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CHAPTER 1
THUMBS UP: A POSITIVE SIGN
Thumbs Up people are positive people. The energy they create attracts all the goodness the world has to offer. Thumbs Up people wake up every day feeling excited and go to sleep every night feeling safe.
Thumb through the pages of history and you will discover something remarkable. The first thumbs up was not an accident. When early primates' opposable thumbs first touched their index finger, it allowed them to grasp things. One of the most important things we would come to grasp was the idea that the future was in our hands.
There is no simpler way to say "Way to go" or "Good job" or "I did it" than raising your thumb. It's a universal gesture for "I've landed on the moon" or "I've landed on my feet." It's a signal that says "Watch this." It's a symbol of courage and encouragement, an acknowledgment that I believe in me and I believe in you. It's a way to give yourself or someone else a hand.
A thumbs up is an affirmation to the world, a stranger, a friend, a teacher, a parent, a child, or a significant other. A thumbs up is a prediction that what you are about to do will succeed. It's a hooray, a flag raised, a wave of assurance, a stamp of approval, an icon, a badge of optimism, a "like" on Facebook, a salute to victory, a wink to what you love. A nod to God.
Giving a thumbs up is not just good body language. It's a hug from your heart. It's proof of your intention in the present and your faith in the future.
No other finger operates quite like it. Even though it's the shortest finger, it has more power than any other and more muscles dedicated to its reach.
WE ARE BORN LOOKING UP
It should come as no surprise that when you raise your thumb, you raise your chances for success, wellness, and love, increasing the possibility of achieving the life you always dreamed of.
A Thumbs Up attitude begins with a sign and a thought. It starts with the all-important awareness that you can change your thoughts and change your life. If you are constantly seeking reasons to be positive, you are more likely to influence what you think. The ripple continues, and other ripples will follow.
Roman emperors called their thumb signal pollice verso and used it in the notorious Coliseum. Thumbs down meant a quick death for the gladiator. Thumbs up indicated that he should be spared. Though the days of gladiatorial combat are long over, the thumbs up sign still signifies life some twenty-three centuries later!
We are all born looking up. Then we strive to stand up and grow up. But along the way we encounter people and events that can lower our gaze and bring us down. We all need a hand. And that's why I wrote this book.
Thumbs Up is not a handbook about how to avoid being down but a story about looking up in the face of adversity. Bad things happen to all of us. It's how we respond to those challenging moments that defines us and determines the course of our lives.
By paying attention to even the most seemingly insignificant thought, we can rewire our life's path. It begins by raising your thumb.
Think about it. When you consider doing something positive, you have a choice to act on that intention or not. When you decide to share a positive thought, it's because you gave yourself permission to do so. The same goes for talking yourself out of a positive thought.
So, think about whom you've been listening to. How's that working for you?
Zap a negative thought and try reacting with a Thumbs Up response. Notice what's right. Share the love. Show your appreciation and gratitude. The goal is to nurture and give life and attention to productive thoughts. It's about banishing the negative, blaming, finger-pointing thoughts that underestimate the power of good.
How we react to the little moments in our lives makes the difference between the happy and hapless, the helpful and helpless, the hopeful and hopeless.
GIVING THE THUMBS UP SIGN ISN'T ALWAYS EASY
Sometimes just getting your thumb up feels nearly impossible. I know firsthand. Facing one of the darkest hours of my life, I learned that when you give a thumbs up, the world looks up.
After partying in Rome one evening in 1975 with an actual princess, I was a passenger in a sports car that broadsided a bus at fifty miles per hour. My right arm was crushed in the accident, leaving my hand paralyzed.
The timing could not have been worse. I had journeyed all the way to the Cinecittà Film Studios to intern with the great film director, Federico Fellini, and had not even started work. Worse yet, I was twenty-two years old and felt that my life was over. Who would love me without a hand? Who would offer me a job? Mind you, this was the pre-Paralympics, pre-wheelchair-accessible era.
The ambulance race to a nearby hospital was a blur, but the Italian word amputazione quickly focused my attention. The hospital reached my mother, who flew to Rome to find me in post-op. The doctors had saved my arm but not its ability to move. They said that with lots of physical therapy there was a slim chance I might be able to raise my thumb.
I never forgot that. To the doctors it was a medical prognosis. But to me it became an anthem for life — raise that thumb and the rest will follow.
Choreographing hundreds of bones, muscles, and nerves in my hand was difficult enough, but keeping a positive attitude was the real hurdle. I couldn't just assume that it would happen. I had to take charge and keep in mind a positive image of my hand moving. When the negative thoughts started to creep in, I would chase them away. I had to see my hand moving. I had to believe that image could beat paralysis. I had to say to myself, "I can move my thumb. I can do this."
GIVING ANOTHER A HAND
My mother arrived with a gift in hand. It was a Saint Jude medal that she purchased in Rome a few days after her arrival. Saint Jude is the patron saint of lost causes. Mom figured it would work for me. She attached it to a gold watch fob and placed the magical necklace around my neck.
Santo Spirito, the hospital where I'd been taken, was the oldest and most holy of hospitals in Rome. The nurses were nuns, crosses adorned every wall, and century-old frescos told stories of healing. This was obviously a place where miracles could happen.
I remember believing that the medal was a sign that some greater force would intervene. Perhaps Saint Jude Thaddeus? Thaddeus is a Greek name that means "great- hearted one." Catholics celebrate him as the Saint of the Impossible. He must have been an eternal optimist as well. He had to be if he was going to cure all of these incurables, including me.
The next day, after my mother arrived, I was visited by a South African minister who was quite sure I could get the use of my hand back by believing so (which I took to be another sign). He quoted Mahatma Gandhi, who said that if you have an idea and take action on it, that action becomes a habit. That habit changes your character and that new character determines your destiny.
GIVING MYSELF A HAND
The idea on which I took action was getting my hand back in working condition. The minister said that feat was up to me. If it's to be, it's up to me. A simple concept. Say it out loud. If it's to be, it's up to me. Now think of an idea that is dear to you. Have you taken action on it? If so, congratulations. If not, this book is a good first step. As I learned, the work begins with you and your beliefs. What we think about is what happens.
I had two choices: hand my destiny over or take it over. In a defining moment, I made a choice to not give up on what seemed impossible. I found and surrounded myself with positive forces — nuns, patients, doctors, visitors, my mother, and Saint Jude, all of whom believed that I could get that thumb up.
We are given two hands to remind us that one hand needs another — whether it's the hand of a friend, a parent, a priest, or even God. As John Lennon quoted Yoko Ono in his final interview, "A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
By taking action in soliciting their support, positive thinking became easier for me and felt more like habit. I shifted my mind- set from the hand I did not have to reaching for my dream to write.
WRITE YOUR OWN SCRIPT
Just as the minister had predicted, my new habit of optimism changed my disposition, perspective, spirit, and, yes, character. I felt stronger, as a person of character does. And that character is who I would be for the rest my life.
During my convalescence, I realized that if I could become the author of my own script, I could write my next chapter. I was determined to define myself rather than be defined by others.
Life is full of authority figures — people who give you orders, make decisions for you, and try to control you with rules. Well, here is something to always remember: The word "author" is in the word "authority." When you author your story, you become the greatest authority in your life.
THE DAY I LIFTED THE WORLD
The day I lifted my thumb was the most uplifting day of my life. And from that moment on, I have held the power of positive thinking close to me and have never let it go. I had won. My thumb moved because I believed it would and I made it happen. And just like the doctors said, my other fingers would follow its lead. That's the power of being Thumbs Up.
No gesture is more positive than a thumb pointing straight to the sky. Soldiers do it before going into battle. Astronauts do it before blasting off into space. Rock stars like the Beatles give it to their fans. And I would raise my thumb thousands of times after Rome, 1975.
I did it after my wife Cynthia and I exchanged vows and said farewell to our wedding party twenty-four years ago. I did it for my sons, Alden and Julien, when they came up to bat at little league games and when they went off to college. Did it when I sold my company, did it again when I bought it back. Today, I do it before going into business meetings and after I win the business.
Thinking Thumbs Up is the core of resilience. Being Thumbs Up means you are open to opportunities.
How many times have you given a thumbs up? To your spouse at the beginning of the day? To your child after a great recital? Everyone has given the thumbs up sign. The trick, of course, is to do it every day and look for the possibilities to be positive.
If our thumbs spent less time down on our iPhones and Androids and more time up in the air, we would realize the real joys and possibilities of life.
GROWING UP THUMBS UP
My mother was a formidable influence on my Thumbs Up development. She lavished me with attention and infused me with confidence and an unswerving belief that I could do anything. As early as I can remember, she said, "Joey, you can do it. Joey, you're the best. Joey, you're a winner." She constantly played the song "The Impossible Dream" from the Broadway musical Man of La Mancha and was telling me to just do it long before Nike adopted the slogan.
I've read that when your parents are your biggest fans, you're bound to go on to bigger audiences. Picasso's mother told him, "Pablo, if you can become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk, you'll end up a pope." Instead, he became a painter and wound up as Picasso.
Parents need to remember that being supportive means nurturing our children. Giving them confidence in themselves rather than conning them into doing something Mom and Dad want them to do.
For my ninth birthday, I received a present that summed up my mother's belief in her son — a miniature White House. Just big enough for me and a few visiting dignitaries from school. The message? If I wanted to be president, all I had to do was vote for myself.
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU A THUMBS DOWN
Life throws us constant curves, and I've certainly seen my share. But the toughest of all came in September 1981 when my father Henry was diagnosed with a rare form of adrenal cancer. I was twenty-nine. He was just sixty-two. We were both too young to get that news.
My father deteriorated in front of my eyes. On December 4, 1981, he lost his battle and I lost my hero. It's been said that it's easier when death is not sudden, but believe me, no matter how long an illness lasts, the end is always sudden. Sometimes beginnings are as well.
After the funeral, my mother said that my dad had left no will, no insurance policy, and no money and that she had no means to support our family. Boom! All of a sudden, I had a family to support. We were broke and broken-hearted. I still remember looking inside my wallet at a twenty-dollar bill, wondering how my $30,000-a-year salary from advertising could support all three of us and pay the bills. I might have just enough in the bank to pay for my dad's funeral.
My younger brother Michael and my ailing mother were scared. I was, too, but this is where resilience comes to the rescue.
A week after burying Dad, I had to take action. I took charge and did everything I humanly could do to help my mom and my brother, and the rest is history. No one ever said life would be easy. And boy, it was not. It took hard work, a united family, learning how to ask for help, and giving more than receiving. It's amazing how much we learn about ourselves when tough times hit.
Resilience is part of everyone's DNA. Even during the darkest days for my family, something inside me said, "Joey, get creative and get going." That's the way I define resilience — your best idea plus action. You might say I had no choice, but we all have choices. I chose life.
My father's passing left us out in the cold. Michael, who was closer to my father than I was, was deeply bereaved and my mother was in a state of, well, shock. She had been married to Dad for thirty-three years.
Those lessons in the Italian hospital came careening back. Time to pass the Thumbs Up forward. It was time to give a thumbs up and somehow get my brother and mother to do the same.
BEING THUMBS UP WHEN LIFE KNOCKS YOU DOWN
Life can be cruel, but I have learned that even when bad things happen, the outcome is based on our outlook. Take Roger Ebert, the most famous film critic in the world. Co-host with Gene Siskel of the popular TV show At the Movies, he was the only film critic ever to win a Pulitzer Prize.
In 2006, his voice and ability to eat and drink were stolen from him when cancer forced the removal of his jaw. Ironically, his horrific situation led to the most prolific time of his life. Through his loves, losses, and struggle with alcohol, Ebert maintained a "two thumbs up" appreciation for life and love.
Ebert believed that when you are doing something you love, fear gets pushed to the back of your mind. As Ebert succinctly says in Life Itself, a biographical documentary about his legacy as one of the most influential cultural voices in America, "Make your heart your face."
In his memoir of the same name Ebert wrote, "I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts."
The omission of making yourself and others happy is an unlawful act. Break the law enough and you go to jail. Then you feel isolation, a separateness that keeps people apart. Kindness, on the other hand, is a good deed that creates unity, not selfdom. It's the ultimate "get out of jail free" card.
WHEN THINGS GET OUT OF HAND
One of the most powerful strategies to get life back on track is to create a plan of action. Most people look for immediate solutions, but the irony is that your plan is the solution. A plan gives you a path and line of sight. It changes your feeling from falling apart to coming together. So create a plan and thumb through it daily.
There is great power in beginnings. Our first love, our first job, our first house are permanently seared into our memories. Relish your beginnings. We learn and thrive from new hobbies, new friends, and new ways of looking at life. We get many first chances and the opportunity to start over, especially when our plans don't work or it's time to make new ones.
But starting over is also tough. It certainly was for my mom, brother, and me, but we did it. We moved into a small apartment, developed a plan, and pursued it together. We had to reach for larger opportunities in order to deal with the looming challenges, which seemed to grow by the day. In order to make ends meet, we had to focus not on endings but rather on beginnings.
My mother had to focus on life without my father and how to keep his memory and spirit alive. Faced with the harsh lesson that life is not a dress rehearsal, my brother and I had to figure out how to do something we would love that would also be productive.
None of us know when our end will come. But I have learned that in every beginning you'll find a renewed hope, faith, and spark of optimism and possibility. But you must believe it to achieve it.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Thumbs Up!"
by .
Copyright © 2015 Joey Reiman.
Excerpted by permission of BenBella Books, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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