We Need to Talk: A Survival Guide for Tough Conversations

by Joshua Graves, Karen Catlin (Foreword by)

Overview

Drawing from psychology, neuroscience, and years of real-world experience, We Need to Talk provides a practical framework for navigating difficult conversations with confidence and empathy. Whether you're dealing with workplace conflicts, team dynamics, or challenging personal discussions, this book equips you with the tools to transform confrontational situations into opportunities for growth and understanding. No scripts, no shortcuts—just proven strategies that work.

Who Should Read This Book

If you work with other humans, this book is for you. Whether you're a leader trying to build psychological safety on your team, an individual contributor navigating tricky workplace dynamics, or someone who wants to get better at having hard conversations, you'll find practical tools here. While the examples come primarily from technology and creative fields, the framework works across industries and various roles. You'll learn how to transform potentially confrontational situations into opportunities for growth and understanding, all while staying true to your authentic communication style. This isn't about becoming a conflict expert—it's about you feeling confident and capable when those inevitable tough conversations arise.

Takeaways

• Learn the core principles underlying difficult conversations. 
• Delve into how your brain processes conflict. 
• Study a multitude of techniques for maintaining psychological safety. 
• Learn to apply practical solutions to solving real-world problems.  
• Practice handling difficult conversations in your own authentic way. 
• Figure out specific techniques for staying centered, asking the right questions, and keeping your cool when caught off guard. 
• Learn how to navigate the tricky waters of conflict when you don’t agree with your boss. 
• Study de-escalation techniques for a tense situation in order to guide conversations back to productive territory.  
• Say no and mean it!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781959029113
Publisher:	Rosenfeld Media
Publication date:	04/15/2025
Pages:	296
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Joshua Graves is the founder of Lost Horse Labs, a human-centered design company. He is an expert in human-centered design and communication. With over 15 years of experience studying how people interrelate, navigate challenges, and solve complex problems, Joshua has become a recognized expert in human-centered design and communication.

His extensive background includes building and leading design teams, conducting in-depth user research, and exploring the psychology behind interpersonal dynamics. In his work with high-profile organizations and his workshops, Joshua helps hundreds of professionals navigate complex workplace dynamics and build stronger, more effective relationships. Joshua’s approach combines insights from psychology, neuroscience, empathy, curiosity, and years of practical experience facilitating difficult conversations. He lives in Joshua Tree, California.

Editorial Reviews

Joshua Graves empowers us to face our most challenging and necessary conversations by first understanding our own brains. A wise and much-needed book that will give you practical communication skills for work and life.” 
 —Katrina Alcorn, product and design executive and author

“We Need to Talk is an essential read for anyone in the tech industry. Conflict is an inevitable part of collaborating with others, even though we often instinctively try to avoid it. This book offers a fresh perspective on navigating thorny conversations effectively, using kindness, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness to foster psychological safety and empathy, guiding yourself and others toward a shared sense of success.” 
 —Kaity Hallman, senior web engineer at Spotify

“I found myself rethinking past conversations with a new lens. It's a must-read for anyone looking to improve how they communicate under pressure. I loved the mix of personal anecdotes and actionable advice—I only wish I could have read it sooner.” 
—Chay Land, independent product designer

“Joshua’s deep understanding of conflict resolution and gift for rebuilding trust across teams makes him the perfect person to write this guide. Through real stories and a practical framework, he shows how to turn tense situations into opportunities for genuine understanding. This isn't just another book about workplace communication—it's an essential guide for anyone who wants to approach difficult conversations with confidence, clarity, and care.” 
—Bryan Zug, DesignOps manager

“We Need to Talk is a master class in navigating the conversations most managers dread but absolutely need to have. No one teaches you how to face these moments of conflict and collaboration, yet they are at the heart of great leadership and teamwork. This book is not just about strategies—it’s about reshaping your relationship with conflict. It transforms ‘hard conversations’ from stress-inducing moments into opportunities for growth, trust, and real connection.” 
—Bill Carlson, design leader

After the first chapter I had to pause. I said to myself, ‘Is this written for me personally?’ How did Josh know I needed to undo a lifetime of conflict avoidance? This book has real tools and techniques that will change how you think about conflict, uncomfortable topics, and your reactions to them. If you want to be an intentional, powerful communicator, then this book is going to give you real-life examples and framing to accomplish just that.” 
—Julie Froelich, design leader at Azibo

“Whether you're a manager, individual contributor, or someone who wants to improve how they handle workplace tensions, this book offers the tools and confidence needed to tackle hard conversations effectively. A must-read for building stronger, more resilient professional relationships in today's complex work environment.”
—Lucas Dickey, founder, Fernish and DeepCast

"Relevant, grounded, and often humorous insights for the conflict-averse to consider."
—Kirkus Reviews

From the Publisher

2025-05-19
Graves offers strategies designed to solve conflicts that could arise on the job.

Have you ever struggled with difficult situations or people at your workplace? The answer is likely yes, and this guide, covering a wide array of work-related challenges and offering possible resolutions, can help. Not a fan of conflict himself, the polite, raised-in-the-South author’s life changed when he replaced the concept of niceness, a “candy-coated emptiness,” with the tougher and more productive principle of kindness that underlies this book. First, Graves gives general strategies for dealing with dissent, like Hanlon’s razor (choosing to not assume others’ bad intentions) and “cranky conclusions” (practicing empathy). Subsequent chapters explore multiple themes, using conflict between real-life individuals as a starting point and working toward mutual understanding between them. Some of the topics covered include lying and gaslighting, conflicts that arise when working remotely, microaggressions, pushy people, safety at the workplace, and pay inequality. Each chapter is set up as a problem with a solution and includes things to look out for, various charts and graphs, and final thoughts. Graves’ book, though clear and organized, courts monotony with the repetitive format, but the author strategically avoids this pitfall—each section has unique and tailored information. (In “People Losing Control,” Graves discusses amygdala hijacks and diagrams the grounding practice of “box breathing,” while “Understanding Cultural Dynamics” features tables comparing the individualist and collectivist philosophies of different cultures, stereotypes at work, and assertive versus collaborative mindsets.) The use of humor helps; Graves renamed individuals in his book after horror movie characters, and, in a chapter regarding forgiveness, he suggests using a brulee torch on a burn letter for “extra flair.” Taking a realistic approach, Graves does not neatly resolve all the situations he details: In “Mediating with Multiple People,” engineering lead Vicaria is ultimately blamed for a botched app rollout when the CEO mediator sides with product manager Donald, the CEO’s personal friend. Yet even unsuccessful conclusions are instructive as the author reimagines the conversations and leads readers down alternative paths. A helpful alphabetical index is included at the book’s end.

Relevant, grounded, and often humorous insights for the conflict-averse to consider.

Kirkus Reviews