×

Uh-oh, it looks like your Internet Explorer is out of date.

For a better shopping experience, please upgrade now.

Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely
     

Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely

4.4 8
by Lysa TerKeurst
 

See All Formats & Editions

The enemy wants us to feel rejected . . . left out, lonely, and less than. When we allow him to speak lies through our rejection, he pickpockets our purpose. Cripples our courage. Dismantles our dreams. And blinds us to the beauty of Christ’s powerful love.

In Uninvited, Lysa shares her own deeply personal experiences with rejection—from the

Overview

The enemy wants us to feel rejected . . . left out, lonely, and less than. When we allow him to speak lies through our rejection, he pickpockets our purpose. Cripples our courage. Dismantles our dreams. And blinds us to the beauty of Christ’s powerful love.

In Uninvited, Lysa shares her own deeply personal experiences with rejection—from the incredibly painful childhood abandonment by her father to the perceived judgment of the perfectly toned woman one elliptical over.

With biblical depth, gut-honest vulnerability, and refreshing wit, Lysa helps readers:

  • Release the desire to fall apart or control the actions of others by embracing God-honoring ways to process their hurt.
  • Know exactly what to pray for the next ten days to steady their soul and restore their confidence.
  • Overcome the two core fears that feed our insecurities by understanding the secret of belonging.
  • Stop feeling left out and start believing that "set apart" does not mean "set aside."
  • End the cycle of perceived rejection by refusing to turn a small incident into a full blown issue.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
★ 05/09/2016
TerKeurst (Unglued), president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, addresses the darkly emotional issues of rejection and loneliness. Blending personal stories, a wry sense of humor, and biblical teachings, TerKeurst writes as though she’s chatting with a close friend. Many women will relate to her fears that the woman on the next elliptical hates her, or to her total panic when she walks into a room filled with people she doesn’t know. TerKeurst doesn’t just share empathetic anecdotes for readers in a rut; she focuses on digging down to the roots of anxiety and providing tools for overcoming self-doubt and handling the pain of rejection. TerKeurst is candid about how women allow rejection to define their worth and how too often they approach the world from a place of scarcity and emptiness. She encourages her readers to “live loved”—to abide, delight, and dwell in God and practice an abundance mentality. Accompanying Bible verses, takeaway lessons, and practical applications help the reader put TerKeurst’s words of advice into action. (Aug.)

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781400205875
Publisher:
Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date:
08/09/2016
Pages:
240
Sales rank:
677
Product dimensions:
5.40(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.80(d)

Read an Excerpt

Uninvited

Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely


By Lysa TerKeurst

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 2016 TerKeurst Foundation
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4002-0588-2



CHAPTER 1

I'd Rather Ignore Honesty


In the quiet of an early morning, honesty finds me. It calls to me through a crack in my soul and invites the real me to come out, come out, wherever you are. Not the carefully edited edition of the me I am this year. No, honesty wants to speak to the least tidy version of the woman I've become. The one I can't make look more alive with a few swipes of mascara and a little color on my lips.

Honesty is a suitor with piercing vision who isn't swayed by pretending and positioning.

I can try and make things appear better than they seem, but honesty will have none of it. So, I throw my hair in a messy bun and let my face stay splotchy. I don't suck in my stomach or whiten my teeth or spritz on some perfume.

I simply emerge.

I come out from behind all the efforts to carefully construct a more acceptable version of me, and I hesitantly extend my hand, uncertain how to greet honesty. I could be met with a slap or a hug, and I'm well aware it could go either way.

I would never opt for the slap, except with me that is probably the safer of the two options. I am an incredibly awkward hugger of the worst sort. I was once introduced to a well-known pastor I was extremely nervous to meet. He was a hefty older man with a delightful soul who was determined to make me feel welcome.

I should have felt honored.

But as I saw him approaching, all the options of how to greet him danced in my brain, and I became increasingly freaked-out with every step he took toward me. I stuck out my hand. He enveloped me in a bear hug, accidentally forcing my arm down in the worst possible location. Thankfully, he quickly backed away and instead placed his hands on my shoulders to say whatever he'd planned to say.

Of course I can't tell you what he said in the end, because 243 alarm bells were going off in my head about the awkward hug possibly resulting in my being banned from every church this side of the Mississippi. Or the world.

So, since hugs aren't usually my first choice, I didn't want to hug honesty.

Actually, I've never wanted to fully embrace honesty at all. I'm much better at it today than ever before, but I hesitate, knowing just how dangerous this can be. As long as I suspect that honesty's intention is to expose me and hurt me, it will always feel like a dangerous thing.

It's easier to construct a more palatable life story — where I can draw straight lines from each hurt of the past to the healing I later experienced — than to face the raw truth. I prefer to neatly match each hard part of my testimony with the soft place I landed in the middle of God's grace, forgiveness, and restoration as proof I am walking in freedom.

Which I am. Most of the time. But honesty didn't want to talk to me about that. Honesty wanted me to bring the core of who I believe I am and hold it up to the light of what's really true.

And there's not a soul alive who will find perfect alignment there.

Not. One.

No matter how saved, sanctified, mature, and free we are, there are misalignments embedded in our souls. So this is what honesty wanted to address with me. The cause of this misalignment is something we all wish would have stayed in the middle school locker room: rejection.

One maliciously crafted rejection with my exact vulnerabilities in mind will pierce the deepest part of me. Being mature in my faith can help me better process it. It can help me have a better reaction to it. It can even help me remove the arrow and patch up the wound. But spiritual maturity doesn't shield me from rejection.

Today's rejections, big or subtle, are like stealth bombs that zing straight to my core, locating hurts from my past and making them agonizingly present all over again. They send messages that scramble up all my carefully established formulas for keeping life stable. The voices of doubt and insecurity whisper, "See, I've been telling you for years what an utter disappointment you are." Those voices don't have to scream; the pain does that in deafening tones.

So honesty stares at me, and I nod my head. I agree. There is still work to be done.

Finally, I see that honesty isn't trying to hurt me. It's trying to heal me.


Honesty isn't trying to hurt me.

It's trying to heal me.


If you want to know what's really inside a person, listen carefully to the words she speaks. Recently the Lord made sure I had an acute awareness of what some of my own words reveal. Hints of the misalignment between what's true and what I believe about myself leaked out one day at the airport. There's nothing like a serious dose of stress mixed with an extreme time crunch that makes a person's mouth forget its filter. What you really think spills out in words a little too raw and forces you to take a look at where they came from.

There I stood, staring into an empty car trunk just outside the terminal, as a stabbing realization made my heart beat fast and my thoughts swirl. I had my itinerary. I had my driver's license. I had plans to get home. But I also had a rather inconvenient realization: I didn't have my luggage. Somehow it hadn't made it into the trunk of the car.

I thought another person had grabbed it. She thought I had. So there's that.

Quickly I called a friend who was still at the hotel. I breathlessly told her of my situation and asked if she could grab my luggage and stick it on the very next shuttle headed to the airport. And one other minor detail — I only had fifteen minutes to spare before the airline would no longer allow me to check my bag.

I'm not a nail biter, so instead I nervously picked at the little threads of skin at my cuticles. I twisted my fingers until my knuckles cracked. Again, not a normal habit of mine. But this wasn't a normal moment.

Who shows up at the airport without their luggage?

I paced back and forth, willing the shuttle van to speed, but then quickly repented because my rule-following brain made me. Mentally, I was beating myself up and recounting why in heaven I hadn't made sure I had my luggage. I checked my watch. Things weren't looking good. The bus had more miles to go than I had time to wait. Ugh.

I walked over to an outside check-in counter with pleading eyes and a nervous voice, high-pitched and more than slightly annoying. "I know you don't work for the airline I'm flying, but your company is in the process of merging with it. So, is there any way I can check my luggage in here as soon as it pulls up to the curb and you can just work it all out on your computer? Please? Yes?"

"Sorry, but no," he replied. "Our computer systems aren't merged yet."

Bummer. Big huge stinking bummer.

And then I started to do what I often do when life refuses to cooperate with me. I started talking to myself. Frustration lilted and lifted from my nerves right out of my mouth. "I'm just such an idiot. I invite so much unnecessary drama and complication in my life, because my pace and my brain aren't in sync. I mean, seriously, what is wrong with my brain?!"

The luggage man made an abrupt about-face turn in my direction, extended his arm, and held up his hand, signaling me to stop. "Not in my presence," he said. "Not in my presence will you talk about yourself this way. Absolutely not."

His command startled me.

His words stopped me.

And suddenly I wondered if I was having a conversation with an angel.

"Spit happens, woman." Only he didn't say spit. He said, well, you know.

Great. Wouldn't you know it? I have an "angel" that cusses.

So he wasn't a divine presence, but some of his words certainly were.

They stuck to me. Like when a two-year-old spends an hour working a large lollipop into a gloopy, gummy mess and then runs her hands through your hair. That kind of sticking, it's serious.

And so was this. These words — "Not in my presence will you talk about yourself in this way" — they don't brush off easily. Nor should they. Sometimes a phrase lands in your soul with such weight it leaves the deepest impression. I collect these phrases like other people collect stamps and Beanie Babies. I fill the unlined pages of notebooks from Walmart with these phrases. These words that move me are treasures.

My fingers twitched, eager to add this to my collection, but my Walmart notebook was inside the luggage hopefully speeding, but not breaking-the-law speeding, my way. In the absence of the notebook, the only thing I could do was let the words take center stage in my mind. I heard them over and over and felt peace.

With car fumes and sharp airplane noises providing the unlikely backdrop for a church-type lesson, I realized why these words were so personally necessary for me. Negative self-talk was a rejection from my past that I had allowed to settle into the core of who I am. I talked about myself in ways I would never let another person. Hints of self-rejection laced my thoughts and poisoned my words more than I cared to admit.

Self-rejection paves the landing strip for the rejection of others to arrive and pull on up to the gates of our hearts. Think about why it hurts so much when other people say or do things that make you feel rejected. Isn't it in part due to the fact they just voiced some vulnerability you've already berated yourself for? It hurts exponentially more when you're kicked in an already bruised shin.

Someone doesn't invite me to her event, and my thoughts recount all the faults and frailties I've voiced about myself recently. Suddenly, I assign my thoughts to that person. I hear her saying these same hurtful things. I feel labeled and judged and, yes, rejected.

Or my husband makes a comment about something I already feel sensitive about, and it incites an emotional response from me that is totally out of proportion. I find myself interpreting what he says and does way more emotionally than he ever intended. And it makes our relationship feel hard and exhausting. I feel so very rejected, and he's left scratching his head wondering why.

Or something I set my heart on unexpectedly falls through. I try to rally in my heart and remember that it's due to unforeseen circumstances. But there's some part of me that feels rejected. I don't want to take it personally, but I find myself slightly off for the rest of the day and can't quite shake the disappointment.

Or one of my adult kids makes a choice they know is the opposite of the advice I gave them. The more I push the more they pull back, and I feel like the mom I promised I'd never be: overbearing and controlling. They become quiet and distant. And I ache in deep places.

Or someone flat-out rejects me, my idea, my invitation, my kids, my project, my whatever, and it messes with me more than it should.

Relationships feel increasingly unsafe. Opportunities feel increasingly risky. And life feels increasingly uncooperative. I carry on, because that's what we girls do. But this nagging sense of rejection, real or simply perceived, is doing more of a number on me than I care to admit. Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what's been said to me.

Rejection isn't just an emotion we feel. It's a message that's sent to the core of who we are, causing us to believe lies about ourselves, others, and God. We connect an event from today to something harsh someone once said. That person's line becomes a label. The label becomes a lie. And the lie becomes a liability in how we think about ourselves and interact in every future relationship.

The line:I don't want you becomes the label you aren't accepted.

The label:You aren't accepted becomes the lie you aren't worthy.

The lie:You aren't worthy becomes a script of self-rejection. And it unleashes suspicion, doubt, hesitancy, and many other liabilities that hinder present relationships. We project the lines of rejection we heard from our past on others and hold them accountable for words they never said. And worst of all, we catch ourselves wondering if God secretly agrees with those who hurt us.

Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what's been said to me.


* * *

I would love to tell you I'm writing about this because I've overcome rejection in every way. I have made progress. I'm nowhere near as overly sensitive as I used to be. But there's a cussing "angel" who would caution me there's still work to be done.

No, I didn't choose this topic because I've mastered it. I chose this topic of rejection because I want us to dig in to the core of who we are and expose and finally heal rejection's deep infection. I'll warn you, the exposing of it all won't be tidy. But it will be honest.

And it will be good.

I can't say I'm quite ready to envelop honesty in a bear hug. I think you know the horribly awkward reason why. But I am willing to hold hands. And walk together from here.

CHAPTER 2

Three Questions We Must Consider


Several years ago we remodeled our house and tore part of the kitchen down to the studs. Since I had a vision in my mind of how I wanted things to turn out but am clueless about all things construction, I asked a very knowledgeable friend for his advice. I was so excited to get his expert opinion on fun details like where to place the appliances, cabinet colors, and lighting fixtures. But when he walked in and started staring at the ceiling with a look of grave concern, I knew something was wrong.

The beams running the length of the kitchen had been hidden by sheetrock. But now that we'd temporarily exposed them, he could see one of the major beams wasn't able to provide the necessary amount of support. About three-quarters of the way across the ceiling, the board stopped short. It wasn't long enough to extend all the way to the supporting wall. In an effort to fix it, someone had nailed into its side another board that finished extending the length of the kitchen. Not only is this not the proper way to fix a supporting beam, but the nails were barely holding things together.

But since it was just one board, I didn't understand why this was such a big deal. There were plenty of other boards doing just fine. Let's just get on with the fun decorating ideas I thought we'd be discussing.

My friend knew better.

He took me upstairs. In the exact place where the broken boards were in the ceiling below, the second floor dipped and sagged. One good jump or one heavy thing dropped in that area, and that supporting board would likely come apart.

I didn't bother to ask my friend to unpack this any further. I already knew we couldn't leave this the way it was. I walked back downstairs and stood below the problem spot.

Broken boards can't provide stability. There was nothing profound about that from a construction standpoint. Except seeing those boards barely hanging on was like looking inside myself.

For years, I'd been expecting stability from a broken identity.


When Ditches and Dads Disappoint

When I was a little girl, I had a place I'd go to hide away. We were living in a very brown apartment complex at the time. On the side of our unit near the woods and the run-down tennis court, there was a cement ditch. It was an unlikely spot for a small-framed girl who liked pink and hated bugs. From the first time I ventured down into the ditch, however, being hidden made me feel wonderfully secure.

I'm sure if I looked at it today from my adult perspective, all I'd see would be a dirty drainage ditch. But as a small girl, I loved this place where I could go out of sight from others. People passed by so unaware of me. And, though I could hear every word they were saying, I hardly paid attention. It was all just background noise.

Kids fighting over toys. Women letting gossip fly as easily as dandelion seeds. And teenage girls flirting with silly-sounding boys.

Lots of events could spin and swirl in other people's lives outside the ditch. But I remained untouched and unaffected. I was a spectator, not a participant. I loved this feeling that life could happen around me but not to me.

My world in the ditch felt predictable and therefore safe. No one ever came over to peek inside or attempt to join me. Though I'm assuming this ditch was there to carry off rainwater, that year things stayed dry. On many occasions I brought some of my treasures down to the ditch and arranged them just so, loving the feeling of being able to control my environment.

Things only changed if I changed them.

In the strangest way I felt as long as I stayed hidden, life stayed in control and I stayed safe. It was a place where scary possibilities at home couldn't touch me. But I couldn't stay in the ditch. I eventually had to go home each day. And back inside the brown apartment, things felt so very unpredictable.

I had no control of things happening around me, but they very much affected me. I now know my dad had issues and battles he was fighting that I couldn't have understood as a young girl. But at the time, I just thought he was incredibly unhappy whenever I was home. Therefore, I must be the problem.

And on some level, maybe my dad did think I was part of the problem. I complicated his life. I cost money he didn't have. And, worst of all, I was a girl.

He never wanted a girl. And I was desperate to be a treasured daughter. That's a hard equation for which there is no easy answer. My greatest fear was that my dad would one day stop coming home and I'd be no father's daughter.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst. Copyright © 2016 TerKeurst Foundation. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Lysa TerKeurst is the New York Times bestselling author of The Best Yes. She is president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and writes from her sticky farm table in North Carolina. She still has a crush on her husband, Art, who she’s been married to for twenty-four years. They deeply treasure every minute they can get with their four married kids and one teenager who still keeps them very young. Connect with her at www.LysaTerKeurst.com.

Customer Reviews

Average Review:

Post to your social network

     

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See all customer reviews

Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely (Signed Book) 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 8 reviews.
kp68 9 months ago
On the pages of Univited, the author, Lysa Terkeurst, encourages you to look past the feelings of being left behind, and to instead focus on the truth that you are handpicked by God for His purposes in this world! As you walk through the up and downs of life and end up feeling rejected yet again, Lysa leads you to ask three simple questions: Is God good? Is God good to me? Do I trust God to be God? Lysa will lead you to answer these questions and more in a way that only Lysa can! Lysa will also share with you moments in her life, when she has experienced rejection and how God led her to a place of triumph over them. I am sure you will enjoy this read! I received this book from Thomas Nelson in exchange for my unbiased review.
Teadrinker 9 months ago
I don't know about you but I often feel like I am the only one. The only one that has been left out, rejected, lonely or less than. Not so says Lysa TerKeurst in her latest book, Uninvited. TerKeurst shares her own experiences of feeling left out in life, along with some Bible characters that have also faced feelings of rejection. Uninvited is another one of those books where you feel like you are sitting in the coffee shop leaning towards Lysa and hearing her share her heart with you. In Uninvited, she shares a lot of ways we can learn to change our thinking about ourselves, about situations and about facing a room full of strangers at the next large gathering. There is a lot of good advice in this book. At the same time, that advice doesn't feel all preachy instead it feels up close and personal, like it is coming from someone who really cares to help you make life changes. At the end of Uninvited there is a Bonus Chapter called, What's It Like to Do Life with Me? followed by an assessment to use with that chapter. In my opinion this part alone would be worth the price of the book. TerKeurst also shares Scriptures that relate to each chapter that are written out in the back. She follows that section with highlights from each chapter that she doesn't want you to forget. I would recommend this book to anyone trying to come to grips with rejection and loneliness. To coincide with the book, Proverbs 31 is offering an online Bible study that starts September 6 and ends October 14. I have done the on-line Bible studies before and they have been very helpful to me.
swimreadbreathe4JC 9 months ago
Uninvited is the latest release by Lysa Terkeurst. I've really enjoyed her past releases and have found them to be very relatable. This was no different. Uninvited discusses the power of rejection. With real-life anecdotes from the author and applicable Scripture verses, this book really touched me. I think everyone has dealt with rejection in one form or another; I know I have. Uninvited not only provided ways to deal with past rejection, but also helped to prepare for similar pains in the future. This is a book that you will want to buy in paperback so that you can properly highlight it and write notes in the margin. I would highly recommend this to all women, especially those who are teens or above. It's a message that will appeal to many generations. In addition, I have heard that all of the profits of this book are going to charity. Also, I just really love the cover. :) Thank you so much to Thomas Nelson publishers and their Book Look bloggers program, as well as Net Galley, for providing me with a copy of this book to read and review. All opinions are my own and were not required to be positive. *Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it on my blog. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.*
gbautista72 3 months ago
Good book. There is very helpful information. Lysa addresses when one has felt rejected, left out, cast aside or feeling unloved at times. An easy book to read. I always enjoy the humor. I like the "Things I Don't Want To Forget" & the great list all of the bible verses that were used in each chapter.
caeb19 7 months ago
Have you ever felt less than, left out, or lonely? Yes? Me too. And so has author Lysa TerKeurst, as she shares in her latest book, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. Weaving together Biblical insights, personal stories, and tangible action points, Lysa encourages readers to start to live loved and then she unpacks what that looks like in the face of rejection. Overall, I really enjoyed the book. I found myself grabbing a pen to underline things that I want to go back and really meditate on in the days to come. I could relate to some of the experiences Lysa shared (like sitting alone at a table in a room full of people), and I appreciated her candor and openness. I thought Lysa did a good job of diving into the area of rejection and bringing it back to the Bible and what God says about who we are and how we are loved. Another thing I resonated with in the book was the reminder of how important it is to say no to the flesh, to rely on Truth and not on feelings, and to make our thoughts obedient to the Truth of Christ. The book itself has a few cool features at the end too, like an assessment, a list of Scriptures by chapter, and a recap of the main points. I would definitely recommend this book to others seeking to overcome the sting of rejection in their lives. Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Writingsof_Rosie 7 months ago
Oh my stars. I wish I could have had this book a couple years ago. It would have saved me so much hurt. But I didn't, and that's okay. God brought me through and helped me work through it. In her book, Mrs. TerKeurst walks through how to overcome the pain of past or present rejection, and how to in turn live loved. If you've ever tasted that bitter sting of being rejected, I strongly recommend you pick this book up. As she points out, not tending to these wounds just allow a seed of bitterness to grow in your heart. You need to quit ignoring the problem and address it, and Mrs. TerKeurst helps you do just that. Now, this book will not replace going to a counselor if that is what you need. But it has helped me in so many ways. Mrs. TerKeurst writes in such a relatable fashion, she shares her heart and her struggles. She reminded me that I wasn't alone. And that I wasn't the only one who had ever felt this way. She was encouraging and uplifting. I thought I would have gotten this review up sooner, except I had to keep going back and re-read chapters. This isn't some casual afternoon read, this book provokes thought and requires time to soak it all in. I could barely make it through a couple chapters at a time. Normally, that would be a bad thing but not this time! I have faced a lot of rejection this year. Maybe now that the wounds have started to heal I'll write about it. But until then, I can't recommend this book enough. If you're hurting, at least use this book as a starting place. Spend time in the scriptures she lists, and definitely pray. God will work wonders on your heart through Mrs. TerKeurst, if you'll let Him. He did just that for me! Thank you, Lysa, for being bold enough to write this book. I can't thank you enough! I received this book from BookLook Bloggers in return for an honest review of my opinions, which I have done. Thanks!
JennGrand 8 months ago
I was already a Lysa TerKeurst fan, but this book. Whew. This book kicked my butt, in the best way possible. I don’t know ANYone who hasn’t felt left out, lonely or less than at one point or another in their life. There are different seasons you walk through, and this book can impact anyone at any age. Seriously. Lysa speaks with such vulnerability with stories and experiences from her own life and experience with rejection, you can’t help but relate to her. She gives biblical truth on how to combat that rejection, and work towards not letting that rejection ruin your life or your day. We will all face rejection in our lives, and this book is exactly the tool needed to fight against the fears and insecurities that rejection can cause and remember moment by moment that you are handpicked by God. READ IT. You won’t be disappointed I promise. [Then go read her other book, The Best Yes, cause that one was amazeballs too!!!]
Anonymous 6 months ago
Absolutely love this book!