What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce

What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce

by Sandra Blakeslee, Sandrea Blakeslee
     
 

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The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce gave us new and important insight into the long-term effects of divorce on children who have grown into adulthood. What About the Kids? is a new book that tells parents in unprecedented detail how to help their children over the long haul-what to say, what to do, what to expect-every step of the way. Tapping into the latest findings

Overview

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce gave us new and important insight into the long-term effects of divorce on children who have grown into adulthood. What About the Kids? is a new book that tells parents in unprecedented detail how to help their children over the long haul-what to say, what to do, what to expect-every step of the way. Tapping into the latest findings on how children develop, this clearly written guidebook helps parents understand why children at different ages react the way they do to divorce and how to head off trouble before it begins. The book follows divorce chronologically so parents can find advice for whatever stage of the experience they are in, including how to help older children many years after the breakup. nPart One: The Immediate Breakup What you need to know to get your own life back on track, what to tell the children, how children react, the reasons for their reactions, and thoughts on when is the best time to divorce. nPart Two: The First Few Years Setting routines, getting legal help, choosing the right custody to fit your child, finding support, and how to realistically follow the advice 'don't fight.' nPart Three: Assessing the Post-Divorce Family Five and Ten Years Down the Road Take another close look at yourself and your kids. Divorce requires a new kind of father, mother, and teenager. nPart Four: When Outsiders Join the Family Dating, sex, remarriage, blended families, holidays, and what step-parents need to know. nPart Five: Conversations for a Lifetime How to talk with your children as they enter young adulthood so they feel safe and free to seek relationships based on love, trust, and mutual commitment. What About the Kids is the ultimate resource for any person wishing to ease the effects of divorce on children, and for all divorced parents who want to ensure their children's future happiness.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
The founder and executive director for the Center for the Family in Transition, Wallerstein taught at UC Berkeley for more than 25 years, but is best known as the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, which taught adult children of divorce how to recognize reactive divorce-based behavior patterns. Here with New York Times science writer Blakeslee, Wallerstein explicitly hopes to complement Dr. Spock and Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's child rearing how-tos by showing parents how to guide children through the dissolution of a marriage. She does an excellent job. After a chapter that advises parents to get their own heads straight before dealing with the kids ("I wish I could tell you that it's ok to lie down and pull the covers over your head, but that's not possible"), Wallerstein addresses the developmental problems that infants and toddlers might face and ways of easing them into differing options for care. She's forthright in talking about the reactions of older children ("Teenagers can be excellent manipulators. All of them do it, but children of divorce have much more to work with"), and talks about their needs with empathy, insight and rigor, but never loses sight of what parents need and feel, too. Chapters cover "The Breakup," "Parent to Parent" advice on custody and avoiding disputes, "The Post-Divorce Family," "Second Marriage" and "Conversations for a Lifetime," or talks that help kids not to be afraid of love and commitment. Addressing everything from parent-to-parent blame to the many forms of child-to-parent resentment, Wallerstein offers firm honesty and supportive encouragement. Divorcing parents will be grateful for it. (Mar. 12) Copyright 2003 Cahners Business Information.
Library Journal
In these books, the authors counsel adults about effective ways to help children deal with change and grief. Marta, founder of RAINBOWS, an international grief support organization for children, applies her techniques to kids who are dealing with several types of loss-the death of a parent, sibling, or friend; divorce; abandonment or placement in foster care; and local or national crisis. Drawing on her work with small groups, she aids her readers in understanding how children experience grief and sadness and offers suggestions for helping them deal with loss and build hope for the future. Also included are guidelines for talking to children and games to help them voice their emotions. Wallerstein (sociology, emerita, Berkeley) has been studying and writing about the effects of divorce on children for more than 25 years. Here, with the help of science writer Blakeslee, she distills her groundbreaking research from The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (2000) into digestible guidelines for parents. Divided into five parts, the book addresses handling the breakup, dealing with the coparent, examining the family several years after divorce, learning to cope with second families and dating parents, and, finally, assisting children in learning from the parents' divorce so that they may seek healthy relationships as they become young adults. Wallerstein emphasizes the need for continuous dialog with children appropriate to their age; she also stresses that parents must acknowledge the divorce throughout the child's lifetime, making changes in conversation and habits as the children age. Though their subjects and intended audiences are somewhat different, both guides offer complementary advice on helping children deal with the ongoing emotional impact of a loss. Both are recommended for all public libraries, though those owning The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce need not purchase Wallerstein's unless they have strong parenting collections.-Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780786868650
Publisher:
Hachette Book Group
Publication date:
03/12/2003
Edition description:
1ST
Pages:
400
Sales rank:
1,059,198
Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.00(d)
Age Range:
18 - 17 Years

Meet the Author

Judith S. Wallerstein is the founder and executive director of the Center for the Family in Transition. She is senior lecturer emerita at the School of Social Welfare at the University of California at Berkeley, where she has taught for twenty-six years. She has spoken with more divorced families than anyone in the nation, and lectured to thousands of family court judges, attorneys, mental health professionals, mediators, and educators. She has appeared on Oprah, the Today show, and Good Morning America, among others. She is the author, with Sandra Blakeslee, of the national bestsellers The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts and Second Chances: Men, Women, and Children a Decade After Divorce; with Blakeslee and Julia M. Lewis of the bestseller The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study; and, with Dr. Joan Berlin Kelly, of Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce. She lives in Belvedere, California.

Sandra Blakeslee is an award-winning science writer who contributes regularly to the New York Times. She lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

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