The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: How to Escape from Quicksand, Wrestle an Alligator, Break Down a Door, Land a Plane...

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Joshua Piven

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Overview

Danger! It lurks at every corner. Volcanoes. Sharks. Mountain lions. Quicksand. Terrorists. The pilot of the plane blacks out and it's up to you to land the jet. What do you do? The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook is here to help survive the most harrowing predicaments: jam-packed with how-to, hands-on, step-by-step, instructions on everything you need to know fast--from detecting a bomb to delivering a baby in the back of a cab.

Providing frightening and funny real information, this indispensable guide is the definitive handbook for those times when life takes a sudden turn for the worse. The essential companion for a perilous age. Because you never know...

About the Authors:
Joshua Piven, a resident of Philadelphia, is a computer journalist and freelance writer, and is a former editor at Ziff-Davis Publishing. He has been chased by knife-weilding motorcycle bandits, stuck in subway tunnels, been robbed and mugged, has had to break down doors and pick locks, and his computer crashes regularly.

David Borgenicht, a resident of Philadelphia, is a writer and editor who has written several nonfiction books. He has ridden in heavily-armored vehicles in Pakistan, stowed away on Amtrak, been conned by a grifter, broken into several houses (each for good reason), and has "borrowed" mini-bottles from the drink cart on Delta.

Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble

If you've never had to escape from a sinking car, fend off a shark, or deal with a charging bull, you should thank your lucky stars. And then you should pick up The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook. The book provides tongue-in-cheek instructions on how to free oneself from the grip of an alligator, jump from a building into a dumpster, and survive a host of other dangerous, albeit unlikely, situations. For some, The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook will simply be outrageous, humorous entertainment. But for those who are accident-prone or who constantly find themselves in the wrong place (like the mouth of an alligator) at the wrong time (dinnertime), it may actually be a lifesaver. Whether you're looking for laughs or advice, The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook should be required reading.

Forbes

How many book jackets have you seen bearing the words, "This book can save your life!"? Finally a book that really, no kidding, could.

More Reviews (5) Fewer Reviews

USA Today

Those with deep-seated fears about killer bees, quicksand, mountain lions and sharks will enjoy The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht , a handy little book for the extremely prepared that is climbing the best-seller list.

Just so you know right away, the first rule of survival is Do Not Panic. The last rule is Learn to Return. There are a lot of rules in between. This handbook tells how to get out of 40 bad situations, "pretty much a scary scenario for everyone," Piven says. Experts were consulted. The longest scenario (six pages) tells how to land a small passenger plane in case the pilot can't.

Everything signals seriousness. The cover (yellow-orange like traffic signs, school buses, No. 2 pencils) conveys caution, safety. The language is plain (scant adjectives) and formal (no contractions). The black-and-white drawings were inspired by that survival bible, The Boy Scout Handbook. This book is serious right down to the warning in the beginning: "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO UNDERTAKE ANY OF THE ACTIVITIES DESCRIBED IN THIS BOOK YOURSELF."

This is a no-nonsense, no-fooling-around guide with straightforward information. But fear not: The authors have enough perspective to acknowledge the campy appeal of an armchair guide for the anxious. "We thought it would be funny to people," Borgenicht says.

They were, he says, "inspired by pop culture as much as by paranoia - most of the scenarios we talk about were a TV or a movie scene."

Sharks, the authors say, scared both of them to pieces in childhood.

Blame it on Jaws.

USA Today

This is a no-nonsense, no-fooling-around guide with straightforward information. But fear not. The authors have enough perspective to acknowledge the campy appeal of an armchair guide for the anxious.

Publishers Weekly

In The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook (1999), Piven, Borgenicht and Worick taught readers how to escape from quicksand and jump from bridges. It's relatively simple to calculate a shark's actions, they say, but human nature is much less predictable. Here, they tell single listeners how to get away from "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." Punctuated with cheesy synthesizer music akin to a demo on a Casio keyboard, Hamilton first gives a disclaimer "breaking a heart is one thing; breaking the law is another" then, in a matter-of-fact style, she tells how to deal with the hazards of romance from bars and bedrooms to airplane lavatories. As if reading from a driving manual, she tells listeners how to remove difficult articles of clothing, fake an orgasm, deal with a drunken date, handle a bad kisser and deliver a pick-up line. Wondering if your date is an axe murderer? Find out if he was sexually abused as a child and has an obsession with matches. Not sure of the gender of your date? Look at his or her hand and be suspicious of baggy clothing. Need to sober up fast? Avoid aspirin and drink lots of water. Although much of this advice sounds silly, the authors' suggestions are completely serious, and Hamilton delivers them that way, e.g., straightforwardly explaining how to spot breast implants by checking out www.implantinfo.com. Based on the Chronicle paperback. (Jan.)n Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

Library Journal

Expertly read by Laura Hamilton, this amusing and, at times, scary book follows the general outline of the other "worst-case" titles. Experts offer insights on many common and uncommon disasters that can occur when people date and enter into, or fall out of, relationships. This tape is definitely geared toward consenting adults (how to have sex in small spaces), yet it also offers practical information for someone just entering or reentering the dating scene (how to deal with a bad kisser; what to do if your credit card is declined). Ethics sometimes takes a back seat to practical considerations: for instance, searching your lover's belongings to determine if he/she is married. While certainly the tone of the book makes for humorous listening, a lot of the advice is very sensible and covers issues not easily found in other resources. One won't be able to create a healthy relationship using this audio; one will gain insight on how to slide out of a bad one. Recommended for public libraries where the series is popular. - Kathleen A. Sullivan, Phoenix P.L. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

Magazine Editors People

Chances are you'll never have to extract your arm from the jaws of an alligator. But if you do, remember this: wacking the beast in the nose is the best way to get him to open up. Hence the appeal of this guide, which gives step-by-step instructions on crucial, if seldom encountered, challenges ranging from treating frostbite to landing a pilotless plane.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780811825559
Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC
Publication date: 10/28/1999
Pages: 192
Sales rank: 165,961
Lexile: 0960L (what's this?)
Series: Worst Case Scenario Series
Product dimensions: 5.00 (w) x 7.00 (h) x 0.50 (d)

Meet the Author

Joshua Piven is a writer, editor, and Web site designer who lives in Philadelphia. He's ready for anything.

David Borgenicht is a Philadelphia-based writer whose own worst-case scenario involved a heavy-armored vehicle in Pakistan.

Read an Excerpt

HOW TO SURVIVE A POISONOUS SNAKE ATTACK
Because poisonous snakes can be difficult to identifyand because some nonpoisonous snakes have markings very similar to venomous ones-the best way to avoid getting bitten is to leave all snakes alone. Assume that a snake is venomous unless you know for certain that it is not.

HOW TO TREAT A BITE
1)Wash the bite with soap and water as soon as you can.
2)Immobilize the bitten area and keep it lower than the heart. This will slow the flow of the venom.
3)Get medical help as soon as possible. A doctor should treat all snakebites unless you are willing to bet your life that the offending snake is nonpoisonous. Of about eight thousand venomous bites a year in the U.S., nine to fifteen victims are killed. A bite from any type of poisonous snake should always be considered a medical emergency. Even bites from nonpoisonous snakes should be treated professionally, as severe allergic reactions can occur. Some Mojave rattlesnakes carry a neurotoxic venom that can affect the brain or spinal cord, causing paralysis.
4)Immediately wrap a bandage tightly two to four inches above the bite to help slow the venom if you are unable to reach medical care within thirty minutes. The bandage should not cut off blood flow from a vein or artery. Make the bandage loose enough for a finger to slip underneath.
5)If you have a first aid kit equipped with a suction device, follow the instructions for helping to draw venom out of the wound without making an incision. Generally, you will need to place the rubber suction cup over the wound and attempt to draw the venom out from the bite marks.

WHAT NOT TO DO

Do not place any ice or cooling element on the bite; this will make removing the venom with suction more difficult.
Do not tie a bandage or a tourniquet too tightly. If used incorrectly, a tourniquet can cut blood flow completely and damage the limb.
Do not make any incision on or around the wound in an attempt to remove the venom-there is danger of infection.
Do not attempt to suck out the venom. You do not want it in your mouth, where it might enter your bloodstream.

HOW TO ESCAPE FROM A PYTHON
Unlike poisonous snakes, pythons and boas kill their prey not through the injection but by constriction; hence these snakes are known as constrictors. A constrictor coils its body around its prey, squeezing it until the pressure is great enough to kill.
Since pythons and boas can grow to be nearly twenty feet long, they are fully capable of killing a grown person, and small are even more vulnerable. The good new is that most pythons will strike and then try to get away, rather than consume a full-grown human.
1) Remain still. This will minimize constriction strength, but a python usually continues constricting well after the prey is dead and not moving.
2) Try to control the python's head and try to unwrap the coils, starting from whichever end is available.

HOW TO AVOID AN ATTACK

Do not try to get a closer look, prod the snake to make it move, or try to kill it.
If you come across a snake, back away slowly an give it a wide berth: snakes can easily strike half their body length in an instant, and some species are six feet or longer.
When hiking in an area with poisonous snakes, always wear thick leather boots and long pants.
Keep to marked trails.
Snakes are cold-blooded and need the sun to help regulate their body temperature. They are often found lying on warm rocks or in other sunny places.

Forward, by "Mountain" Mel Deweese
Preface
Great Escapes and Entrances: How to Escape from Quicksand; How to Break Down a Door; How to Hot; wire a Car; How to Perform a Fast 180; Degree Turn with Your Car
How to Ram a Car: How to Escape from a Sinking Car; How to Deal with a Downed Power Line; The Best Defense; How to Survive a Poisonous Snake Attack; How to Fend Off a Shark; How to Escape a from a Bear; How to Escape from a Mountain Lion; How to Wrestle Free from an Alligator; How to Escape from Killer Bees; How to Deal with a Charging Bull; How to Win a Sword Fight; How to Take a Punch
Leaps of Faith: How to Jump from a Bridge or Cliff into a River; How to Jump froma Building into a Dumpster; How to Maneuver on Top of a Moving Train and Get Inside; How to Jump from a Moving Car; How to Leap from a Motorcycle to a Car
Emergencies: How to Perform a Tracheotomy; How to Use a Defibrillator to Restore a Heartbeat; How to Identify a Bomb; How to Deliver a Baby in a Taxicab; How to Treat Frostbite; How to Treat a Leg Fracture; How to Treat a Bullet or Knife Wound
Adventure Survival: How to Land a Plane; How to Survive an Earthquake; How to Survive Adrift at Sea; How to Survive When Lost in the Desert; How to Survive If Your Parachute Fails to Open; How to Survive an Avalanche; How to Survive If you Are in the Line of Gunfire; How to Survive When Lost in the Mountains; How to Make Fire Without Matches; How to Avoid Being Stuck by Lightning; How to Get tot the Surface If Your Scuba Tank Runs of Air
The Experts
About the Authors

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Anonymous

Posted March 26, 2002

CRAZY

this is the best book ever. There is no other better book in the world.

2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted April 13, 2012

What the heck is mad libs What the heck is mad libs?

There are no "real"games there just cheats and panphlet things.Dont hate on the author u hatrs
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Brad96

Posted January 31, 2010

My 9-year-old son loves it

He says it's "awesome".
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Anonymous

Posted December 28, 2003

great little book to have on hand

oh, such a nice little book to read when bored.
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Anonymous

Posted April 27, 2003

very good to have with you

i love this book it is fun to read and very helpful I take it every were .
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Anonymous

Posted October 5, 2002

Awesome

This book was very interesting. Reading the book was a breeze. I also found the book to be quite comical becasue of certain situations described. I definately recommend this book for the person on the go. Never leave home without
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Anonymous

Posted July 1, 2002

Survive the most boriest situation with this book!!!

The Worst Case Scenario Handbook is a groovy survival book and it even looks cool too! This book tells you how to do misc. things such as land a plane, wrestle a alligator, pick a car lock door, and it came in real handy when I delivered a baby in a taxicab! JK! That would be a worst case scenario wouldnt it!

0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 19, 2002

Wow!

The only thing that beats this book is the suggestion by Dr. Carl Baugh that you can counteract a venomous snake bite by giving yourself a few seconds of shock from a stun gun on the bite. YeOuch!! I suggest that you either stungun the snake first or remove yourself out of the area. Where do these guys get this stuff?!?! LOL
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Anonymous

Posted July 19, 2001

Funny and Entertaining

This book was great for entertainment purposes. For true survival information (meaning not written for entertainment) the best I have seen is the U.S. Army Survival Manual. But to see how some of this information was put to good use in real life, the book 'Danger Close' is a great read.
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Anonymous

Posted June 25, 2001

Wish I had read this 10 years ago!

What a great book! If I had this book years ago, I'd certainly be better off now than I am. I just read another book about survivors (U.S. Customs, Badge of Dishonor), that I'm certain that the authors in that book sure could have used the secrets in this book as much as I needed them. You know what they say, 'Hind sight is 20/20.'
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Anonymous

Posted March 19, 2001

The Worst-Case Scenario

When first looking at the cover, I thought it might have been a joke or a satire book. I was wrong. It has some useful and not so useful (i.e. how to maneuver on top of a moving train and get inside) information. It was a fun read, and could really get some conversations started if placed on a coffee table.
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Anonymous

Posted February 26, 2001

This book has Info you well never find in another book

When I first saw this book, I thought it would have information on how to build fires, how to make a fishing pole, etc... I was wrong. It has amazing survival tips that are fun to read. This one is for the ultimate survivor.
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Anonymous

Posted February 9, 2001

DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME!

This selection is not only hilarious, but I've actually used some of the instructions. (Picking my lock when locked out of my house.) Although the instructions are real, they are written in a very tongue-in-cheek way. My friend bought it for me as a gift and all our guests love it.
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Anonymous

Posted January 2, 2001

Very Amusing

The one thing that I did NOT like about this book is that it was so short. So, when in the sequel coming out?
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Anonymous

Posted December 18, 2000

Great Coffee Table Book

This book is a great coffee table book and conversation starter.
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Anonymous

Posted November 11, 2000

Fun and Interesting

I was on a retreat with a few college friends and somebody had brought this book along. We had fun for at least 2 hours reading, singing, and acting out these scenarios. Our favorite was a spoof of the song 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' by the Proclaimers renamed 'Tracheotomy'. Another favorite was a heavy-metal version of 'How to win a Swordfight'. This book provides college students and professors fun for hours - just look at our example.
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Anonymous

Posted October 30, 2000

Common sense for dire situations

I was a little disappointed with how short and small this book was. A lot of the solutions were pretty common sense ones that most of us have heard of before (like escaping from a bear or shark attack.) But much of it was fun and interesting, a great gift for any incident-prone individual.
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Anonymous

Posted August 3, 2000

Great Gift

A charming, practical book that makes a great gift. It tells you how to get out scenarios you're unlikely to face,in a plainspoken, humorous style. I gave it as a birthday gift and as a gift to a friend who is heading abroad. Don't expect great advice; Most of it you could have thought of yourself (if a cougar attacks you--fight back!), but it's still fun to read. Two thumbs up.
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Anonymous

Posted June 22, 2000

A hillarious and informative book!

This book is very helpful yet also funny to think of some of the situations. It tells you how to escape from killer bees, jump from a moving car and treat a snake bi
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Anonymous

Posted May 25, 2000

A Fun-Fact to Know and Tell Book

This is a very 'fun' and interesting book, but the chances that any of this stuff will ever happen to you are very slim. It's fun to tell what you know about it at the workplace, though.
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CRAZY

What the heck is mad libs What the heck is mad libs?

My 9-year-old son loves it

great little book to have on hand

very good to have with you

Awesome

Survive the most boriest situation with this book!!!

Wow!

Funny and Entertaining

Wish I had read this 10 years ago!

The Worst-Case Scenario

This book has Info you well never find in another book

DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME!

Very Amusing

Great Coffee Table Book

Fun and Interesting

Common sense for dire situations

Great Gift

A hillarious and informative book!

A Fun-Fact to Know and Tell Book