Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate

by Justin Lee

Overview

Newly revised and updated! 

An evangelical Christian examines the impact of sexuality, the LGBTQ+ movement, and the future of the church in this thoughtful, deeply researched guide to navigating and mending the social and political division in our families and churches.
 
Nicknamed "God Boy" by his peers, Lee knew that he was called to a life in evangelical Christian ministry. But questions about his own sexuality forced him to rethink his “love the sinner, hate the sin” approach, sending him on a journey to better understand the Bible, the science, and the history of the church’s gay debate—eventually leading him to become one of the most respected voices on the subject on both sides of the divide. 
 
Filled with personal stories and careful research, Torn provides insightful, practical guidance for all committed Christians who wonder how to relate to gay friends or family members—or who struggle with their own sexuality. 
 
Torn has been a trusted resource for over a decade, and this updated edition features new material to address the impact and aftermath of the “ex-gay” movement, gender identity and the broader LGBTQ+ movement, and an updated and expanded look at where the overall affirming Christian movement is going. It also features new practical recommendations for combating the increased polarization that threatens to tear us apart. 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781455514328
Publisher:	Hachette Nashville
Publication date:	04/08/2025
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	307
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Justin Lee is the founder and executive director of The Gay Christian Network (GCN), a nonprofit, interdenominational organization working to increase dialogue between gays and Christians and support people on both sides wrestling with related issues.

A passionate Christian from a conservative evangelical background, Justin thought he knew everything there was to know about the Christian approach to homosexuality-until unexpected events turned his world upside down and forced him to reconsider everything he believed. Today, his organization works with individuals, families, and churches to stop the debate from tearing people apart.

Justin's work has garnered national attention and praise from gays and Christians from across the theological spectrum. He has been featured in numerous print, radio, and television venues including Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper 360, the Associated Press, and a front page article in The New York Times. He is the director of the 2009 documentary Through My Eyes about the debate's impact on young Christians, and the co-host of popular long-running podcast GCN Radio. Justin lives in Raleigh, NC.

Table of Contents

Author's Note ix

Chapter 1 Battle of the Century 1

Chapter 2 God Boy 12

Chapter 3 The Struggle 19

Chapter 4 The Truth Comes Out 27

Chapter 5 Why Are People Gay? 51

Chapter 6 Justin in Exgayland 70

Chapter 7 That the Man Should Be Alone 97

Chapter 8 South Park Christians 106

Chapter 9 The Poisoned Yeast 125

Chapter 10 Faith Assassins 135

Chapter 11 The Other Side 148

Chapter 12 Back to the Bible 168

Chapter 13 Whatever Commandment There May Be 191

Chapter 14 Lightning Rod 209

Chapter 15 The Way Forward 226

Notes 255

What People are Saying About This

Rowan Williams

This book is full of three things that are not always much in evidence in our debates on sexuality—fresh air, common sense and manifest love of Christ. What makes it different is that it is not essentially about arguing a case but abut bridging the gaps of understanding and sympathy that (inside and outside the Church) have distorted or muffled the overwhelming miracle of Gods gift in Christ and in Scripture. I welcome it very warmly.

Editorial Reviews

"Radiates a genuine concern and belief in progress through slow, personal evolution...Both LGBT individuals and Christians will benefit from the modeling of a kinder, more accommodating navigation of this culture war."—Publishers Weekly

"Lee's writing is approachable, and he shows compassion for those on all sides of this debate."—Kirkus Reviews

"Disarmingly vulnerable...poignant..."—Christianity Today

"The beauty of this book is that Lee wants to challenge all kinds of Christians...Perhaps it is because of so many fights hard won that Lee is now able to move into more nuanced territory in this gracious and grace-filled memoir."—The Christian Century

"Lee, one of our leading voices on the issues of being gay and Christian, gives us this powerful look at ways that members on both sides of the lines can learn from and grow with each other."—SHE Magazine

"...His book offers helpful suggestions for Christians...[and] helpful suggestions for pastoral counseling..."—World Magazine

"This book is full of three things that are not always much in evidence in our debates on sexuality—fresh air, common sense and manifest love of Christ. What makes it different is that it is not essentially about arguing a case but abut bridging the gaps of understanding and sympathy that (inside and outside the Church) have distorted or muffled the overwhelming miracle of God's gift in Christ and in Scripture. I welcome it very warmly."—Honorable Reverend Dr. Rowan Williams

"Justin didn't leave the church when he realized he was gay...he has been too determined to show them how much he loves them...This is the story of how one Christian man's faith taught him to accept himself, serve others who are in need, and bridge the gap for those who do not always understand."
—Jennifer Knapp, Singer/Songwriter, Founder of InsideOutFaith.org

"This is the most important book I've read in years, and it will be the first I recommend to anyone interested in bridging the divide between the LGBT community and the church. Justin has given us a precious gift with this story. May we receive it with the same courage and faith with which it was delivered."—Rachel Held Evans, blogger, author of Evolving in Monkey Town and A Year of Biblical Womanhood

"In Torn, Justin Lee blends simplicity, clarity, humility, honesty, and vulnerability in a gracious and eye-opening way. The book brings fresh perspectives to old and polarized debates, and it offers a wise and faithful way forward for pastors and other Christian leaders, parents and other family members, not to mention gay men and women themselves. This is the book that every Evangelical, Charismatic, and Roman Catholic Christian should read on the question of homosexuality."—Brian D. McLaren, author of Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road? Christian Identity in a Multi-Faith World (brianmclaren.net)

From the Publisher

"In TORN, Justin Lee blends simplicity, clarity, humility, honesty, and vulnerability in a gracious and eye-opening way. The book brings fresh perspectives to old and polarized debates, and it offers a wise and faithful way forward for pastors and other Christian leaders, parents and other family members, not to mention gay men and women themselves. This is the book that every Evangelical, Charismatic, and Roman Catholic Christian should read on the question of homosexuality."

Brian D. McLaren

"This book is full of three things that are not always much in evidence in our debates on sexuality--fresh air, common sense and manifest love of Christ. What makes it different is that it is not essentially about arguing a case but abut bridging the gaps of understanding and sympathy that (inside and outside the Church) have distorted or muffled the overwhelming miracle of Gods gift in Christ and in Scripture. I welcome it very warmly."

Honorable Reverend Dr. Rowan Williams

"...His book offers helpful suggestions for Christians...[and] helpful suggestions for pastoral counseling..."

World Magazine

"Lee, one of our leading voices on the issues of being gay and Christian, gives us this powerful look at ways that members on both sides of the lines can learn from and grow with each other."

SHE Magazine

"The beauty of this book is that Lee wants to challenge all kinds of Christians...Perhaps it is because of so many fights hard won that Lee is now able to move into more nuanced territory in this gracious and grace-filled memoir."

The Christian Century

"Disarmingly vulnerable...poignant..."

Christianity Today

Gay Christian Network founder Lee argues that sexual preference doesn't need to be a source of division for the Christian church. Raised in a conservative Christian household, the author was certain during his teenage years that homosexuality was a sin. Nevertheless, he was attracted to other boys and could not change his attractions. In this book, part memoir and part manifesto, Lee explains his lengthy search for answers and assistance from a church unwilling to accept his sexual preference. Lee's story begins as a young man, when he came out to his parents, who showed him unconditional love even while not accepting homosexuality as a permanent condition. He went on to search out "ex-gay" ministries, which promised that he could change into a heterosexual. These experiences left him unchanged and unhappy, as he discerned that ex-gay ministries might change sexual behaviors but never alter sexual preferences. As a college student, Lee became an almost unwitting leader of his campus gay and lesbian organization, and he attempted to build bridges between campus gays and Christians. The author argues that a serious examination of Scripture shows that God does not condemn homosexuality per se, but only harmful practices such as molestation or rape. In the New Testament, if selfless love was involved, it made everything right: "I thought about every example of sin I could come up with. In every single case, Paul was right: Truly living out God's agape love for others always led to doing the right thing." Lee calls for a radical change in the church's approach to gays and lesbians, focusing on acceptance, love, understanding and open dialogue. Lee's writing is approachable, and he shows compassion for those on all sides of this debate.

Kirkus Reviews