There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble [NOOK Book]

Overview

The first novel from the New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club is a rollicking tale of small-town peculiarity, dark secrets, and one extraordinary beauty pageant.

When her husband is offered a post at a small university, Maye is only too happy to pack up and leave the relentless Phoenix heat for the lush green quietude of Spaulding, Washington. While she loves the odd little town, there is one thing she ...
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There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

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Overview

The first novel from the New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club is a rollicking tale of small-town peculiarity, dark secrets, and one extraordinary beauty pageant.

When her husband is offered a post at a small university, Maye is only too happy to pack up and leave the relentless Phoenix heat for the lush green quietude of Spaulding, Washington. While she loves the odd little town, there is one thing she didn’t anticipate: just how heartbreaking it would be leaving her friends behind. And when you’re a childless thirtysomething freelance writer who works at home, making new friends can be quite a challenge.

After a series of false starts nearly gets her exiled from town, Maye decides that her last chance to connect with her new neighbors is to enter the annual Sewer Pipe Queen Pageant, a kooky but dead-serious local tradition open to contestants of all ages and genders. Aided by a deranged former pageant queen with one eyebrow, Maye doesn’t just make a splash, she uncovers a sinister mystery that has haunted the town for decades.

“[Laurie Notaro] may be the funniest writer in this solar system.”
–The Miami Herald

From the Trade Paperback edition.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780345500045
  • Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 5/29/2007
  • Sold by: Random House
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 79,145
  • File size: 455 KB

Meet the Author

Laurie Notaro
Laurie Notaro

Laurie Notaro was born in Brooklyn, New York, and raised in Phoenix, Arizona. She packed her bags for Eugene, Oregon, once she realized that since she was past thirty, her mother could no longer report her as a teenage runaway. She is the author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club, Autobiography of a Fat Bride, I Love Everybody, We Thought You Would Be Prettier, An Idiot Girl’s Christmas, and the novel There’s a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell.

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Read an Excerpt

Prologue
SPRING, 1956
The moment the girl stepped onto the stage, the circle of a
spotlight swung toward her, announcing her presence
above the audience in a sheer, clean illumination. The crowd before
her suddenly quieted, as if expecting something truly spectacular
to occur. It would have to be spectacular; after all, Mary
Lou Winton, the contestant before her, had let loose a greased
baby pig onstage, which she managed to lasso, hog-tie, and
brand—with a branding iron fashioned to look like a sewer pipe,
no less—in a definitive nine seconds flat. It was, in fact, confirmed
by the audience, who counted down as Mary Lou whipped
that rope and then stomped over to plunge the glowing iron. And
it was further rumored that Ruth Watson was planning to bring
her rifle out onto the stage and shoot every winged fowl right out
of the sky, all in her evening gown attire, for her talent segment.
Farm antics, the girl scoffed to herself, wondering if such a
thing really could be considered as a talent or just an episode of
unfortunate breeding. She knew she could not let any of that
concern her as she looked out over the crowd, searching the
faces. She knew almost everyone—everyone who was waiting to
hear her sing.
She smiled softly, an expression that seemed gentle.
If only I had ruby slippers, she thought to herself. The light
that would have caught them would have been astounding, the
sparkle would have bounced off of them like rockets, far more
impressive than an oily piglet or dead birds. She looked down at
her feet, at her pair of last year’s Sunday shoes—now buffed a
bright cherry red by her father, who had been so proud when he
surprised her with them—and saw that they did not sparkle, but
produced a dull, minuscule shine.
Behind her, she heard Mrs. A. Melrose from the church choir
begin playing the piano; this was her cue, and the pianist had
better keep time. Although she considered herself a devoted
Christian woman overflowing with generosity, Mrs. Melrose
thought little of donating her time to the endeavor and suggested
that instead she exchange her musical services for the girl’s scrubbing
a week’s worth of the accompanist’s and her flatulent husband’s
laundry. Despite the gruesome task that lay ahead in the
Melroses’ wash bin the next day, the girl continued to smile as she
drew a deep, full breath, so full that the replica blue gingham
pinafore fashioned from a picnic tablecloth seemed to expand
slightly, making the ketchup stains that stubbornly remained on
the cloth look like she had encountered Ruth Watson’s rifle. She
waited: one, two, three.
The next note was hers. She was ready.
“Somewheeeeere over the rainbow . . .”
Her voice glided sweetly over the stage into the audience and
twirled in the air above them like magic. She could see it on the
faces of the people watching her, listening to her, heads tilted
slightly to the side, as they smiled back at her. This was no pig
roping event, and no explosion of feathers was going to trickle
down from the clouds.
This was talent.
I have it, she thought giddily to herself as she finished the first
verse, as her voice continued on clear, strong, and with the right
touch of delicacy. It is mine.
She saw him, standing in the back, far beyond the crowd assembled
in the square—the most handsome man she had ever
seen in real life, the one who could save her. With a bouquet
spilling with flowers in the crook of his arm, he leaned up against
his brand-new powder-blue Packard Caribbean convertible with
its whitewall tires and gleaming, curvaceous chrome bumpers. It
was a glorious machine. It suited him. Cars like that were rare in
this town, and so were the men they suited. She saw him smiling
at her, and to her he delivered a nod of encouragement.
She felt herself blush a shade. The surge of delight was just the
push she needed to soar into the last verse and deliver with
earnest, heartfelt yearning, “Why, oh, why can’t I?”
The moment the last note evaporated into the air, the crowd
burst forth with a shower of applause, the hands of the audience
clapping heartily, and as she looked toward the back of the
crowd, she saw that he was clapping, too, his arms full of tulips,
roses, and lilies. Clapping for her.
Excitement raced up her spine like a block shooting up to hit
the bell on a Hi Striker carnival game.
It was hers, she had done it, she knew it, she owned it. She
could actually feel the weight of the crown being placed on her
head, she could foresee the way that it would sparkle. She wanted
it to sparkle brightly, feverishly, ferociously. Sparkle so bright it
would blind them. Show this town that she was the queen of this
scrap heap, this tiny little town with nothing in it but sewer pipes
and waste. From this moment, it was all hers, all of it. If she wanted ruby slippers, she would get ruby slippers, not last year’s fake, cheap Sunday shoes painted red with a dirty rag. She was
more than that.
It was hers, the crown, the town—she had won and she would
take it. She knew it like she had never known anything else. As if
there was any other choice! The pig tosser, the bird slayer? This
was now her town, her kingdom.
To reign as she saw fit.
She smiled sweetly again, then closed her eyes slowly, laid her
arm over her chest, holding her hand to her heart the way she
had seen it done in the movies, and crossed one leg deeply behind
the other in what could only be described as a true queenly
and magnificent gesture.
And with that, she took a bow.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 31 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(16)

4 Star

(5)

3 Star

(6)

2 Star

(2)

1 Star

(2)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 31 Customer Reviews
  • Posted December 16, 2008

    I Also Recommend:

    WARNING: May cause side stitches and odd looks

    First off, I am a huge fan of Laurie Notaro's writing. I am an Idiot Girl through and through! And she's great at what she does. I was a bit leery about her stint as a novelist though.<BR/><BR/>I read this book on a three hour flight and have to say that it was probably a poor choice. I could not contain my laughter and after about an hour all the passengers around me were not thrilled at my guffaws and snorts as i tried to keep the laughter in. This was one of her BEST publications yet. I can't wait to read more of her wit and sarcasm.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 3, 2007

    Awful

    I am an on-again, off-again fan of this author's humor books, but her foray into fiction was very disappointing. The first 100 pages could've been cut, and there was clearly an over-emphasis of 'funny' scenes that did little to advance to plot. It was so ridiculous, I couldn't even finish the book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 6, 2012

    Hey

    Whaz up

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 30, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Great book!

    It's not my favorite Laurie book, but don't take that as a negative... totally worth reading and a hoot! I think my absolute favorite was "I love everyone and other atrocious lies". Love you Laurie!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 11, 2011

    FANTASTIC!!

    This book is hysterical and touching at the same time. I read it at a perfect time in my life. Loved it so much I ended up buying three copies, one for myself, one for my best friend, and one for my mom. LOVE love LOVE!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 11, 2010

    More annoying than anything else

    The author uses the simile so often, that it is actually a point of distraction. The characters are poorly developed and the situations that Maye finds herself in are more silly than entertaining. Laurie Notaro also seems to have a problem with Repbulicans; her disdain does not at any point move the story along. I will not finish this book (I'm about halfway through it... there are way too many other - good - books out there to read), and will never read anything else by her again.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 7, 2010

    A Hilarious Quick Read!

    This is my first Laurie Notaro book and I am utterly pleased! I read this book during a weekend snowstorm so it was a quick read. I have never laughed out loud so much while reading and sometimes to the point of tears!! I loved every part of part of Maye's adventures in her new town of Spaulding and all that lead up to the Sewer Queen Pagent. This is such a sweet book that will leave your tummy hurting and your face smiling. It is full of humor, surprises, and lots of amusing scenes!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 11, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    Not funny at all

    I am going against the flow of positive reviews to say I hated this book. I have never heard of Laurie Notaro before and I liked the title so I bought the book. It's not funny. I despised the main character within the first 25 pages and thought she just seemed like an idiot. Also, I hated her writing. She is so desperate to be humorous that she tries too hard. It was as if every sentence in the book was supposed to be a joke and I found that exhausting and annoying. I didn't find the situations the main character in to be at all humorous; again, I thought she was just being ridiculous. I couldn't finish this book because I thought it was terribly annoying. I've loaned it to a friend to see if she thinks it is funny. So far, she hasn't even shown interest in reading it. Would NEVER buy another of her books. If you want funny, read David Sedaris. He knows funny.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 1, 2008

    Funny, funny, funny!

    This book is for all of us who, at one time or another, have had a hard time fitting in! I laughed until I cried!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 6, 2007

    There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

    This was a light, hilarious read that is perfect for a weekend at the beach or to tuck in your purse for a little vacation. It's the story of Maye, a freelance writer who moves to a small town in the Pacific Northwest and tries to make friends with her eccentric neighbors to no avail. I loved the story leading up to Maye's jump into the Sewer Queen Pageant, and it's obvious the reviewer below simply just didn't get it, which is unfortunate because I think it's a really good book and I think a lot of people can relate to her lonliness in a new place. I found Notaro's novel to be charming, funny, fast-paced and a satisfying read. I've passed it on a a friend who is enjoying it and will recommend this to my other girlfriends.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 31, 2007

    There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

    Good, solid quick read--instant satisfaction! I read this book over the course of a weekend and the only bad thing I can say is that I didn't want it to end. Have read all of Notaro's other books, this one ranks up there as one of my favorites.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 4, 2007

    Funny Fiction

    Notaro's books are always a fun, laugh-out-loud read. I enjoyed this one quite a bit, but did miss the non-fiction realism that I've always been able to identify with. But, this one was crazy and funny enough to keep me entertained, so I give it a thumbs up.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 8, 2009

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 5, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted April 9, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 24, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 4, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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    Posted September 15, 2009

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    Posted January 23, 2010

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    Posted January 18, 2010

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