The White Collar Slacker's Handbook

So, You Wanna Be a White Collar Slacker?

You're fed up, and for good reason.

Why is it that you're paid for a 40-hour work week but the last time you remember working only 9 to 5 you sang to your Wham! tape in the car on the way to the office (while using hairspray at a red light)?

Those days are over. And you can blame technology for that.

Personal computers, cell phones, and pagers, we were promised, would free up more personal time by helping us be more productive at work--yet they've done just the opposite.

A PC in your den now means you can take your work home with you. Great, so now you're analyzing sales reports, creating PowerPoint presentations, and answering email messages late at night, over weekends, and during holidays.

And forget about closing your eyes on that cross-country flight--that laptop ensures you'll be number crunching at 35,000 feet.

Even if you get into the office early to get a good start on the day, you find it takes the better part of 45 minutes just to wade through the spam in your inbox--especially when your boss won't spring for a better spam filter solution. Sigh.

That sleek new cell phone your boss so kindly gave to you really means he or she can reach you whenever and wherever. Yes, nothing like being called to chat about a troubled client while you're enjoying dinner at a fancy restaurant with your significant other.

Oh, and that sound you just heard was your kid scoring her first goal in soccer. Too bad your face was buried in your BlackBerry.

Ironically, these wireless devices have tethered us to the office more so than ever before.

Well, enough isenough.

Technology might have created a 24/7 work culture, but a handful of savvy white-collar cubicle dwellers are standing up to the "the man" and using these very same (de)vices--the PC, World Wide Web, email, and portable gadgets--to make it look like they're working when and where they're not.

White Collar Slacker's Handbook: Tech Tricks to Fool Your Boss teaches you how to slack off in a corporate world and not just get away with it but even make it look like you're a dedicated, tireless workaholic at the same time.

Okay, so this concept backfired for Seinfeld's George Costanza, and the slackers who drag their heels in BBC's The Office didn't have the brains to pull this off effectively, but it can be done. Really.

This book helps you turn the tables so that you're not a slave to technology, but rather, you'll learn how to regain control over it.

For instance, in Chapter 1, "What, Didn't You Get My Email?" you will find out how to get more out of your email program. You'll set up a timer so that your note to the boss arrives in his inbox at 1 a.m. to make it look like you're burning the midnight oil when you really wrote it at 2 p.m. (before you skipped out early for the day). You'll learn how to forward your work email to another account so that you won't miss a note when you call in hung over--I mean, sick with a 24-hour flu--the following day. You'll discover how to manually change the clock on your PC so that it looks like you emailed something when you should have--although it was a day late.

In Chapter 2, "Chat Slack," instant messaging (IM) users can learn how to tweak the settings to make it appear they're diligently working away when they're really enjoying a three-martini lunch down the street.

Not allowed to spend time on the Web at the office? Chapter 3, "Remote Access Software, Your Best Friend," teaches how to log into your PC at home, remotely, so that you can surf to your heart's desire--without leaving a trail of where you've been online. Or on the flipside, learn how to remotely log into your office PC and pull up that day's newspaper to make it look like you've already been there--and you can do this from your car!

Instead of being leashed to your boss by a BlackBerry, wireless PDA, or SmartPhone, read Chapter 4, "Portable Gadgets Are Your Office away from the Office," to learn how to liberate yourself by making it look like you're at the office when you're really on the 10th hole of the golf course.

Gonna be late for work? Call the boss on your cell phone when you're still between the sheets, and set it up so she hears traffic noises in the background.

Chapter 5, "More Slacking Bites and Bytes," teaches about computer programs that allow you to make it sound like you're typing away when you're enjoying a short catnap or hide your game of solitaire by hitting a panic button. How about a screensaver that makes it look like you're installing a huge program (to buy you some time away from the desk)? You'll also arrange for an automated emergency phone call to your cell phone to get you out of a boring meeting.

Oh, and don't miss the humorous Chapter 6, "Office Shenanigans," with a handful of extra nuggets such as non-technical tips, terrific time- wasting websites, jokes to play on co-workers, and other clever tidbits.

This is just the beginning.

White Collar Slacker's Handbook: Tech Tricks to Fool Your Boss also features dozens of sneaky tips, tricks, and techniques for getting away with slacking off. And it's all spelled out in plain English, complete with step-by-step instructions and visuals to help you pull it off without a hitch.

Best of all, in learning how to abuse technology to slack off, this handbook in fact helps you learn more about your PC, its popular software, and your portable devices. How's that for irony?

Finally, don't feel like you need to read this cover to cover--simply flip to the pages that interest you the most. There are enough rules in the workplace--there are none here. Er, just make sure your boss doesn't see the title of this book!

Enjoy, happy slacking, and take a mental health day from time to time, will ya? You deserve it.

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