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Troublemakers

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Overview

A special new collection of Ellison’s short stories, selected especially for this volume by the author, including the newly revised and expanded tale “Never Send to Know for Whom the Lettuce Wilts.” In a career spanning more than fifty years, Harlan Ellison has written or edited seventy-five books, more than seventeen hundred stories, essays, articles, and newspaper columns, two dozen teleplays, and a dozen movies. Now, for the first time anywhere, Troublemakers presents a collection of Ellison’s classic stories ...

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Troublemakers

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Overview

A special new collection of Ellison’s short stories, selected especially for this volume by the author, including the newly revised and expanded tale “Never Send to Know for Whom the Lettuce Wilts.” In a career spanning more than fifty years, Harlan Ellison has written or edited seventy-five books, more than seventeen hundred stories, essays, articles, and newspaper columns, two dozen teleplays, and a dozen movies. Now, for the first time anywhere, Troublemakers presents a collection of Ellison’s classic stories that will introduce new readers to a writer described by the New York Times as having “the spellbinding quality of a great nonstop talker, with a cultural warehouse for a mind.” Includes the award-winning stories “‘Repent, Harlequin!’ Said the Ticktockman” and “Deeper Than the Darkness.” 

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781497643284
  • Publisher: Open Road Media Science & Fantasy
  • Publication date: 6/28/2014
  • Pages: 272
  • Sales rank: 506,946
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.61 (d)

Meet the Author

Harlan Ellison has been called “one of the great living American short story writers” by the Washington Post. In a career spanning more than fifty years, he has won more awards than any other living fantasist. Ellison has written or edited seventy-four books; more than seventeen hundred stories, essays, articles, and newspaper columns; two dozen teleplays; and one dozen motion pictures. He has won the Hugo Award eight and a half times (shared once); the Nebula Award three times; the Bram Stoker Award, presented by the Horror Writers Association, five times (including the Lifetime Achievement Award in 1996); the Edgar Allan Poe Award of the Mystery Writers of America twice; the Georges Melies Fantasy Film Award twice; two Audie Awards (for the best in audio recordings); and he was awarded the Silver Pen for Journalism by PEN, the international writers’ union. He was presented with the first Living Legend Award by the International Horror Critics at the 1995 World Horror Convention. Ellison is the only author in Hollywood ever to win the Writers Guild of America award for Outstanding Teleplay (solo work) four times, most recently for “Paladin of the Lost Hour,” his Twilight Zone episode that was Danny Kaye’s final role, in 1987. In 2006, Ellison was awarded the prestigious title of Grand Master by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America. Dreams With Sharp Teeth, the documentary chronicling his life and works, was released on DVD in May 2009. 

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Read an Excerpt

INTRODUCTION:

"THAT KID'S GONNA WIND UP IN JAIL!"

No use pretending: too many of the "young people" (whatever that means, 4-6 year olds, 10-13, 15-20ish?) I'm thrown into contact with these days are, in the words of Daffy Duck, maroons ... ultramaroons. Dumb, apathetic, surly, dumb, arrogant, semiliterate, dumb, disrespectful, oblivious to what's going on around them, ethically barren, dishonorable, crushed by peer pressure and tv advertising into consumer conformity, crude, dumb, slaves to the lowest manifestations of cheap crap popular culture (as, for instance, WWF wrestling; boy bands; idiot Image comics featuring prepubescent fanboy representations of women with the vacuous stares of cheerleaders, all legs and bare butts, with breasts like casaba melons grafted to their chests at neck level; horse-trank home-made mosh-pit Xtasy kitty-flippin' dope; and Old Navy rags that make everyone look like a bag lady or wetbrain bindlestiff with a sagging pants-load), inclined to respond to even minor inconveniences with anger or violence because they've been brainwashed into believing everything they want, they ought to have, and everything ought to be given to them free, and oh yeah ... did I mention they're dumb? Did I mention, also, that they're ignorant as a sack of doorknobs? Which ain't exactly the same as dumb.

And isn't that exactly what you needed today, on a day that has already been as friendly as a paper cut? Smartmouth from some total stranger 'way older than you, some guy you never heard of before, comes on fronting you with his "young people suck" riff, tripping on you before you even know what you did wrong to getthis geezer so on a mission. Very nice, very cool. Yeah, you say: I gotcher cool right here.

So okay, I'm not talking about all teenaged kids. Just the ones you have to deal with every day. The pinheads, the bullies, the mean little rats who laugh at you behind your back or right to your face because you're too fat or too scrawny or too tall or too short or you can't control the farts or you bump into things all the time or you got a helluva acne plague this week or your mommy dressed you weird or you speak with an accent, or you're good at sports but the other creeps think you're just a big dumb ox, or you really like to read and you get decent grades but the jocks and sosch skanks think you're the Prince of the Kingdom of Geek.

Not all "young people," just the lames who bust your chops. Yeah, all of 'em ... they should itch forever with no scratch available. They should break a leg or two.

When I was your age, they were on me, too.

That's who this guy snarling at you claims to be. The kid who was there, same place as you, before you got here. And I've got this book of stories that definitely won't save your life, or get you off crystal-meth, or turn your academic slide into a climb back up, or even clear up your acne.

It's a book about some of the kinds of trouble we all get into. The stuff that seems to be a good idea at the time, but turns out to be six months in rehab or a beef in the juvie hall of your choice. Trouble has been my middle name since I was two-three years old. Yeah, that far back, I was the one they always swore was gonna wind up in jail or lying in a gutter with UPS trucks splashing garbage and mud on my wretched carcass. Well, it didn't happen. I've got fame and money, and skill and a great wife, and a boss home. And now they ask me to put together a book for youse guys.

Well, imagine my surprise. Not to mention my nervousness. I do a lot of high school and college lecturing, and it's not at all like what it was, hell, even ten years ago. Today, when I confront an audience of "young people" I get more mood 'n' tude than a serial killer trying to cop a plea. So, like a jerk, I get really honked at them and start insulting the audience.

And here's what really fries my frijoles...

They take it!

They don't learn from it, they don't get openly upset by it, they just sit there and pout like babies. And so, I've packed it in, pretty much. Not like it was when I did colleges in the '60s and '70s, when everyone was questioning and smart about what was happening in this country, when "young people" really had things to rebel against, instead of being upset that they're not allowed to play their Gameboy in class.

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Table of Contents

Contents

INTRODUCTION: "That Kid's Gonna Wind Up In Jail!",
ON THE DOWNHILL SIDE,
A LOT OF SAUCERS,
SOLDIER,
RAIN, RAIN, GO AWAY,
NIGHT VIGIL,
THE VOICE IN THE GARDEN,
DEEPER THAN THE DARKNESS,
NEVER SEND TO KNOW FOR WHOM THE LETTUCE WILTS,
SENSIBLE CITY,
LIFE HUTCH,
DJINN, NO CHASER,
"REPENT, HARLEQUIN!" SAID THE TICKTOCKMAN,
INVASION FOOTNOTE,
GNOMEBODY,
TRACKING LEVEL,
JEFFTY IS FIVE,
FREE WITH THIS BOX!,

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