Until the Real Thing Comes Along

Until the Real Thing Comes Along

3.2 13
by Elizabeth Berg

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What do you do when your life isn't living up to your dreams? When the man you love is unavailable, and yet you long for a family, a home? What is the cost of compromising until the real thing comes along?
Reading Elizabeth Berg is like having a friend sit down and talk with you about the deepest truths and most perplexing issues in life, and in this


What do you do when your life isn't living up to your dreams? When the man you love is unavailable, and yet you long for a family, a home? What is the cost of compromising until the real thing comes along?
Reading Elizabeth Berg is like having a friend sit down and talk with you about the deepest truths and most perplexing issues in life, and in this exquisite new novel the bestselling author of Talk Before Sleep and The Pull of the Moon once again gives us superb fiction about a passionate woman who solves life's problems in a way that is far from traditional, but close to the wise dictums of the heart.
        Patty Ann Murphy says she's "Ms. Runner-Up" in life. Rarely the bridesmaid, never mind the bride, Patty sells houses for a living (well, she's sold one house so far), longs to be married and have a family, but is irresistibly drawn to the wrong man. Ethan seems perfect for Patty—handsome, generous, and sensitive—but he's hopelessly unavailable. Patty's frustration leads her to feelings she doesn't admire—jealousy of her beautiful best friend, Elaine, for instance, about whom she says, "Find me one woman who doesn't withhold just a bit from another woman who looks like that." She's also worried about her mother, with whom she's very close but who is beginning to act strangely. Patty longs more and more for the consolation of loving and being loved, but for the moment feels she must content herself with waiting—until she can wait no more.
Andre Dubus said about Elizabeth Berg's Durable Goods, "Elizabeth Berg writes with humor and a big heart about resilience, loneliness, love and hope. And thetranscendence that redeems." And the same will be said about Until the Real Thing Comes Along.

Editorial Reviews

The Barnes & Noble Review
Being second runner-up is not an enviable position. The almost-winner might earn sympathetic smiles or polite applause but rarely genuine admiration. However, we all find ourselves in second place at some point, whether with a physique that falls short of supermodel perfection or a career with too few promotions to its name. In her new novel, Unitl the Real Thing Comes Along, Elizabeth Berg introduces us to Patty Murphy, a woman who is no different than the rest of us.

Patty calls herself "Ms. Runner Up" — and with good reason. The man that she loves does not return her romantic affections. Her career as a realtor hit its peak with her last house sale — four years ago. And the clamor of her unfulfilled maternal instincts is rivaled only by the ticktock of her biological clock. But Patty is a spirited, modern woman who is determined not to drown in her own desperation.

Patty's desires are strictly conventional: a traditional domestic life marked with true love running though her heart and toddlers running through her kitchen. However, Patty quickly realizes that there are no conventional solutions within reach. Love is elusive, and the dream of children remains just that: a dream. She does not relent, though, and Berg recounts Patty's quest for her fantasy and, perhaps even more important, emotional peace.

As in Berg's previous novels, What We Keep and Talk Before Sleep, the minute details of daily life lend familiarity and clarity to her characters' lives. However, these rich images create the fabric of Patty's dream worldratherthan her reality. She yearns for the details that belong to other people's lives, such as individually wrapped slices of American cheese between pudgy toddler hands. She craves the snap of clean sheets being thrown over her imaginary marital bed. These minute cornerstones of daily life give Patty's fantasies a palpable quality.

In the same manner that she focuses on the finer points of domestic life, Berg uses seemingly ordinary dialogue to shed light on the greater emotions at hand. While she touches on the melodramatic, she understands that the strongest, most influential moments are the small ones — a stumbling, candid exchange between two insomniacs or the strained pleasantries between two friends on a long road trip. Berg draws us into her story with these simple exchanges, which are so personal we almost feel guilty for eavesdropping.

Also typical of Berg is the role of relationships in revealing her characters' beliefs, feelings, and actions. Though this novel focuses on Patty, her interactions define her just as clearly as her inner thoughts do. The variety of Patty's relationships serves more to emphasize the craving and contentment in her life than to sustain unique plots. Berg writes her supporting characters with authority; she does not waver in her characterizations. While they may lack depth at times, her characters have clear, defined personalities and transparent motives.

Berg carefully crafts a variety of dynamic relationships so that readers will find themselves identifying with at least one. Each of Patty's relationships evolves, not content to be defined by a stagnant, single emotion. A friendship, for instance, is plagued by jealousy, and the moments of disagreement are as important as those of bonding. A romance has all the ingredients for true love but still falls hopelessly short of the real thing. And parents who have always stood more as archetypes than people reveal their own weaknesses. Each relationship is an opportunity for Berg to depict what makes humans stretch, strain, conform, and mold to accommodate another human being.

Patty is the focus of the novel, but Berg moves beyond her, enriching her story with a vein of social awareness. Modern themes bring Patty's age-old drive to quench the maternal instinct into the new millennium. Sorrow is given a contemporary face as the result of death by AIDS. Likewise, a homosexual man's emotional longing is a fresh take on relationships. The modern options surrounding Alzheimer's and cancer challenge relationships that were once stable. These external factors also bring Patty to a new, higher level of emotional maturity as she grapples with hardships beyond her own.

What draws us to Patty is Berg's ability to enliven her somewhat common fantasy with a unique solution. As Patty craves domestic fulfillment, the suspense is created in knowing not if she attains it but how. While Patty's dreams make her identifiable as a person, it is her determination that makes her readable as a character.

Berg gives us an old friend in Patty. Our hope for her is not for some concrete resolution but for peace of mind and acceptance of life. As with any friendship, we may not understand Patty's motives or agree with her decisions, but we feel as though she has confided in us and brought us along for the ride.

Kristen Zecchi

Erica Sanders
Though the story of a woman's race against the biological clock has been told many times before, Berg renders her version with subtlety and insight.
People Magazine
Nan Goldberg
Berg's publishing career began in her mid-thirties when she won first prize in an essay contest sponsored by Parents magazine. That auspicious beginning led to hundreds of feature stories, essays, interviews and humor pieces-and the desire to write a novel.

Now, fifteen years later, she's written seven wonderful novels. And that is more than enough reason to listen carefully to the advice she offers for writers in Escaping Into the Open. Berg's principles are simple: "Find your own voice and believe in it"; "Relax"; "If you want to ride, stay on the horse." There is some information here that can be found elsewhere; then again, she includes recipes ("Food for Creative Thought") that you're unlikely to find in any other writing guide. In all, it's a practical, warm and encouraging invitation to the writing life.

Meanwhile, Berg's latest novel, Until The Real Thing Comes Along, concerns Patty Ann Murphy, a woman who makes her emotional commitments quickly and irrevocably-whether she's choosing houses, best friends or men. She's funny, charming, a little insecure and totally loyal. Patty's in her mid-thirties as this novel begins and afraid her biological clock is starting to wind down. The problem is she's still single and there's no solution in sight because Ethan, the man she has always loved, is gay.

Berg's best strength, of an endless array, is her seemingly effortless movement from one character's perspective to another. Whether it's a gay man fleeing the relentless AIDS deaths of friends by trying to will himself straight or the loving husband who tries to maintain a cheerful front while caring for his Alzheimer's-stricken wife, Berg presents authentic people with an ease and honesty that is breathtaking.

Richard Bausch
A little gem of a book.
Entertainment Weekly
The day you open this book you will miss all your appointments because...you will read it straight through.
The Charlotte Observer
Truth rings out clearly from every page. Berg captures the way women think and especially the way they talk to other women...as well as any writer I can think of. You'll want to give a copy to every good woman friend you have.
Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Leave it to Berg (What We Keep) to put a quirky, melancholic spin on the familiar story of an ordinary woman's quest for marriage and children. Sparkling and witty, this novel stars self-conscious dreamer Patty Murphy, a single, 36-year-old Massachusetts realtor who seesaws from hope to despair between blind dates and manicure appointments. She worries about the ticking of her biological clock--and how to "keep her eggs healthy"--and although "it's been a long time since I've been kissed by anyone but family members," she tries to stay optimistic. The biggest barrier between Patty and her version of happily-ever-after is that Ethan, the man she's in love with, is not only her ex-fianc e and lifelong best friend, but also gay. Ethan wants children, too, and eventually Patty talks him into having a baby with her. But will Patty, who's still desperate for Ethan's true love, be satisfied with what amounts to a compromise solution? Berg is facile in transforming familiar elements into apt metaphors, and her smooth transitions between tragedies and joys are punctuated with lively humor. Real life intrudes as background to Patty's dreams: Ethan struggles with his sexual orientation in the time of AIDS, and Patty copes with her mother's worsening Alzheimer's. In the face of these traumas, Patty's fixation on an idyllic apple-pie vision of domestic serenity can seem somewhat anachronistic, even frustrating, for the reader. Her longing for a different life wreaks emotional havoc for all who love her, especially as she manipulates the affectionate, lonely father-to-be. But even readers who don't empathize with Patty's neurotic but ultimately endearing search for domestic fulfillment will be affected by Berg's poignant and clever tale and her zestful combination of commercial and literary appeal. Agent, Lisa Bankoff for ICM. Major ad/promo; author tour; reading group guide. FYI: Berg won the NEBA award for fiction in 1997. Copyright 1999 Cahners Business Information.
Library Journal
The prolific Berg explores familiar territory in this slight novel about the conflict between the failures of dating and the biological clock. Patty Ann Murphy's half-hearted efforts at selling real estate are matched by her search for the perfect man. Not that any date could possibly measure up to her best friend, Ethan. Of course, he is gay, though she hasn't noticed all the clues. Berg successfully uses humor in some sections as Patty finally does become pregnant, but much of the story is overwhelmed with her whining. Ethan is a far more interesting character. There are, however, some touching subplots that deal tenderly with larger issues, and ultimately this is a harmless bit of light listening, with reading by Paula Parker, appropriate for the beach or a long winter's night. Recommended only for larger fiction collections.--Joyce Kessel, Villa Maria Coll., Buffalo Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.\
NY Times Book Review
Berg's writing is spare and direct and she draws you right into the world of Patty Anne Murphy, a 36-year-old woman who is single and unhappy about it.
Kirkus Reviews
The biological clock is ticking in this latest take on the angst and ills of contemporary women by veteran Berg (What We Keep, 1998, etc.). Patty Hansen, the 36-year-old narrator, is plucky, close to her family, and probably too kind for her own good. A real-estate agent in a coastal Massachusetts town, she's too polite to chase after clients and often spends hours with people who have no intention of buying. Her social life is on hold, too, since Ethan, her former fiancé and the only man she's ever loved, told her a few years back that he was gay. Patty's known Ethan since the sixth grade, when he once saved her from being beaten up. Now, she's tired of blind dates and longs to have a baby of her own. One evening, anxious about what seems an increasingly limited future, she calls Ethan and asks whether he would make her pregnant. He is surprisingly willing (he wants children, too), Patty conveniently gets pregnant that night, and both parents-to-be are equally thrilled. Ethan doesn't want to get married, but he suggests that they move out to Minnesota for a while to see if they can live together. Once there, though, Patty—lonely, pregnant, and homesick—soon realizes that Ethan will always be drawn to men. When her mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she heads back home in time for the baby (a girl)to be born. Reconciled to being a single mom, Patty makes a new life for herself. As she watches the loving way her father copes with her mother's illness, she realizes that life is what you make of it and that she has enough good things going for her, at least for the moment. Neatly affirmative solutions to trendy problems. Not Berg's best.

From the Publisher
"Touching . . . [A] deft, sweet, and often comic novel."
—Chicago Tribune

—Los Angeles Times

"A PERCEPTIVE COMEDY OF MODERN MANNERS . . . At the end of each undemanding day, Patty goes home to an empty apartment and listens to her biological clock ticking as ominously as Captain Hook's crocodile. . . . Patty wants a husband and a baby, and not necessarily in that order. . . . But Patty has a problem. Try as she might, there is only one man she can love—her best friend, Ethan—and try as Ethan might, he is quite firmly and intractably gay. With rueful good humor, Until the Real Thing Comes Along shows how Patty and Ethan come to terms with the impossibility of having it all."
—The Boston Globe

"BERG WRITES WITH HUMOR AND UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MATTERS OF THE HEART. . . . The author's generous view of humanity is evident in her characters, who walk right off the page they are so well and truly drawn."
—St. Louis Post Dispatch

—New York Daily News


Product Details

Random House Publishing Group
Publication date:
Product dimensions:
6.46(w) x 9.60(h) x 0.95(d)

Read an Excerpt

I used to think that the best thing to do when you had the blues was to soak in a bathtub full of hot water, submerge yourself so that only the top half of your head was in the outer world. You could feel altered and protected. Weightless. You could feel mysterious, like a crocodile, who is bound up with the wisdom of the natural world and does not concern herself with the number of dates she has per month or the biological time clock. You could feel purified by the rising steam. Best of all, you could press a washrag across your chest, and it would feel like the hand of your mother when you were little and suffering from a cold, and she'd lay her flat palm on you to draw the sickness out.

The problem with the bathtub method is that you have to keep fooling with the faucet to keep the water temperature right, and that breaks the healing spell. Besides that, as soon as you get out of the tub the solace disappears as quickly as the water, and you are left with only your annoying lobster self, staring blankly into the mirror.

These days I believe that museums are the place to go to lose your sorrow. Fine-art museums with high ceilings and severe little boxes mounted on the wall to measure the level of humidity; rooms of furniture displayed so truly the people seem to have just stepped out for a minute; glass cases full of ancient pottery in the muted colors of old earth. There are mummies, wearing the ultimate in long-lasting eyeliner; old canvases that were held between the hands of Vermeer; new canvases with emphatic smears of paint. The cafés have pastry as artful as anything else in the building; gift shops are stocked with jewelry modeled after the kind worn byRenaissance women--the garnet-and-drop-pearl variety. I buy that kind of jewelry, in love with its romantic history and the sight of it against the black velvet. Then I bring it home and never wear it because it looks stupid with everything I have. But it is good to own anyway, for the pleasure of laying it on the bedspread and then sitting beside it, touching it.

What I like most about museums is that the eVorts of so many people remain so long after they are gone. They made their marks. If you are an artist, you can hope to achieve that. If you are not an artist, you believe that having children is the closest you'll come.
Well, that's what I believe. And anyway, I have always preferred the company of children; I just like to be around them. Whenever my large family gets together on holidays, I sit at the kids' card table. It's so much more relaxing, what with the way the dishes are plastic, and manners of any kind optional. So much more interesting, too--no talk about current events, no holding forth by any overweight, overeducated aunt or uncle. There is talk only about things that are astonishing. Facts about the red ant, say, or the elaborate retelling of an unfortunate incident, such as the one where a kid vomited on the teacher's desk.
I always thought I'd have five or six children, and I have imagined so many lovely domestic scenes featuring me and my offspring. Here we are outside on a hot summer day, running through the sprinkler. The children wear bright fluorescent bathing suits in pink and green and yellow; I wear cutoffs and a T-shirt. There is fruit salad in the refrigerator. Later, I will let the older kids squirt whipped cream for the younger ones; then, if they pester me enough in the right way, I'll let them squirt it into their mouths--and mine.
Or here I am at the grocery store, my married hands unloading graham crackers and packages of American cheese that have already been broken into due to the eager appetite of the toddler in the carriage, who is dressed in tiny OshKosh overalls over a striped shirt. His fine hair, infused with gold and red, curls up slightly at the back of his neck. His swinging feet are chubby and bare; he has flung his sneakers and socks on top of the family-size pack of chicken breasts. His brothers and sisters are in school. Later in the afternoon, he will stand at the living-room window, watching for them to come home, squealing and bending his knees in a little joy dance when he sees them marching down the sidewalk toward him, swinging their lunch boxes in high, bright-colored arcs.

I have imagined myself making dinner while my dark-haired daughter sits at the kitchen table. She is making me a picture of a house with window boxes, choosing crayons with slow care. She is wearing yellow turtle barrettes in her hair, and a bracelet she made from string. "Hey, Mommy," she says, "do you want flowers on the ground, too?" Oh yes, I say. Sure. "Me too," she says. We smile.

I have imagined a fleshy constellation of small children and me, spread out and napping on my big bed while the newest baby sleeps in her crib. The pulled-down shades lift with the occasional breeze, then slap gently back against the windowsill. If you listen carefully, you can hear the small breathing sounds of the children, their soothing, syncopated rhythms. There is no other sound, not even from the birds; the afternoon is holding its finger to its lips. All the children have blankets and all of them are sucking their thumbs. All of them are read to every night after their baths. All of them think they are the favorite. None of them has ever had an illness of any kind, or ever will. (I mean, as long as I'm imagining.)
What I never imagined was the truth: me at thirty-six years of age, lying around on top of my made bed on a beautiful winter afternoon with shades pulled for an entirely diVerent reason, thinking, Why didn't I marry Johnny Tranchilla? So he was shorter than I was. He was very handsome and very romantic. He had black curly hair and naturally red lips. He sent me a love note in the mail after our first date and he was only nineteen, how brave! His father was loaded. He wore Weejuns with no socks. I could have been happy. Then I go on through the rest of my short list, thinking of the men I might possibly have married. Ron Anderson, who became a mildly famous artist and now lives in a huge
A-frame in the Rocky Mountains with his blonde wife, who is more beautiful than I'll ever be but not as much fun, I can guarantee it. She would never have broken into the planetarium like I did with Ron, would never have entered into the famous mustard-and-catsup fight at D.J.'s diner at three in the morning.

There was Tim Connor, too, who was quiet and tender and reliable--not exciting, but one grows tired of that after one is, oh, say, ninety-five. Frank Olds became a neurosurgeon! I could have lived in material comfort instead of making dinners out of soda crackers and cottage cheese and repeatedly showing houses to people who will never buy any of them.
The reason I didn't marry any of the various men I might have is always the same: Ethan Allen Gaines. I fell in love with him in sixth grade, and I never, never stopped loving him, not even after we tried to have a serious relationship in our late twenties and failed, and he took me out to dinner to a very nice place to break oV our engagement and told me it was because he was gay. "Oh, Ethan," I said, "that's okay, I'll marry you anyway." It was as inadvertent and embarrassing as a piece of meat flying out of my mouth. Ethan nodded, looked away. And then back at me. And I knew that was the end of that. Knew it in my head, anyway. The heart is always a diVerent matter. I kept the ring. It lives in a box as beautiful as it is.

"I told you," my friend Elaine said the day after we broke up. "I told you! Who else would keep rolled-up towels on their bathroom sink?"
"They were hand towels," I said.
". . . And?"
"A lot of people roll up their hand towels."
"Patty. It wasn't just the towels."
"I know," I said. "I know!"
But I hadn't known. I hadn't let myself.
Because consider this: once Ethan and I were at a lake and he rented a boat because I said I had never learned how to row. He told me what to do, made me get in alone, and watched from shore, shouting encouragement. I got stuck. I dropped an oar. Ethan was telling me how to come in with one oar, but I was just going around in circles. "I can't do it!" I yelled. He put a hand to his forehead, shielding his eyes, and yelled back, "Yes, you can!" But I couldn't. And so he waded out to me in his beautiful new brown tweed pants and white sweater and pulled me in. And I sat, hanging onto both sides of the boat, watching the sun in his yellow hair and the moving muscles of his back. And when he got me in, we sat in the grass and he was wringing out his pants and sweater and dumping water from his shoes and I said I was so sorry, I knew how expensive those clothes were--they were from Anthony's, a very exclusive men's shop that served you Chivas in a cut-crystal glass while you fingered linens and silks. Ethan asked if I wanted to go shopping and I said sure, I'll buy you some new clothes, but not from Anthony's. He said no, I'll buy an outfit for both of us. I said, I ruined your pants! Why would you buy me an outfit? And he said because you can't row a boat.

The day before that, we'd been to see a movie with an exquisitely sad ending, the kind that makes your insides feel made of glass. My throat ached when the lights came up; I wanted to just run out of there so I wouldn't have to hear anything anyone said. Ethan's face seemed full of what I felt, too. "Run," he whispered, and we did. We ran to his car and slammed the doors and sat still, staring straight ahead and saying not one word. Then I looked over at him and he took my hand and said, "I know."

On the night Ethan told me he was gay, I said that admitting it must be a very liberating experience, that it must feel good. He said it did in many ways, but it hurt him that he had to hurt me. I said, well, we would always be best friends, wouldn't we? He said of course.
I didn't cry until I came home and climbed into the bathtub. Then I sobbed for a good twenty minutes. And then I leaned back, laid the washrag over my chest, inhaled the steamy air, and thought about when Ethan had come over when I was sick, just a few weeks earlier. He'd made chicken soup and three kinds of Jell-O, brought with him a variety of cheeses and crackers and fruit. He'd treated me with a tenderness that was somehow too competent. I'd watched him, longing for him to come over to me, kneel down, knock over my ginger ale, ignore it, take my hand, and say, "If you ever die, I'll kill myself." But he didn't do that. He ran his hand sweetly over my forehead, went to adjust the flame under the soup; then, frowning, flipped through the channels on the television. He covered me with a quilt he'd laundered, patted my feet aVectionately, then made a phone call. I felt as though he were zipped into a self that was hiding the real him--I could get close, but not there. I had put it down to a normal kind of male reticence, the kind that has a woman sigh and put her hand on her hip and call a girlfriend. I had believed that with the trust and intimacy of marriage it would get better--he would open himself completely to me.

But that night, with my engagement ring newly off my finger (though the stubborn indentation of it remained), I slid deeper into the water and thought about all the times Ethan and I had made love. Then I thought about those times again, and saw them true. I pulled the washrag up over my face. Beneath it, I think I was blushing.

Meet the Author

Elizabeth Berg’s novels Open House, The Pull of the Moon, Range of Motion, What We Keep, Never Change, and Until the Real Thing Comes Along were bestsellers. Durable Goods and Joy School were selected as ALA Best Books of the Year. Talk Before Sleep was an ABBY finalist and a New York Times bestseller. In 1997, Berg won the NEBA Award in fiction, and in 2000 her novel Open House was named an Oprah’s Book Club selection. She lives in Chicago.

Brief Biography

Chicago, Illinois
Date of Birth:
December 2, 1948
Place of Birth:
St. Paul, Minnesota
Attended the University of Minnesota; St. Mary¿s College, A.A.S.

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Until the Real Thing Comes Along 3.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 13 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This by far is my favorite book!! I absolutely loved it!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love Elizabeth Berg and this novel certainly lives up to the highest expectations. It's hilarious and real. It will fill your heart while it entertains your brain.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Although I love Elizabeth Berg's writing, this was not one of her better efforts. The story and the characters were pretty weak and I found I didn't really care what happened to them in their neurotic little worlds.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was easy to read, but I found the characters to be a little weak. The story was okay, I expected a little more detail, and things just happend, for me at least, a little too quickly. I wanted Patty to go through a little more than she did.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This novel was... okay. The main character truly annoyed me. She has this amazing fantasy life she lives in... and she doesn't even realize it's all in her head. Her constant thoughts of babies are full of whimsy & the fantasy of what it's like to have a child... she's the perfect parent w/ the perfect children in the perfect home. Nice fantasies, but she seems to have no idea that THAT is not reality. She's selfish & superficial. It was nice when Patty & her friend Elaine admitted this... but she still remained selfish. She loves her mother so much, but never shows that she is at all concerned about her strange behavior. Her gay guy Ethan is unrealistic. I kept reading to see if Patty would have some sort of epiphany, but no... she had none. My favorite chapter is the last one... where she seems to be happy for her friends, and herself instead of PO'd, jealous, and living in a fantasy world. It IS a fast read... and an ok story - yet I got nothing from this book... no real feelings of... "Oh, I can relate" to any of the characters. Much of a surface book... I didn't find much depth.
Guest More than 1 year ago
The reader has the delicious opportunity to share the main character's 'unimportant' inner thoughts... silly little thoughts about everyday things that will make you giggle inside. It was a lot of fun.
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I especially liked Patty's character because it reminded me of myself- always going for the "nice guy"(who ends up being the wrong guy). She also reminded me of my friends- I want it. I want it now. I can have it regardless if everyone else is wanting the same thing.It reminds me so much of a point I covered in my book.