Thoughtshredder: Bringing Out the Bucker in You

Overview

In June of 2006, my father passed away. I was 41 years old and had just lost my father. I hugged my wife seeking comfort for my loss. Then I realized I felt no loss. I held her tighter and longer; nothing. I hugged my children; still nothing. I finally realized that losing my father started when I was 5 years old. It started with that first slap across my face that caused my nose to bleed and it ended, or so I thought, with his death in a hospital bed in Arizona.

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Overview

In June of 2006, my father passed away. I was 41 years old and had just lost my father. I hugged my wife seeking comfort for my loss. Then I realized I felt no loss. I held her tighter and longer; nothing. I hugged my children; still nothing. I finally realized that losing my father started when I was 5 years old. It started with that first slap across my face that caused my nose to bleed and it ended, or so I thought, with his death in a hospital bed in Arizona.

Between the ages of 5 and 41, I grew up physically and mentally, but was still immature emotionally. I spent many of those years haunted by the paranoia of becoming my father. I assumed that someday I would pass through some magical door or make some sort of anti-wish with a genie and wake up as my father. I questioned for years whether this similarity or that one meant I was becoming him.

I finally realized that I was him; and I was me. I am my father in some ways, I have to be. His genes are in me and I spent the first 11 years of my life with him. His behavior and his genetics are affecting me. I am 5' 7" tall on a good day, have his green eyes, dark hair that is struggling to stay with me and have near-sightedness, just like he did. Physically I have taken on many of his traits without control over them. I just am part of him. Once I realized I was also part of him emotionally and behaviorally, I could then break through the paranoia of being him and allow myself to be me. I first had to realize that being me meant being him too.

Discover the real you! For most of my life it was easy for me to say how much I hated my dad. What I didn't realize was that those words and thoughts also pertained to me. If I hated him, I must also hate the part of me that is him. If I hate him I also hate me. It took a journey of identifying how much I really loved him before I could love me. I found my real purpose and my Authentic Self. It has been freeing and I can now overcome anything.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780982105023
  • Publisher: Ninth Street Publishing
  • Publication date: 8/1/2012
  • Pages: 202
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.43 (d)

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Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Posted May 20, 2013

    more from this reviewer

    The ┬┐ThoughtShredder┬┐ basic process of ┬┐Recognizing, Ridding, Re

    The “ThoughtShredder” basic process of “Recognizing, Ridding, Replacing, and Reinforcing” is consistent with the neurobiology of renewing the mind. Axons representing our habits or reactive patterns eventually atrophy and dissolve when new behavior (axons) is deliberately and consistently applied. The old recovery saying “Save your ass your face will come later” also demonstrates the same discipline in order to make hardwired neurological changes. Typically these changes are difficult to manage up to one year and become more intuitive by 3-4 years. Patterning explains the reasons why we take on the behaviors of our parents and significant others. Not much is on purpose in our young lives no matter how narcissistic we may become we are really just playing “monkey see-monkey do” based on the patterning we had as children. The difficulty is that we need to have the courage to face and release the survival patterns of our childhood and change our behavior – that’s all. It feels like letting go of the trapeze and not yet grasping the other. Suspended in fear and uncertainty we continue to walk in new behavior until we gain true understanding, knowledge, and ultimately wisdom. If we are painstaking about this work we emerge as the beings we were intended to be and not just living a reactive/instinctual lifestyle.
    Rudyard Kipling’s book – movie version Captains Courageous illustrates Pseudo-personality development this way; Two old salty-dogs aboard a sailing ship watching a 15 year old boy grabbing the wheel and say to one another “Eye! That’s the way we do it – pretending our way to manhood”!
    ThoughtShreader has a contemporary view of emerging personhood through challenging our beliefs & behaviors by deciding with intelligence how to become who we are intended to be in order to find satisfaction and wholeness.

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