Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out on Releationship and Recovery

Your not alone

Before I read this book, I wondered what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I communicate with people, why did I do things this way, why didn't I think logically. I felt inadequate in every situation. I was never like that before this relationship. Now I see I'm not the only one who was made to feel small,dumb, or awkward, etc. I realize I don't have to feel like that. I can make a change.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Heart-wrenching stories from verbal-abuse victims

Author Patricia Evans meticulously researched, described and documented verbal abuse in her previous book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. This time, she gives domestic abuse a human face by including the experiences of verbal abuse survivors, recounted in their own words. You witness their struggles, confusion, pain and courage as they endure abuse, rediscover themselves and, ultimately, hopefully, move on. Particularly heart-wrenching are the stories of women whose abuse was denied, not only by their abusers, but also by their family, friends and even their counselors, exacerbating their feelings of isolation, guilt and bewilderment. One survivor says, ¿When I talked to a therapist about it, she said to go shopping.¿ Evans covers the same ground as in her previous books, but the addition of excerpts from victims¿ letters makes it worth the read. If you feel you might be suffering from verbal abuse, or care about someone who is, getAbstract recommends Evans¿ book. For relationship counselors and therapists, it¿s required reading.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Accurate and helpful

This book is dead-on accurate. I read it, nodding and saying to myself, 'Yup, that's him.' Sadly, the comments that women had written to the author made me say, 'Yup, that's me.' I already knew the situation I was in, but didn't have all the answers. This book filled in the blanks, and filled me with sorrow. For example, survivors of physical and verbal abuse said that the verbal abuse was by far the worst of the two. Also, that most abusers are clueless that they are doing any harm. This book was more helpful, though, than anything else I've seen or heard. An appendix of places in every state to contact for help was deeply appreciated.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

One Entity

This book help me to deal with the anguish...the confusion in the midst of caring deeply for my abuser. I didn't want to leave but I had to. Reading this book brought me back to me and assisted me in making the decision to leave the abusive siuation. He felt he and I were 'One Entity'. He wanted me to place him above GOD.....he and I were one. When he figured out I was strong and it started. He didn't want me to think for myself when it came to him...he would do the thinking. He said I should apply my logic to everthing, everybody, every situation except for him. I resisted and it got crazy. When I read this book, I cried until my face hurt like I had been hit with a bat. And though my relationship is over with the abuser, I still feel the effects. I refer to this book to help me through those times. If your are is this precarious situation get this book...get strong...empower yourself and leave. You might think you can take it for whatever reasons....but the suttle effects of verbal abuse...well it's like water dripping on a rock. Over time it will weaken the rock! Run...run now!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Relief

Relief is what you feel when reading this book. I did not want to be an 'abused wife'. I was always making up excuses to myself about he really didn't mean it. Reading this book allows you to identify your situation thru other when it is to hard to believe it is happening to you. Gradually little by little you can let the fear be accepted so that you can learn deal with it.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Astounding Book That Changed My Life

By the second page of the introduction I began to cry with profound relief. I had been experiencing everything Patricia Evans described for 16 years, assuming I was to blame. Not even couple therapy acknowledged or identified this problem for what it was. This book essentially gave me back my self and my life. I have nothing but gratitude for Patricia Evans and The Verbally Abusive Relationship. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

The Spectrum of Abuse

This book is a testimony from hell - the transparent torture chamber that verbal abuse - recurrent, unpredictable, tauntin - often becomes. It is a horror story disguised as passioned observations of victims and perpetrators. Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the 'silent treatment'), manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, or consistently tactless - is to abuse. To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore - are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Narcissists are masters of abusing surreptitiously. They are 'stealth abusers'. You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse. This book is as close as it gets to the real life experience. An eye (rather, ear) opener. Sam Vaknin, author of 'Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited'.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Everyone needs this information.

This book was recommended to me by a counselor. I feel that everyone should have knowledge of this type of behavior. This author helps make sense out of the confusion that a verbally abused woman lives in. Very enlightening.

'Abuser'

An abuser. That's what I am, supposedly. I read the book because my wife asked me to. If you accept Evans' framework, any man who hurts a woman's feelings is an abuser. Now, I believe that there are many (far too many) mean and brutal men who use words to intentionally hurt their partners. I am NOT one of them, but Evans makes every man an abuser whose partner is emotionally upset by what he might say to her. This work promtes a victim mentality and offers no real help for overcoming strife and conflict in a couple's relationship. If you buy this book, be very careful of the world view that underlies the thesis. Patriarchy, domination, control, oppression, and violence are assumed to be the normal way that men engage women. There is significant warpage here and I am afraid it is destroying my marriage.

It's not just for women

I just don't understand why all such books are talking about men? Women are very lethal in verbal attack too! I am a man and also a victim. I have endured no less suffers than any woman out there.

an affirmation that I am not crazy

I spent 12 years in abusive relationship thinking I was crazy..Patricia Evans gave me my sanity back..I now know that it wasn't me. No more I'm sorry's for something I didn't do. I defintely uh huh'd every page in agreement...

amazing, insightful, would highly recommend

Finally I had found the answers I had been looking for after so much confusion! This book is a godsend for those involved with a verbally abusive or controlling person. Sometimes verbal abuse isn't the extreme of yelling or namecalling, it can be more subtle but damaging. The author goes into detail about trivializing, countering, withholding, any many other tactics of verbal abusers that invalidate and control their partner. It is a crucial read, I would recommend it to anyone in a relationship with someone whose behavior they are confused by~ it is an eyeopener and potentially a lifesaver. I am so grateful I found this book and was able to understand what I had been going through. It also offers great guides for healing and recovery as well as a chapter for therapists.

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