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This is a book about how a boy―and a man―becomes a man.
It's a guide to the process of masculine initiation, that ancient path every boy and man must take if they would become the man they long to be. The path whereby they come to know they are a man, and are able to live and love from a deep, centered strength.
We live in a time where most men (and boys) are essentially fatherless. Whatever their circumstance, they have no man actually taking them through the many adventures, trials, battles and experiences they need to shape a masculine heart within them. They find themselves on their own to figure life out, and that is a lonely place to be. Their fears, anger, boredom, and their many addictions all come out of this fatherless place within them, a fundamental uncertainty in the core of their being.
But there is a way.
"We aren't meant to figure life out on our own," says John Eldredge. "God wants to father us." In The Way of the Wild Heart, Eldredge reveals how God comes to a man and takes him on the masculine journey, how nearly all the events of a man's life can come togther to provide the initiation he never received. And how parents can offer that initiation to their sons. Whatever your age may be, your Father is ready to take up your journey. For you are his son.
Introduction
One of the most haunting experiences I have ever had as a man took place on an early summer day in Alaska. My family and I were sea kayaking with humpback whales in the Icy Strait, and we stopped on the shore of Chichagof Island for lunch. Our guide asked us if we wanted to go for a hike into the interior of the island,
to a clearing where grizzlies were known to feed. We were all over that invitation. After a twenty minute walk through a spruce forest,
we came into what appeared to be a broad, open meadow about four hundred yards across. Being midday, and hot, there were no bears to be seen. "They're sleeping now, through the afternoon. They'll be back tonight," he said. "C'mere—I want to show you something."
The meadow was actually more of a bog, a low-lying jungle of brushy groundcover about two feet high, barely supported underneath by another foot of soaked moss and peat. A very difficult place to walk. Our guide led us to a trail of what seemed to be massive footprints, with a stride of about two feet between them,
pressed down into the bog and making a path through it. "It's a marked trail," he said. A path created by the footprints of the bears.
"This one is probably centuries old. For as long as the bears have been on this island, they've taken this path. The cubs follow their elders, putting their feet exactly where the older bears walk. That's how they learn to cross this place."
I began to walk in the marked trail, stepping into the firm,
deep-worn places where bears had walked for centuries. I'm not sure how to describe the experience, but for some reason the word holy comes to mind. An ancient and fearful path through a wild and untamed place. I was following a proven way, laid down by those much stronger and far more prepared for this place than me.
And though I knew I did not belong there, I was haunted by it,
could have followed that path for a long, long time. It awakened some deep, ancient yearning in me.
This is a book about what it looks like to become a man, and
—far more to our need—how to become a man. There is no more hazardous undertaking, this business of "becoming a man," full of dangers, counterfeits, and disasters. It is the Great Trial of every man's life, played out over time, and every male young and old finds himself in this journey. Though there are few who find their way through. Our perilous journey has been made all the more difficult because we live in a time with very little direction. A time with very few fathers to show us the way.
As men, we desperately need something like that marked trail on Chichagof Island. Not more rules, not another list of principles,
not formulas. A sure path, marked by men for centuries before us.
I believe we can find it.
What you are holding in your hands is, as the cover indicates,
a map. It chronicles the stages of the masculine journey from boyhood to old age. This is not a book of clinical psychology, nor a manual of child development. For one, I am unqualified to write that sort of book. Further, I find them unreadable. Ponderous.
Boring. What do you recall of your psychology textbook from high school or college? But I do love maps. Most men do. The pleasure of a map is that it gives you the lay of the land, and yet you still have to make choices about how you will cover the terrain before you. A map is a guide, not a formula. It offers freedom.
It does not tell you how fast to walk, though when you see the contour lines growing very close together, you know you are approaching steep terrain and will want to mend your stride. It does not tell you why the mountain is there, or how old the forest is. It tells you how to get where you are going. I am keenly aware of the book's insufficiencies. There will be those who say, "But he did not address. . . ." Fill in the blank. Moral development.
Discipline. A map cannot answer all the questions a person might have. It is offered only to the traveler, who wants to know the path.
Those who would take the masculine journey will gain a great deal by following the map. Those who want to analyze it will no doubt find cause to, and remain at home.
This is also a field report. It is an account of the masculine journey, offered mostly from within, from a man seeking further healing, restoration, and maturity, from a father doing his best to offer it to his sons. And so this book runs along two lines—it speaks first to men, and their journey, but it also speaks to those who are raising boys, and those who are working with men.
This book builds upon the themes of another book I wrote for men, Wild at Heart. How do I convince you that you should read
Wild at Heart before you read this book? I'm not one for following directions myself. But you will get so much more out of this book having read that one, for this is a sort of sequel, a continuation of the journey, offering much more specific guidance. Those of you familiar with Wild at Heart will find many of its themes repeated here, which makes sense, for the masculine heart does not change.
And, many things bear repeating, as the Scriptures testify. We are,
on the whole, woefully forgetful creatures. Furthermore, many men make the mistake of thinking that clarity equals healing, that understanding equals restoration. They do not. Reading about a country doesn't mean you've been there.
A companion workbook is available to help you, and you'll
experience a whole lot more of the journey if you do the workbook,
too. The best approach would be to read this first, then go back through it with the workbook. Maybe get a few guys to go through it together.
A word to moms—this book will be a great help to those of you raising boys, and those of you learning to love adult sons (and their fathers). After I wrote this, Newsweek ran a cover story about
"The Boy Crisis," referring specifically to the fact that boys are falling behind girls in school, and struggling. The author said, "A boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map." It's a relief, really, to realize that you cannot be all things to your son,
nor even what he most needs. He needs a father figure. You already know that, and the hope offered here is that they can be found. As for you, you get to be a woman, and his mother. You can seek out for your sons the kinds of experiences I describe here in the company of men, whether a youth group or scout troop or a man to come and fill in what is needed.
I've often wondered at the long lists found many places in the Bible that recount a roster of men as "the son of so-and-so, who was the son of so-and-so." You'll find many of these rosters in the Scriptures, and elsewhere in ancient literature. Perhaps these accounts reveal something we hadn't noticed before—a father-view of the world held by those who wrote them, shared by those who would read them. Perhaps they saw in the father-son legacy the most significant of all legacies, that to know a man's father was in great part to know the man. And then, if you step back further to have a look, you'll see that the God of the Bible is portrayed as a great Father—not primarily as mother, not merely as Creator—but as Father.
It opens a new horizon for us.
You see, the world in which we live has lost something vital,
something core to understanding life and a man's place in it. For the time in which we live is, as the social prophet Alexander Mitcherlie had it, a time without a father. I mean this in two ways.
First, that most men and most boys have no real father able to guide them through the jungles of the masculine journey, and they are—most of us are—unfinished and unfathered men. Or boys. Or boys in men's bodies. But there is a deeper meaning to the phrase
"a time without a father." Our way of looking at the world has changed. We no longer live, either as a society or even as the church, with a father-view of the world, the view centered in the presence of a loving and strong father deeply engaged in our lives,
to whom we can turn at any time for the guidance, comfort and provision we need.
And that is actually an occasion for hope. Because the life you've known as a man is not all there is. There is another way. A path laid down for centuries by men who have gone before us. A marked trail. And there is a Father ready to show us that path and help us follow it.
NotLostWanderer
Posted May 21, 2011
The Way of the Wild Heart is a well-written, honest book on the journey of a man through the various stages of the masculine initiation by God. It's great! It also addresses many of the gray areas and shortcomings of Wild At Heart. All in all, these two books together make for an amazing one-two punch combo for Biblical Masculinity!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.mryoda
Posted April 29, 2013
I'm almost done with this one and John has said some really awesome things which have healed my heart. As a father of a 9-year old boy, it has also got me thinking about how to grow together in the grace of God. I have also been able to process some things which happened in my childhood which have formed me and been able to understand the why and the how. I would recommend.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 2, 2009
I Also Recommend:
"The Way of the Wild Heart" has helped me develop a much more intimate relationship with God as my Father. John Eldredge writes in a way that captures and keeps my attention. The experiences he shares touch my heart. He has helped me work through some parental relationship-issues I've had from long ago. I started by reading "Wild at Heart," and could feel God tugging at my heart many times as I read. I couldn't wait to read his follow-up book, "The Way of the Wild Heart." I have not been disappointed. I am now sharing these books with my son, so together we can lead my grandsons into a "wild at heart" relationship with God. Excellent book!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted November 25, 2007
This is the first Eldredge book that I have read and it was inspiring... I use it as a discussion book with a friend of mine... As a father of a young boy I was enlightened with many ideas of adventure, to help raise my son to be a man of honor, respect, and courage... It also made me reflect on where I, as a man, was in my own journey... Overall Great Book...
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Posted October 14, 2007
Like his first book, this book touched me. He is an excellent writer, surely blessed by the Lord. I look forward to reading his other works.
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Overview
This is a book about how a boy―and a man―becomes a man.
It's a guide to the process of masculine initiation, that ancient path every boy and man must take if they would become the man they long to be. The path whereby they come to know they are a man, and are able to live and love from a deep, centered strength.
We live in a time where most men (and boys) are essentially fatherless. Whatever their circumstance, they have no man actually taking ...