The Undead Kama Sutra

The Undead Kama Sutra

3.7 19
by Mario Acevedo
     
 

View All Available Formats & Editions

Ex-infantryman Felix Gomez came back from Iraq decidedly undead. Back home in Denver, he embarked upon a new career where nighttime work is the norm: private investigator. Since then, he's managed to survive lustful extraterrestrials, manic nymphomaniacs, and x-rated bloodsuckers, while satisfying his own unorthodox hungers with blood-laced Mexican food.

But

Overview

Ex-infantryman Felix Gomez came back from Iraq decidedly undead. Back home in Denver, he embarked upon a new career where nighttime work is the norm: private investigator. Since then, he's managed to survive lustful extraterrestrials, manic nymphomaniacs, and x-rated bloodsuckers, while satisfying his own unorthodox hungers with blood-laced Mexican food.

But some thirsts aren't as easily assuaged, and that's where "The Undead Kama Sutra" comes in—a hands-on manual that illustrates how sex can help a lonely vampire increase his psychic energies. Felix's search for missing parts of the coveted manuscript is, of course, purely professional. And now the dying words of an alien interloper ("Find Goodman and save Earth's women!") are thrusting the immortal (if he's lucky) P.I. and a bodacious undead sexpert, Carmen Arellano, into a seamy mess of otherworldly abductions, shady military irregularities, and unexplained murder.

Editorial Reviews

Latino vampire detective Felix Gomez slips back into action in this third installment of Mario Acevedo's paperback original series. The Undead Kama Sutra is a tightly fitting sequel to The Nymphos of Rocky Flats and X-Rated Bloodsuckers. For this case, Gomez will need more than sharp fangs and inbred savvy. Only one thing can protect against a savage attack by an army hit man: The erotic powers of the undead Kama Sutra need to be unleashed!

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780061755422
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
10/13/2009
Series:
Felix Gomez Series , #3
Sold by:
HARPERCOLLINS
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
384
Sales rank:
661,674
File size:
748 KB

Read an Excerpt


The Undead Kama Sutra

By Mario Acevedo HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.
Copyright © 2008
Mario Acevedo
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780060833282

Chapter One

"Find him," the alien said. "Find the man who killed me."

I sat on the alien's bed. We were on the second floor of a cheap motel in Sarasota, Florida. To get up the stairs I had to get past three hookers, their pimp, and a blind man selling pot—for medicinal purposes only, of course.

Gilbert Odin, or, rather, the alien who masqueraded as my abducted and long-deceased friend from college, lay on his back. His jaundiced eyes looked ready to pop from their sockets. His slender body stretched the length of the mattress and his wing tips hung over the end. Iridescent blood pumped from the wound on his chest, stained his clothes, and pooled on the bedcovers. It looked like maple syrup mixed with motor oil. The stench of his charred flesh and his natural reek of boiled cabbage would've watered the eyes of a buzzard.

I cradled in my lap the space blaster I'd found on the floor—I'd almost tripped over the thing when I entered.

Odin wheezed and gasped. His mustache arched across the top of the flattened oval of his mouth. Every faltering breath pumped more of that thick, shimmering blood from the hole in his torso. The puncture looked like someone had impaled him with a white-hot length of rebar. A black ring of burned flesh surrounded the thumb-sized opening.

Odin was dying and there was nothing I could do to help him. No use dialing 911. What could I say? "Send help. I'm a vampire and need anambulance for an extraterrestrial dying from a ray-gun blast."

"Felix." Odin's hand touched my leg. "Find Goodman."

"Goodman who?"

I'd barraged Odin with questions since I'd been here. An hour ago I was cruising south on I-75 when he called my cell phone. He asked for help, gave directions to this squalid motel along the North Trail Corridor, and hung up.

Question one. How did he get my number?

Question two. How did he know I was in Florida?

Question three. Why me?

He hadn't answered these or any of my other questions. All Odin did was roll his eyes, squirm on the bed, and bleed.

The lights were out and the room was as dark as the night sky outside. I had removed my contacts to unmask the mirrorlike retinas—the tapetum lucidum—in my eyes and use vampire vision.

As a supernatural, I could see the auras of the psychic energy fields that surrounded all living creatures. The color of these auras corresponded to our chakras—our spiritual centers and the level of our psychic awareness. Humans had a red aura, the first and lowest chakra, which centered on manifestation in the material plane. Vampires, orange aura, the second chakra, connection from the material to the spiritual. Aliens, third and yellow, for transformation. To what? Judging from what I know about aliens, I wouldn't regard them as more evolved or spiritually developed than vampires.

Auras can display our emotions more clearly than facial expressions. Since humans are blind to psychic energy, this gives us vampires the advantage when we pump them for information.

Odin coughed. His aura faded to a diluted piss-yellow color. The penumbra of his psychic shroud tightened around his body.

The last I'd seen of Odin was years ago, after he'd hired me to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at the Rocky Flats Nuclear Weapons Plant in Colorado. He knew the nymphomania was caused by a special isotope of red mercury leaking from a UFO the government had squirreled away, but he hadn't bothered to fill me in. I had to uncover that on my own.

Odin might exist on a higher psychic plane but he was still a liar. Something else Odin hadn't told me was that he was an alien impostor and what he really wanted was a prototype psychotronic device other aliens had brought to Earth in violation of their intergalactic law. The psychotronic device was to test controlling humans by using psychic energy.

Screw that. We vampires didn't need competition from extraterrestrials. So I had destroyed the device and had left Gilbert Odin the Alien with the mutual understanding that our identities would remain secret.

Now he was back, and dying.

Odin reached for the nightstand beside the bed. His aura brightened as he struggled against death.

I stood and faced him.

Odin hooked his fingers over the drawer pull and opened the drawer. He groped inside and withdrew a letter-sized envelope.

"Take me here," he whispered. His thumb rubbed against numbers scrawled over the front of the envelope. Smears of his blood stained the corners.

I took the envelope. It was heavy and contained something thick. The numbers on the front read:

27.25 82.46

"What do these mean?" I asked.

"Just take me there," he said. "Help me get home." Odin turned his head toward me. The skin hung from around his eyes like he was starting to peel. "I have a family."

I had considered a Mrs. Gilbert Odin and larvae Odins on another planet. Hope they stayed there. "You miss them?" I tried to sound sympathetic.

"Are you kidding?" Odin gasped. "That's why I took this job." He chuckled, snork, snork, snork.

I opened the envelope. It contained hundred-dollar bills in a wad thicker than my index finger. "What is this? About twenty thousand bucks, right? For what?"

Odin turned his head back toward the ceiling. The loose flesh sagged from his skull as if he was deflating. Odin had told me he had gone through cosmetic surgery to blend into human society. With his body shutting down, the alterations were disintegrating.

He aimed a crooked finger. His fingernail fell off and left a purple splotch on his skin. "For you."

"Why?"

Odin smacked his lips and worked his tongue out of his mouth. It flopped on his chin and rolled down his cheek to land quivering on the bedspread.



Continues...


Excerpted from The Undead Kama Sutra by Mario Acevedo Copyright © 2008 by Mario Acevedo. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Mario Acevedo is the bestselling author of The Nymphos of Rocky Flats, X-Rated Bloodsuckers, The Undead Kama Sutra, and Jailbait Zombie. He lives and writes in Denver, Colorado.

Customer Reviews

Average Review:

Write a Review

and post it to your social network

     

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See all customer reviews >

Undead Kama Sutra (Felix Gomez Series #3) 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 19 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Every book about Felix is better than the last. I dont know why people write this negative reviews.Maybe you guys are better reading eclipse o breakig dawn.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Jay-Fer More than 1 year ago
What little bit of humor there is in this book is the only thing that kept me from putting it down countless times. Finally, 3/4 of the way through it I decided I had punished myself enough for buying it, skipped to the last few pages to make sure it hadn't suddenly improved at the end -it hadn't- and put it down for good. I do read fantasy, sci-fi, horror, mystery, pretty much any fiction other than romance and chick lit, but I had to draw the line here. I could see the appeal of the lead character, vampire Felix Gomez, under other circumstances -read that in books with plots, dialogue and tolerable characters- but this one is not his vehicle to greatness.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Irene.Adler More than 1 year ago
Okay, a good guy vampire. Not the really cute vampire who is only waiting for the love of the right woman to uncover his good... a vampire hero.
The world he inhabits is delightfully interesting, and filled with wonderfull toys. The incidental characters read like a movie treatment, but that is not a rare thing today. There is really no need to flesh them out, the reader can certainly fill in the blanks.
The aliens have humor which is so important in off world beings, otherwise they get a tad pompous.
The plot, well, the book has one, it is linear and doesn't trip too much over its own feet. Nothing so complicated that it can't be put right in the next paragraph. Rather like going to commercial.
One gets the sense that there is definitely a series in the making, with more then a passing hope for a script in turn around.
This is a good one sitting read, since nothing in it is terribly memmorable, ... the perfect plane book, and you can leave it for the next guy without any qualms.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
I blame myself for picking a story from the middle of a series but that's not really good excuse for an unengaging and silly plot that seems to try very hard and repeatedly fails to be funny. I've read other series out of order that do a much better job of creating a self contained enjoyable story and nevertheless maintain the continuity of the series. This story is rather like walking in on an obscurely-themed costume party and trying to figure out what's what. Several concepts are annoyingly repeated to the point where they become annoying. Felix enjoys his tan. After reading about his tan for the third time, I almost quit. But I kept reading and wasn't rewarded for my perseverance with a wrap up to the meandering plot.
harstan More than 1 year ago
In a Sarasota, Florida motel room that caters to hookers and pot buyers, Gilbert Oldon the alien lies dying. He called vampiric private investigator Felix Gomez to come to his death bed immediately. Gomez wonders how his former client who hired him to handle THE NYMPHOS OF ROCKY FLATS outbreak in Colorado knew he was on the Florida Interstate on a more personal case, finding THE UNDEAD KAMA SUTRA tome that allegedly provides instruction on increasing psychic power through sex still this is the alien so he rushes to the motel. There the dying Oldon directs Gomez to ¿find Goodman¿ in order to save the women. --- Felix is confused by Oldon¿s last words so he remains on his case, which leads him to the Florida Keys where he meets researcher Carmen Arellano. When three women vanish without a trace and an alien blaster kills a guest at a nearby vampire resort, Gomez and Arellano team up to learn what is going on starting with seeking out Goodman who is a former US Army colonel. Still not concerned even when he considers how knowledgeable his original source was, Felix finding the missing females has turned personal when aliens abduct Carmen. --- The third Gomez paranormal Noir (see X-RATED BLOODSUCKERS) is as zany as ever as the private investigator struggles with the Goodman affair as that intrudes on his collection of THE UNDEAD KAMA SUTRA pages. The story line is fast-paced and filled with action from Sarasota to the Keys. However, an improbable late twist will disappoint fans as that takes a major bite out of what had been a strong thriller. --- Harriet Klausner