The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans, Paperback | Barnes & Noble
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond

4.2 70
by Patricia Evans
     
 

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In this fully expanded and updated third edition of the bestselling classic, you learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life.

In two all-new chapters,

Overview

In this fully expanded and updated third edition of the bestselling classic, you learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life.

In two all-new chapters, Evans reveals the Outside Stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse--and shows you how you can mitigate the devastating effects on your relationships. She also outlines the Levels of Abuse that characterize this kind of behavior--from subtle, insidious put-downs that can erode your self-esteem to full-out tantrums of name-calling, screaming, and threatening that can escalate into physical abuse.

Drawing from hundreds of real situations suffered by real people just like you, Evans offers strategies, sample scripts, and action plans designed to help you deal with the abuse--and the abuser.

This timely new edition of The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition puts you on the road to recognizing and responding to verbal abuse, one crucial step at a time!

Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
This unique self-help book for women provides insight into "psychological repression," the demeaning put-downs and threats that may accompany or precede physical battering.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781558505827
Publisher:
Adams Media
Publication date:
02/28/2003
Edition description:
REV
Pages:
224
Product dimensions:
5.48(w) x 8.48(h) x 0.63(d)

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Verbally Abusive Relationship 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 70 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was always wondering why I couldn't do enough to please him. It wasn't enough...no matter how good the toilet was it wasn't good enough. When I went unhappily to clean it better he would say I was so defensive of a suggestion. That I was trying starting something by digging my heals in the ground just to try to piss him off. He told me I did things on purpose because I got enjoyment out of pissing him off. He could graph my wanting to argue when I would want to discuss an emotional issue. So, I became numb and a just remained there for the financial security. I have 2 teenagers who are suffering from my putting up with this, to a point they have lost respect for me. This was my first book and it won't be my last...I will not remain in this situation much longer. I do not feel it is my fault any longer to have an opinion or it is not my fault if the bed isn't made correctly. It is his for thinking because he makes the money that he is better and that I need to be his slave. I have to let a bit of anger out so I don't need validation and go ask him one more time what he is mad at and be ignored and told that I just want to start something. I'm DONE. My counselor suggested this book on my second visit. I read it in a day and a half. Wow is all I can say. If allowed you may email me.
Guest More than 1 year ago
People tend to think that being verbally abusive is cussing, swearing and name calling when in Fact it is also...looks and sometimes Not Talking...Verbal Abuse takes on MANY Forms....I have literally read hundreds of books many being self-help!!! This one was So GOOD that a counselor friend of mine that I gave a copy to....Taught a class on It!!! I had been married over 20 years and when I read this book I realized that my Ex-husband had at one time or another used every tactic in this book! ( I said ex-husband) You won't be disappointed...even for everyday what seems to be normal relationships and marriages can Greatly benefit from this book! FIVE STARS!!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I have always had a problem sticking up for myself and felt that I was not being 'nice' if I spoke back or spoke firm with anyone. This book has been extremely helpful and actually showed specific examples of a conversation one might have in a relationship and gave various exapmples of apporopriate responses. After only reading one chapter, I learned 'healthy' responses to use in a conversaation. I also learned that it is MY JOB to build a relationship with someone and I am responsible for how I let that relationship develop. No one can make me do, feel or say anything I do not want to! Thank you Patricia Evans!!! A grateful reader.....Kathy
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book can change your life. It is very descriptive using word for word instances to recognize verbal abuse and what you can do about taking care of yourself. I recommend this book to everyone. This book is extremely helpful in communicating and how to handle destructive behavior. I give alot of thanks to the author!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I am NOT a certified man hater. I love men. But there are men AND women out there that are verbally and emotionally abusive and they just don't get it. All you can do is get it YOURSELF and make your choices about how YOU are going to deal with it. If your partner refuses to listen to your point of view, doesn't 'see you,' and all situations are a win/lose, then this book is for you. They are just coming from a different perspective than you are. 'Perhaps throwing the book against the wall is a good sign there is not perspective sharing and mutuality going on...'
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book 9 years ago and it saved my life. Now I have a friend I am buying this book for in hopes hers might be saved too. There is no gender bias in this book, it's validation and hope.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I never knew there was a name for the cruel, almost Jekyll & Hyde-like personality exhibited by my partner. The book gave clear descriptions and many examples that made it easy to identify this problem. It also gave helpful suggestions on how to cope.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A lot of good advice, although I think it would be better if it hit on both men AND women as abusers, as I know there are abusive women out there. I can also see from the angry one-star reviews, especially the guy who claims to have thrown the book at the wall..."DENIAL" isn't just a river in Egypt...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great book. I read it in one day. Easy to read. Unbelievably enlightening. Excellent research to back it up. For those that call this psycobabble, they are the ones with the problem, total denial. Fro those that thought it does not apply to men being abused, they are mistaken. It clearly describes the female abuser. This book may not save my marriage but it sure has saved my peace of mind.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
After 10 yrs in a verbally abusive relationship, I found this book. What a Godsend!!! As soon as I was done, I finally had the courage to file for divorce. I have become a very strong and powerful woman as a result of this book. Read it,dont hesitate for a second because it will definetely change your life for the better.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had been verbally abused by my father and two husbands and was getting ready to leave husband #2 when I found this book. It was easy to read and digest the information. It helped me to recognize abuse and understand it. It's been a huge help and I've given this book and referred it to a LOT of people.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I picked up this book at least three times in ten yrs. I was 2 yrs post divorce before I picked it up and recognized myself/ my ex. Duh. Its very hard to recognize being abused while being abused esp abused in the often sneaky ways described. My word, sneaky, Evans is more articulate and provides extensive explanation and examples. This is one book you should read even if you don't think you "fit". I wish I'd read it, much sooner. I dismissed the idea of "verbal" abuse -- both as an actual type of abuse and as the way I was being abused. By the time I realized the not-really-abuse-verbal abuse was abuse it'd progressed to not-really-physical-abuse, just as Evans describes. But enough about me, read the book! At the very least you'll gain understanding of relational and verbal habits that are toxic and wrong -- in media, at work, in public -- even if you are healthy and lucky enough to not experience them in your own personal life.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is wonderful. It helped me understand what happened in my relationship with my ex-husband. I knew something was wrong, but just couldn't figure out what. He had me so turned around, doubting my own reality, etc. A must read for anyone who even thinks they may be verbally abused.
Two_And_Done More than 1 year ago
This book is great as a guide to identifying and responding to a verbally abusive partner.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Verbal abuse might not be as visible as physical abuse, but it can be just as damaging. What makes this type of abuse so insidious is that the victim blames herself, further weakening her self-esteem, instead of placing the responsibility firmly where it belongs ¿ on the abuser. Patricia Evans unmasks verbal abuse in all its hurtful guises, from the most obvious such as yelling and name-calling, to the covert manipulations of sabotage, double-speak and denial. Evans bases her insights and conclusions on extensive research. She uses real-life situations and dialogue to shed light on this dark, destructive ailment ¿ though she sometimes can be repetitive and unnecessarily complex. Her in-depth analysis of the dynamics of verbal abuse may be more suited to therapists and researchers than to victims seeking coping advice. Evans would be the first to say that if you are in imminent danger, get professional help or a cop. We recommend her book to anyone who might be in a verbally abusive relationship or who cares about someone who is. Therapists and counselors will also benefit from this well-researched thesis.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Reading this book has changed my life through me learning the coping techniques for dealing with verbal abuse. However, I do not just recommend it for those's in a verbally abusive relationship. I recommend it to everyone in any type of relationship because it teaches you useful communication skills period. You can also learn to recognize some things in your communicating style that could keep you from possibly unintentionally hurting someone else. I am purchasing the book today for a friend who recently married and is having trouble with what is being said to her. I do not necessarily belive she is in an abusive relationship or not. If she is then this book will help HER reconize it. Either way she needs this valuable information.
Guest More than 1 year ago
After years of looking through self-help books, I finally picked up a copy of this book and didn't put it down until I'd read every word. I didn't know there was a name for what I'd been through, and it was a big relief for me to know that it wasn't just me or my fault. I felt like Patricia Evans had somehow been looking in on my life up until that point and taking notes. Unfortunately, I'm on this web site looking for a copy for a friend who's going through the same thing and not understanding why she feels as badly as she does or what's really going on. This is the best book on this problem that I have ever read and I recommend it very highly.
Guest More than 1 year ago
NO more looking.... this is THE book
Guest More than 1 year ago
i thought that this book was awesome, it has me in it all over( the victim ) it has taught me that i'm not at fault. and only i can stop it. thank you so much.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book saved my life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
My marriage was a mess. My husband would explode and blame me for the simpliest things that I would say. This book showed me it was not my fault and how to put the control back into my life. My husband changed and we are now happily married.
Guest More than 1 year ago
sounds like the writer is part of us that have been through such inhuman treatment from another human , let alone the one that supposed to love you. Life always confusing as long as we stay in the situation.Were not crossed eyed dummies for his pleasure plp !!! We are Human, and EXPECT to be treated as such.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is truly a valuable asset to my now growing array of self help books. I have read many books and saw bits and pieces of myself in other books but I saw so much of myself and my relationship in this book. I was amazed that I was not the only one in the world who was enduring the same thing. Kudos finally a self help book that helps.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I have searched and searched for an answer to what 'I' was doing wrong. After reading this book I was AMAZED at how my life experiences were so exactly described. It opened my eyes to the reality of my situation. In summary it saved my life because it gave me the strength to choose a different road other than suicide.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I bought this book about 4 yrs ago. It was not until I removed myself,(just 2 1/2 months ago),from a 7 yr marriage of verbal, mental and physical abuse that this book came to life for me. I have also received help from my AL-ANON family. Re-reading this book has helped put so many doubts and fears to rest. Thank you so much for so much insight into this subject.