Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It

( 25 )

Overview

The New York Times bestselling look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity and what might prevent it

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing ...

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The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It

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Overview

The New York Times bestselling look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity and what might prevent it

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

In this New York Times bestselling book, experienced family counselor M. Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed men across the country who have physically cheated on their wives. Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays.

  • Based on a groundbreaking study of both cheating men and men who have remained faithful
  • Reveals surprising findings on the contribution of sexual and emotional dissatisfaction to male infidelity
  • Written by experienced family counselor M. Gary Neuman, coauthor of In Good Times and Bad and author of Emotional Infidelity
  • Neuman and The Truth about Cheating were featured twice on The Oprah Winfrey Show

Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, The Truth about Cheating includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women to help them prevent infidelity and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

Neuman (Emotional Infidelity) attempts to arm wives with the tools to prevent their husbands from cheating by drawing upon questionnaires and interviews with 100 men who reported sexual affairs. According to the author's research, sexual dissatisfaction within their marriages rated fourth and emotional dissatisfaction first as reasons given for straying. Neuman notes that only "12% of cheating men said that the mistress was more physically attractive than their wives," thereby reinforcing findings that men were missing an emotional connection in their marriages (whether this is intended to serve as comfort to their wives is unclear). Neuman introduces "The Innervoice Recognition Formula" and "Quick Action Program," challenging women to revise assumptions about marriage, make immediate behavioral changes and forge new bonds with their husbands, thereby deterring future dalliances. While some wives might find this book helpful, it is perhaps more likely that readers will wish that the author had devoted more time to holding the cheating husband responsible for his actions rather than putting the onus on wives to take preventive-and dubiously effective-measures. (Sept.)

Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780470114636
  • Publisher: Turner Publishing Company
  • Publication date: 9/2/2008
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 719,803
  • Product dimensions: 6.30 (w) x 9.40 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

M. GARY NEUMAN is a licensed family counselor and rabbi and the author of Emotional Infidelity and Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way. A frequent guest on Oprah, he has also appeared multiple times on Today, The View, and NPR. He and his work have been featured in People, Time, Parents, and other major publications. He is the creator of 2 x 2 Intensive, an innovative all-day approach to couples therapy. He maintains a private practice in Miami Beach where he lives with his wife and five children.
Visit his Web site at www.mgaryneuman.com.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments.

PART ONE: Why and How Men Cheat.

1. This Book Will Change Your Marriage.

2. The Real Reasons Men Cheat.

QUICK ACTION PROGRAM.

Step One: Keep Tabs on His Friends and Family.

3. Warning Bells, Cheating Signals, and Lying Signs.

QUICK ACTION PROGRAM.

Step Two: Change the Cheating Signals.

QUICK ACTION PROGRAM.

Step Three: Get Involved in His Work and Play Lives.

4. Understanding the Male Mind: Connecting Emotionally.

QUICK ACTION PROGRAM.

Step Four: Practice Emotional Giving.

5. The Power of Sex.

PART TWO: How to Improve Your Marriage.

6. Insightful Change: The Inner Voice Recognition Formula.

QUICK ACTION PROGRAM.

Step Five: Emotional Giving.

QUICK ACTION PROGRAM.

Step Six: Sex.

7. Lessons from Successful Marriages.

8. Caring for Yourself.

9. Responding to Your Husband’s Love.

QUICK ACTION PROGRAM.

Step Seven: Finding the Time to Love.

Epilogue: What We've Learned about What You Can Do.

Appendix A: Will Therapy Help?

Appendix B: Healing after an Affair.

Recommended Reading.

Index.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 25 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(8)

4 Star

(5)

3 Star

(4)

2 Star

(3)

1 Star

(5)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 25 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 20, 2008

    This is the real deal

    I personally experienced my husband getting into a relationship with a woman he worked very closely with. She is 12 years younger than I am and worshiped the ground he walked on. She would stand very close to him and flirted with him constantly. she followed him everywhere. He is a very generous man and I never dreamed he would ever cheat on me. He is a good man and is known for his integrity, kindness and generosity. He is the ceo of the company and this young woman was able to get many things from him. she is quite clever and had my husband not knowing what he was doing. I told him he could leave but he didn't want to. This happened a year ago and everything the author says was happening but I never thought twice. Now that is all I think about and they still work together. he still cares a great deal for her. he comes home early now and calls me everyday but I don't think I will ever get over this. Even if I had read this book before this I don't think I would have heeded the warning. When you trust someone 100% no one can convince you otherwise. Its too bad there are so many amoral opportunistic types out there.

    7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 18, 2008

    It's always the woman's fault

    I do not agree with this book. Why is it always the woman that has to make the man feel better.. Women are out there working and caring for their children, houses, chores, and their husbands. Where is the appreciation for them????? Man up!!!!!!!

    6 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 23, 2008

    Why blame the woman?

    I read this book. I worked cared for our children waited on my husband hand and foot. Was there for him in every way. What was my thank you he cheated on me with a younger woman after we were married for three months. His cheating ways did not stop there. After I forgave him and he promised me it would not happen again it has many times over again. Was this my fault not at all. the blame for aman cheating on his significant other lays at his feet. He figures the grass is greener on the other side and decides to take the risk of cheating. What cheating men do not realize is the emotional damage the invoke not only on their spouse but also on their children. So my advice don't make a vow and or comittment to someone unless you are really going to honor them. Best advice: Keep your pants zipped up until you get home to your significant other.

    5 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 12, 2009

    The Truth About Cheating

    Well, even though I haven't read this yet. I saw Gary Neuman on Oprah.<BR/>What he says makes sense but, doesn't the same thing apply to men. The truth about women cheating is--women cheat if there is no physical relationship or when they feel like he is not interested in anything she says. Why can't the title be--Why Spouses Cheat!!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 27, 2008

    It's always the woman's fault ???? :(

    I agree with Anonymous. Man up! Only a man would write a book which blames a man's weakness on his wife. It is never okay to cheat on your spouse...man or woman. I personally know what it is like to have your husband cheat on you. I did nothing to cause him to do this. I have always supported and encouraged him and LOVED him. Even he admits that none of it was my fault, but was his fault and extremely bad judgment and the forwardness of a woman who doesn't honor the code of her sister women.

    2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 21, 2008

    partners

    I like what Anonymous wrote. It takes two. The one thing is,there may be a emotional block in one partner that keeps them from giving their partner their total attentin.If possibel they both can confide openly to their partner for them to have patience with them & work it out,this would be very helpful.I know of such person who is having difficulty with their partner,yet this partner isnt LISTENING to the other as he/she is asking for help of understanding. Well say the one partner had been molested & is asking for help with some sort of sexual part as they are unable to perform. Their partner should help & understand that it bothers their partner even though it IS NOT this partners fault for what took place. So why cant this partner help theirs.??They need understanding &<BR/>patience. Yet I know this couple & one partner is mad about NOT getting what they want & goes around telling all of their love life ,this is their way of getting back,instead of helping,so this just makes it worse,then the partner want to know why their partner has attitude towards them.To me this is not right.Just understand & have patience.Just because you r not able to do one little sexual thing,look at what u can do.The man is like a little boy,wont listen but needs ur ful attention.He feels that he knows what to do & how it should be.His partner needs same.Yet he doesnt take time to listen to what she says.

    2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 20, 2008

    To Anonymous and mmmmmmmmmm

    To be quite frank, both people must take time to build each other up. It's never one sided. The person that should be last is yourself but only in terms of priority. Placing yourself last does not mean you are not of value; it means you value your mate even higher. As much as you take care of yourself and take pride in yourself, if you can do the same for your mate and more, then how much more likely will your mate respond to you with total fidelity? He will not need to look elsewhere. As much as another person may be attractive to me, I only need to think for a split second how great I have it with my mate and need only show it; she has been positively responsive every time.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 5, 2008

    Excellent, easy to understand

    I've read several marriage self-help type books, and they all have basically the same underlying points, but this one really makes those points easy to understand and incorporate in real life. Highly recommend!!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 22, 2011

    Ridiculous

    So now its a wife's responsibility to "prevent" her husbands poor choices? Give me a break. Save your money.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 2, 2008

    The Truth is finally out!

    I am well aquainted with the story of a woman whose husband cheated on her because of one single emasculating comment, which apparently broke the poor weary camel's back.<BR/><BR/>He got home from work one not-so-nice day, only for his wife to poke a long purchases-to-be-made list in his face, demanding money. He pushed the litany aside, stating that it wasn't the right time to spend that extensively.<BR/><BR/>Moments later, he motioned to his wife while heading for the bedroom.<BR/>"Sweetheart, let's have a quick session of 'tossing' and 'tumbling'."<BR/><BR/>Then she sarcastically sneered:<BR/>"Hmm...Bedroom? That seems to be the only place you are of any use these days!"<BR/><BR/>He stopped unbuttoning his shirt, reached for his keys,and left the house in search of the cheapest prostitute in town, with whom he quenched the fire in his loins while relieving himself of the day's stress.<BR/><BR/>Some comments can really feel more painful than castration.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 21, 2008

    Stop the blaming

    From what i read about the reviews of the books by other websites, it is a book to help people understand why men that cheat do what they do. The belief out there is that the woman is always the victim and the man, always the victimizer. Men have needs too and they aren't just physical and sexually oriented. Not all men are like the men portrayed in pop culture which is really far from the truth. That men just want to have sex with the next young thing is a stereotype of all men. Men that think about or have cheated are human too and whether they admit it or not, have emotional, mental, spiritual needs that have to be met just like women do. To simply tell a man to "Be A Man" does nothing but put guilt on the man and the problem is not addressed. Both Men and Women cheat, sometimes with someone else that is married too. Do people tell the women to "Woman up!". Solutions to the underlying reasons must be addressed for both sexes, not oversimplified as "Be a Man!" Guilt does not work in the long run, understanding and breaking down concrete gender roles and unhealthy personas will help us all heal.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 20, 2008

    To I don't believe this book

    I noticed that you care for your husband last. Care for him first and then you'll see changes in your relationships.

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 29, 2008

    This guy needs money

    He probally is paying child support for getting caught cheating and now writes a book to justify his behavior and earn some money to live on. Only in America.

    1 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 15, 2014

    Men cheat if they can get away with it

    One guy told me his fiance ok'd his cheating (he wanted to experience more before he settled down with her)

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 8, 2013

    My husband prefers younger women. Being 64 yrs of age he looks y

    My husband prefers younger women. Being 64 yrs of age he looks young . Women 25-35 yrs of age find that he offers them money and gifts to make him happy. He does deny what he is doing. He's a pathological liar and repeatedly lies about his relationships. I catch him all of the time so he apparently wants me to. He's a sad individual who his first wife cheated on him in the same way. It doesn't matter to him that it hurts me.

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  • Posted January 10, 2011

    good

    so Far So Good I Enjoy It Its good To know about Cheating mens

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 24, 2009

    Good information and a little shocking

    I thought this was well written. I was a little surprised by the statistics of cheating men, especially for the reasons listed in this book. Enjoysble and frightening.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 11, 2008

    Very True indeed

    This is a 5 star raating. I couldn't agree no more. This is especially true of the subjects focused on. The reading experience was mind blowing and this book can be recommended to all friends struggling with their relationships.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 1, 2008

    More women should read it

    Truth about men and their quiet ways. Women see thru pink glasses and men thru blue, so yes women are gonna put this book down, instead of accepting part of the blame.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 16, 2008

    other better books are available

    Abusive marriages are common and the men are the cheaters and and blame the women to justify their cheating.This book will not work in an abusive marriage no matter what the woman does.I feel there are other better writers that are not out to create drama in marriages for their own self financial gain to sell a book by stressing on gp real time trackers and lie detector tests but are out there to help salvage marriages and educate couples like these books 1-'his needs her needs ' building an affair proof marriage by Willard F Harlley Jr. 2-'for women only' and for ' men only' by Shaunti Feldham ISBN 1-59052-317-2 3'love and respect' by Dr.Emerson EGGRICHS ISBN 1-59145-197-6 4-'violence Among us ' for families in crisis by Brenda BRANSON & Paula J-Silva & Tim Clinton 2-

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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