Wedding Vows: Beyond Love, Honor, and Cherish [NOOK Book]


This book is a comprehensive and unique guide on how to write one's own wedding vows. In the U.S. alone, there are over 2.4 million weddings every year -- and no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences, the exchanging of vows is often the most anticipated and memorable moment in the ceremony. Personalizing one's wedding vows is a growing trend in America, but it can be a very stressful experience. This book will help couples by answering some essential questions ...
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Wedding Vows: Beyond Love, Honor, and Cherish

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This book is a comprehensive and unique guide on how to write one's own wedding vows. In the U.S. alone, there are over 2.4 million weddings every year -- and no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences, the exchanging of vows is often the most anticipated and memorable moment in the ceremony. Personalizing one's wedding vows is a growing trend in America, but it can be a very stressful experience. This book will help couples by answering some essential questions in preparing for their ceremony:
-- How much of your religion's traditional vows should you include?
-- Is your favorite poem appropriate for the setting you are in, or should you just memorize a couple of lines?
-- Are you stuck on what to say after "I knew you were the one the moment we met?"
-- Are your favorite Led Zeppelin song lyrics an appropriate expression of how you feel about your fiance?
-- Should you share your vows at the rehearsal?
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780759523227
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
  • Publication date: 5/1/2001
  • Sold by: Hachette Digital, Inc.
  • Format: eBook
  • File size: 166 KB

Read an Excerpt



You (or someone you love) are getting married. Over two million weddings are held each year in the United States. Remarkably, no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences—the formality of attire, the kind of flowers, the size of the guest list, the flavor of frosting on the cake—each and every one of those weddings is guaranteed to include one element: a ceremony that unites the couple as husband and wife.

In most cases, once an engagement is announced, the planning goes into high gear. The bride searches for the perfect gown. Decisions about invitations, flowers, tuxedos, caterers, and countless other elements must be made. China patterns are weighed against one another, and planning begins for the perfect romantic honeymoon.

In the frenzy of planning wedding events, the ceremony itself—the ritual that joins the bride and groom together—can be overlooked. Yet no part of the day is likely to be more personally meaningful to the couple or more moving to their guests. Ultimately, the ceremony, that exchange of vows, is the very heart and soul of the wedding celebration.

And in an era when interfaith and intercultural marriages are more common than ever before in human history, the ceremony can be a source of anxiety, concern, and even conflict. Making decisions about the ceremony forces a couple to take a position with regard to such important issues as religion, family, history, heritage, duty, honor, and the very essence of their commitment to one another. A couple's decision to have or not have a religious ceremony, to include ornotinclude vows of obedience and fidelity, even the decision about who, if anyone, "gives away" the bride—all these and dozens more can become points of conflict and controversy between the couple and within their families.

For many couples, the right choice is a ceremony that features the exchange of personal vows—either as the sole vows of the ceremony or in addition to more traditional vows. Deciding to write your own vows is relatively easy; but for most couples, actually writing them is tough. Even the most expressive person can end up with a classic case of "writer's block" when faced with finding the right words to express his or her love for a future spouse. Knowing that you will proclaim these vows in front of your closest family and friends usually makes it even more daunting.

It is my hope that this book will help you learn about the possibilities, evaluate the options, make meaningful choices, negotiate past conflicts, quell your own fears, and get what you want—a wonderful wedding ceremony, one that's exactly right for you. I hope it will inspire you to see beyond the "show" of the wedding celebration and focus carefully for a few moments, on what it means to articulate your commitment to one another. I hope the information and advice contained herein will help you get past any anxiety you might have about putting pen to paper and expressing the depth of your feelings for and commitment to your intended. And I hope that the vows you exchange on your wedding day will help guide you each and every day thereafter toward building a great marriage—one filled with comfort, joy, laughter, and, most of all, love.


Wedding planning experts are largely in agreement that the first thing a couple must decide when planning a wedding is where the ceremony (and reception) will take place. When making this first key decision, it is important to already have an eye toward how your selection of a location may restrict the nature of your ceremony, the substance of your vows, and the duration of your ceremony... and vice versa. In particular, your selection of a house of worship or other religious location can mean that many elements of your wedding ceremony will be determined by the practices and policies of that institution.

Set the Date First?

Many couples "set the date," then begin the search. While this approach can work, it may mean that the couple will have to forgo their first choice of location in order to be married on their preferred date. If you simply must be married on the third weekend in June, you may find that date already "booked up" at your church, synagogue, or favorite hotel. If a specific ceremony (or reception) location is important to you, consider holding off setting the exact date until you know the availability of that location. Your flexibility about date, as well as time of day, will increase your likelihood of getting a location you really love.


As you begin to consider locations, deciding where geographically to get married—in what city, town, or wide place in the road—is no longer a foregone conclusion. Several decades ago the average bride and groom were in their early twenties, perhaps just graduated from high school or college (or about to), and a couple most often wed in the bride's hometown. That couple was probably not yet living as independently from their parents as today's average bride and groom are, and the bride's parents were likely carrying the primary financial burden for the wedding. Today's average bride and groom are in their later twenties, with established careers and their own households, and are probably footing the bill themselves for a considerable portion of the wedding. Getting married in the bride's hometown isn't necessarily the logical choice anymore—especially if she hasn't lived there in a decade.

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Table of Contents

Part 1 The Basics
Introduction 3
The Ceremony Location 6
Set the Date First? 6
Geography 7
House of Worship or Not? 9
Indoors or Outdoors? 11
One Location or Two? 15
Get Hitched at City Hall? 17
Happily Ever After, Vegas Style 18
Logistical Considerations 22
Questions to Ask 25
The Officiant 30
Religious vs. Nonreligious Officiants 31
Finding the Right Officiant for You 32
Working with Your Officiant 35
Questions to Ask 37
Wedding Ceremony Structure 40
The Processional 40
The Introduction 40
The Main Body 41
The Vows 42
The Blessing and Exchange of Ring(s) 42
The Pronouncement 43
The Recessional 43
Who's Giving Whom? 43
'Religious Ceremonies 48
Roman Catholic Ceremonies 49
Eastern Orthodox Ceremonies 51
Jewish Ceremonies 52
Protestant Ceremonies 55
Vow Basics 56
Vow Forms 56
Interrogative 56
Directed 56
Monologue 56
Traditional Marriage Vows 59
Religious Vows 59
Buddhist 60
Eastern Orthodox 60
Episcopal 61
Hindu 61
Interfaith (Ecumenical, Monotheistic) 62
Jewish 62
Lutheran 63
Muslim 64
Methodist 64
Presbyterian 64
Protestant 65
Roman Catholic 65
Quaker 65
Unitarian/Universalist 66
United Church of Christ 66
Other Religious Vows 67
Nonreligious Vows 67
Interfaith (nonreligious) 68
Civil Ceremony 68
Other Nonreligious Vows 68
Ring Vows 70
Episcopal 70
Jewish 71
Presbyterian 71
Protestant 71
Roman Catholic 72
Quaker 72
Unitarian/Universalist 72
Interfaith Ceremonies 73
Reconciling Religious Issues 77
Part 2 Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony
The Personalization Worksheets 85
Bride's Worksheet 87
Groom's Worksheet 93
Developing a Theme for Your Ceremony 100
Theme Worksheet 103
Incorporating Traditions 106
Bride's Worksheet 107
Groom's Worksheet 110
Readings 112
Getting Started 112
What Kinds of Readings? 113
Practical Matters 114
Popular Readings and Writers 116
Incorporating a Reading into Your Vows 117
Readings Worksheet 117
Music 120
Getting Started 120
What Kind of Music? 121
Practical Matters 125
Popular Musical Selections and Composers 126
Incorporating Song Lyrics into Your Vows 127
Music Worksheet 127
Writing Your Vows 129
Getting Started 130
Vow Ideas 132
Bride's Worksheet 132
Groom's Worksheet 136
Vow Sources 140
Finding the Right Words 141
The Stuff of Vows 145
Marriage Vows Worksheet--Traditional Format 146
Ring Vows Worksheet 148
Putting Pen to Paper 149
Writing That Works 151
Part 3 Practical Suggestions
Preparing for the Moment 157
No Plan at All? 162
A Lasting Reminder 164
Second Weddings and Vow Renewals 167
"Encore" Weddings 167
A New Start 169
Involving Children 170
Reaffirming or Renewing Your Vows 174
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