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Having studied how boys and girls develop differently, Michael Gurian turns his attention to adult men in this entertaining, informative, and groundbreaking book on the male brain. Following two decades of neurobiological research, What Could He Be Thinking? answers the questions women and the world are asking about husbands, fathers, boyfriends, and coworkers. Mixing neurobiology with Gurian's very readable style, anecdotes from everyday life, and a new vision of the male psyche, the book will satisfy the tremendous curiosity women and our culture have about the roots of male behavior.
Women know intuitively that men are different from them. What women are now just coming to realize is that the men they are married to, having sex with, working with, parenting with, and trying to fathom, act and think in very male ways, not only because they are socialized to do so, but because they are built to—neurobiologically.
The new field of brain science has revealed wonderful secrets about a man's mind. In this book, women who are eager to understand the men in their lives can discover the new brain science in an entertaining way, as they get answers to the prime question every woman asks at some time in her life: What could he be thinking?
The book provides fascinating information about the male brain, male habits, male tendencies, and the nuances of men's actions and thoughts. It is a provacative, exciting vision into the minds of men.
"I cannot recommend [this book] highly enough."- Dave Barry, author of The Book of Guys
"[Gurian] leads the nonscientist to some of the most frustrating sources of conflict between men and women in long-term relationships."- Reuters
| Acknowledgments | xi | |
| Introduction: What Could He Be Thinking? | xiii | |
| The Science of Manhood | xvii | |
| The Nature of a Man | xx | |
| A Note of Gratitude | xxiii | |
| Part I | The Male Brain | |
| 1. | What's in His Head: A Friendly Look at the Male Brain | 3 |
| Can We Really Know What He's Thinking? | 5 | |
| A Friendly Look at the Male Brain | 6 | |
| Avoiding Stereotypes | 9 | |
| How Do We Recognize a Male Brain? | 9 | |
| The Male-Brain Questionnaire | 21 | |
| Bridge Brains | 25 | |
| The Theory of Intimate Separateness | 28 | |
| The Power of Natural Identity in Our Relationships | 31 | |
| 2. | How Nature Answers the Question, What Is a Man? | 33 |
| The Despair of Men and the Core of Manhood | 35 | |
| The Biology of Male Identity | 37 | |
| Men Seek a Calling | 45 | |
| The Making of a Man, from the Inside Out | 53 | |
| Male Identity and Character Development | 55 | |
| Bringing It All Together: Men Are on a Quest | 61 | |
| The Future of the Male Quest: The Future of Testosterone | 65 | |
| Bridge Brains: Exceptions to the Rule | 67 | |
| Practicing Intimate Separateness | 69 | |
| Part II | What Could he Really be Thinking? | |
| 3. | What Could He Really Be Thinking ... About Feelings and Emotions | 75 |
| The Biology of Male Emotion | 80 | |
| The Male Mode of Feeling | 85 | |
| A Bottom Line: Women Trust Feelings More Than Men | 94 | |
| Bridge Brains: Exceptions to the Rule | 99 | |
| Practicing Intimate Separateness: Finding Power in the Nature of Emotional Life | 100 | |
| 4. | What Could He Really Be Thinking ... About Sex and Romance? | 105 |
| The Biology of Sex and Romance | 107 | |
| How Romantic Idealization Can Make or Break Lovers' Hearts | 119 | |
| What Are Reasonable Romantic Expectations of One Another? | 123 | |
| Bridge Brains | 129 | |
| Practicing Intimate Separateness | 130 | |
| Turning Romance into Commitment and Marriage | 136 | |
| Part III | What Could He Really Be Thinking ... About Marriage and Commitment? | |
| 5. | I Think I Love You: Men and the Biology of Commitment | 141 |
| The Biology of Commitment | 147 | |
| How a Man's Relationship with His Mother Can Affect Him | 151 | |
| Are Men the Only Ones Who Fear Commitment? | 161 | |
| Bridge Brains | 163 | |
| Practicing Intimate Separateness | 164 | |
| 6. | I Know I Love You: Men and the Biology of Marriage | 173 |
| The Human Divorce | 176 | |
| The Biology of Marriage | 179 | |
| A Map for Marriage | 189 | |
| She Says: "I Feel Fat." What Should He Do? | 190 | |
| We Are Too Close. Can We Come to Terms with It? | 196 | |
| Bridge Brains | 198 | |
| Practicing Intimate Separateness: Turning Marriages Around | 199 | |
| A Natural Optimism | 214 | |
| Part IV | What Could He Really Be Thinking ... About Home and Children? | |
| 7. | The Male Brain at Home: Men and Women Living Together | 217 |
| The Biology of the Home | 219 | |
| Why Can't He See That the House Is a Mess? | 219 | |
| Why Can't He Load the Dishwasher the Right Way? | 221 | |
| Would It Kill Him to Put His Laundry Away? | 223 | |
| What Is It with Men and Their Cars? | 225 | |
| What About That Remote Control? | 228 | |
| Why Do Men Love to Tinker Around with Gadgets and Electronics? | 230 | |
| Doesn't He Realize That God Is in the Details? | 233 | |
| Bridge-Brain Men at Home | 235 | |
| Practicing Intimate Separateness in Home Life | 238 | |
| 8. | What a Father Knows: The Nature of Being a Dad | 243 |
| The Biology of Fathering | 245 | |
| Don't Worry, Honey, the Kids'll Be Fine | 246 | |
| Don't You Even Care How the Kids Feel? | 251 | |
| Divorced from the Mother, but Still a Father | 254 | |
| The Biological Role of the Father | 256 | |
| Bridge-Brain Fathers | 260 | |
| The Practice of Intimate Separateness | 263 | |
| The Best Father | 266 | |
| Epilogue | 267 | |
| Notes | 269 | |
| About the Author | 277 |
Anonymous
Posted November 1, 2005
For years I just couldn't understand where my husband was coming from. He has all brothers and I have all sisters. So relating to each other has always been difficult. This book has helped tremendouly in our relationship. I don't let him use it as an excuse not to have feelings, compasion but helps explain why something I would think would be so obvious.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted June 7, 2005
Overall this was a good book. I found that reading this after studying my social pysch unit in my Psychology 101 class. It was much easier to understand. I found that maybe a man's mind really works that way. This book, to me, is worth all that it's worth. Though one of my male friends said it was propoganda. But, I still read the book and found it enjoyable.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted January 24, 2005
None of his theories have any basis in reality.He states the 'female brain' needs to talk about touchy feely subjects but the 'male brain' needs to zone out and watch TV or be involved in sports.When I have a problem I zone out.I know men who like to talk about feelings while it wears me out. I've hear all this nonsense before about the 'female brain having more receptors for taking in verbal learning and everything verbal,verbal memory.This is an agenda.He wants to sell books ln an alreeady gender 'differences' soaked culture. And why do you think I put 'male,female brain' in quotes,because I question the reality of it.
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 20, 2004
How can anyone know what any given man is thinking!I couldn't see the link between biology and thinking because the so called research is so subjective.The brain research done has been controversial and bias.Gurian is trying to drive a wedge between men and women.Maybe he does it to cause a fury so his popularity will remain intact.I'm a man and could not relate to this book at any level!Women should overlook this book and view their man as an individual tainted by a sexist culture,rather than a different species!As a male I found the book insulting but maybe Gurian is writing from his own experiences?
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted September 26, 2003
I've been reading Gurian's books and their similarity to Mars and Venus is astounding. Gurian tells us how men and women can't possibly understand one another because of 'hard wiring'.What he fails to mention is how expectations play a part in behavior. He relates everything to his 'research' yes, the same 'research' John Gray promoted which is a best spotty if not completely subjective. I smell an agenda here,big money,sell appeal to an audience of ready readers allowing themselves to be blinded by sterotypes. Basically in a nutshell the book replays the old Mars Venus assumptions of logical male and emotional female as fixed behaviors due to this hard wiring.In reality people are a mix of logical and emotional but women have been encouraged to show emotion while men have been encouraged to see it as a weakness.
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Overview
Having studied how boys and girls develop differently, Michael Gurian turns his attention to adult men in this entertaining, informative, and groundbreaking book on the male brain. Following two decades of neurobiological research, What Could He Be Thinking? answers the questions women and the world are asking about husbands, fathers, boyfriends, and coworkers. Mixing neurobiology with Gurian's very readable style, anecdotes from everyday life, and a new vision of the male psyche, the book will satisfy the ...