The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

impressive

I enjoyed this book more then I intended. I myself am a gay male in soceity. The book is aimed for older audiences but being that I'm only 17 it provided much insight on what I should prepare for and what to expect in the future. I think teenagers would highly benefit from this. I didn't feel if I was reading what a doctor wrote. I felt he was just a typical gay guy living his life. But the fact that he has studied in that field makes this book worth much more.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Compassion and insight wisdom for us all

While elucidating the experiences of invalidation experienced by gay men, Dr. downs also illuminates the toxic landscape of shame of many other wanderers. He explores the emotional dynamic that 'quakes even the most stable part of our soul.' This isn't just a social commentary or self-help book aimed at a minority population. The reader will journey through cultural values about human flaws and perfection to arrive at a place where real authentic human relationship may be found. And this isn't a therapist's case study, viewed from a distance. Dr. Downs writes with compassion and insight about his own life as well as the lives of his friends and patients. Read this book if you have any interest at all in intimacy, relationship or honesty!

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

A must read

This book is excellent for anyone that is LGBT. It offers insight and advice that is compelling and very educational.

Finally, I feel that Dr, Down is mostly projecting " So I have written it as a gay man who has experience all of this and more..." So I feel sorry if he is not happy. For the record, I am.

The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs, PH. D.

According to Dr. Downs, "the inevitable by product of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, a shame gay men strive to obscure with a façade of beauty, creativity, or material success."

The Velvet Rage outlines three distinct stages to emotional well being for gay men.

Stage 1. Overwhelmed by shame
Stage 2. Compensating for shame
Stage 3. Cultivating authenticity

According to Dr. Downs, gay men "have more sexual partners in a lifetime than any other grouping of people. And at the same time we also have among the highest rates of depression and suicide, not to mention sexually transmitted diseases. As a group we tend to be more emotionally expressive than other men, and yet our relationships are far shorter on average than those of straight men. We have more expendable income, more expenses houses, and more fashionable cars, clothes, and furniture than just about any other cultural group." The he questions if we are truly happy.

I disagree.

On promiscuity and STD's: "The number of sexual partners an individual has varies within a lifetime, and varies widely within a population. In the U.S., a 2007 national survey had the following results: the median number of committed female sexual partners reported by men was seven; the median number of committed male partners reported by women was four. It is possible that men exaggerated their reported number of partners, women reported a number lower than the actual number, and/or a minority of women had a sufficiently larger number than most other women to create a mean significantly higher than the median. Twenty-nine percent of men and nine percent of women reported to have had more than 15 sexual partners in their lifetimes.[2] Studies of the spread of STIs consistently demonstrate that a small percentage of the studied population have more partners than the average man or woman, and a smaller number of people have fewer than the statistical average. An important question in the epidemiology of sexually transmitted infections is whether or not these groups copulate mostly at random (with sexual partners from throughout a population) or within their social groups (assortative mixing). A 2006 comprehensive global study (analyzing data from 59 countries worldwide) found no firm link between promiscuity and STIs, with poverty and mobility being more important factors.[3] [4] This contradicts other studies.[5] [...]

On Suicide and mental disorders: Mental disorders are frequently present at the time of suicide with estimates from 87%[13] to 98%.[14] When broken down into type mood disorders are present in 30%, substance abuse in 18%, schizophrenia in 14%, and personality disorders in 13.0% of suicides.[14] About 5% of people with schizophrenia die of suicide.[15] Depression, one of the most commonly diagnosed psychiatric disorders[16] is being diagnosed in increasing numbers in various segments of the population worldwide,[18] [19] and is often a precipitating factor in suicide. Depression in the United States alone affects 17.6 million Americans each year or 1 in 6 people. Within the next twenty years depression is expected to become the second leading cause of disability worldwide and the leading cause in high-income nations, including the United States. In approximately 75% of completed suicides the individuals had seen a physician within the prior year before thei

0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Could Save Lives!

As a therapist working with individuals who are gay, straight (especially those questioning identity), bisexual, transgender and/or uncertain, I highly recommend this self-help book. Clients, professionals and lay people should enjoy this book. It is highly useful and even enjoyable. It is perhaps the best easy to read and understand resourse to help a friend, family member, co-worker, one's own self, or merely to become a far better individual. This book moved me. I worry about teen suicide amongst all segments of the population; this book is a MUST for any one dealing with a gay or questioning child, teenager or young adult, especially. This great text should help ensure the rights of others through its "knowledge is power" approach - without being political. There are many facets of an often homophobic society that are addressed here. A great read for all. It is suitable for youth above age 15 in my opinion. I have purchased dozens for patients and as gifts. Enlightening!

The presentation left a lot to be desired.

This book irritated me. A lot of what he wrote was opinion stated as fact and the 'facts' are only backed up by anecdotal evidence. And since he doesn't provide any solutions for dealing with the shame, how do I know he knows what he's talking about? The author also doesn¿t connect the dots. As it is, I don¿t know if he even knows how his clients progress from one stage to another. And there are other problems with this book. He says the same things over and over again. He brings up that old chestnut about ¿domineering mother, distant father.¿ Some of his word choices are odd. A gay clinician in 2006 describing a male rape as ¿being sodomized¿? Lastly, the examples are all of gay men that are wealthy and/or live extravagant lifestyles. What about the rest of us?

0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.

No text was provided for this review.