What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know about Sex: The Real Deal on Passion, Loving, and Intimacy

What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know about Sex: The Real Deal on Passion, Loving, and Intimacy

by Denene Millner, Nick Chiles
     
 

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Sex fascinates us. Scares us. Troubles us. Sex, not baseball, is the real American pastime. But the rules are often kept under wraps, and no one's quite sure about the definition of a home run. Until now.

Bestselling authors Denene Millner and Nick Chiles break open the vault and reveal the real deal on what African Americans think about sex. Drawing on their own

Overview

Sex fascinates us. Scares us. Troubles us. Sex, not baseball, is the real American pastime. But the rules are often kept under wraps, and no one's quite sure about the definition of a home run. Until now.

Bestselling authors Denene Millner and Nick Chiles break open the vault and reveal the real deal on what African Americans think about sex. Drawing on their own experiences as husband and wife — and those of their friends who were willing to give it up they offer insights and sizzling tips for communicating, seducing and heating up the bedroom (or wherever else couples may find themselves . . . ). In their own unique way, they help couples communicate about sex — from their favorite pleasure to their most sinful fantasy — to keep a relationship healthy and hot. It makes for some steamy reading....

What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know About Sex rides the coattails of two bestsellers: Denene Millner's The Sistahs' Rules and What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know, which she wrote with her husband, Nick Chiles.

Now, Millner and Chiles once again venture boldly into each other's heads to discover-and decode — what African American men and women really think about sex and intimacy. In a he said/she said format, the authors discuss the emotional and physical landscape of sex with one specific goal: to help other couples communicate about sex-from their favorite pleasures to their most sinful fantasies — to keep a relationship healthy and hot.

Ranging from the first date to the first baby, from missionary style to love-making so creative that your whole body blushes, What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know About Sex replaces myth with reality, wipes away taboo, and begins a dialogue about sex and intimacy so real that it will deepen any love connection.

What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know About Sex rides the coattails of two bestsellers: Denene Millner's The Sistahs' Rules and What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know, which she wrote with her husband, Nick Chiles.

Now, Millner and Chiles once again venture boldly into each other's heads to discover-and decode—what African American men and women really think about sex and intimacy. In a he said/she said format, the authors discuss the emotional and physical landscape of sex with one specific goal: to help other couples communicate about sex-from their favorite pleasures to their most sinful fantasies—to keep a relationship healthy and hot.

Ranging from the first date to the first baby, from missionary style to love-making so creative that your whole body blushes, What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know About Sex replaces myth with reality, wipes away taboo, and begins a dialogue about sex and intimacy so real that it will deepen any love connection.

Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
In this relationship guide, journalists Millner and Chiles, a married couple, convey what African American men and women really think about sex and intimacy, and give tips on communicating with and seducing one's mate. Copyright 1999 Cahners Business Information.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780688171070
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
01/28/2000
Edition description:
1 ED
Pages:
272
Sales rank:
1,006,046
Product dimensions:
5.00(w) x 7.00(h) x 0.68(d)

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One
The First Date Is It Ever Okay to Do It?

From a Sistah

My father's rules for his daughter's dating: Always meet him there, always secure your own transportation home, and never, ever show up for dinner without enough money to pay for your own entree -- because the last thing you want is to eat a good meal, have him foot the bill, and then invite himself up to your apartment for some payback.

Payback, of course, being some bonin'.

His rules, of course, were, never quite passed along to most of the guys I dated -- which, of course, meant that if they didn't know the rules, they damn for sure weren't going to obey them. It was no wonder, then, that one way or another they'd find a reason to accompany me back to my apartment -- you know, "to make sure you get home safely," they'd say, a look of pure concern invading their pupils -- and then, just as quickly, find a reason to come upstairs. There was the "I want to walk you all the way to your door" one, the "I'm kinda parched -- think I could come up and get a glass of water?" one, the "Can I come upstairs and make a phone call? The batteries in the celly ran out," one, and, my personal favorite, the "I have to pee" one.

Anything to get upstairs.

They seemed to know, instinctively, that if they made it past the first lock on the: front door, they were going to get some. And if that could happen on the first date, hell yeah, they were going to take advantage.

Which, of course, we sistahs don't understand, because we know y'all definitely know, the rule all of us women -- whether we be black,white, American, Russian, straight, bisexual, virgin, or ho -- have tattooed on the brain from birth: Do not sleep with a guy on the first date, especially, if you want to see him again for something other than just sex.

This, for some reason, rarely stops you from trying, though. It is a rare man who won't push some button -- whether in the predate telephone conversation, the talk over an after-dinner latte, the cab, ride home, the doorstep kiss -- that will get him into the door and will lead to his johnson getting wet.

And we're left trying to figure out a way to keep you from getting in -- or figuring out how we're going to save face the next day after we done broke down and given you some on the first date (this, I would like to think, though, is extremely rare). I mean, it's not like we're not going to see each other again, right? If you like me enough to sleep with me, then you should be willing to wait -- at least that's what we're reasoning when we tell you nicely but succinctly, "I really have to get to bed alone -- as I have to wake up early tomorrow. Got something to do -- so, uh, good night."

And if you don't like me, then what the hell are you doing trying to sleep with me in the first place? Surely you can't be that desperate.

Basically, we don't quite get your sense of urgency -- the thing in you that overrides all mode of sensibility and decency and leads you to believe that, if you try hard enough, you're going to get some from me, a total stranger. On the first night.

Excuse, us -- but chances are we probably don't know you from Adam. Why would we want to go there? I mean, you could be an ax murderer, a serial killer who ties women up, rapes them, then leaves them for dead. Or, you could be a serial screwer -- screw her, then move on to the next victim, never quite settling down with any one woman, but quick to break hearts.

And if you know that we're, thinking this way -- and we know that you do, because there isn't a man on the planet who hasn't told his sister Fannie, his cousin Tammy, his friend Pammy, or his daughter Annie the same rule that we've been told practically every day of our dating lives -- we're figuring there's no reason for you guys to be pushing us to have sex with you on the first date (or the second, third, fourth, or fifth for that matter). Doesn't stop most of y'all, though. Why do guys push for sex on the first date -- even though they know we've been told from birth not to give it up until later?


From a Brother


Because we've all been ruined by the little fast-behind girl in eleventh grade or sophomore year of college who shocked us by giving it up before we even figured out how to ask for it. We'll call her Keisha. (I've never so much as kissed any girls named Keisha, so don't get distracted by the name.) Keisha was so eager and she made this whole getting-into-a-girl's-pants thing seem so easy that we deluded ourselves into thinking they were all going to be like that. Lo and behold. They weren't.

But we keep trying, doggedly sustaining the flame of our prayer that we will one day meet another Keisha. We meet a lovely woman, she responds to us, we ask her out, she accepts, we do the dinner and movies thing, we have a good time, we're driving back to her place -- and all along, prancing suggestively in the backs, of our, minds, there's Keisha. Keisha gave it up, right? Maybe this new woman is a founding member of the Keisha school of first-date bonin'. So we make enough entreaties, enough of a token effort, to give the new woman a chance to offer up the good stuff. Of course,we don't expect her to.

What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know About Sex. Copyright © by Denene Millner. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Meet the Author

Denene Millner is a columnist for Parenting magazine and the author or coauthor of nineteen books, including The Vow and Straight Talk, No Chaser.

Denene Millner and Nick Chiles live in South Orange, New Jersey. She is a reporter for the New York Daily News; he is an awardwinning journalist who has worked for the Dallas Moming News, New York Newsday, and the Newark Star-Ledger.

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