This is Your Brain in Love: New Scientific Breakthroughs for a More Passionate and Emotionally Healthy Marriage

Overview

Make yourmarriage the best it can be by learning the secrets of proactive passion.

Using the latest in brain research, This Is Your Brain in Love helps couples become Master Level Lovers by encouraging each mate to bring their healthiest, most balanced and joyful self to their marriage.

Dr. Henslin speaks to the vital connection between ...

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This is Your Brain in Love: New Scientific Breakthroughs for a More Passionate and Emotionally Healthy Marriage

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Overview

Make yourmarriage the best it can be by learning the secrets of proactive passion.

Using the latest in brain research, This Is Your Brain in Love helps couples become Master Level Lovers by encouraging each mate to bring their healthiest, most balanced and joyful self to their marriage.

Dr. Henslin speaks to the vital connection between spirituality and sexuality. He identifies the five types of lovers, with ground-breaking insights and effective solutions for the challenges presented by each:

  • Scattered Lover
  • Over-focusedLover
  • BlueMood Lover
  • Agitated Lover
  • AnxiousLover

Filled with relatable stories and humor, this is not your boring brain book! Engaging and practical,Dr. Henslin provides an amazingly accurate, scientifically-based brain test to help spot typical brain imbalances. (And yes, most everyone has at least one!)

Bonus material offers brain-researched strategies and new hope for women dealing with hormones and men struggling with sexual addictions.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780785228752
  • Publisher: Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
  • Publication date: 1/12/2010
  • Pages: 212
  • Sales rank: 987,734
  • Product dimensions: 5.30 (w) x 8.20 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Earl Henslinis a licensed counselor and author of six books and numerous professional articles. For the pastfourteen years, working closely with brain imaging research pioneer, Dr. Daniel Amen, Dr. Henslin has been integrating brain imaging in patient treatment.
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Read an Excerpt

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN IN LOVE

New Scientific Breakthroughs for a More Passionate and Emotionally Healthy Marriage
By Earl Henslin Becky Johnson

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 2009 Earl Henslin
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-7852-2875-2


Chapter One

This Is Your Brain in Love ... or Is It on Drugs?

The brain in romantic love resembles a huge geological and meteorological event: earthquakes, cyclones, tsunamis. -JOHN COMWELL, SUNDAY TIMES ONLINE

We'd been platonic friends for five years. I had admired his creative leadership in our advertising company, along with his reputation for fairness and kindness," Annie explained.

"I admired her artistic abilities and her winsome smile and wit," David said, squeezing his wife's hand. "Of course I noticed her other obvious assets, but I never pondered them. In truth, I was grieving the loss of my first wife to breast cancer, and it took all my focus just to get through the day for a long time." The couple often talked by phone and e-mail, usually about a project, and saw each other only a few times a year. David worked in New York, and Annie worked out of her home in California.

"Looking back, as the years passed," David says now, "I think a certain tenderness grew between us. Annie seemed to understand the grief I was walking through, and I felt protective of her in a big-brotherly way, since I was several years older. We were fond of each other in the way ofcompassionate friends."

And that's as far as it went. A friendship of mutual admiration. Professional colleagues. Then one day, in basically one moment, that friendship was set on fire.

As a Christian therapist who uses brain imaging as part of my regular practice, I know that in the Playbook of Love, this sort of friendship-set-on-fire passion can be the most potent and sometimes the most lasting. That is why I asked Dave and Annie if they'd share their falling-in-love story for us in this book. They eagerly agreed, saying, "That's one of our favorite subjects!"

Annie dove right in. "My husband of twenty-something years walked out of our marriage during his apparent midlife crisis. This shocked my entire system to the core. I was stumbling along trying to remember who I was, groping for what was real, and in such agony of heartbreak, it seemed I'd never stop crying and grieving.

"Enter David, kindhearted friend, voice full of compassion. Steady, faithful, good ol' Dave. Having survived the loss of love, he became a rock in the storm, an understanding friend through the minefields of my own brand of grief. But I'd never considered David anything other than a dear friend.

"I was on a business trip and ended up on the shores of Toronto, eating alone at the hotel's restaurant, which happened to be a romantic Italian eatery. Couples all around me were holding hands and peering into each other's eyes or laughing in the familiar way of longtime lovers. I swallowed the lumps rising in my throat, willing myself not to cry. I looked out the window, hoping for a different view, but as fate would have it, couple after couple was strolling hand in hand along Lake Ontario. I reached for my second (or was it third?) glass of Merlot when I heard Dean Martin's recorded voice crooning, 'When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie ... that's amore!'

"That did it. I quickly downed the glass of wine, skipped dinner, and asked for my check. I made my way to my hotel room, threw myself across the bed, reached for my laptop, and sent an e-mail to my friend Dave. As if my heart had taken over my head, I found myself typing, 'If I marry again, David, I hope it is to a man exactly like you.' Whether it was the wine, the vulnerability of my drifting alone in a sea of couples, or a sudden true revelation of the heart, I found myself typing. 'You know what, Dave? I just realized that I think ... I love you.' I later read that C. S. Lewis, in speaking of his own longtime friendship with and ultimate marriage to Joy Davidson, wrote, 'No one can mark the exact moment at which friendship becomes love.' But for me, at least, the moment when my feelings for David turned to love is crystal clear.

"I pressed Send and held my breath, feeling like Meg Ryan in the movie You've Got Mail, knowing that with the typing of a few letters, I'd just risked the possibility of another painful rejection."

LOVE ARRIVES; LOGIC TAKES A VACATION

Annie swallowed a sip of tea and continued. "Within minutes, David responded as always, with kindness and candor. He was flattered-said he would pray for me to find a good man sooner rather than later. He was so terribly sorry about the deep pain I was in, as he'd been through a similar agony of soul. But he assumed my grief had left me seeing him through rose-colored glasses. 'You should know I'm not perfect, that I have flaws, that I'm not the Knight in Shining Armor you may imagine.' He wrote, 'Though I think I'd have been a lot better man to you than your sorry ex-husband was, I do not think you are able to be very rational right now. This is a vulnerable time for you.'

"Ouch. My wine-induced confession had been nicely sealed up and tied in a bow by David's sane and benevolent reply, and that should have been the end of that. Back to logic and reason-and to being good ol' platonic friends. But as Blaise Pascal once wrote, 'The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing,' and once the hint of attraction was let out of Pandora's box, we were both suddenly hit with a love potion so great that it took over our senses for the better part of the next year."

"We seemed the least likely of candidates for such a passionate and sudden romance," Dave shared. "Both of us were the middle-aged steady types. Our artsy, more roller-coastering friends would often turn to us as the pillars of stability. I loved my first wife deeply, but our marriage had been less than passionate. Even before her cancer, we were more like close friends and parenting partners than red-hot lovers."

"Though David initially brushed off my confession of love-which really broke all the rules of a normal dating game-our e-mails took on greater frequency and intensity, becoming increasingly flirtatious," Annie said. "Finally, Dave called me one evening after office hours, our first ever nonbusiness phone conversation. I was chatting on and on, and around and around, nervous as could be, and Dave was saying ... nothing. Finally I asked, 'Are you there?' and he answered, 'I am.' Long pause. 'I was just thinking how much I love listening to the sound of your voice.' I remembered immediately replying, 'Uhoh ...' and knowing we'd now officially gone past the point of no return. We would not be 'just friends' any longer. By the end of an hour-long heart-to-heart talk, we agreed to meet for a face-to-face date in Chicago."

Dave picks up the story. "I got off of that airplane and, walking down those long corridors to the baggage claim, all I could think of was holding her, kissing her. So strange to have this sudden unbridled desire after so many years of putting those emotions on hold. There's a Sinatra song 'Oh, Look at Me Now!' that describes a guy who didn't care much about love and diamond rings and all that mushy stuff. But love, it turns out, has a few surprises up its sleeve, and he finds there's a Casanova lover in him after all. That song could have been written for me."

Annie sighs, smiles, and then interrupts. "I, on the other hand, was thinking that maybe we'd greet each other with a nice side hug, go out to dinner, have some wine, listen to music, maybe dance, hold hands, take it slow ... maybe a kiss would come at the end of the date."

David winked at her. "But when I saw her in the flesh, and she saw me, it was like a dream. We were under the influence of a force more powerful than logic-two people with pent-up longings now suddenly free to feel again. There was no time to waste. We walked into each others' arms as if we'd belonged there always; our first kiss would have made Romeo and Juliet blush. Or at least, this is the way it felt to us. Does everyone who falls in love, think theirs is the grandest, deepest, and most passionate ever? That no one could have ever loved this way before or after us?"

Annie nodded. "From that first embrace, I was a goner. Every love song on the radio seemed written for me. The flowers in bloom looked like works of art that I'd never noticed before. I could not think two consecutive thoughts without a thought of David popping up between them. I struggled to work, to think, to communicate normally, without breaking into big, silly grins. My body might have been physically present in one situation, but my mind was gone-wrapped up in thoughts and feelings of being with my Love."

David smiled. "I tried to sleep, but every night visions of Annie would interrupt and keep me awake with longing to hold her."

"I could just be thinking of him and my body would respond as if he really were right there with me," Annie confessed. "I was a walking, grinning, sensual being, and every part of my heart that had been in such pain was now flooded with euphoric waves of love and desire. I know that Dave was, in part, my morphine for the aftermath of divorce, which is why counselors often suggest people wait a year after their divorce to date again. There was an addictive and pain-numbing, even crazy aspect to our romance. I once flew through a snowstorm, and on another occasion drove twelve hours to see Dave for six hours, then turned around and drove back."

Dave chimed in, "I was eighteen again. I never dreamed, at almost age fifty, a man could feel like this. I was walking on air and could not stop smiling. Is there anything better in life than loving someone and being loved back? I literally felt I was coming alive again. Waking up each morning and knowing that someone on this planet was thinking of me, as I was thinking of her, was beyond euphoric. I asked Annie to marry me as soon as I could, and she said yes before I got the question out!"

"That whirlwind romance started ten years ago, and we're still pretty much ridiculously in love," Annie added. "Sometimes we even get comments from strangers about how much in love we look and how refreshing it is to see. Of course, they probably assume, from our ages, that we've been married for decades!"

LOGIC COMES BACK FROM VACATION

"Not long after we married," Dave said, "I came out of a fog and for the first time felt I could see and think clearly. I realized I'd been in low-grade, long-term depression for at least five years. Then there was that long valley of grief. And when I fell for Annie, I was in that dizzy, love-drugged state of altered consciousness for another eighteen months or so, and suddenly it was like the song says: 'I can see clearly now the rain has gone.' The crazy-addictive type of love began to fade, but what remains is even better. It's what all the poets and musicians and romantics sing about. It's true love."

Annie reached for Dave's hand. "We created our own marketing-graphics company, then moved to a cottage on a beautiful vineyard in Napa Valley, where our adult kids and grandkids often come to visit. We have the most wonderful picnics right in our own backyard, complete with grape juice and pinot noir from our home-grown grapes. We're involved in a ministry of helping to comfort the brokenhearted during life crises and transitions. But most important of all, we flirt like teens and still have a hard time keeping our hands off each other."

As we continued talking, David told me that his parents had been married sixty years and were still crazy about each other, romantic and funny and flirty and touchy. "So I had great marriage mentors," he said. "And I've seen firsthand how a healthy love and healthy body seem to go hand in hand."

DISSECTING PASSION

How many married couples do you know who still radiate with the passion they felt for each other on their wedding day? It is a rare and glorious sight ... especially in my business.

As a student of the brain, I know that what happened to David and Annie as their friendship was set on fire really was very much like a "mental kidnapping," with their limbic system (the mood center) overtaking their prefrontal cortex (the seat of logic). I know, I know. I sound like such a killjoy, evaluating the mysteries of love as if it could all be dissected and explained on a chart. So here's my disclaimer: Neurotherapists and brain researchers are only barely tapping into a few of the mysteries of what makes two people fall in love and stay in love. And no matter how much we science-types know about brain chemistry and emotions, we're all just as susceptible to the mysterious, tsunamilike forces of love and romantic attraction as the next guy. But humor me a moment. When two brains are hijacked by romantic attraction, they really are under the influence of chemicals as powerful as any street drug.

Once the "love potion" wore off, Annie and David, thankfully, found that the elements for long-lasting love were still there. This is why long-term friends who fall in love tend to have steadier, happier marriages. There was substance and enjoyable camaraderie to their relationship before the love potion hit and drugged their brains silly. Sadly, many a man and woman-married or simply dating-who don't have a long history of friendship wake from the love fog and realize, sometimes too late, that their passionate romance didn't automatically translate into the kind of love needed for a long, happy life together. When most of us said our vows at the altar of marriage, we hoped to experience the bright flame of passion, often and always, within the comfort and sanctity of marriage. By the number of couples in marital pain staggering into my office each week, I know those high hopes are too often dashed.

With the divorce rate sky-high, and the rate of the intact-but-unhappy marriages even higher, is lifelong passion a pipe dream? Is it possible to find and keep "true love" alive? Can monogamy stay hot? Yes, yes, yes, I am happy to say. At least, for the "blessed few," a term used by marriage and sex therapist Dr. David Schnarch, whose books on sexuality and spirituality have wonderfully influenced the way I counsel couples. Tragically, only about 8 to 15 percent of couples know this kind of love and keep their passion burning until death parts their lifelong embrace. And you'll read more about couples like this, still in their first marriages, who manage to keep the home fires burning for five or more decades. I write this book with hope of helping increase the blessed few to a blessed majority! For couples who are willing to learn the secrets of proactive passion and apply them to their marriage, a close union will be the greatest source of ongoing pleasure for life.

LOVE-DRUNK BRAINS

The brain is a magnificent organ; it starts from the moment you're born and doesn't stop until you fall in love. -Pat Love, When the Object of My Affection Is Your Reflection

What does a brain in the throes of initial romantic passion look like, feel like, behave like? The briefest explanation is that it looks eerily similar to a brain on cocaine. In the following scan, it would be very hard for me or a neurologist to tell if this person were in love or on cocaine-since a brain in either condition would light up like a tipsy Christmas tree. Humans are literally "high on love" when we first get hit with the drugs of love.

Two researchers, British brain mapper Semir Zeki and American anthropologist-psychologist Helen Fisher, used brain imaging to explore what happens to brains in the first months of romantic passion. What lit up (on the image above, this looks like eyes and a nose) was the deep limbic system and basal ganglia area, where Helen Fisher concluded that "the chemical storms, leading to infatuation, almost certainly have their physical origin." In romantic love, "the music of cortical sweet reason is drowned out by the primitive drumbeats of our limbic and reptilian brains." Dopamine is among the strongest neurochemicals associated with a feeling of extra energy and heightened awareness singularly focused on the object of desire. As these powerful chemicals (the "love potion") run amok in our brains, they do something very interesting-something that explains why love can make even PhDs seem dopey and wise people do remarkably crazy things. These love chemicals not only produce a natural high, but they also dilute and cancel out the nerve chemical called serotonin. Serotonin, besides having well-known antidepressant effects, also has anti-obsessive, calming influences on the brain. Healthy doses of serotonin in the brain tend to help us control impulses, unruly passions, and obsessive behavior. It aids the sense of power and logic over our irrational impulses and gives us the feeling of being in control. A severe depletion of serotonin, along with a sharp rise in dopamine, can induce all those classical symptoms that go with the first waves of romantic attraction: panic, anxiety, queasiness, manic behavior, depression, and obsession. This is why people say, "I can't get her or him out of my mind. I'm thinking about this person all the time. I'm obsessed!"

(Continues...)



Excerpted from THIS IS YOUR BRAIN IN LOVE by Earl Henslin Becky Johnson Copyright © 2009 by Earl Henslin. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Foreword xi

Chapter 1 This Is Your Brain in Love...or Is It on Drugs? 1

Chapter 2 Sexuality and Spirituality: Divine Balm for Your Soul and Brain 11

Chapter 3 Bring Your Best Brain to the Marriage! 23

Chapter 4 The Scattered Lover (Prefrontal Cortex) 39

Chapter 5 The Overfocused Lover (Cingulate Gyrus) 63

Chapter 6 The Blue Mood Lover (Deep Limbic System) 85

Chapter 7 The Agitated Lover (Temporal Lobes) 115

Chapter 8 The Anxious Lover (Basal Ganglia) 139

Chapter 9 The Secret to Lasting Love 157

Appendix A The Joy Diet 182

Appendix B Common Questions About SPECT Scans 190

Appendix C New Hope: Men and Sexual Addiction 194

Appendix D New Hope: Women and Hormones 201

Index 207

Notes 210

About the Author 212

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 33 Customer Reviews
  • Posted May 8, 2011

    It is a really interesting and helpful book to have.

    Dr. Henslin is writing this book based on the theory that in order for two partners to be amongst the "few blessed ones" and to have a happy marriage they need to take the responsibility to bring their best brains into their marriage. The book is easy to read, interesting and has a lot of very practical examples, ideas and solutions for how can you best improve your life or deal with your loved one. In the beginning of each chapter that describes a different type of lover (scattered lover, overfocused lover, the blue mood lover, agitated lover and anxious lover) he offers a little test so that you can easily identify the type of lover that you or your partner is. I personally loved this book and I think that it is useful for everyone who wants to know more about how the brain can influence the way we act in our daily lives, it's also very useful to help and relate with the loved ones in your life. Also I believe that this book may be a little difficult to follow for those who are not familiar with neuroscience or psychology, because Dr. Heslin talks about the disorders that are triggered by the overactivated or underactivated parts of the brain, and he uses a scientific language. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand and have healthy relationship with his partner or loved one (this doesn't apply to married couples only) or if you want to take the responsibility of bringing your best brain into your marriage, then this book is for you. I would also recommend this book to those who are interested to learn more about how the brain and the imbalances in the chemicals of different parts of the brain can influence our behavior.

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  • Posted April 19, 2011

    Interesting Read

    I have to admit, that the title of this book is what caught my eye. My brain in love.....really. Who knew. But really, it's true. The "heart" we always say is the seat of our emotions and our feelings, but it really is in our brains. Can you imagine saying to the one you love...."I love you with all of my brain!!!" Sounds funny doesn't it. I wouldn't say it. Heart sounds so much better, but in this book Dr. Henslin explains how the brain is really where our feelings come from. He uses medical knowledge to explain how and why. Sometimes the medical jargon can be a little hard to follow, but he does make it easy for the layman to understand what he is saying. I like how the author has taken examples from patients he has counseled and from his own life to make his points a little clearer to understand.


    The tests that are at the beginning of the chapters are interesting and are nothing like I have come across before - they really are not your typical "personality" tests :). Also at the end of each chapter when the author is describing each type of lover, he gives natural options for dealing with the "issues" that each type of "brain lover" has. Which is great. Who wants to take meds when instead you can take some fish oil and exercise!!! Now, don't get me wrong, taking meds, if you need them, is fine and you should. But if you can do things natural first, why not try it out.


    I have enjoyed this book and if I continue to say anymore, I will be writing a short book of my own, so I would recommend this book. Actually, I have a friend right now waiting to read it!!!


    I have recieved this book for free from Thomas Nelson thru their Booksneeze program.

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  • Posted April 19, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    A new take on relationships worth exploring!

    This book caught my eye as I am recently married. I was anxious to learn what the author had to share regarding how brain imaging can demonstrate how the brain can affect one's love life and relationships.

    This book explains how Dr. Amen's SPECT scans (of the brain) can pinpoint issues affecting the mental health of individuals. The author mentions how happy brains lead to happy individuals who enjoy happy relationships. He then discusses five different types of lovers, based on these brain scans: scattered, overfocused, blue mood, agitated, and anxious. Of course, most people resemble a combination of these lover types, but it was interesting to read about these brain differences and mull over the people in my life that exemplify each.

    I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for more insight regarding relationships and the people that matter to them in life. Besides providing several "ah-ha" moments throughout the book, Dr. Henslin's "Joy Diet" in the appendix gives several suggestions on how a healthy brain needs certain nutrients (like fat to provide lubrication) and this diet is one that seems simple to work into daily life.

    I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

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  • Posted March 28, 2011

    This is Your Brain in Love by D. Earl Henslin

    In this book, Dr. Henslin explains his research on how the brain works in love. He takes love to a scientific level by exploring the different regions of the brain and how each area affects the way we love. According to the Dr., there are "five brain imbalances that effect a person's ability to be the best partner he or she can possibly be in a marriage". The book breaks each of the five (The Scattered Lover, the over-focused lover, the blue mood lover, the Agitated lover, and the ancious lover) down and explains not only what makes a person a certain type of lover, but also what that person and their spouse can do to help make changes to correct the imbalance. Each chapter starts with a small quiz for the reader to take, to see which lover category they fall into.

    While this book was not my normal choice of book to read, I enjoyed learning more about the brain and how its imbalances can affect love and relationships. I enjoyed taking the quizzes to see which type of lover I am, as well as having my husband take them to see which type he falls into. Upon choosing the book to review, I believe it to be more about physical love. I was surprised when I started reading about different parts of the brain and how each affects the way you emotionally love someone.

    I think that this book was full of interesting information, and if you are curious to see what type of lover you are, or are looking for a way to make your marriage stronger, this would be a book to consider reading -- It will help you to understand the way you love and need to be loved, and if your spouse is willing to read it with you, you can work through both of your love types together :)

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  • Posted February 16, 2011

    This Is Your Brain In Love

    This is Your Brain In Love by Dr. Earl Henslin is a takes a scientific approach about emotional issues like love, marriage and also sex lives. This book teaches us how to deal with love-issues the scientific and rational way instead of being emotional about it. I'm not quite sure what to make of this book, for I always believe that everyone is different, and each relationship have different woes, and needs to be handled differently and not just one way approach. Sometimes, science does not work when it comes to love, marriage and relationship. Love, marriage and relationship tends to defy science, and more often than not, emotions gets the better of science. While 'This Is Your Brain In Love' is a very inspiring, motivational book that gives logical suggestion and case study on many aspect of relationship, I don't think this book is for me. I rate this book 3.5 out of 5 stars, and I received this ARC from Booksneeze as a part of their blogger review program.

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  • Posted February 2, 2011

    Very good, and entertaining

    Recently I received a copy of This is Your Brain in Love: New Scientific Breakthroughs for a More Passionate and Emotionally Healthy Marriage by Earl Henslin. Over all I believe the book needs improvement. Its a book which allows you to pinpoint what type of lover you are and gives a few hints on how to deal with problems that affect Christian marriages. However, it is very much different then a regular relationship DIY book. By taking test, to giving personal help and ideas to ones self and spouse/significant other it is unique.
    The only down side to the book is the placement of the test. Personally, if i had picked this book up off a shelve I wouldn't have bought it, I would have simply taken each test and found what type of lover that it states I am then read that passage not the whole book. Each chapter, besides the first delves into the details of each lover profile and how they have an effect on the relationship before giving the reader ideas that can help them better them selves, then turning to the spouse/ significant other and detailing how they should deal with their lover.
    The appendixes deal with a Q&A barrage about things that affect marriage from pornography to simple disagreements. This is Your Brain in Love is a good book for someone looking for a different style then the mundane one sides self help guide books to love, where it addresses both partners not just the female, male, etc. half. While I do recommend this book, its more for entertainment purposes and shouldn't be taken to seriously, as people can fall into the many different categories

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 29, 2011

    Good Analysis Of Brain In Love

    Everyone knows there is some brain related chemical activity which causes people to fall(?) in love. But no one knows for sure what really happens in brain when someone is in love. On the flip side, we have this clichéd question - love is in the mind, or in the brain?

    This book (This is your brain in love By Dr. Earl Henslin) tries to answer this question with amazing illustrations of brain activity, and clear psychological explanations on various kinds of lovers. Dr. Henslin splits lovers into five categories and this book even includes a test which can help us identify our love style.

    According to Dr. Henslin, there are five imbalanced lover types. They are:

    1. The Scattered Lover (high in energy, low in attention or absentmindedness!)
    2. The OverFocused Lover (Can't take his / her brain off a good / bad thing)
    3. The Blue Mood Lover (Gloomy outlook, always)
    4. The Agitated Lover (Anger and other related emotions)
    5. The Anxious Lover (Always on lookout of anything that may hurt them)

    This book discusses each one of these types in detail and explains how one can recognize their type, as well as their mate's type. Usually it may even be a combination of multiple types, which is the most likely case in majority of people.

    As Dr. Henslin is also a very famous marriage and family therapist, this book takes nuggets from his experience and makes a very interesting reading. Recommended for anyone who wants to know what happens when they feel love, and for keeping a love life / marriage successful!

    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze dot com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

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  • Posted January 21, 2011

    Helped my marriage!

    I need to be honest with you to tell you how great this book is.
    I have been married for over 7 years. My married started out great, which most do, then the marriage slowly started to go downhill.
    This is your brain in love is such a great read and it helps me to understand and fix the problems within myself as well as to help me understand my husband.
    The book includes test, descriptions of different types of "lovers", as well as ideas on what to do if you are one of these types or if you are married to one of these types.
    I have had a hard time dealing with some of my frustration, headaches, and total bad attitude. This book has helped me to change myself. I have not changed so much yet, but through this books help, I am learning to change myself to be better.
    I have also learned how to deal with my husband's addiction to porn as well as how to deal with his ADHD. My husband and I enjoyed reading this book and we now have hope for the future of our marriage.
    I would recommend this book to any couple who is having a hard time in their relationship.

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  • Posted January 11, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    This Is Your Brain In Love

    This book primarily deals with love in marriage, so it is not recommended for younger readers. The science included in it ranges from nutrition to neuroscience and is not too complicated--just a bit of extra vocabulary. Couples and marriages in broken down into categories that are interesting to say the least. The way the book is arranged, it is half story and half self-help. I believe the author wants married couples to be more happy and in love. There is some spirituality in the book, but it is by no meas a treatise on theology. Brain imbalances are covered a bit and are presented in an unbiased fashion that do not cast shame. Extra sections that deal with hormonal women and addicted men may be offensively pigeonholing to some or helpful to some. I wouldn't take every bit of advice to my heart when married, but it is an intriguing book that will make people perk up their eyebrows and go "Huh?"

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  • Posted January 7, 2011

    Well Written, with scientific research and information about your brain in love

    Dr. Henslin uncovers the five types of lovers: Scattered Lover, Over-Focused Lover, Blue Mood Lover, Agitated Lover and the Anxious Lover. For each type, a questionnaire is included to help readers determine where they fall. Henslin then explains each type and some of the whys and hows of this person's brain as it relates to sexuality and spirituality.

    Written with humor, the book has it's intriguing portions, filled with interesting facts and ideas, backed by science and research. For those not into scientific reasoning, who just want to understand the basics, this book can be a little over the top with research and cited along with explanations. While it can be an easy read for anyone, even with the extra science and research thrown in, it spoke more to my husband than myself. I got lost in the research, medical references, brain scan pictures and discussions and the general science, only really tuning in to the basics. This book is a bit deeper than the usual self help relationship book out there.

    Absolutely written for married couples, Henslin seeks to encourage readers to understand who they are, how they tick, and how they can come together to form an even stronger bond in their marriage. For the couples into the hows and whys, this book may be for you. For the readers and couples into the help and practice, a little less so.

    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze . com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

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  • Posted November 30, 2010

    This is your brain in love

    This book dives into scientific reasons for our actions based on our relationship with our spouses. From the "can't stop thinking about them" feelings to the frustrations with intimacy, Dr Henslin has an answer.

    He breaks down 5 different types of lovers:
    * Scattered Lover
    * Over-focused Lover
    * Blue Mood Lover
    * Agitated Lover
    * Anxious Lover
    At the beginning of each type, Dr Henslin has a short questionnaire that you and your spouse can answer to give you an idea of what type of lover you are. With the help of others in the same field, Dr Henslin helps couples better understand each other, and to blend spirituality and sexuality to form an unbreakable, everlasting bond.

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  • Posted May 30, 2010

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    I Also Recommend:

    If You Want To Marry Or Stay Married Then "This Is Your Brain In Love" Is For You

    I had the privilege of interviewing Dr. Earl Henslin, on our radio show "Kingdom Highlights", for his new book, "This Is Your Brain In Love" the sequel to his groundbreaking book, "This Is Your Brain On Joy" published by Thomas Nelson.

    For those of you who do not know Dr. Henslin is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been integrating brain imaging into the treatment of psychological, physical and spiritual problems in his counseling practice. If you have a problem with your brain it will manifest itself in various forms, one of which is the love life. As the book tells us the brain is the biggest sexual organ in the body. Dr. Henslin tells us that the hormones created while we are in first love are equal to someone being on cocaine-without the disastrous side effects. Then when that "high" wears off the couple feel that they have fallen out of love while this is not so. The body simply cannot maintain that euphoria for a long time nor would we want it to.

    Dr. Henslin goes into detailed methods to improve the five imbalances common in marriages. With him we learn how to "focus the scattered lover", "relax the over-focused lover", "cheer the blue mood lover", "calm the agitated lover", and "soothe the anxious lover". If you feel you might fall into one of those categories then all is well there is a way these can be corrected and not always with drugs or surgery but with food changes and vitamins.

    If you are married, have been married, have problems in your marriage, want to be married then this book if for you. If you have friends that fall into any of those categories then this book is for them and you should give it as a gift, they will thank you for it forever. It is time we learned how we operate and Dr. Henslin give us the right tools to help us. This book is a keeper!

    If you missed the interview for "This Is Your Brain In Love" and would like to listen to it and/or His other interview please go to www.kingdomhighlights.org where it is available On Demand.

    To listen to 24 Christian music please visit our internet radio station www.kingdomairwaves.org

    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

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  • Posted May 4, 2010

    Your BRAIN is your best and largest love organ!

    It's been the perfect romantic evening. Your lover looks deep into your eyes and whispers those words you've been longing to hear.

    "I love you with all my.

    .brain."

    Say what?!

    Those in the medical and psychological fields are quick to point out that what goes on between our ears is actually the source of our love drunk highs and lows. It's the incredible roller coaster of neurochemical responses produced by our brains that causes us to act like a fiending drug addict when hopelessly attracted to someone.

    And that's precisely the subject for discussion in Dr. Earl Henslin's "This is Your Brain in Love," a groundbreaking book that explores the idea that a healthy brain is the best beginning for a deep and long lasting love. As a clinical psychologist and also a biblical marriage and family therapist, Dr. Henslin has counseled countless couples who needed to find that loving feeling again. Working closely with Dr. Daniel Amen, MD, a brain-imaging specialist, Henslin shares how to overcome five very common imbalances in marriage:

    The Scattered Lover
    The Over-focused Lover
    The Blue-Mood Lover
    The Agitated Lover
    The Anxious Lover

    He employs the latest scientific research, proven clinical assessments (included in book), as well as practical advice such as supplements and behavioral modifications to take your relationship to new heights.

    As the fiancé to a man diagnosed with ADHD as well as a future psychotherapist myself, I frequently found my jaw dropping as I read brilliant yet simple words of wisdom in page after page. I read the entire book in two afternoons and have repeatedly consulted it since. I personally consider it to be a must read not only for couples but also for therapists and ministers alike.

    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> :

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  • Posted April 12, 2010

    Book Review: "This is Your Brain in Love" by Dr. Earl Henslin

    The title alone had me interested from the very first. The intersection of neuroscience and human relationships is much written and talked about these days, as we learn about just how much our daily activities, thoughts, and behaviors are ruled by this part of ourselves.

    Dr. Henslin uses strong credentials and experience to help us understand how the brain functions, what that means in terms of behavior and emotions, and most importantly, about the five basic types of lovers which may exist in a marriage or relationship. Those five types include The Scattered Lover, The Overfocused Lover, The Blue Mood Lover, The Agitated Lover, and The Anxious Lover.

    Dr. Henslin provides both the technical background for the parts of our brains which create each of these archetypes and some very readable vignettes and examples to show us how a particular type might sound like and act. With an emphasis on brain chemistry and a number of connections drawn to conditions such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), this book is potent, if challenging, for most lay readers. The blend of fact and intuition is ultimately very helpful to those who want to understand why we do what we do . . . and what we can do about all that.

    I describe this book as challenging for two reasons. First, Dr. Henslin's focus on neuroscience and the actual workings of the brain during psychological and physical changes can be a tad difficult to follow at times. As we attempt to map the brain's primary sections and determine their specific function, we should not be surprised that all answers are not forthcoming. For those who do not care to know the details of brain chemistry interactions, this book will have many sections to scan or skip completely.

    Where almost everyone can gain some value is in the descriptions of the various behaviors that typify each of the five Lover types. The descriptions, while somewhat clinical, are also laced with humorous stories, often from the Doctor's personal experiences, which lighten the scientific information to put a very human and very familiar face on how all the brain interaction displays to one's spouse or partner, the families, and to the world.

    Each section has two "rules list" of guidelines and suggestions for both us as a particular type of lover and for us as the partner of someone exhibiting a particular lover type. These thorough and specific suggestions aim to help use deal with and reduce the negative impacts of each style. I could see this becoming an important aspect of every married couples ongoing discussions around "how we make this work".


    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com (http://BookSneeze.com) book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 (http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html): "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

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  • Posted February 20, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    This Is Your Brain In Love By Dr. Earl Henslin

    This Is your Brain In Love
    By Dr. Earl Henslin

    In a world of increasing marital discord and disharmony, and where the careers of marriage counselors and divorce lawyers are quite lucrative, Dr Earl Henslin shines through as a beacon of hope with his innovative book. Science and spirituality form a powerful alliance as he explains the chemical imbalances, emotional conditions, and spiritual pitfalls that are devouring marriages. He not only shines the light on the hidden enemies of the marriage relationship but he offers sound and scientific advice on how to fix the problems with therapy, medicine, spiritual tactics, and good old fashioned common sense. It's a fact that all men and women are not created equal as Dr. Henslin explains the different lover types and explains the causes for the disorders and the strategies to cure them.
    I absolutely love this book and usually I cannot read non-fiction as easily as I read this book, it was informative and educational, all while being laugh-out-loud funny. Before reading "This Is Your Brain In Love", I was not hard-pressed to be married, but now I look forward to it. I am confident that after reading this book I will walk away with a wealth of knowledge to sustain and maintain once I get married. The best part about "This Is Your Brain In Love" is that the advice and information does not just apply to marriage but to all life relationships. Dr. Henslin in a very practical, yet Biblical way presents information to help us get to the "root" of our problems to be better people. I give this book TWO THUMBS UP! It is one that I will read again and refer back to often.
    I will surely recommend this book to all my married and unmarried friends and all my fellow bloggers at Booksneeze.com and the Thomas Nelson Book Review blogger program at http://brb.thomasnelson.com

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  • Posted February 11, 2010

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    A complete manual for having a successful, passionate, healthy marriage!

    The symbol for love is generally known worldwide as a heart. But in actuality, all the love emotions originate in our brain.
    In his fascinating book, "This Is Your Brain In Love," Dr. Earl Henslin explains in easy-to-understand language exactly how the human brain is responsible for the feelings and sensations we experience as love. Incorporating the latest in scientific research as well as stories of real couples, Henslin shows how the brain affects people's love lives, and how to use the information he has garnered to enhance that love to newer, higher levels.
    Dr. Henslin identifies what he has found to be five different "brain" types of lovers:

    The Scattered Lover - hyperactive and distracted
    The Over-Focused Lover - controlling and always right
    The Blue Mood Lover - all gloom and doom and depressed
    The Agitated Lover - angry and aggressive
    The Anxious Lover - always worried something or someone will hurt them

    Using the Brain Subsystems checklist developed by pioneer brain-scan researcher, Dr. Daniel G. Amen, and subsequent shorter tests geared for each type of personality, readers are able to determine which type of lover they and their partners are, and how they can become more compatible and find a happier, more joyful relationship.
    At the end of each chapter, Dr. Henslin offers tips for both partners on how they can adapt and adjust to their "brain- type," suggests supplements that aid in regulating the brain's function, and also medications that might be helpful.
    Henslin uses scientific information, but points out that a spiritual connection is also necessary for a happy, healthy relationship, especially in a sexual sense.
    "It is so marvelous to realize how wise and creative God was when he thought up the concept of sex as a way to regularly bring couples back to one another," Henslin says in his chapter "Sexuality and Spirituality: Divine Balm to Your Soul and Brain."
    "This is Your Brain In Love" is, in my opinion, probably one of the most important books on relationship that a couple could have. With advice on how to be kind to one another, how to forgive, how to have patience, and most importantly, how to keep the love fires kindled, this is a complete manual to having a successful, passionate, healthy marriage.

    Sharon Galligar Chance
    Wichita Falls Times Record News

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  • Posted February 1, 2010

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    Ths is your brain in love by Dr. Earl Henslin

    When I saw the title that sparked my interest, who wouldn't want to know how to make being in love easier? And now that I have finally finished the book, I am left looking at love in a whole new way!

    First it explained about the five main types of love. They are scattered lover, over-focused lover, blue mood lover, agitated lover, and lastly the anxious lover. There was a chapter on each chapter and helps you figure out what type of lover you are! This information was very easy to read, not the confusing stuff you find in text books. There was also a section called the "Joy Diet" about foods that make you happier!

    This book was very useful! I been putting some of the theories to the test with my boyfriend, and he likes the change! This book is amazing! Anyone in any sort of relationship needs to pick up a copy of this book! The information is backed up by experiments and scientific information that can't be beat! I recommend this book to anyone!

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  • Posted February 1, 2010

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    I Also Recommend:

    Surprisingly helpful!

    I flip flopped back and forth while reading this book. First I thought,
    "Well, yeah great intimacy is all well and good to talk about how we should have it, but are you gonna give any helpful info?"
    Then I was thinking, "Uh oh, is he going to be shoving drugs down all our throats? Please tell me this book doesn't imply that most people need prescription drugs to have a happy marriage!"
    THEN I was thinking, "Uh-oh, it looks like he's excusing people's bad behavior saying that if you've had a brain injury it's not your fault if you act like a total jerk!"
    But, by the end, instead of reading with furrowed eyebrows, I was nodding with a smile! He wrapped up my wonderings, did not excuse people from taking responsibility for their actions, and provided ideas for diet and natural supplements to help balance the most important organ in your body- the brain.
    I also wondered how a brain/intimacy book could be a Christian book. Usually scientific minded authors who claim Christianity seem to put God in as an afterthought. I appreciated that Dr. Henslin did not crowd God out with "science." I did not find the religious references to feel out of place or awkward.
    This book does talk about intimate relations and is therefore not appropriate for all readers.
    A surprisingly helpful and very informative book for married couples and counselors.
    ______________
    I was provided a review copy by Thomas Nelson.

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  • Posted January 26, 2010

    Must have for all marriages

    I am sometime a little worried to read self-help book, mainly when they written by a Doctor! Doctor like the use the big words and write them in their books. A lot of times you are spending more time looking up the word then reading the book. But with Dr Earl Henslin new book This Is Your Brain In Love, Dr Henslin, did not need to use the big words here. He made the book simple and easy to understand.
    I really like this book it opened my eyes. Many people would say when buying this book or having this book on their self: "I don't need this book, It is not for me or it is for a friend. I can see that some people would be ashamed to have this book, but the message in this book is one that everyone need, whether you have a strong loving marriage like Anne and David did in the book or if you marriage is at the breaking point. There is a message for all in this book.

    Dr Henslin talks about five "lover types they are
    1. The Scattered Lover
    2. The Overfocused Lover
    3. The Blue Mood Lover
    4. The Agitated Lover
    5. The Anxious Lover

    He breaks down each of these lover types in chapters and it is very interesting to see where you find yourself and your spouse. This book is a must read and again it is for all marriages there is something we all need to learn, and marriages is something that we learn from each and ever day.

    Thank to Thomas Nelson Book review for my free copy of the book

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  • Posted January 23, 2010

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    Learn To Become a Master Lover

    This is Your Brain in Love by Dr. Earl Henslin is a very interesting book. I chose this book because I am always looking for ways to make my marriage better. As a pastor, I am also looking for ways that I can help others make their marriages better. This book is one that I will be using for help in making marriages better. Dr. Henslin asserts that to have a healthy marriage one's brain must be healthy. While we often think of love occuring in our "hearts", the reality is that our brains play a very huge part in our "being in love".

    The first part of the book is interesting as Dr. Henslin sets the stage for his scientific research. Interesting stories and case studies are interwoven throughout the book, which makes for very good reading. The middle of the book covers technical issues concerning different regions of the brain and SPECT scans (based upon the work of Dr. Daniel G. Amen). He describes what happens in different parts of our brains based upon our personalities and past traumas. In this section one learns how to focus the Scattered Lover, relax the Over-focused Lover, cheer the Blue Lover, calm the Agitated Lover, and soothe the Anxious Lover. This part was a bit tedious to get through but was very informative with tests to discover which type of love one might be, as well as dietary tips to help make our brains healthier.

    The last part of the book covers How To Have a Lasting Love. This part was interesting and will be very helpful in marriage counseling. Overall, I really enjoyed the book. It actually helped me in my own marriage. I highly recommend this book to those who are married or thinking about getting married.

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