The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting [NOOK Book]

Overview

Parents were here first! How did the kids suddenly take control? Sure the world has changed from the days when children were supposed to be seen and not heardbut things have gotten a little out of hand. What about some quality time for the grownups? Author Christie Mellor's hilarious, personal, refreshing, and actually quite useful advice delightfully rights the balance between parent and child. In dozens of short, wickedly funny chapters, she skewers today's parental absurdities and reminds us how to make ...
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The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting

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Overview

Parents were here first! How did the kids suddenly take control? Sure the world has changed from the days when children were supposed to be seen and not heardbut things have gotten a little out of hand. What about some quality time for the grownups? Author Christie Mellor's hilarious, personal, refreshing, and actually quite useful advice delightfully rights the balance between parent and child. In dozens of short, wickedly funny chapters, she skewers today's parental absurdities and reminds us how to make child-rearing a kick. With recipes, helpful hints, and illustrations, this high-spirited book is the only book parents will really needand enjoy.
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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
Harried mothers who have given over their lives to their adorable little angels, beware: This book is the equivalent of a cocktail in the face. You may even forget to patiently count to three the next time tiny Tallulah needs a time-out. "Let us be perfectly frank," writes Mellor. "You were here first." The empowerment is almost unbearable! "It's time to warm up the ice cubes, curl up on the sofa, and send darling Spencer into the other room to play by himself," insists Mellor. The book details the glories of saying no to your children, explains when you've gone too far in childproofing your home, laments our over-reliance on camcorders ("a disease") and suggests that the Tooth Fairy is getting robbed. Best of all, there's a recipe for teaching your tot how to mix a simple martini just the way you like it — with lots of alcohol...-Chicago Sun-Times

Mellor, mother of "two darling little angels," tells parents it's time take back their lives—and their right to have a few cocktails at a child's midday birthday party. With chapters such as "Bedtime: Is Five-Thirty Too Early?" and "Screaming: Is It Necessary?," the author lays out a plan for parents to enjoy themselves and not be slaves to their children while still offering their kids a warm, nurturing environment. Mellor's advice has a retro twang, and is always wry and often quite funny, standing in sharp contrast to the guidance normally found in books of its kind. The author urges readers to recruit children to pitch in with household chores ("Three years old is not too soon to start learning the fundamentals of decent vacuuming") and thinks excessively childproofing a home is ridiculous, since kids find a way to open complicated locks anyway ("You might as well festoon all your drawers and cabinets with brightly colored flags that say 'Hey, You! Kid! Fun and Danger in Here!'"). Mellor's guide will surely be a boon to parents in need of some "grown-up time." -Publishers Weekly

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781452116549
  • Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC
  • Publication date: 5/11/2012
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 144
  • Sales rank: 118,262
  • File size: 2 MB

Table of Contents

Introduction: In Praise of Grown-up Time 11
Saying No to Your Child: It's a Kick! 16
The Childproof House: How to Know If You've Gone Too Far 22
Bedtime: Is Five-thirty Too Early? 29
The Child at a Social Event 32
Screaming: Is It Necessary? 39
Your Child's Life: Now Available on DVD! 42
Diaper Bag or Steamer Trunk? 46
When It Is Time to Leave 49
Children's Birthday Parties: Not Just for Children! 54
The Family at Table 61
Child Labor: Not Just for the Third World! 68
Avoiding the Detritus of Childhood 74
Preschool: The Fast Track to Harvard 78
The Three-Martini Playdate 82
Mommy, I Want a Puppy! 87
"Children's Music": Why? 94
Are We There Yet? On the Road with Max and Maddy 101
School Days, School Days 108
Self-Esteem and Other Overrated Concepts 113
Karate, Little League, and Ballet: Your Child's Eighty-Hour Work Week 117
Steppin' Out with My Baby 121
Television: Is Six Hours a Day Too Much? 126
Your Cost-Effective Tomboy 130
Don't, Like, Waste My Time 133
The Amazing Hands-Off Daddy 136
Epilogue: Why Do We Have Children? 141
Helpful Hints!
Etiquette for First-Time Parents 14
When You Are the Victim of Your Own Child 20
Practical Childproofing 28
On Getting out the Door 53
On Having Your Cooking Appreciated 66
Fiscal Planning and Your Tooth Fairy 72
For Your Listening Pleasure 98
Entertainment on the Road 105
On Helping Your Youngster with School Projects 112
Do-It-Yourself After-School Enrichment Program 120
Recipes
Our Little Tot's First Martini Recipe 37
Lemonade for Grown-ups 57
Weenie Fondue (For a Crowd) 58
Devilish Eggs 60
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Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 14, 2008

    Refreshingly honest, funny and even practical

    I work at a B&N, so while pregnant and now navigating toddler years I'm surrounded by endless books on how to raise my child. Kind of like statistics, you can find titles to fully support every type of parenting out there. This one is different - aside from it's incredible tongue-in-cheek humor - because it puts the focus back on you, the parent. Somehow, somewhere between my parent's generation and mine, kids have taken over the household. Five minutes in the presence of my nephews and nieces was enough to keep me from even considering reproduction until I was nearly 40. I picked up this book when in a state of impending motherhood, and have continued to revisit 'and laugh with' certain chapters into my son's toddler years. Bottom line: parents are the parents, and sometimes your kids are going to have to accept/do/eat/etc. things they just don't like or understand. Part of your brain makes you want to reason and plead with your child. This book will help you see that the 'because I said so' part of your brain deserves attention, too. And it'll make you laugh out loud before, during and after those moments.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 3, 2006

    This book is a delight.

    The author has taken a humorous take on a serious social problem. I'm passing this on to all new parents as new mommies & daddies need less pressure & to know it's okay to have kids and FUN. Children's roles have changed over time and we need to remind them it's a privledge to be OUR KID not the other way around.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 27, 2005

    5-Stars, are you kidding?

    While I found this book funny, I found no helpful advice whatsoever. In her chapter on childproofing, Ms. Mellor claims that it's best to let your little one hurt themself on a cocktail fork - then use the incident as a lesson in what not to do. So basically she expects that your child will learn once they've hurt themselves once? I do agree that parents have let the new waive of child-led parenting get out of control. However, children still need direction and protection. It is our job as parents to give them boundaries. Once they reach a certain age you can remove those boundaries and begin the process of teaching. I don't believe that a 14 month old can 'learn' not to impail himself with a cocktail fork.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 7, 2005

    Wonderfully funny book

    I loved this book! As the mother of 3 children who tries to do the right thing but gets oh so frustrated when the text book results don't occur...this book is a must. Very funny but also gives you enough to take with you into every day life. Very easy to read...wonderful wonderful wonderful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 14, 2004

    Funny, but not flippany

    Yes, this book is very funny. But I find the advice to be well-intentioned and very helpful. In this day and age when people seem to feel they need to completely change thier lifestyles for baby it is refreshing to hear from someone who yearns for the days when parents still wore the pants in the family. I will take the advice to heart when my baby comes and hope to avoid the trap of totally spoiling my child, both to his and my detriment.

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