Understudy [NOOK Book]

Overview

Recently divorced actor Stephen C. McQueen (no relation, unfortunately) seems to have a knack for bad luck. But a failed marriage, a stalled career, a judgmental ex-wife, a distant daughter, a horrid little studio apartment in the far reaches of the London suburbs–all these pathetic elements seem to pale in the chiseled face of his newest tormentor: the Twelfth Sexiest Man in the World, Josh Harper.

Josh is the star of Mad, Bad, and Dangerous ...
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Understudy

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Overview

Recently divorced actor Stephen C. McQueen (no relation, unfortunately) seems to have a knack for bad luck. But a failed marriage, a stalled career, a judgmental ex-wife, a distant daughter, a horrid little studio apartment in the far reaches of the London suburbs–all these pathetic elements seem to pale in the chiseled face of his newest tormentor: the Twelfth Sexiest Man in the World, Josh Harper.

Josh is the star of Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know, a biographical play about Lord Byron–and Stephen is his understudy. Not only is Josh fantastically, infuriatingly good-looking, internationally renowned, and remarkably talented, he’s also frustratingly healthy. No matter how many all-night booze-and-coke benders Josh goes on, he always shows up at the stage door for his call like clockwork. Stephen doubts he’ll ever get his chance to slip on the puffy shirt and tight breeches of Byron and tread the boards in the role that would certainly be the break he’s always waited for.

And just when Stephen’s sure he couldn’t resent Josh more, he meets Josh’s witty, restless American wife, Nora . . . and discovers he likes her a little too much. Another man might curse his luck at finding that his potential dream woman is a rival’s wife, but at this point, Stephen would expect nothing else. Caught between his stirring feelings for Nora, the demands of an insistent and secretive Josh, and his lifelong desire for a real career in show business, Stephen must make a terrible decision: Will it be the girl or the fame?

A hapless, bumbling bloke in love, an arrogant megastar with a potpourri of addictions, a sexy married woman out of her element in the fast lane–David Nicholls brings them all together in this knockout romantic comedy.
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Nicholls's second novel (after A Question of Attraction) focuses on Stephen C. McQueen, a 32-year-old actor forlornly hoping for his big break. With an 11-year career whose sole highlight has been playing a corpse, Stephen's latest gig, understudying Josh Harper (one of London's hottest stars) in a West End play, actually has promise. If only Josh would miss a performance (say, break a leg, literally), Stephen would secure the lead, and in turn, the approval of his critical ex-wife, Alison, and his precocious seven-year-old daughter, Sophie. But while Josh is many things (self-absorbed, cruel), he's never sick, and just as Stephen's abhorrence for the haughty superstar reaches its crescendo (he's asked to waiter at Josh's birthday bash) Stephen meets Nora, Josh's acerbic and neglected bride, and later stumbles upon Josh mid-tryst with a costar. Suddenly Stephen's able to make a deal--his silence in exchange for the starring role. Of course, the rules of light romantic comedy prevail: Stephen falls in love with Nora and realizes that he can't lie to make his own career. Nicholls's background as a screenwriter is evident, and while clever, his latest novel is still saccharinely predictable, best paired with sand and surf. (Sept.) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
Stephen C. McQueen believes that finding the thing you're best at and sticking with it is the key to happiness. Despite mounting evidence to the contrary, he fervently believes that he excels at acting and that all he needs is one big break to turn his life around (his ex-wife is happily remarried, and his career has devolved into playing corpses and singing squirrels). As the understudy for movie hunk Josh Harper in a West End play, McQueen spends his days wishing for illness or disaster to strike-it does, but mostly at him. His saving grace is Harper's American wife, Nora, whose ironic sense of humor keeps him distracted while Harper's infidelity finally provides McQueen with the chance to go onstage. He gets only one night, but that is enough to allow him to redefine himself and his dreams. Nicholls provides a witty follow-up to his first novel, A Question of Attraction, creating another likable, hapless late bloomer in need of a push toward a fuller life. Recommended for public libraries. [Both The Understudy and A Question of Attraction have been optioned for the screen by Tom Hanks's Playtone Productions.-Ed.]-Jan Blodgett, Davidson Coll. Lib., NC Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
Romantic comedy with a charming British accent. Professionally, the best thing Stephen C. McQueen has going for him is his famous-sounding name. His resume suggests that, whatever the well-known theater adage might say, there are small roles-a seemingly endless supply of them, in fact. Stephen has turned in purposefully forgettable performances as "Rent Boy 2" and "Dead Young Man," and he has dressed up as a giant singing squirrel for the sake of his art. His latest gig isn't even acting; it's being prepared to act, should the need arise. He's playing understudy to budding transatlantic film star and ascendant heartthrob Josh Harper in a West End show. Gorgeous, charismatic and spectacularly uncomplicated, Josh is everything Stephen isn't, but Stephen is able to keep his envy at controllable levels until he meets Josh's wife. Nora is as real as Josh is superficial, and she's got a dry wit and a voluptuous bod, too. Stephen falls in love with her more or less immediately, so the friendship that develops between the two is as torturous as it is satisfying. When Stephen stumbles upon a shameful secret in Josh's personal life, he is torn between his loyalty to Nora and the opportunity to finally make his name as an actor. There's plenty of material for screwball hilarity here, and Nicholls (A Question of Attraction, 2004) truly makes the most of it. His prose is laugh-out-loud funny, and he's equally adept at handling complex emotional issues. In the rigidly orthodox realm of romance, breaking up a marriage is a risky move, but Nicholls pulls it off without creating any cartoonish villains or letting his characters off the hook for questionable behavior. The ending he contrives should pleasethe sentimentalist and the moralist both. This jaunty, big-hearted novel is chick lit with a Y-chromosome.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781588365057
  • Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 1/30/2007
  • Sold by: Random House
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 1,139,721
  • File size: 883 KB

Meet the Author

David Nicholls is the author of A Question of Attraction, which has been optioned for the screen by Tom Hanks’s Playtone Productions. He is also a successful television screenwriter whose credits include the third series of Cold Feet (seen on Bravo in the United States), as well as I Saw You and Rescue Me, both of which he also created. He co-wrote the screenplay for the film adaptation of Sam Shepard’s Simpatico, which starred Jeff Bridges, Sharon Stone, Nick Nolte, and Albert Finney. He lives in London.
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Read an Excerpt

Act One

H

Waiting to Go On

—That’s not real life, lad. That’s just pretending.

—But “real life” is how well you pretend, isn’t it? You. Me. Everybody in the world . . .

Jack RosenthalReady When You Are, Mr. McGill



Sunset Boulevard

H

Summers and Snow ep.3 draft 4

CHIEF INSPECTOR GARRETT (CONT.)

. . . or I’ll have you back directing traffic faster than you can say disciplinary action.

INSPECTOR SUMMERS

But he’s just toying with us, sir, like a cat with a—

CHIEF INSPECTOR GARRETT

I repeat— Don’t. Make It. Personal. I want a result, and I want it yesterday, or you’re off this case, Summers.

(SNOW goes to speak)

I mean it. Now get out of here—the both of you.

INT. MORTUARY. DAY

BOB “BONES” THOMPSON, the forensic pathologist, sickly complexion, ghoulish sense of humor, stands over the seminaked body of a YOUNG MAN, early thirties, his bloated body lying cold and dead on the mortuary slab, in the early stages of decomposition—CONSTABLE SNOW is clutching a handkerchief to her mouth.

INSPECTOR SUMMERS

So—fill me in, Thompson. How long d’you think he’s been dead for?

THOMPSON

Hard to say. From the stink on him, I think it’s fair to say he’s not the freshest fish on the slab . . .

INSPECTOR SUMMERS

(not smiling)

Clock’s ticking, Bones . . .

THOMPSON

Okay, well, judging from the decay, the bloating and the skin discoloration, I’d say . . . he’s been in the water a week or so, give or take a day. Initial examination suggests strangulation. By the ligature marks round the neck, I’d say the killer used a thick, coarse rope, or a chain maybe . . .

DI SUMMERS

A chain? Christ, the poor bastard . . .

CONSTABLE SNOW

Who found the body?

(SUMMERS shoots her a look—“I ask the questions round here . . .”)

THOMPSON

Some old dear out walking the dog. Nice lady, eighty-two years old. I think it’s safe to assume you should be looking elsewhere for your serial ki—

“Hang on a second . . . Nope—nope, sorry, everyone, we’re going to have to stop.”

“Why, what’s up?” snapped Detective Inspector Summers.

“We’ve got flaring.”

“On the lens?”

“Dead guy’s nostrils. You can see him breathing. We’re going to have to go again.”

“Oh, for crying out loud . . .”

“Sorry! Sorry, sorry, everyone,” said the DEADYOUNGMAN, sitting up and folding his arms self-consciously across his blue-painted chest.

While the crew reset, the director, a long-faced, troubled man with an unconvincing baseball cap pushed far back on a reflective forehead, dragged both hands down his face and sighed. Hauling himself from his canvas chair, he strode over to the DEADYOUNGMAN and knelt matily next to the mortuary slab.

“Right, so, Lazarus, tell me—is there a problem?”

“No, Chris, it’s all good for me . . .”

“Because—how can I say this—at present, you’re doing a little too much.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

The director peered at his watch, and rubbed the red indentations left by his baseball cap. “Because it’s getting on for two-thirty and . . . what’s your name, again?”

“Stephen, Stephen McQueen. With a P-H.”

“No relation?”

“No relation.”

“Well, Stephen with a P-H, it’s getting on for two-thirty, and we haven’t even started on the autopsy . . .”

“Yes, of course. It’s just, you know, with the lights and nerves and everything . . .”

“It’s not as if you have to perform, all you have to do is bloody lie there.”

“I realize that, Chris, it’s just it’s tricky, you know, not to visibly breathe, for that long.”

“No one’s asking you not to breathe . . .”

“No, I realize that,” said Stephen, contriving a chummy laugh.

“. . . just don’t lie there taking bloody great gulps like you’ve just run the two hundred meters, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And don’t grimace. Just give me something . . . neutral.”

“Okay. Neutral. But apart from that . . . ?”

“Apart from that, you’re doing terrific work, really.”

“And d’you think we’ll be done by six? It’s just I’ve got to be—”

“Well, that’s up to you, isn’t it, Steve?” said the director, resettling the cap, stalking back to his canvas chair. “Oh, and, Steve?” he shouted across the set. “Please don’t hold your belly in—you’re meant to be bloated.”

“Bloated. Okay, bloated.”

“Right, places, everyone,” shouted the first AD and Stephen settled once again on his marble slab, adjusted the damp underwear, closed his eyes, and did his best to pretend to be dead.

The secret of truly great screen acting is to do as little as possible, and this is never more important than when playing an inanimate object.

In a professional career lasting eleven years, Stephen C. McQueen had played six corpses now, each of them carefully thought through and subtly delineated, each of them skillfully conveying the pathos of being other than alive. Keen not to get typecast, he had downplayed this on his CV, allocating the various corpses intriguing, charismatic leading-man names like MAX or OLIVER rather than the more accurate, less evocative BODY or VICTIM. But word had obviously got round the industry—no one did nothing at all quite like Stephen C. McQueen. If you wanted someone to be pulled from the Grand Union Canal at dawn, or lie slack, broken and uncomplaining across the bonnet of a car, or slump prone at the bottom of a muddy First World War trench, then this was the man. His very first job after leaving drama school had been RENT BOY 2 in Vice City, a hard-hitting prime-time crime show. One line—

RENT BOY 2

(Geordie accent)

Why-ay, ya lookin’ fah a good time, mista?

—then a long, hot afternoon spent with his arm dangling out of a black trash bag. Of course, at thirty-two, his Rent Boy days were some way behind him now, but Stephen C. McQueen could still usually pass muster as most other remains.

But for some reason, today his technique was letting him down. This was a shame, because Summers and Snow was a TV institution, and in a few months upwards of nine million people would settle down in front of the telly on a Sunday night, to see him swiftly strangled, then lying here, inert, in a stranger’s underwear. You’d be hard-pushed to call it a break as such, but if the director liked what he did, or didn’t do, if he got on with his costars, they might use him again, to play someone who walked about, moved his face, spoke aloud. First Rule of Showbiz—it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Stay professional. Be positive. Be committed. Always have a motivation. The trick is to impress. Always ensure that people like you, at least until you’re famous enough for it not to matter anymore.

Waiting for the next take, Stephen sat up straight on the cold slab, and stretched his arms behind his back till he felt his shoulders crack—important not to stiffen up, important to keep limber. He glanced round the set, in the hope of striking up a conversation with his fellow actors. Craggy, Stern, Ex-Alcoholic Loner Detective Inspector Tony Summers and Perky, Independent-Minded Constable Sally Snow were in a tight little huddle some way off, sipping tea from plastic cups and confidently eating all the best biscuits. Stephen had always nursed a bit of a crush on Abigail Edwards, the actress playing Constable Snow, and had even worked out a throwaway little joke he could use in conversation, about his role. “It’s a living, Abi!” he would quip self-deprecatingly out of the side of his mouth in between takes, then raise a moldy eyebrow, and she’d laugh, eyes sparkling, and perhaps they’d swap numbers at the end of filming, go for a drink or something. But the opportunity had never arisen. In between takes she’d barely acknowledged him, and clearly in Abigail Edwards’s eyes, he might as well be, well . . . dead.

A cheery makeup artist appeared by Stephen’s side, spritzed him with water and dabbed his face and lips with Vaseline. Was her name Deborah? Another Rule of Showbiz—always, always call everyone by their name . . .

“So how do I look, Deborah?” he asked.

“It’s Janet. You look gorgeous! Funny old job this, isn’t it?”

“Still—it’s a living!” he quipped, but Janet was already back in her canvas chair.

“Quick as you can, please, people,” barked the first AD, and Stephen lay back down on the mortuary slab, like a large, wet fish.

Keep still.

Don’t let them see you breathe.

Remember—you are dead.

My motivation is not to be alive.

Acting is not re-acting.

The C in Stephen C. McQueen, incidentally, was there at the insistence of his agent, to prevent any confusion with the international movie star.

It was not a mistake that anyone had yet made.
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