kind of makes it hard to say 'Honey I want you to take over the finances'. Anyway. The book does let women know that all the nagging about pidley things is not worth it. Also the whole phrase 'Whatever you want' just annoyed my husband.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I am really enjoying this book because it is helping me see areas in my life that I find the need to 'control.' This book is not simply about having a happier marriage but having happier relationships with everyone--this book is not about submitting to a husband who makes all decisions but empowering those around you to make their own decisions to to allow us 'control freaks' to relax and go with the flow.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is a very good book. It offers perspective and insight to assist in rocky areas where partners seem to be in conflict, and not communicating well. The text expresses awkward, complicated issues more easily and speaks to certain fundamental difficulties. Some people (male and female) just are not comfortable expressing their relationship-expectations, espicially in these ¿modern times¿ when roles can be confusing. At the very least, this title and Dr. Julianna Slattery's 'Finding the Hero in your Husband' will raise good questions to be considered and discussed openly with your partner. Assuming that one is willing to put forth the effort and commitment to save their love!