Try to See It My Way: Being Fair in Love and Marriage [NOOK Book]

Overview

a deeply probing book that gets to the heart of what all healthy romantic relationships need: fairness

Most couples enter marriage hoping it will last forever-so why are more and more relationships failing? As Dr. B. Janet Hibbs explains, the key to solving most relationship problems-whether relating to money, children, chores, sex, or in-laws-is through a shared sense of fairness. Intuitively, we think we know what's "fair." But as this book...
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Try to See It My Way: Being Fair in Love and Marriage

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Overview

a deeply probing book that gets to the heart of what all healthy romantic relationships need: fairness

Most couples enter marriage hoping it will last forever-so why are more and more relationships failing? As Dr. B. Janet Hibbs explains, the key to solving most relationship problems-whether relating to money, children, chores, sex, or in-laws-is through a shared sense of fairness. Intuitively, we think we know what's "fair." But as this book reveals, the way we each understand fairness is much more complex, and is powerfully shaped by our family expectations and experiences.

Dr. Hibbs provides readers with a road map for recognizing imbalances and building a stronger, more loving relationship based on a new kind of fairness. Filled with compassion, practical advice, and compelling, real-life examples throughout, this book offers a groundbreaking understanding of the issues that divide couples over time-and how they can be happier and closer than ever.


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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781101029329
  • Publisher: Penguin Group (USA)
  • Publication date: 3/5/2009
  • Sold by: Penguin Group
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 320
  • Sales rank: 877,439
  • File size: 1,024 KB

Meet the Author

B. Janet Hibbs, Ph.D. , is a psychologist and marriage and family therapist with more than twenty-five years of experience. In addition to her private practice, Hibbs lectures at academic conferences and to other groups across the country. Dr. Hibbs has been married for more than twenty years and has two teenage children.
Karen J. Getzen, Ph.D. , is the author of Resilient Marriages. Dr. Getzen has been married for thirty-five years and has two adult children.

B. Janet Hibbs, Ph.D. , is a psychologist and marriage and family therapist with more than twenty-five years of experience. In addition to her private practice, Hibbs lectures at academic conferences and to other groups across the country. Dr. Hibbs has been married for more than twenty years and has two teenage children.
Karen J. Getzen, Ph.D. , is the author of Resilient Marriages. Dr. Getzen has been married for thirty-five years and has two adult children.

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Table of Contents

Introduction Why Being Fair Will Make Your Relationship Stronger 1

Pt. 1 Understanding Fairness

1 Recognizing Your Blind Spots and False Assumptions 21

2 How Fair Are You?: A Questionnaire 44

3 Defining the New Fairness 52

4 Balancing Give-and-Take 88

5 The Baggage You Bring to Relationships 107

Pt. 2 Repairing Everyday Injustices and Breaches in Fairness

6 Family Loyalty Conflicts: The Ties That Bond and Bind 149

7 "Stupid" Fights: How the Relationship Survival Kit Helps Day-to-Day Unfairness 173

8 Money, Children, Chores, and Sex: Resolving Fairness and the Growing Pains of Love 202

9 Enduring Injustice: To the Brink, and Back to Fairness 242

10 Applying Your Fairness Toolbox 284

Appendix 289

Notes 181

Bibliography 300

Index 303

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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing 1 – 7 of 6 Customer Reviews
  • Posted March 1, 2010

    Extremely Illuminating

    Dr. Hibbs,
    I came across your book by chance in the library, and found so much of it resonated with me that I needed to purchase it in order to flag, highlight and tab all the relevant pages. Your book is extremely illuminating.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 1, 2009

    Valuable Relationships Guide

    From the perspective of a social worker/psychologist/family therapist and teacher for over three decades, Try to See It My Way is an excellent book for clinicians, couples and graduate students. Dr. Hibbs explicates the notion of fairness from a contextual family perspective that invites both an intellectual and gut understanding that one can resolve fairness issues so that there is a win-win. Dr. Hibbs has significantly added to the couple therapy literature by addressing how exploring one's family baggage is a first step to getting unstuck. Many family therapy books describe how we show our unresolved and poorly understood family-of-origin dynamics in our blind spots and false assumptions. She takes it further to show how these internalized beliefs play out in our rigid couple conflicts that distress us and yet seem irresolvable. She encourages the reader to challenge one's conceptions of love and fairness. Dr. Hibbs introduces tools and exercises to resolve conflicts in practical ways. Her use of client examples is incisive and extremely helpful.
    The language is precise, the style is accessible and for any couple where each feels he/she is right and the other is clearly wrong, this book can offer relief and a deeper understanding of what fairness is really about.

    Lyne Harmon, MSW, Psy. D.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 29, 2009

    great new book for couples who struggle with arguing too much

    Try to See it My Way is a really great new book aimed at helping couples understand that their notions of fairness are distorted by their own family baggage, and because of this, couples are bound to fight. Each person tends to think they are "right" and the other is "wrong" making it very difficult for couples to work through their conflicts and understand the validity of the other's view. Equal parts thought-provoking and user-friendly, Dr. Hibbs keeps the reader's interest with good examples from her work with couples, speckled with moments of wry humor. Seamlessly, she weaves in an elegant explanation of contextual family theory, providing the framework for her ideas. One strength of this book is that it is comprehensive and intellectually interesting, yet it is written in breezy prose that is easily understood. As a therapist, I found it helpful for use with clients; I think it will also be useful to couples who are not yet in therapy (perhaps hoping to avoid it) but want to understand how to stop the fighting and get along better. I think this book offers a really unique and needed contribution to the couples therapy literature.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 28, 2009

    Refreshing look at couples relationships

    Definitely five stars! As a psychologist and therapist for many years myself, I heartily recommend Try to See It My Way to couples, and also to clinicians. This is a wise practical guide from a skilled teacher and clinician. The language is accessible, the examples illuminating and the exercises useful.
    Most importantly, here is a roadmap that teaches couples how to tap a core resource between them: negotiating fairness. Until now, that terrain has been underexplored in the 'couple' literature.
    Bottomline: This is a truly valuable book for couples who really want things to be better, and a much needed contribution to the field of couple therapy.

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  • Posted March 27, 2009

    Tremendously Useful

    Well written, grounded in solid theory and practical for both therapists and clients alike. I can even see it as tremendously useful for my consulting clients. Business relationships are driven by and subject to the same self-serving biases, expectations and scripts as familial relationships.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 23, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted April 6, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing 1 – 7 of 6 Customer Reviews

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