The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce and Keep the Man You Want

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Since she exploded on the scene with her two juicy and impossible-to-put-down tell-alls, readers have wanted to know even more about what makes Karrine Steffans tick. How was she able to meet all the high profile politicians, movie stars, and other celebrities that are her close acquaintances? What skills does she possess to keep men wanting more? Finally, Karrine lays it all out and explains exactly what a woman must do to win over the man of her dreams. With chapters like "Never Let Him See You ...

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The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce & Keep the Man You Want

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Overview

Since she exploded on the scene with her two juicy and impossible-to-put-down tell-alls, readers have wanted to know even more about what makes Karrine Steffans tick. How was she able to meet all the high profile politicians, movie stars, and other celebrities that are her close acquaintances? What skills does she possess to keep men wanting more? Finally, Karrine lays it all out and explains exactly what a woman must do to win over the man of her dreams. With chapters like "Never Let Him See You Sweat,""Flirting,""Encouraging His Manhood," and "Give Him What He Wants," this hot and sexy manual is a must-have for every woman's bookshelf.

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Karrine Steffans is not inclined to take half measures. When this music video performer and former porn star appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show, her press release proudly described her career as "a full-time booty shaking, breast baring dancer." In this new book, the author of Confessions of a Video Vixen and The Vixen Diaries shares her secrets for romantic and erotic success, from meeting the man you want to giving him what you both want again and again. The Vixen Manual includes tips on meeting sexy, stable men; super-seductive flirting; catering to your lover's ego; and going the distance when it matters. A steamy tutorial; now in torrid paperback.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780446582278
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
  • Publication date: 7/13/2009
  • Pages: 272
  • Product dimensions: 7.30 (w) x 9.20 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Karrine Steffans became a New York Times best selling author after releasing her debut tell-all book Confessions of a Video Vixen in June of 2005. Since the success of her books, Karrine speaks at universities and celebrity panels. She has also established The Karrine Steffans Girls Club, The Karrine Steffans Book Club , and The Steffans Commentary on MySpace. Check out Karrine's website at www.karrine.com
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First Chapter

The Vixen Manual

How to Find, Seduce & Keep the Man You Want
By Steffans, Karrine

Grand Central Publishing

Copyright © 2010 Steffans, Karrine
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780446179980

Section 1

Being Single

This is how you start, as a single woman looking for a life and, eventually, a life mate. At first it is exhilarating, and then one day it becomes exhausting and you long for more. But until that day, there is a lot to consider.

Chapter One

Single vs. Singular

So you’re a single girl. You’re Mary Tyler Moore, throwing your hat up into the air, thinking you’re gonna make it after all. Maybe you’re Laverne (or Shirley), skipping down the sidewalk, determined to make your dreams come true…doing it your way. Hell, maybe you’re even Samantha Jones, the outspoken PR maven and sexual libertine from Sex and the City, sleeping with every available man, and occasional woman, who crosses your path. Whatever the case, honey, you’re single, and no matter what your theme song is, it has the potential to suck.

Odds are you’re also singular, which is pretty easy to be when you’re not in a relationship. You define yourself by setting your own boundaries, doing what you want whenever you want, mistress of all you survey within your domain. There’s no one to answer to, no feelings to consider. When a relationship enters the picture, however, it has the potential to change everything, including the singular dynamic. It becomes much more difficult—at times, nearly impossible—to focus only on yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up your identity. One of the primary keys to a healthy relationship is for both of you, though no longer single, to remain singular. There’s a fine line between being in a relationship and being absorbed by one, and that’s what will happen if you’re not sure of yourself as an individual first.

As a nurturer, I have the tendency to covet and consume my mates. For most of my life, I have believed in the now-comical mantra, You complete me. So there I was, looking for a man to complete me, giving him all of me in the hopes he would return the favor and make his every waking breath my own. With each boyfriend, I wanted to go where he went and do what he did, and I would make myself available day and night, without compromise. In one of my more intense relationships, I even canceled sections of my first book tour to follow my lover as he traveled the country. I was a no-show at Temple University and several other prestigious higher learning establishments, skipping speaking engagements just to be “completed” by him. He was a nocturnal creature and, though I cherished my sleep, I would force myself to stay awake in the wee hours of the morning to be with him, forsaking rest and comfort. I would hop atop his kitchen counter at four in the morning as he juiced fresh, organic vegetables and fruits and would never share in the nectar. I’d watch him drink. I just wanted to be near him. I just wanted to be “completed.” I lost myself in him and, ironically, began to resent him because he had his own life and I didn’t! He didn’t complete me after all! We even made a funny little saying that wound up not being the slightest bit funny: “You deplete me.” That, ladies, is the sum of all parts when you cease being a singular individual before, and especially after, you are no longer single.

Vixen Tip

For me, it’s always been difficult to not become absorbed by my relationship. It takes an enormous amount of effort to stay on track and to live my life as if there weren’t this hunky piece of man flesh laying in my bed just begging to be ravished. The only way to keep on track is to write out a schedule and stick to it every day, no matter how difficult it may be to leave his side. Make certain things rituals; wake up, make the bed, take the kids to school, go for a walk, shower, and head to the office. For those of us who work at home, it is twice as difficult to concentrate, which makes having a schedule even more important. What has worked for me is to save most of the personal time for after business hours, after I have completed everything on my list for the day, everything from tidying the house to running an office. Take care of yourself first and, trust me, he’ll be there when you’re done. But, to ensure this, make sure you don’t become so self-absorbed that you forget to schedule lots of time for him, as well.

Of course, being a single woman can be fun, especially when it’s done on your own terms. There’s something very fulfilling about not needing a man to buy your drinks, take you shopping, and show you a good time. Still, even in your singleness, you can find yourself not being your own person, a singular woman. You may look for others to validate you by making you feel pretty, worthy, smart, or desirable. These are the feelings that should come from within. There’s an old saying along the lines of “If you don’t go within, you go without.” Giving others the ability to define how you view yourself means you’ve surrendered your power. By expecting others to give you what you need—dignity, pride, self-esteem, confidence—you become a hostage, subject to their whims and insecurities. You must learn to mine your own strengths, which you already possess in great abundance.

Vixen Say What?

Too many cooks spoil the pot. (Thanks Grandma!)

If you’re the type of woman who can’t bear the idea of leaving the house without being in the company of a gaggle of girlfriends, you’re not a singular individual. Men are attracted to a woman’s independence and strength. There’s nothing more magnetic to a man than seeing a woman confidently strutting by with a sense of purpose, not checking for who’s checking her out, because she’s apparently got somewhere to be, something to do—something that matters. It’s hard for a potential mate to see who you are when you’re lost in a cacophony of women, all of you laughing and huddling and talking over each other. This may seem communal and fun, even necessary at certain times, but make no mistake—it is not attractive, especially when your objective is to be viewed as an individual.

Eventually, most of us women tire of being single, always hanging out with the girls, meeting up for margaritas and club crawling, only to have to slink back home to an empty bed. We begin to long for the fulfillment of a relationship. This doesn’t have to mean we’re lonely, unable to be in the company of just ourselves. It simply means we no longer want to operate alone. Romantic companionship can be tremendously enriching, enhancing all areas of our lives, under the best circumstances. There’s something uniquely beautiful about Blockbuster nights under a fluffy duvet with someone special, our feet touching, our bodies entwined as we steal each other’s warmth. If only for a season, we all experience a very visceral need to couple, to be touched, and to at least feel loved. If it happens with enough repetition and mutuality, you may soon find that you’re no longer single. The trick, however, is to still be you. Even though you’ve found Mr. Wonderful, or just Mr. Seasonal, it’s important to remain singular and not get so lost in this wonderful (possibly seasonal) bliss that you disappear as an individual.

Make sure you have a strong understanding of who you are and what you stand for before you set out to be in a relationship. Know your singular self. The more you know about you, the better equipped you’ll be to participate in a healthy relationship, and you’ll be much less likely to tolerate what you don’t deserve.

Recap

One of the primary keys to a healthy relationship is for both of you, though no longer single, to remain singular.

If you don’t go within, you go without.

It’s hard for a potential mate to see who you are when you’re lost in a cacophony of women.

Romantic companionship can be tremendously enriching, enhancing all areas of our lives.

Know your singular self.



Continues...

Excerpted from The Vixen Manual by Steffans, Karrine Copyright © 2010 by Steffans, Karrine. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3
( 52 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(15)

4 Star

(12)

3 Star

(7)

2 Star

(5)

1 Star

(13)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 52 Customer Reviews
  • Posted July 18, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Don't Waste Your Hard Earned $..

    I came across this book today while shopping for a birthday gift for a friend. I noticed the book perched up in a modest display overshadowed by more popular, well known authors. I had no idea K. Steffans had even written another book. I read it about 2 hours and was disappointed to say the least. This book doesn't tell or teach you anything you haven't heard before in life unless you've been living under a rock! Yup, there's no profound or newly revealed information nor does she tell you how to suck a mean one. A quick run down? Take care of yourself in and out. Keep a clean house. Take care of your man. Pay attention to detail. Don't lose yourself in relationships. Sex is a beautiful thing when you're in control of yourself and your life. Duh, right??? Yup, nothing new I haven't been doing for years. It's her version of Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady...". It's a redundant "guide" basically telling you most things that are considered common sense if you've made it that far in life (over the age of 21). Or if you've had a pretty decent upbringing then this book is just a compilation of all the things Mama, Grandma, and Auntie told you about. There's even illustrations of simple sexual positions (missionary, 69, etc.) as if you'd never seen them before. Did Karrine really think she was dropping knowledge?! She tries to come across as having "been there, done that and now I'm teaching you" but doesn't quite pull it off. She does say she's no saint and who is she to be teaching about healthy relationships and blah blah blah but it's almost like she's just adds that just because she knows people will say that. In short, the book was a total snooze and just another attempt at K. Steffans trying to cash in on what she thinks is a successful manipulation of the masses. Well not me, a leopard doesn't change its' spots! I think it's great that she accomplished her goal of writing a book however she missed the mark. Ladies, save your dough and spend it on the manis and pedis Karrine tells you to treat yourself to from time to time...or didn't you already know that? Thank God for return policies.

    13 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 1, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    A Woman Without Discretion,

    I was disappointed as well as offended with this read. The title is misleading. "The Vixen Manual" is more about sexual choices and exploits than a guide or manual. It does not include the impact of learning as in changing directions, benefiting from experiences or sincere investment in emotional maturity. Therefore, instead of being instructive, it becomes a journal of experiences where the choices of the author are left to be evaluated by the reader. The same would be expected if this was autobiographical of a madame.

    "The Vixen Manual" is degrading to women (honorable) and reduces their role to exploitation by men as if they have no intrinsic value but are ascribed value according to their sexual acumen. Men have been degrading women for years; it's truly sad when a woman does it to other women.

    Reviewed by: Gail

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 21, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Relationship & sex advice for women - with a twist!

    Synopsis:

    The Vixen Manual combines self help, how to advice, sex tips, and humor. The book is divided into fifty short chapters and five main parts: (1) Being Single, (2) How to Attract Him, (3) How to Engage Him, (4) How to Release Him, and (5) Maybe It's You. Don't read Karrine's manual for revolutionary concepts, instead compare her advice to what you've heard and learned over the years.

    Review:

    Some statements from The Vixen Manual reminded me of advice I'd received from my grandmother with a twist. Being Single covers the basic attitude and approach towards dating, love, and men. Karrine describes the concept of the "dance card" of the 18th century and discourages women from being too quick to commit to one man which is an inefficient use of scarce time. Karrine's advice is similar to the "collect and select" suggestion that I'd heard from my grandmother. But Karrine adds her own twist to this: collect men, rank them using a written list, and let them know how they compare. But be careful not to throw casual sex into the mix because women are wired to feel an emotional connection to our sexual partners.

    Similarly, in Chapter 10, Preparation Meets Opportunity, Karrine recommends that any single woman looking for love should prepare for her man now - get fit, keep your place neat, and act as though you're in love and you'll attract the man that you want. She does point out that getting ready extends beyond your looks to cover educational, financial and emotional preparation. Though this advice isn't new, it is useful and surely can't hurt. It's easy enough to procrastinate on your fitness regimen or other aspects of our lives and we all can do with the gentle reminder to take good care of all aspects of yourself.

    The advice is interspersed with humor. For instance, "Dating Younger Men" has tips like "Check ID when dating someone significantly younger and be sure you're not breaking any laws" and "Never hang out with him and his friends. You are a cougar; see him only in your den." Similarly, the chapter "How to Handle Rejection" listed the things you should not do and watch out for, such as, "you don't want to wind up having your voice mail played over and over to a room full of his buddies as they knock back beers and laugh at what a loon you are...think of every message you leave as a potential sound bite that can work against you."

    I should mention that the chapter on Sex has quite explicit instructions and diagrams of various recommended techniques.

    While some advice predated the women's lib movement, Karrine Steffans is likely to be laughing all the way to the bank.

    Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (July 13, 2009), 272 pages.
    Courtesy of Hatchette Books Group.

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 18, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    The Vixen Manual.

    I got a lot out of this book. It's got some good tips about how to meet the men you want to meet--and leave the jerks alone--and what to do once you meet them. It's taught me how to come out of my shell and go for it. I really liked this one.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 16, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!

    I have read the VM, and I must tell you guys that it is not what many of you may be pondering, however; there is alot of useful information that can aid any woman (young/old). Mrs. SM has definitely displayed her grown ass woman (had to say it) in this piece. Mrs. SM is basically reminding us about the things that "some" of our mothers told us in our earlier years, you know, when we thought we knew it all?, yeah I know, me to... Mrs. SM has put the truth right in our hands; so if you ladies still can not get it together after this, then your problem may require more than a best selling authors memoirs(hint)...
    opposing viewpoints welcomed

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 9, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Who better to give advice then someone who has personally done all the wrong things?

    This has to be one of the best relationship manuals ever written! All though with its racey cover and title i would NOT put it on my coffee table i know that when i have a daughter and she grows up i will try and instill most of this advice in her. Knowing Karrine Steffans reputation some of you reading this may think i'm crazy but this book is NOT what you think it is. Instead of being trashy and filled with skankish "blow by blow" instruction on every page (pun intended) it really focuses on the woman being complete and confident in herself first before seeking a mate. Something i think 99% of women do not do. If this review does not convince you to buy and read the book take this piece of advice from the book with you. NOBODY CAN AND SHOULD BE BURDENED WITH THE TASK OF COMPLETEING YOU! Before you can have a meaningful relationship you have to treat yourself well! Great book i'm insisting my sister and all my girlfriends read it. I think this book is simply AMAZING.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 27, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Great Read

    I thought this was a good read. Not that there's anything in this book that you probably don't already know but sometimes we all need to be reminded of life's very simple truths. I love how she speaks to the readers as if we're all old friends. I could definitely see her saying everything in the book like we were old girlfriends catching up over coffee. This book just reinspired me to get on with my purpose and when love comes I'll be ready...I recommend this book for any young woman just starting out who may not be able to speak to any other older women about men and life or for someone like me who's in their 30's but needed to be reminded of life's simple lessons...

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 20, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Good Read

    She makes a lot of valid points concern relationships, I believe it's a good read for couples.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 19, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Great book

    I would like to say that I've listened to K.S on the radio so i couldn't wait to read this book. It was a great book very informative for those seeking questions that many women don't ask each other. K.S explains alot of things and the explanations come from experience. I loved all 3 books and i wanted more after each one.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 14, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Get this book.

    A great read about how seduciton. Also, the author really seems to know about men, about how they act and what to expect. I would suggest anyone wanting to know more about men get this book.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 2, 2012

    Confused

    Does superhead even have a man so confused!!!

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  • Posted May 9, 2010

    On The Contrary

    I was VERY skeptical at first. "How To Find, Seduce and Keep The Man You Want" PSSH! From a woman with a notorious reputation for sleeping around with legendary music artists? But my curiosity got the better of me again and I decided to buy the darn thing. Was I EVER wrong about her. It doesn't tell women to depend soley on a man financially or how to become dependent on relationships to feel complete and sure of yourself. It's about getting your stuff together and becoming your own person, harnessing the power of your femininity despite diminsihed social standards of what woman should be doing to be "kept in her place" today. I even started clipping out the "Vixen Say Whats" to keep me motivated. Judgmental people that refuse to let this her redeem herself and claim a better life are disgusting, and their attitudes shine more negative light on themselves than on Karrine just because of it's sexy cover.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted September 5, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    wow

    I have read and own all three of Karrine's books. The Manuel is basically a how to guide to high self esteem and getting the man in your life to like you better or even like you. It had some informative points to the book but nothing I hadn't already learned before. The Manuel was not a favorite of mine.

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  • Posted August 30, 2009

    It was an okay reading.

    I was looking for much more from Superhead the information that was givin you could find in any sex book i.e Karma Sutura. I think that she should have written this book with a little more salsa!!! This book for me was plain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • Posted August 29, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Very Good Book...

    This book is definitely for the lost and naive young women. This book will open up your eyes and give you the courage to become a decent, well mannered young lady who will know what to look for when she wants to find the man of her dreams.

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  • Posted August 10, 2009

    WOW...

    I loved this book and am reading it again, immediately! Karrine has used all her past experiences and turned them into life lessons it seems like. Good old-fashioned advice that most young people don't hear these days. Things my grandmother told me but I forgot. And this book is FUNNY! oh my goodness, I laughed so much all the way through. This book isn't for kids though. Grown ups who want or have committed relationships or who are already married because it gets raw by time you get to the sex chapter. The packaging was nice too! It's the prettiest book I own. Sharing it with my daughter, who is 23, and she seems inspired. Hooray for miss Karrine. She seems to have grown into quite a woman and an amazing author. No wonder this is her THIRD best seller!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 28, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    A good start.

    The Vixen Manual is a good start in lessons of seduction of men. It's got a lot of good pointed and the author, having been a video vixen, has experience in seduction. It's also an easy and entertaining read.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 29, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 26, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted September 6, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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