Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You to Know: Eleven Courageous Canines Tell All

( 9 )

Overview

Dear Human:

Your dog probably puzzles you. Most of us do that. And most of us would like to keep things as they are: humans in the dark, dogs with the upper hand.

But we dogs are about to let you in a little secret. Okay, a lot of secrets.

  • We graduated first in our obedience class three times. This should ...
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Overview

Dear Human:

Your dog probably puzzles you. Most of us do that. And most of us would like to keep things as they are: humans in the dark, dogs with the upper hand.

But we dogs are about to let you in a little secret. Okay, a lot of secrets.

  • We graduated first in our obedience class three times. This should tell you something.
  • Puppies know that they're being cute. They're using you.
  • We don't sound anything like those silly voices you use to imitate us.
  • We hate those ridiculous names you give some of us. Moonbeam is not a dignified name for a mutt.
  • You might want to check your herb garden for fertilizer.
  • We are only wearing this stupid birthday hat so we can get some cake. No self-respecting dog cares about his birthday.
  • We are not spoiled, certainly not in comparison to teenage girls.
  • We are in charge of the house. We let you pretend that you are.
  • We'd be lost without you. We love you.

It's all in our new book, Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You To Know, as told to humans Hy Conrad and Jeff Johnson. Even Steve Martin (yes, THAT Steve Martin) raves about us! Inside you'll find revelations such as the reason we at the sofa (leather tastes very similar to rawhide), and what we really think of the costumes you dress us up in.

I'm not alone. Ten other courageous canines have stepped forward to tell you what your dog won't – every last dirty, hairy bit of it. If you have dogs, love dogs, or have ever been baffled by a dog, this book is a must-have.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Dog lovers Conrad, writer/producer of television’s Monk and White Collar; Johnson, a former adman turned writer; and Stefanides, a designer, provide a delightful and amusing collection of comical canine “truths” such as the closely guarded secret that dogs dream about Broadway musicals. Each admission is made by one of 11 endearing dogs of various breeds, each with a distinctive personality and voice, from Gabby, the long-haired dachshund, and Orson, the bulldog, to Axelrod, the yellow Lab, and Bandana, the border collie. They reveal the secrets we humans have only guessed at for centuries such as the science behind begging, why dogs chew furniture, and why they eat grass. Each confession is accompanied by a full-color photo of the confessor. The book’s design also uses different handwriting typefaces for each dog that lends itself to a diarylike feel. Topics covered run the gamut from Gabby’s in-heat “dating” philosophy to Axelrod’s interpretation of human words that pretty much all translate to mean food. A whimsical delight for dog lovers everywhere, this book will charm and remind readers why they fell in love with Rover to begin with. (Apr.)
Publiishers Weekly
STARRED REVIEW- A delightful and amusing collection of comical canine "truths"...A whimsical delight for dog lovers everywhere, this book will charm and remind readers why they fell in love with Rover to begin with.
From the Publisher
I laughed, my dog howled.

This is the perfect book for anyone who owns a dog, has ever owned one, or knows what a dog is. These guys made me laugh out loud — and captured my heart at the same time. The book is simply irresistible.

If everyone owned a dog, we would have world peace. If everyone reads this book, they will go and get a dog and we will have taken a big step in the right direction. So this book can save the world. It will definitely change your life.

Hy Conrad and Jeff Johnson must have been dogs in another life. Their wry and witty insights into the minds of dogs are downright uncanny. Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You to Know is hilarious and sensational.

STARRED REVIEW-"A delightful and amusing collection of comical canine "truths"...A whimsical delight for dog lovers everywhere, this book will charm and remind readers why they fell in love with Rover to begin with.

These entertaining authors know and love dogs and give them appealing voices...it's all about the stories.

At times poignant, at times hilarious,this canine tell-all will let even the most experienced dog owners in on the secret world of our best friends.

I read it with my whole family and everyone couldn't stop laughing.

The authors were able to really capture the goodness and innocence of dogs. You can't be mad at them when you see the special way they see the world and their own actions. All they want to do is please their owners... but sometimes their naive actions don't get the exact outcome they expected. And they can't wrap their heads around it. Just like us. LOL.

So, if you love dogs and enjoy humor, you'll love Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You to Know. I did.

Library Journal
TV writer Conrad (Monk) and Johnson (coauthor, The Hourglass Solution: A Boomer's Guide to the Rest of Your Life) distill common breed stereotypes from the hardworking German Shepherd to the spoiled Chihuahua to create 11 lovable characters representing males and females in a range of sizes and ages. Each two-page illustrated essay shares a dog's point of view on topics from what dogs do all day to why they are always hungry to how to raise puppies and children. These entertaining authors know and love dogs and give them appealing voices. No topic is off-limits: sex, social networking, and drugs are chronicled along with more poignant subjects. Don't believe everything the dogs say—Orson the bulldog minimizes the risks of chocolate, grapes, and chicken bones. VERDICT This book resonates as animal humor/fiction more than as a guide to understanding dogs. Readers may enjoy some canine characters and companions more than others—it's all about the stories. Pet lovers looking for amusement and practical information might consider Justine A. Lee's It's a Dog's Life…but It's Your Carpet.—Kristine Alpi, North Carolina State Univ. Libs., Raleigh
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781402263286
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks, Incorporated
  • Publication date: 4/1/2012
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 306,929
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 7.70 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Hy Conrad has spent his career writing for television -- he's one of the original writers for Monk, the USA series, and he was nominated three times for the Edgar Award for best TV Mystery episode. he has written a mystery series published by Sterling.Currently he is a writer and consulting producer on the TV show "White Collar." Jeff Johnson spent most of his life working in advertising, for giants such as JWT and DWB&B and prestigious creative shops, and he has created successful campaigns in nearly every consumer category. He wrote THE HOURGLASS SOLUTION: A BOOMER'S GUIDE TO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 9 )
Rating Distribution

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Sort by: Showing all of 9 Customer Reviews
  • Posted January 24, 2013

    I don't know how many of you know this but I'm a huge animal lov

    I don't know how many of you know this but I'm a huge animal lover, at the last count we had 2 gerbils, 3 hamsters, 2 cats, 2 budgies and 1 golden retriever in our house that goes by the name of Annie so when my favourite book tour company sent me an invite for this book I just had to have it.

    The day I got it I remember flipping through it randomly and laughing hysterically with my mother who though the book from what she saw was the cutest thing. It also got the kiss of approval from Annie (She licks everything!). So once I got Annie's approval I knew it would be a great book and it was.

    I mean if you're looking for a serious read and came upon this then you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque Doc. This book had me giggling and laughing hysterically from page one. I loved all the dogs and their little journalish entries. Each dog had their own unique little personalities or in the case of some of the dogs big personalities.

    I loved the cleverness of the book. I love how the book was written in such a way that the reader could put it down whenever they felt like it (but let's be honest who would want to put it down?). It's a great book to read when you're a bit down, if it's a cloudy day or if you just want to have a laugh and think about what your dog might say about you if they were able to talk.

    I would recommend this book to everyone but especially the animal lovers out there, this would make the perfect birthday or Christmas present because it has something for all ages to enjoy. I know that I'm going to have a hard time getting my copy back from my mom because she likes it so much! So what are you waiting for folks?! Go get your copy!!



    *I received a free copy in exchange for my free and honest review. I was not compensated in any way and all thoughts and opinions expressed therein are my own.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 10, 2012

    Check out the full review at Kritters Ramblings First, what a c

    Check out the full review at Kritters Ramblings

    First, what a cute concept! There are many times when I am spending time with our pup Charlotte and I am just wondering what is going on in her mind. Often I wonder why she does certain things and what she thinks about me and our life. I chuckled often reading the stories from these different dogs and the issues they had with their humans.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 5, 2012

    Tell-All Book

    Dear Human! What would happen if your dog could write you a letter? Things your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know lets you in on all of those secrets your dog is thinking. Eleven dogs, Axelrod, Bandana, Dimples, Tinkerbell, Orson, Sophie, Sarge, Charlie, Moonbeam, Gabby and Rufus T. share their dog-thoughts in the form of letters to their owner/parents.

    Some of the essays are funny, some strange, and a couple brought tears to my eyes. You can pretty much guess most of the topics such as food, toys, digging, bad habits, peeing, - well, you know, dog stuff. Just as a warning, I would rate this book PG because of some of the topics discussed.

    The book is visually pleasant and fun to read. The pages have different backgrounds with some looking like stationery, paper on a clipboard and some are scrapbook style. The pages are colorful and on heavy glossy paper. So, if you are ready for 11 courageous canines to tell all, you will love this book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 26, 2012

    Highly Recommended- you must read it!!

    I usually give my opinion of a book that I am reviewing at the end of the review, but this time I will open with it. I found Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You To Know by Hy Conrad and Jeff Johnson to be everything a book should be. It is engaging, creative and memorable. Each of the 115 essays is presented in the words of one of eleven different dogs. After reading the first sentence of the first essay, as far as I was concerned, I believed I was listening to a dog.

    I tried to pick a favorite dog or maybe a favorite essay. I found this to be impossible. I found all the canines to be irresistible and each essay is memorable. The dogs discuss a number of topics. In I Will Never Be Full, Orson, a Bulldog, readily admits he hasn't been hungry since he was a week old. He'll be happy only when he finally explodes. He fills his days checking his food bowl and takes delight in the two dinners he gets while his humans are mad at each other. Tinkerbell, a Chihuahua, discusses birthdays in You Can Forget My Birthday. She makes it clear that she doesn't know when her birthday is and that dogs do not celebrate birthdays. "If you really want to know, we celebrate naps and escaping from the backyard and the death of cats." She doesn't want to appear ungrateful for her birthday party which was held in a tent. There were even cupcakes with lighted candles. However, all this led to the appearance of fire trucks.
    Especially moving are the words from Sophie in I'm Not Irreplaceable. She eloquently says "Maybe I'm unique because I'm part of these memories you'll never have again".

    There is a great deal more in this book and it is so worth reading. It is both humorous and touching. If a dog is a part of your life then you must read this book. If you are considering welcoming a dog into your life this book will help prepare you for what is to come. I came away wiser after reading this book. I highly recommend reading it.


    I received this book free of charge through Review the Book and I give this review of my own free will.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 5, 2014

    Check it out for friends who pampers their dog

    Gave as a gift because it sounded like a fun book for a dog owner.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 26, 2013

    It was okay...

    I did not find this book laugh out loud funny. However, if you like mysteries and want to read something from a dog's point of view, I would recommend any Chet & Bernie Mystery by Spencer Quinn. That series really is laugh out loud funny and I can't seem to put those books down until I have read every page.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted April 5, 2012

    Super cute book!

    Since I received this as an ARC, it was not the complete book, so I can't really give a full review since I only got to read the first 25 pages, or the first 7 stories in the complete version of this book that people who purchase it will get. The book is written from the point of view of the dogs, which makes it all the more funny. You get a rather comical look at what might go on in their brains.

    This first story was my favorite; it reminded me of my dog, Tux, 100%. It has to do with dogs who want what we call in our house the "double feed." Our dog is such a mooch and it just made me LOL, it was so funny, I got my husband's attention and read it aloud to him. He was LOL too.

    I also liked the second story about a dog that pee's in the herb garden. It made me think, well I better be sure to wash all green things super well before I eat them!

    I wasn't much connected with the other stories, but I am sure there is something in this book for everyone. I will probably buy the actual book when it comes out because the little bit I read was so funny that I want to read more. I hope there is a story about a dog who takes forever to go to the bathroom. I want to know what is going on in my dogs head when he gets in the position like 8 times before he actually goes.

    This book, at least what I read. is appropriate for people of all ages. The pages are very colorful and it has tons of pictures to make you connect with the character telling the story. The stories are short and would make a good bedtime story book, or if you are one of those people who put books in the bathroom, it would be great in there too.

    I thoroughly enjoyed what I read of this book and am eagerly awaiting its release so that I can get the full version!

    I received this book as an ARC. I do not get paid to review books; I do so in order to assist parents and teachers in recommending appropriate books for your kids to read.

    Please read more of my reviews on my blog: sarahereads(dot)wordpress(dot)com

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 4, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 11, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

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