Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Understanding and Managing Social Challenges for Those With Asperger's/Autismby Temple Grandin, Sean Barron
Pub. Date: 12/28/2004
Publisher: Future Horizons, Inc.
Dr. Grandin and Barron address the social challenges those with autism and Asperger's face, explaining in the process how confusing and illogical normal societal rules can be. They also address the ""unwritten rules"" that most children understand instinctively but are a mystery to those on the spectrum. They teach how to trust feelings, be assertive in a positive… See more details below
Dr. Grandin and Barron address the social challenges those with autism and Asperger's face, explaining in the process how confusing and illogical normal societal rules can be. They also address the ""unwritten rules"" that most children understand instinctively but are a mystery to those on the spectrum. They teach how to trust feelings, be assertive in a positive way, and deal with negative people and situations.
- Future Horizons, Inc.
- Publication date:
- Edition description:
- New Edition
- Sales rank:
- Product dimensions:
- 6.23(w) x 9.22(h) x 1.20(d)
Table of Contents
Two perspectives on Social Thinking
Scene 1. My World is What I Do by Temple Grandin
Scene 2. A Different Perspective on social Awareness by Sean Barron
Two Minds: Two Paths
How the Autistic Way of Thinking Affects Social Understanding
The Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships
Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based
Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things
Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes.
It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day.
Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy
Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in Any Situation
Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend
Rule #7: People Act Differently in Public than They Do in Private
Rule #8: Know When You’re Turning People Off
Rule #9: “Fitting In” is Often Tied to Looking and Sounding Like You Fit In
Rule # 10: People are Responsible for Their Own Behaviors
and post it to your social network
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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This book really covers the difficulties that people on the autism spectrum have with recognizing and implementing social behaviors everyone else takes for granted. Both authors give a lot of information about how they think and how they thought as children in addition to covering the overarching rules that govern our interactions whether we acknowledge them or not. The strong emphasis on personal responsibility and understanding how and when to be flexible makes me feel that this book would be good reading for a lot of people who are not on the autism spectrum but still seem to have missed the memos on those topics. I would highly recommend this book both to my fellow autism-spectrum brethren and to any parent or teacher who is bewildered by a child on the spectrum.
I have been reading Temple's work for more than two decades. This book is by far her most practical and useful. Temple and Sean collaborate to create a resource that is without parallel. They often speak to parents and clinicians in their writing, but as an adult with AS, I found this to have direct and immediate applications for my everyday life. I have used the 10 rules and the hundreds of tips and "points to keep in mind" as a guide to identifying social skills I need to better develop. Sometimes I found myself thinking back to when I learned a particular rule. Other times the content provided and Ahha moment in which a mystery of social etiquite was first comprehensible to me. To help me learn the rules and to think through how to apply them in my life, I went through and typed out each rule, point to remember, and italicized sentence that was new or that put words around a concept I previously did not understand. The resulting document (a bulleted list more than 20 pages single spaced long) has been useful as I work with a coach one rule at a time to check whether I am correctly understanding and applying the rule. One feature of this book I especialy like is that Sean and Temple share their sometimes very different perspectives on the topic along with stories about how they learned a rule. They richly illustrate the diversity of social and life experiences that adults on the spectrum may have had. They use their differences as an opportunity to remind readers that there may be more than one "right" way to deal with a difficult situation. Another feature I appreciated was the work done by Editor Veronica Zysk to weave the Temple and Sean's stories together to form a coherent whole. She occassionally adds narration to the text to help the reader understand the thought processes being described. If you have (or think you might have) AS and you are looking for a self-help resource on social rules, you will not find a finer one than this book. The book is especially helpful for adults with above average IQ who struggle to understand the unwritten rules that most people seem to understand intuitively. I also strongly recommend this book for parents, teachers, and therapists who work with children, teens, and adults with AS.
Temple Grandin is credited with bringing the tough subject of autism out in the open. She is a strong advocate for autistic adults and children in securing the type of education and emotional support they need. Her first book, Emergence: Labeled Autistic, is a seminal work that makes you rethink your notions of what it means to be autistic. In this book on social skills, Temple and her coauthor Barron break down the mystery of social relationships so that they make more sense to the autistic mind.
This is one of the best books I have ever read in conjunction with the "unwritten" rules society places upon those on the spectrum - rules that everyone else understands and accepts, but ones that do not make sense to the rest of us!