Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives (4 cassettes)

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This is a book every man should read and every woman will.

Understanding Men's Passages is the most intimate and candid account of what men's lives are really like today, revealing their doubts, their passions, their hunger for renewal. Given their increasingly unpredictable and elongated lives, men need to reinvent themselves and expand the ways they demonstrate their manliness.
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Overview


This is a book every man should read and every woman will.

Understanding Men's Passages is the most intimate and candid account of what men's lives are really like today, revealing their doubts, their passions, their hunger for renewal. Given their increasingly unpredictable and elongated lives, men need to reinvent themselves and expand the ways they demonstrate their manliness.
Hundreds of men have told their stories in their own words to Gail Sheehy, author of the bestselling "New Passages" and "The Silent Passage." Sheehy makes the case that it is men in middle life who have the best chance to become masters of their fates. Featured are confidences from both celebrities and everyday heroes, creating a mirror in which every man can locate his possibilities for growth and change. These bold, feisty, imaginative men recount how they have discovered what is missing and forged new directions to invigorate the second half of their lives. They share a fantastic secret: "Hey, I'm not as old as I used to be!"
"Understanding Men's Passages" is a concise guide for men (and the women in their lives) as they confront the major issues of each passage:

 ¸  How do you make change work for you?
 ¸  Where can you find new passion and purpose?
 ¸  How can you be the father you wish your father was?
 ¸  What can you do to exercise influence as you grow older?
 ¸  How can you deal successfully with "male menopause"?
 ¸  What strategies can defeat depression?
 ¸  How can you survive a job change or downsizing?
 ¸  Whatkeeps a man young?
 ¸  When men and women face the same passage with different needs and directions, how does marriage survive?

The stories of men who are redirecting their lives offer concrete information as well as inspiration.Gail Sheehy's "Understanding Men's Passages" will be a man's secret friend—a short, witty, knowing guide to self-renewal. And every woman will find it a must-read.
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
The years after 40 offer men a "second adulthood," declares Sheehy, a chance to reinvent themselves. But first they must shift from competing to connecting, from incessant striving for external rewards to a quest for inner fulfillment through meaningful pursuits, after determining what they really want of the second half of their lives. In a constructive, enlightening guide to self-discovery for men and their partners, the author of "Passages" and "New Passages" uses 100 male interviewees, case histories and medical and psychological research to probe men's feelings about death, spiritual hollowness, empty nest syndrome, separation anxieties, their envy of their empowered working wives, pre-retirement jitters and waning sexual potency. There are enough fresh angles in this searching exploration of male malaise to help men tailor their goals and dreams to real-life circumstances.
Library Journal
The author's cool, pleasant reading voice cannot make up for the lack of substance in this text. A self-described guidebook for men moving through midlife crises (called "passages"), it is full of anecdotes, cozy comments, and, occasionally, a nugget or two of useful information. The funny part is that the author herself says that men don't ask or look for help in such situations. So here we have a book ostensibly written for an audience that won't buy or take it out of the library. Could the actual target audience be wives (partners) of middle-aged men, the same people who are told not to irritate these men by their differing communication needs (or by dropping self-help books in their laps)? Even the writing style has the classic "female" slant--few facts but lots of little vignettes. The topic deserves better. Sheehy is a popular author (The Silent Passage, Audio Reviews, LJ 11/15/92), but this is a title that can be skipped. Recommended only for libraries with an insatiable demand for self-help works.--I. Pour-El, Iowa State Univ. Lib., Ames
Walter Anderson
Gail Sheehy has managed to penetrate the hidden vault of men's fears and secrets -- the real concerns that men do not share with each other. Men -- and women -- need to read this book to understand who we men really are and who we are becoming. The storytelling alone is worth the price of admission. -- Walter Anderson, Parade Magazine
Kirkus Reviews
Despite some facile passages, the bestselling journalist Sheehy ("Passages", 1976; "New Passages", 1995; etc.) has done it again: engaged in a good deal of research, interviewed many of the right people, and then produced a beautifully readable, very useful guide to important aspects of adult human development. Her focus is both descriptive, charting the changing nature of American men's lives from the "second adulthood" that often begins between ages 40 and 50, through the attempt to live a vigorous, still-evolving old age, and prescriptive, helping men to rethink their lives in order to make a "preemptive strike against sameness and sourness." Sheehy's overly and redundantly upbeat tone can indeed be grating at times, and she does venture her share of insipid, undocumented generalizations: "Women are happier in midlife than they have been in any previous generation" (tell that to the economically downwardly mobile divorced women studied by Judith Wallerstein). But the author more than compensates for such passages by picking just the right variety of professionals and laypeople with whom to speak, by asking probing questions, listening well, and (usually) writing even better. The cumulative mass of her information, observations, and anecdotes is immensely impressive, addressing a wide variety of issues related to middle-aged men's dilemmas—from being laid off abruptly to beginning a new career, from impotence to sexuality among the aged, from depression (and new findings about its close correlation with heart attacks) to struggling for emotional regeneration. Much of this will help thousands of men and women alike. Credit also should go to both author and publisher fordoing a first-rate job on a commonly overlooked aspect of popular books: providing crisp, imaginative headings and an appealing layout. This is a rare work of engaging and substantive pop-psych that is perfectly balanced between psychology and the þpopular.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781559274579
  • Publisher: Macmillan Audio
  • Publication date: 4/28/1998
  • Format: Cassette
  • Edition description: Abridged, 4 Cassettes
  • Product dimensions: 4.66 (w) x 7.01 (h) x 1.12 (d)

Table of Contents

AUTHOR'S NOTE XI
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS XIX
PART I: WHAT DO MEN WANT?
Chapter One IT'S A GUY THING 3
Are You Prepared for Another Life? 8
But I'm Not Ready! 11
The Need to Know and the Fear of Knowing 13
The Eight-Hundred-Pound Gorilla 14
Chapter Two THE NEW MAP OF ADULT LIFE 17
The Wife's Nightmare 20
What to Do with All This Leftover Life? 22
PART II: FLOURISHING FORTIES
Chapter Three WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE A KID? 27
The Vanity Crisis 29
A Flagrant Freedom 32
The Father-Son Midlife Power Struggle 36
When You Comin' Home, Son? 37
The Dead Father 38
The Midlife Delinquent 41
Chapter Four MANHOOD ON TRIAL 45
Yuppie Playing Catch-up 46
Banker "Excessed" at Home 47
The Sole Breadwinner's Insecurities 47
The Idealist's Angst 47
A Hard Time to Be a Man in His Forties 50
Confronting the "False Self" 52
Are You What You Smoke? 53
"The Big Impossible" 55
The Reluctant Father 58
First Fatality Jitters 60
Moving Up the Mortality Markers 63
Honor Among Men 64
Manly Sports: More Than Just a Game 66
Current Manhood Models 69
Chapter Five MARRIED AND MORTAL 78
The Aha! Moment 78
The Heart of the Matter 81
The Stonewaller's Defense 85
The Trouble with Wives 88
PART III: FEARLESS FIFTIES
Chapter Six PASSAGE TO YOUR SECOND ADULTHOOD 95
The Samson Complex 97
Mature Masculinity 100
Former Pro Football Star 102
Geezer in Graduate School 103
Globe-trotting Journalist Turns Gardener 103
The Fearless Professor 106
Beyond Power 108
Barry Diller's Search for Self 112
Prospero's Passage 116
Welcome to the Age of Influence 118
Chapter Seven REDIRECT YOUR LIFE BEFORE THE HAMMER FALLS 121
The Dark Night of Joe O'Dell 122
Destructive Defenses 125
The Comeback of Joe O'Dell 127
They'll Never Fire Me 128
The Rebirth 131
The Window of Opportunity 133
Midlife Money Realities 135
What Could Spook John Wayne? 136
Give Up "I'm the Big Shot" 137
Building a Team 139
Opening the Spiritual Dimension 141
Find Your Passion and Pursue It 144
Chapter Eight LOVE AND WAR WITH WIVES, FATHERS, CHILDREN 146
From Competing to Connecting 147
Gender Crossover: Comfort or Crisis? 149
Coaching the Coach 151
Withholding Sex 155
The Safety Net Wife 157
Making the Crossover Work 160
Brain-Sex Changes 161
Mellowing Out 162
Empty Heart 163
Mr. Mom 164
Father Hunger 166
Letting Go of a Growing Son 167
How Many Men Friends Can You Count? 169
The Nest Is Empty--Are You Ready for Love in the
Morning? 172
PART IV: WHO'S AFRAID OF MALE MENOPAUSE?
Chapter Nine THE MALE SEXUAL LIFE CYCLE 177
Magical Expectations 178
The Male Sexual Life Cycle 181
The Unspeakable Passage 185
Men Behaving Intelligently 189
Mind over Manliness 191
Chapter Ten SECRETS OF PERPETUAL VIRILITY 193
Would You Rather Have Steak and a Smoke Than Be a
Sexual Athlete? 194
Magic Bullets 196
When Sunday-Afternoon Football Is Better Than Sex 198
Free Testosterone! 200
DHEA: A Man's Master Hormone 202
Chemical Machismo 202
Couples Work 205
The Testimonial Woman 209
Teaming Up to Find the Right Treatment 210
PART V: INFLUENTIAL SIXTIES
Chapter Eleven PASSAGE TO THE AGE OF INTEGRITY 215
Secrets of Well-being in the Sixties 216
Imagining the Paul McCartney Retirement Home 219
Don't Retire! Redirect! 220
Looking for Your Postcareer Career 222
His and Her Retirement Fantasies 224
Chapter Twelve PROGRESS VERSUS DESPAIR 227
The Black Tempest 229
Don't Back Up, Severe Tire Damage! 231
Help Is Not Hard to Get 233
I Am Not Having a Heart Attack! 236
Absorbing the Blows of Fate 239
PART VI: WHAT KEEPS A MAN YOUNG?
Chapter Thirteen UNCONVENTIONAL WISDOM 243
Do Men Have to Die Earlier Than Women? 245
Unretired Champions 248
Growing and Regenerating Brain 251
Spiritual Hunger 253
Love in the Twilight of Life 254
A Lusty Winter 255
APPENDICES
APPENDIX A 259
Coping with Job Loss 259
Strategies for Surviving Job Loss in Middle Life 260
Resources: Career Counselors 261
APPENDIX B 263
Resources: Couples Therapy 263
APPENDIX C 264
Shopping for a Doctor/Male Health Clinic 264
Resources: Physicians and Therapists for Sexual
Health Issues 265
APPENDIX D 267
Preretirement Couples Exercises 267
APPENDIX E 268
Warning Signs of Depression 268
BIBLIOGRAPHY 269
INDEX 275
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