Transformation Soup: Healing for the Splendidly Imperfect

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This is a book of questions & discoveries. I am eccentric and ordinary, streaked with "garden variety" neuroses. Let's explore together, holding hands, and see what healing is all about. There is much to heal and a lot to laugh about.

Let's begin.

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This is a book of questions & discoveries. I am eccentric and ordinary, streaked with "garden variety" neuroses. Let's explore together, holding hands, and see what healing is all about. There is much to heal and a lot to laugh about.

Let's begin.

Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Since the early 1990s, SARK's playful, sympathetic style has made her an immensely popular author of self-help and creativity books. Like her past works (How to Change Your Life Without Getting Out of Bed; Succulent Wild Woman; etc.), this vividly illustrated guide speaks to the reader's "innerchild," aiming to free the imperfect, fearful, sad, funny and creative aspects that adults usually hide. This time SARK addresses the process of healing, inquiring, "What Hurts?" and gently leading readers to places (gardens, Zen retreat centers, bed) and activities (meditation, massage, creative expression) that promote recovery. With dark tales of her own experience of incest, and goofy ones, including one about Rosie O'Donnell's chin hair, SARK's book reflects the "friendly disorder" of being human, covering a wide range of topics, from the trauma of broken relationships to body image and aging. Along with her heartfelt ruminations, SARK offers book referrals, transformation stories and a reference list of healers, including massage therapists, hairstylists, musicians and authors. In one fanciful section, she imagines the lessons a healing school might teach, including intuition, "non-competitive play," "accepting success" and "identifying patterns of self-defeat." All the while, she pushes readers toward their own creative expression through exercises such as "turning [inner] critics into allies" and marrying oneself. SARK's unpretentious effort illustrates her fundamental theme that "we are all swirling in the soup together" and that "whatever healing work we each do contributes to the healing of all of us." (May) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780684859767
  • Publisher: Touchstone
  • Publication date: 1/28/2000
  • Pages: 160
  • Product dimensions: 7.00 (w) x 9.02 (h) x 0.68 (d)

Meet the Author

This is Sark, healing her tender little self.
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Read an Excerpt

Transformation Soup

By Sark

Fireside Books

Copyright © 2000 Sark
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0684859769

My mother is no longer the what?

For years I blamed all or most of my problems on other people, mostly my mother. I collected evidence of how we didn't get along, and things she had "done to me." of course, I was also excruciatingly aware of how much love there was between us, and I knew it was necessary to heal this relationship.

I had the chance to heal and complete my relationship with my father before he died, and knew how good it felt to have only love between us. We had cleared up considerable personality conflicts and grudges. I didn't see how the same would be possible with my mother.

We are strikingly similar and yet very different. She sent me a card once of two porcupines trying to hug.

How do they hug?

Very carefully!

About halfway through my nine-year psychotherapy relationship, I returned to my childhood home and dug around for more "evidence" to present about how I had been abused in that house. I prepared for my phone therapy session with notes of what I'd discovered.

My therapist said,

"This is a bit controversial, what I'm about to say. I'm going to ask that we not talk anymore about your parents in therapy."

I felt like I'd fallen out of a plane without a parachute, and finally managed to say,

"What will we talk about then?

I really didn't know

"We'll talk about just you."

I couldn't imagine how we'd fill up the time!

That conversation was the beginning of a deep healing that continues to this day.

And so I stopped blaming my mother, my brother who drinks, the Lutheran Church, the minneapolis public school system, society in general, men in particular, and anything else I could dream up to avoid looking at myself.

It's much harder to look at one's self. Jesus said,

"Stop pointing out the speck in your friend's eye, and concentrate on the log in your own."

It doesn't matter what you can find in another's personality to irritate or convince you that it's...her...fault...she' will always be copious evidence.

It matters what your responses are.

I work with a healer who has been assisting me in developing objectivity versus reactivity in my responses. I used to leap at the slightest offense. Now I leap to choose again. I can step out of myself and calmly assess a situation before emotionally reacting.

I had a chance to test some of my new skills by going on a cruise with my mom and younger brother. We were to spend seven days in a small stateroom together, with a private balcony. I planned on bringing a tent and pitching it on that balcony for some privacy. At the last minute, the tent seemed bulky and I left it at home...


Did I mention my tendencies to become seasick, claustrophobic, and highly sensitive to stimuli?

My mom is 76, and I wanted new memories with her. I put aside my "cruise fears" and went.

The first night fulfilled all my worst fears: impossibly tiny cabin, almost immediate dehydration and seasickness, and when I called to try to buy more space, I was cheerily informed,

"Sorry, we're completely sold out!"

Just then, I saw the gangplank being pulled back, and the ship moved away from the dock! After I flung myself on the bed crying, I joined my mom and brother at the buffer upstairs.

Did I mention despising buffers?

I slept on a pullout couch near the sliding glass doors open to the sea air. After 10 hours of blissful, rocking sleep, I woke up to blue waters and sky and completely enjoyed all the rest of the cruise! It felt like years of trauma had been healed during the night.

You know what I forgot about fearing spending that much time in a small space with my mother?

How much we love each other

My mother said she had to get home from the cruise to recover from laughing so much. She also said she might want to cruise to Europe next!

I am so grateful to have these new experiences with my mother.

But what do you do if you're thinking: "That's nice for her, but my mother still is the problem!"

Consider trying on a new belief:

No matter what your mother has or hasn't done, can you look only at yourself?

If not, why not?

I assure you that my mother didn't change that much, I did.

There is a tremendous freedom in being the one to change.

It does involve letting go of the attachments to justice, revenge, self-righteous behaviors, and proving past wrongs. It also means releasing expectations that you will ever get what you think you missed out on back then or now.

This type of healing is a spiral dance that proceeds through the layers of the past and present. You will falter, blame again, return to self-defeat. You can also keep choosing again I am.

Copyright 2000 by SARK


Excerpted from Transformation Soup by Sark Copyright © 2000 by Sark. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 29, 2000

    Sark Does It Again!

    For the moments when you doubt yourself. For the moments you need an understanding friend. For the moments you need to be reminded that you and your life are wondrous and all is well...pick up this book and read a few pages or the works. Either way, you'll be oxygenated with spirit, joy, honesty and companionship. Sark's honesty warmly invites you to the party of humanness. This is a good book to keep handy.

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