The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

by Joshua Piven, David Borgenicht

Overview

The book that launched the ten-million-copy bestselling series—for “those with deep-seated fears about killer bees, quicksand, mountain lions and sharks” (USA Today).

Danger! It lurks at every corner. The pilot of the plane blacks out and it’s up to you to land the jet. What do you do? The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook is here to help: jam-packed with how-to, hands-on, step-by-step, illustrated instructions on everything you need to know FAST—from defusing a bomb to delivering a baby in the back of a cab. Providing frightening and funny real information in the bestselling tradition of The Paranoid’s Pocket Guide and The Hypochondriac’s Handbook, this indispensable, indestructible, take-with-you-anywhere guide is the definitive handbook for those times when life takes a sudden turn for the worse. The essential companion for a perilous age. Because you never know . . .

Praise for the Worst-Case Scenario Survival series

“The scenarios owe a debt to action flick clichés—how often do you find yourself leaping from rooftop to rooftop?—but their utter implausibility doesn’t make this read any less riveting.” —People

“What this book lacks in spiritual enlightenment, it more than makes up for with the practical advice you thought you’d never need.” —The Irish Times

“There is something for everyone. It has a wide range of scenarios from dangerous to just downright irritating . . . It is fun, witty, entertaining and you learn something along the way too.” —Quill Quotes

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780811873567
Publisher:	Chronicle Books
Publication date:	10/12/2021
Series:	Worst-Case Scenario
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	176
File size:	8 MB

About the Author

Joshua Piven, a resident of Philadelphia, is a computer journalist and freelance writer, and is a former editor at Ziff-Davis Publishing. He has been chased by knife-weilding motorcycle bandits, stuck in subway tunnels, been robbed and mugged, has had to break down doors and pick locks, and his computer crashes regularly. David Borgenicht, a resident of Philadelphia, is a writer and editor who has written several nonfiction books. He has ridden in heavily-armored vehicles in Pakistan, stowed away on Amtrak, been conned by a grifter, broken into several houses (each for good reason), and has "borrowed" mini-bottles from the drink cart on delta. Jeff Woodman has been named one of the "Fifty Greatest Voices of the Century" by Audiofile Magazine. On stage, he created the title role in Tennessee William's The Notebook of Trigorin and won the S.F. Bay Area Critic's Circle Award for An Ideal Husband. He lives in New York City.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

GREAT ESCAPES AND ENTRANCES

HOW TO ESCAPE FROM QUICKSAND

[1] When walking in quicksand country, carry a stout pole—it will help you get out should you need to.

[2] As soon as you start to sink, lay the pole on the surface of the quicksand.

[3] Flop onto your back on top of the pole. After a minute or two, equilibrium in the quicksand will be achieved, and you will no longer sink.

[4] Work the pole to a new position: under your hips and at right angles to your spine. The pole will keep your hips from sinking, as you (slowly) pull out first one leg and then the other.

[5] Take the shortest route to firmer ground, moving slowly.

How to Avoid Sinking

Quicksand is just ordinary sand mixed with upwelling water, which makes it behave like a liquid. However, quicksand—unlike water—does not easily let go. If you try to pull a limb out of quicksand, you have to work against the vacuum left behind. Here are a few tips:

· The viscosity of quicksand increases with shearing—move slowly so the viscosity is as low as possible.

· Floating on quicksand is relatively easy and is the best way to avoid its clutches. You are more buoyant in quicksand than you are in water. Humans are less dense than freshwater, and saltwater is slightly more dense. Floating is easier in saltwater than freshwater and much easier in quicksand. Spread your arms and legs far apart and try to float on yourback.

HOW TO BREAK DOWN A DOOR

Interior Doors

[1] Give the door a well-placed kick or two to the lock area to break it down.

Running at the door and slamming against it with your shoulder or body is not usually as effective as kicking with your foot. Your foot exerts more force than your shoulder, and you will be able to direct this force toward the area of the locking mechanism more succinctly with your foot.

Alternate Method (if you have a screwdriver)

* Look on the front of the doorknob for a small hole or keyhole.

Most interior doors have what are called privacy sets. These locks are usually installed on bedrooms and bathrooms and can be locked from the inside when the door is shut, but have an emergency access hole in the center of the door handle which allows entry to the locking mechanism inside. Insert the screwdriver or probe into the handle and push the locking mechanism, or turn the mechanism to open the lock.

Exterior Doors

If you are trying to break down an exterior door, you will need more force. Exterior doors are of sturdier construction and are designed with security in mind, for obvious reasons. In general, you can expect to see two kinds of latches on outside doors: a passage- or entry-lock set for latching and a dead-bolt lock for security. The passage set is used for keeping the door from swinging open and does not lock. The entry-lock set utilizes a dead latch and can be locked before closing the door.

[1] Give the door several well-placed kicks at the point where the lock is mounted.

An exterior door usually takes several tries to break down this way, so keep at it.

Alternate Method (if you have a sturdy piece of steel)

* Wrench or pry the lock off the door by inserting the tool between the lock and the door and prying back and forth.

Alternate Method (if you have a screwdriver, hammer, and awl)

* Remove the pins from the hinges (if the door opens toward you) and then force the door open from the hinge side.

Get a screwdriver or an awl and a hammer. Place the awl or screwdriver underneath the hinge, with the pointy end touching the end of the bolt or screw. Using the hammer, strike the other end of the awl or screwdriver until the hinge comes out.

Assessing Amount of Force Required

Interior doors in general are of a lighter construction than exterior doors and usually are thinner—1 3/8" thick to 1 5/8" thick—than exterior doors, which generally are 1 ¾" thick. In general, older homes will be more likely to have solid wood doors, while newer ones will have the cheaper, hollow core models. Knowing what type of door you are dealing with will help you determine how to break it down. You can usually determine the construction and solidity of a door by tapping on it.

Hollow core. This type is generally used for interior doors, since it provides no insulation or security, and requires minimal force. These doors can often be opened with a screwdriver.

Solid wood. These are usually oak or some other hardwood, and require an average amount of force and a crowbar or other similar tool.

Solid core. These have a softwood inner frame with a laminate on each side and a chipped or shaved wood core, and require an average amount of force and a screwdriver.

Metal clad. These are usually softwood with a thin metal covering, and require average or above average force and a crowbar.

Hollow metal. These doors are of a heavier gauge metal that usually has a reinforcing channel around the edges and the lock mounting area, and are sometimes filled with some type of insulating material. These require maximum force and a crowbar.

HOW TO BREAK INTO A CAR

Most cars that are more than ten years old have vertical, push-button locks. These are locks that come straight out of the top of the car door and have rods that are set vertically inside the door. These locks can be easily opened with a wire hanger or a SlimJim, or picked, as described below. Newer cars have horizontal locks, which emerge from the side of the car door and are attached to horizontal lock rods. These are more difficult to manipulate without a special tool but can also be picked.

How to Break into a Car with a Hanger

[1] Take a wire hanger and bend it into a long J.

[2] Square off the bottom of the J so the square is 1 ½ to 2 inches wide (see illustration).

[3] Slide the hanger into the door, between the window and the weather stripping.

Open the door by feel and by trial and error. Feel for the end of the button rod and, when you have it, pull it up to open the lock.

How to Break into a Car with a SlimJim

[1] A SlimJim is a thin piece of spring steel with a notch in one side, which makes it easy to pull the lock rod up. They can be purchased at most automotive supply stores.

Slide the tool gently between the window and the weather stripping.

Some cars will give you only a quarter of an inch of access to the lock linkage, so go slowly and be patient.

[2] Do not jerk the tool trying to find the lock rod.

This can break the lock linkage, and on auto-locks it can easily rip the wires in the door.

[3] Move the tool back and forth until it grabs the lock rod and then gently move it until the lock flips over.

How to Pick a Car Lock

[1] You will need two tools—one to manipulate the pins or wafers inside the lock core and one to turn the cylinder.

You can use a small Allen wrench to turn the lock and a long bobby pin to move the pins and wafers. Keep in mind that many car locks are harder to pick than door locks. They often have a small shutter that covers and protects the lock, and this can make the process more difficult.

[2] While the bobby pin is in the lock, exert constant and light turning pressure with the wrench.

This is the only way to discern if the pins or wafers—which line up with the notches and grooves in a key—are lined up correctly. Most locks have five pins.

[3] Move the bobby pin to manipulate the pins or wafers until you feel the lock turn smoothly.

Alternate Method

* Use a key from a different car from the same manufacturer.

There are surprisingly few lock variations, and the alien key may just work.

Be Aware

We of course assume you are seeking to enter your own car.

HOW TO HOT-WIRE A CAR

Hot-wiring a car without the owner's permission is illegal, except in repossessions. Hot-wiring can be dangerous; there is a risk of electrical shock. Hot-wiring will not work on all cars, particularly cars with security devices. Some "kill switches" can prevent hot-wiring.

[1] Open the hood.

[2] Locate the coil wire (it is red).

To find it, follow the plug wires, which lead to the coil wire. The plug and coil wires are located at the rear of the engine on most V-8s. On six-cylinder engines, the wires are on the left side near the center of the engine, and on four-cylinder engines, they are located on the right side near the center of the engine.

[3] Run a wire from the positive (+) side of the battery to the positive side of the coil, or the red wire that goes to the coil.

This step gives power to the dash, and the car will not run unless it is performed first.

[4] Locate the starter solenoid.

On most GM cars, it is on the starter. On Fords, it is located on the left-side (passenger-side) fender well. An easy way to find it is to follow the positive battery cable. You will see a small wire and the positive battery cable. Cross the two with a screwdriver or pliers. This cranks the engine.

[5] If the car has a standard transmission, make sure it is in neutral and the parking brake is on.

If it has an automatic transmission, make sure it is in park.

[6] Unlock the steering wheel using a flat blade screwdriver.

Take the screwdriver and place it at the top center of the steering column. Push the screwdriver between the steering wheel and the column. Push the locking pin away from the wheel. Be very firm when pushing the pin; it will not break.

(Continues...)

Table of Contents

Forward, by "Mountain" Mel Deweese

Preface

Great Escapes and Entrances

How to Escape from Quicksand

How to Break Down a Door

How to Hot

wire a Car

How to Perform a Fast 180

Degree Turn with Your Car

How to Ram a Car

How to Escape from a Sinking Car

How to Deal with a Downed Power Line

The Best Defense

How to Survive a Poisonous Snake Attack

How to Fend Off a Shark

How to Escape a from a Bear

How to Escape from a Mountain Lion

How to Wrestle Free from an Alligator

How to Escape from Killer Bees

How to Deal with a Charging Bull

How to Win a Sword Fight

How to Take a Punch

Leaps of Faith

How to Jump from a Bridge or Cliff into a River

How to Jump froma Building into a Dumpster

How to Maneuver on Top of a Moving Train and Get Inside

How to Jump from a Moving Car

How to Leap from a Motorcycle to a Car

Emergencies

How to Perform a Tracheotomy

How to Use a Defibrillator to Restore a Heartbeat

How to Identify a Bomb

How to Deliver a Baby in a Taxicab

How to Treat Frostbite

How to Treat a Leg Fracture

How to Treat a Bullet or Knife Wound

Adventure Survival

How to Land a Plane

How to Survive an Earthquake

How to Survive Adrift at Sea

How to Survive When Lost in the Desert

How to Survive If Your Parachute Fails to Open

How to Survive an Avalanche

How to Survive If you Are in the Line of Gunfire

How to Survive When Lost in the Mountains

How to Make Fire Without Matches

How to Avoid Being Stuck by Lightning

How to Get tot the Surface If Your Scuba Tank Runs of Air

The Experts

About the Authors

What People are Saying About This

Jean Heine

The book is somewhat tongue-in-cheek but includes some helpful advice you hope you'll never need.

Editorial Reviews

If you've never had to escape from a sinking car, fend off a shark, or deal with a charging bull, you should thank your lucky stars. And then you should pick up The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook. The book provides tongue-in-cheek instructions on how to free oneself from the grip of an alligator, jump from a building into a dumpster, and survive a host of other dangerous, albeit unlikely, situations. For some, The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook will simply be outrageous, humorous entertainment. But for those who are accident-prone or who constantly find themselves in the wrong place (like the mouth of an alligator) at the wrong time (dinnertime), it may actually be a lifesaver. Whether you're looking for laughs or advice, The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook should be required reading.

bn.com

How many book jackets have you seen bearing the words, "This book can save your life!"? Finally a book that really, no kidding, could.

Forbes

This is a no-nonsense, no-fooling-around guide with straightforward information. But fear not. The authors have enough perspective to acknowledge the campy appeal of an armchair guide for the anxious.

USA Today

In The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook (1999), Piven, Borgenicht and Worick taught readers how to escape from quicksand and jump from bridges. It's relatively simple to calculate a shark's actions, they say, but human nature is much less predictable. Here, they tell single listeners how to get away from "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." Punctuated with cheesy synthesizer music akin to a demo on a Casio keyboard, Hamilton first gives a disclaimer "breaking a heart is one thing; breaking the law is another" then, in a matter-of-fact style, she tells how to deal with the hazards of romance from bars and bedrooms to airplane lavatories. As if reading from a driving manual, she tells listeners how to remove difficult articles of clothing, fake an orgasm, deal with a drunken date, handle a bad kisser and deliver a pick-up line. Wondering if your date is an axe murderer? Find out if he was sexually abused as a child and has an obsession with matches. Not sure of the gender of your date? Look at his or her hand and be suspicious of baggy clothing. Need to sober up fast? Avoid aspirin and drink lots of water. Although much of this advice sounds silly, the authors' suggestions are completely serious, and Hamilton delivers them that way, e.g., straightforwardly explaining how to spot breast implants by checking out www.implantinfo.com. Based on the Chronicle paperback. (Jan.)n Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

Publishers Weekly

Expertly read by Laura Hamilton, this amusing and, at times, scary book follows the general outline of the other "worst-case" titles. Experts offer insights on many common and uncommon disasters that can occur when people date and enter into, or fall out of, relationships. This tape is definitely geared toward consenting adults (how to have sex in small spaces), yet it also offers practical information for someone just entering or reentering the dating scene (how to deal with a bad kisser; what to do if your credit card is declined). Ethics sometimes takes a back seat to practical considerations: for instance, searching your lover's belongings to determine if he/she is married. While certainly the tone of the book makes for humorous listening, a lot of the advice is very sensible and covers issues not easily found in other resources. One won't be able to create a healthy relationship using this audio; one will gain insight on how to slide out of a bad one. Recommended for public libraries where the series is popular. - Kathleen A. Sullivan, Phoenix P.L. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

Library Journal

Chances are you'll never have to extract your arm from the jaws of an alligator. But if you do, remember this: wacking the beast in the nose is the best way to get him to open up. Hence the appeal of this guide, which gives step-by-step instructions on crucial, if seldom encountered, challenges ranging from treating frostbite to landing a pilotless plane.

Magazine Editors People