Undead and Unwed (Betsy Taylor Series #1)

( 486 )

Overview

First Betsy Taylor loses her job, then she's killed in a car accident.  But what really bites is that she can't seem to stay dead.  And now her new friends have the ridiculous idea that Betsy is the prophesied vampire queen, and they want her help in overthrowing the most obnoxious power-hungry vampire in five centuries.

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Undead and Unwed (Betsy Taylor Series #1)

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Overview

First Betsy Taylor loses her job, then she's killed in a car accident.  But what really bites is that she can't seem to stay dead.  And now her new friends have the ridiculous idea that Betsy is the prophesied vampire queen, and they want her help in overthrowing the most obnoxious power-hungry vampire in five centuries.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780425194850
  • Publisher: Penguin Group (USA)
  • Publication date: 3/2/2004
  • Series: Betsy Taylor Series , #1
  • Format: Mass Market Paperback
  • Edition description: Reissue
  • Pages: 288
  • Sales rank: 151,909
  • Product dimensions: 4.34 (w) x 7.02 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

MaryJanice Davidson

MaryJanice Davidson is the New York Times bestselling author of the Undead novels featuring Betsy Taylor; Derik's Bane, and the new young adult novels featuring Jennifer Scales, written with her husband, Anthony Alongi, among other titles.

Biography

Reading the coyly self-deprecating autobiography on her web site, one gets the distinct impression that MaryJanice Davidson does not have the slightest interest in talking about herself. Perhaps it's because she simply doesn't have the time. Prolific does not begin to describe this chart-busting dynamo, the author of four bestselling series and literally dozens of novellas and short stories.

A writer with a few romances and YA novels to her credit, Davidson had tried for years to interest publishers in her idea for a humorous, tongue-in-cheek vampire romance. After dozens of rejections (and assurances that there was no market for paranormal!), she submitted her manuscript for publication online. An editor at a New York publishing house downloaded the story, was royally entertained, and contacted Davidson to acquire the print rights to Undead and Unwed. On the spot, she was offered a three-book contract.

When Undead and Unwed and its wry sequel, Undead and Unemployed, were released in early 2004, not one, but two stars were born: Davidson and her irresistible protagonist, the reluctant vampire queen Betsy Taylor. A smart, sassy, 27-year-old secretary, Betsy is killed in a freak car accident and wakes up (so to speak) to discover that she is not only a vampire but the much-prophesied Queen of the Undead. Readers loved Davidson's wry take on vampire literature, a genre long distinguished by its gothic self-seriousness. Betsy, with her smarty-pants attitude and passion for designer shoes, is one vampire queen who owes more to Sophie Kinsella than to Anne Rice.

While Davidson has continued to produce more Undead novels, she has also found the time to launch three other romantic fantasy series featuring 1.) a hybrid mermaid named Fred, 2.) an eccentric family of Alaskan royals, and 3.) a cyborg spy. All are infused with her trademark wit and imagination. In addition, she and her husband, Anthony Alongi, have written the Jennifer Scales series, originally marketed to young adults and re-released as fantasy fiction for all ages. Davidson also remains one of the most popular writers of paranormal romantica; her short stories and novellas appear regularly in anthologies.

Good To Know

Davidson is not the only one in her family to achieve fame. Her mother once broke the world record for target shooting.

Before she devoted her time to chronicling the love lives of vampires and werewolves, Davidson was voted Miss Congeniality in her high school.

Even though Davidson is one of the most popular writers of modern monster fiction, in real life she is actually terrified of the undead. In fact, she is currently holding a contest on her web site asking readers to put together a twelve-step program to help her get over her fear of zombies!

As she writes on her website, Davidson lived a transient life as a young girl. Her father's career in the U.S. Air Force led her to live in such disparate locales as Guam, Mississippi, and North Dakota. As she grew older, her life in the working world was just as restless as her childhood. She tried her hand at everything from waitressing to modeling to editing to a stint as a medical test subject (!) before settling on a career as a bestselling novelist. These days, her life may be a bit more settled, but it has hardly slowed down.

A few fun outtakes from our interview with Davidson

"I'm a former model -- worst job ever, honestly."

"I'm a gigantic sushi hog -- it's pretty much my favorite meal."

"The more terrible and groaningly awful a horror movie is, the more I like it."

"Um, I like bubble baths? Seriously. I know that sounds like something a Playboy Bunny would say, but I really do."

"I like taking my kids to new restaurants and encouraging them to try new dishes -- we did "Dim Sum" just the other day."

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter 1

The day I died started out bad and got worse in a hurry.

I hit my snooze alarm a few too many times and was late for work. Who wouldn’t hit the snooze to get another nine minutes of sleep? No one, that’s who. Subsequently, I almost always oversleep. Stupid snooze button.

I didn’t have time for breakfast. Instead, I gobbled a pair of chocolate Pop Tarts while waiting for the bus. Mmmm…chocolate. My mom would have approved (who do you think got me hooked on the darned things?), but a nutritionist would have smacked me upside the head with her calorie counter.

The bus was, of course, late. You gotta love the Minnesota Transit system. Six buses for a population area of a quarter million. When they weren’t late, they were early—I’d lost count of the number of times I’d stepped outside only to see my bus disappearing down the street. Schedule? What schedule?

When the bus, late again, finally did lumber into sight, I climbed on and sat down…in gum.

At a nine A.M. meeting (to which I arrived at 9:20), I found out the recession (the one the economists have been denying for years) had hit me right between the eyes: I had been laid off. Not unexpected—the last time good old Hamilton & Sons had been profitable I’d been in high school—but it hurt, just the same. Losing a job is the worst. You know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that somebody doesn’t want you. Doesn’t matter if the reasons are personal, financial, or practical. They just don’t want you.

Hamilton & Son, realizing about a year too late that they had to slash costs, decided administrative layoffs were the way to go as opposed to, say, cutting the six figure salaries of senior management. The clerks and secretaries had been deemed expendable. But vengeance would be ours. Without us, those twits couldn’t even send a fax, much less run the company.

With this cheerful thought, I cleaned out my desk, ignored the way my coworkers were avoiding looking at me, and scuttled home. I consoled myself by stopping at the Dairy Queen for a blueberry milkshake. Signs of spring: robins, new grass, and Dairy Queen opening for the season.

As I walked through my front door, still slurping, I saw my answering machine light winking at me like a small black dragon. The message was from my stepmonster, and from the racket in the background, she was calling from her salon: “Your father and I won’t be able to make it to your party tonight…I’m on new medication and I—we—just can’t. Sorry.” Sure you are, jerk. “Have fun without us.” No problem. “Maybe you’ll meet someone tonight.” Translation: Maybe some poor slob will marry you.

My stepmonster had, from day one, related to me in only one way: as a rival for her new husband’s affections. Worse, she never hesitated to play the depression card to get out of something that was important to me. This ceased bothering me about a week after I met her, so I suppose it was just as well.

I went into the kitchen to feed my cat, and that’s when I noticed she’d run away again. Always looking for adventure, my Giselle (although it’s more like I’m her Betsy).

I looked at the clock. My, my. Not even noon. Time to do the laundry and gouge out my eyes, and the day would be complete.

Happy birthday to me.

As it turned out, we had a freak April snowstorm, and my party was postponed. Just as well…I didn’t feel like going out, putting on a happy face, and drinking too many daiquiris. The Mall of America is a terrific place, but I’ve got to be in the mood for overpriced retail, rowdy weekend crowds, and six-dollar drinks.

Nick called around eight P.M., and that was my day’s sole bright spot. Nick Berry was a superfine detective who work ed out of St. Paul. I’d been attacked a couple of months before, and…

Okay, well, “attacked” is putting it mildly. Like using the word “unfortunate” to describe World War II. I don’t like to talk about it—to think about it—but what happened was, a bunch of creeps jumped me as I was leaving Khan’s Mongolian Barbecue (all you can eat for $11.95, including salad, dessert, and free refills—quite the bargain if you don’t mind your clothes reeking of garlic for hours).

I have no idea what my attackers wanted—they didn’t take my purse or try to rape me or even babble about government conspiracies.

They came out of nowhere—literally. One minute I was yawning and fumbling for my keys, the next I was surrounded. They clawed and bit at me like a bunch of rabid squirrels while I fended them off with the toes of my Manolo Blahniks and screamed for help as loud as I could…so loud I couldn’t speak above a whisper for three days. They stank—worse than my kitchen that time I went to the Cape for two weeks and forgot to empty my garbage before I left. They all had long hair and funny-colored eyes and they never talked to me.

Help didn’t come, but the bad guys ran away. Maybe they were rattled by my voice—when I scream, dogs howl. Or maybe they didn’t like the way I stank of garlic. Whatever the reason, they ran away—skittered away, actually. While I leaned against my car, concentrating on not passing out, I glanced back and it looked like a few of them were on all fours. I struggled mightily not to yark up my buffet, ginger tea, and sesame bread—no way was I pissing away that $11.95—and then called 911 on my cell phone.

Detective Nick was assigned to the case, and he interviewed me in the hospital while they were disinfecting the bite marks. All fifteen of them. The intern who took care of me smelled like cilantro and kept humming the theme from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Off-key. This was actually more annoying than the sting of antiseptic.

Anyway, Detective Nick called and we chatted and, long story shot, I promised to come in to look through the Big Book o’ Bad Guys one more time. And I would. For myself, to feel empowered, but mostly to see Nick, who was exactly my height (six feet), with dark blond hair cut regulation-short, light blue eyes, a swimmer’s build, and dimples! He looked like an escapee from a Mr. Hardbody calendar. I’ve broken the law, Officer, take me in.

Making Nick my eye candy would be the closest I’d gotten to getting laid in…what year was it? Not that I’m a prude. I’m just picky. I treat myself to the nicest, most expensive shoes I can get my hands on, which isn’t easy on a secretary’s budget, and never mind all the money my dad keeps trying to throw at me. If I used his money, they wouldn’t be my shoes. They’d be his. Anyway, I save up for months to buy the dumb things, and they only have to go on my feet.

Yep, that’s me in a nutshell: Elizabeth Taylor (don’t start! I’ve heard ‘em all), single, dead-end job (well, not anymore), lives with her cat. And I’m so dull, the fucking cat runs away about three times a month just to get a little excitement.

And speaking of the cat…was that her telltale Riaaaaoooowwww! from the street? Well, super. Gisele hated the snow. She had probably been looking for a little spring lovin’ and got caught in the storm. Now she was outside waiting for rescue. And when I did rescue her, she’d be horribly affronted and wouldn’t make eye contact for the rest of the week.

I slipped into my boots and headed into the yard. It was still snowing, but I could see Gisele crouched in the middle of the street like a small blob of shadow, one with amber-colored eyes. I wasted ten seconds calling her—why do I call cats?—then clomped through my yard into the street,

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, as I live at the end of the block and it’s a quite street. However, in the snow on the icy roads, the driver didn’t see me in time. When he did, he did the absolute worst thing: slammed on his brakes. That pretty much sealed my doom.

Dying doesn’t hurt. I know that sounds like a crock, some touchy-feely nonsense meant to make people feel better about biting the big one. But the fact is, your body is so traumatized by what’s happening, it shuts down your nerve endings. Not only did dying not hurt, I didn’t feel the cold. And it was only ten degrees that night.

I handled it badly, I admit. When I saw he was going to plow into me, I froze like a deer in headlights. A big, dumb, blond deer who had just paid for touch-up highlights. I couldn’t move, not even to save my life.

Gisele certainly could; the ungrateful little wretch scampered right the hell out of there. Me, I went flying. The car hit me at forty miles an hour, which was survivable, and knocked me into a tree, which was not.

It didn’t hurt, as I said, but there was tremendous pressure, all over my body. I heard things break. I heard my own skull shatter—it sounded like someone was chewing ice in my ear. I felt myself bleed, felt liquid pouring from everywhere. I felt my bladder let go involuntarily for the first time in twenty-six years. In the dark, my blood on the snow looked black.

The last thing I saw was Gisele sitting on my porch, waiting for me to let her in. The last thing I heard was the driver, screaming for help.

Well, not the last. But you know what I mean.

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Table of Contents

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 486 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(260)

4 Star

(126)

3 Star

(66)

2 Star

(19)

1 Star

(15)

Your Rating:

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 487 Customer Reviews
  • Posted November 18, 2008

    more from this reviewer

    Jennifer Wardrip - Personal Read

    AWESOME! <BR/><BR/>That sums it up in one word. MJD has managed to write a book that had me laughing-out-loud from page one, and kept me laughing all the way to the end. <BR/><BR/>A new twist in vampire stories, I can't wait for the next installment, UNDEAD AND UNEMPLOYED. For anyone who likes hot romance mixed with humor and a healthy dash of paranormal, UNDEAD AND UNWED is NOT to be missed.

    12 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 23, 2009

    Don't Bother!

    This is the worst book I've ever read! The character Betsy is incredibly annoying and none of the other characters are developed enough to even try to make a connection with any of them. I kept reading hoping that Betsy had more depth, but it never got any better. Her obsession with shoes is ridiculous and a complete rip off of "Sex in the City". If you're looking for a fantasy/vampire type of book, don't waste your time on this one.

    5 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 29, 2007

    Horrible - even for mass paperback

    I love vampire books, Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, Laurel Hamilton, et al. But this is the WORST vampire book I have EVER read. It's a horrible chick lit book, it's a horrible romance book - the big sex scene that builds up happens on page 200 of a 255 page book, and it's a horrible vampire novel. combine a poor rip off of sex and the city, bad writing, and cliche on top of cliche (which the main character and narrator comments on how lame cliche's are and still they are there!), and you have this sad excuse for a story. avoid this book like the dead! the writing is below average and the narrator comes off sound like a 16 year old. 'ew, gross, yuck' and the ilk and littered on every page and uttered constantly by the 'queen of vamps'. give me a break.

    5 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 11, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Surprisingly Witty Vampire Fantasy

    This is a must read. MaryJanice Davidson has fun with the characters and keeps the plot moving. If you are looking for a fun and witty read this is it. Betsy walks us through her trials as a new Vampire. She is an unconventional vampire in most senses. She has loyal followers that keep her in line and alive, or what ever you call an undead vampire that lives.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 10, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Undead and Unwed

    I read this book after reading reviews because I enjoyed the Sookie Stackhouse series and heard it was similar. This book was a pleasant surprise! Betsy was hilarious and Sinclair sounds just plain hot. It had plenty of humor and romance and even some action thrown in. I'm definitely excited to read the rest of Betsy's story.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 21, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Not a Favorite

    I got this book because based on previous reviews others said it was funny. I hated this book. I found that it was basicly one long pointless thought. Most of the things that vampires do in this book makes no sense, such as drinking coffee and eat real food. I don't recommend this book.

    3 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 27, 2005

    Lame.

    Was this a book about a woman becoming a vampire with humorous consequences? Was this book written by an adult? Or was this book about an extremely unlikeable character, written by a 12 year old girl?....I'd have to go with the latter. Or at least that's how I felt while reading this garbage. At first I thought Betsy, the main character, was smart, tough and funny; the sarcastic humor was right on target. But as the chapters went on, I realized that she wasn't smart at all and wasn't nearly as funny as I expected her to be. She then came off as nothing more than a desperate, immature woman who needs a good smack. And to top it all off, everything had a major amateurish vibe. The writing was sooo bad, the plot unfolded horribly, and the humor got extremely repetetive very early on; I thought I was reading the same few lines over and over and over again. The author tried to make every single line of the book humorous...which was the most annoying thing since there were only about three lines per chapter that were ACTUALLY funny. Skip this book....unless of course you're a 12 year old girl, then go ahead.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 29, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Read it in a day

    This was a fast read for me. I have mixed feelings about the book. I think the author did have something good going but I think she lost it halfway through.

    I loved Jessica, Marc not so much. I am really glad that the author didn't go on and on about how hard it was to give time two friends or the struggle for her to maintain their friendship along with her new vampire friends.

    I found the playful bantering between her and others funny and rude. Rude not being the right word for it. There is a time and place for that kind of talk and this girl just talks like that to everyone. Does she not have any respect for anyone? No wonder she was laid off. Thumbs up to her for not taking peoples crap, I didn't mind it during those times, but geez, some cases, enough was just enough. I even found myself wanting to slap her myself for acting like a ditsy blonde and getting Eric's arm hurt. I found her obsession with shoes over the top, maybe thats just because I'm not a shoes person, who knows. I did find it interesting form of character development.

    I feel that the story was to jumbled up/rushed, she's only been a vampire 1 week and already killed a "boss" vampire. I feel that for a vampire as old as Eric is, he was really "careless" even though Tina boasted that he was careful, I mean wow, he had a spy working right there with him for years.

    All in all, I will not be continuing this series. I looked ahead at the others, read some reviews and I haven't seen anything that has tempted me to continue to read this. I know that even by book 8 she's struggling to be queen, there is no real her and Eric time, and most of the reviews I read on that book where bad.

    If you absolutely loved the stookie stackhouse books, by all means, continue this one. Otherwise, look at the other books I recommend, they are much, much better.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 21, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Betsy is the Best!

    This is in my top favorite five books of all time. There'a a little bit of everything - romance, mystery, drama, and comedy. The dialogue is to die for! It pulls you through the book at breakneck speed and had me laughing out loud and reading small excerpts to anyone within earshot of my howling. The characters are down to earth and this reader can really identify with the beloved betsy who says exactly what's on her mind and has remarkable taste in shoes.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    If you love vampire books, you will love this one!

    When I think of a romance book I think of the Fabio books. This is nothing like that. Actually as far as romance goes, there is about 2 pages of that per book. This book is HILIARIOUS! I don't want to give too much away, but this book has a wide variety of crazy, sexy characters who you are bound to relate to one if not more of them. I would definately recommend this to adults. There is some bad lanuage and like i said some pages that would be inappropriate for young readers, but overall this is a great book!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 17, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Fun read!!!

    This book is such a goodtime, I laughed and laughed out loud some many times, I have read the whole series and whould HIGHLY reccomend it to anyone :)

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 26, 2009

    Too sarcastic

    The headline says it all. The writing style was waaay too sarcastic and just plain silly. I was very frustrated reading this book.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 20, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Undead and Hilarious??

    Most of us wish we could have Betsy's humor, and her attitude. This VAMP is to die for along with this novel. Its funny, fast paced, and entertaining. I never thought I would enjoy a vampire novel, but for this I need to get the whole collection! This is the first book I have read of Mary Janice Davidson and I cannot wait to get my hands on the other ones! Two thumbs up!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 16, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    A fun read

    Great start to the series. Recommend to anymore who likes the Sookie Stackhouse series or the Twilight saga.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 13, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    super cute offbeat vamp romance

    the whole series is a great easy read. funny and witty, with cute characters & odd situations. its great for when you want to read something that will make you smile

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 30, 2009

    Love this book!!

    I really enjoyed reading this book and it was a laugh a minute. I am hooked on Mary Janice Davidson, I can't wait to read the rest of the books in this series. Also this book has prompted me to want to read other books by this author!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 10, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Great Read!

    I loved Twilight, I loved the Sookie Stackhouse series and now I love this series! I've laughed out loud many times and the one-liners and the quirkiness of Betsy. This book is more "realistic" in a way just because of the way MaryJanice writes. I started to read the Laurel Hamelton vampire books but I just couldn't get caught up with the candance of her writting. This book is just fun to read!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 3, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Hilarious!

    This is one of favorite books of all time. It is so hilarious! The characters are relatable and lovable. I would recomend this book to anyone who is looking to lose themselves in a great story that will give them a great laugh.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 2, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Love this series!

    I really like vampire books and this one is one of my favorites. It's very funny.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 28, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Fun Read

    This book was a very fun read. I recommend this book (series) to anyone who likes fun, romantic, fantasy reads. It has great characters and the plot was really different and fun to follow! A new vampire with a penchant for great shoes, what woman wouldn't love it?!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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