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Just for the fun of it, take a poll of all the parents you knew, asking them the question that I have used as the title of this very first chapter: "What do you want more than anything for your children?" While you are at it, ask yourself and your spouse (if you have one) the very same question and see what you discover as you begin reading this book. While you may receive a wide variety of responses, I suggest that if you categorize the answers you will find that the most significant responses gravitate around a central theme.
In my experience, when asking parents this leading question, and giving them time to consider the importance of such a profound question, the answers tend toward the ones you will find in the following list.
I want my children to be happy, and free from hang-ups in life.
I want them to know how to enjoy life and appreciate every day as a miracle.
I want them to feel successful and significant as people regardless of what they do.
I want them to have positive feelings about themselves and about life.
I want them to grow up knowing how to avoid having the inevitable problems defeat them in any way.
I want them to avoid being depressed and miserable.
I want them to avoid growing up to be neurotic.
I want them to have a strong sense of inner peace that will sustain them through difficult times.
I want them to value the now: to take pleasure in life's journey, avoiding overemphasis on adestination.
I want them to know that they are the designers of their lives, that they have the power to choose and change their lives.
I want them to be sensitive and responsible to, and have a reverence for, nature and humanity.
I want them to find and explore their potential and feel satisfied and challenged with a purpose in life.
I want them to feel loved and loving.
I want them to find the opportunities that are hidden in life's inevitable painful experiences.
I want them to be on friendly terms with health-physically and mentally.
These am the typical answers, condensed into a few simple sentences, that I have received in response to this question. Parents do not seem to be obsessed with having their children become rich and famous, or with wanting them to have problem-free lives. They are not absolutely determined that their children should have idyllic jobs, a beautiful home, a marriage to a perfect "10," and a storybook family fife as portrayed on television and in the movies- Parents seem to be realistic in their goals for their children. They know that things will not bring happiness, and they do not want to teach their children to accumulate things in a search for happiness. We -all seem to have come to the realization in recent years that acquisitions, position in life, accumulation of wealth. and some of the more traditional barometers of a successful life are no longer appropriate. We have all heard too many stories of 11 successful" people who are addicted to tranquilizers, who must visit their shrinks regularly, who view depression as "only normal," who consider suicide as a solution to fife's problems, or who are so busy pursuing "more" that they have no time for enjoying life,
People have become wary of those undesirable accompaniments to success, and want their children to develop instead a kind of serenity and happiness that will carry them through even the toughest of times. I am quite confident that you want your children to grow into contented, highly functioning, no-limit adults who will be able to handle all of life's difficulties without allowing themselves to be so overwhelmed by them that they are either defeated in some way, or so badly bruised that they come to rely on external measures such as pills, therapy, or even surgery to cope with life. In short, you want your kids to grow up to be mr-limit people in every single aspect of their lives, and to enjoy life without developing a sour attitude or a defeatist posture.
You want them to be positive about their lives, rather than grumblers. You want them to feel successful rather than having some external factor determine their degree of success.
The Ability to Enjoy Life
Think for a moment about the greatest priority in life. Imagine for yourself, and for your children, that you were all bequeathed the ability to enjoy life regardless of the circumstances around you u. If someone abandoned you, nevertheless you would still know how to enjoy life. If you were faced with a serious illness or about to go through a difficult tax audit, you would still be able to enjoy life. Disappointments would come and go, yet because of your inherited gift, you would always know how to enjoy life. Given this imaginary ability, it would be impossible for you to ever be a burden to anyone else; therefore, you would be as unselfish as is humanly possible. Naturally, if you could always enjoy life, you wouldn't have a set of expectations for other people to provide enjoyment for you, regardless of what they chose at any given moment. What a miraculous gift this ability to enjoy life at all times would be.
You do have this capacity! It need not exist only in your imagination. You can make it very real for yourself and inspire this marvelous quality in your children. After reviewing your objectives for your children and considering all the possibilities of things you might provide for them, it almost always boils down to this one wish: "I would love for my children to always have the ability to enjoy life." If this sentence describes what you would like to provide...
What Do You Really Want for Your Children?. Copyright © by Wayne Dyer. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.donalouisa
Posted May 15, 2010
I bought this book to help me as a nanny to an only child. I also thought that the child's mother would gain some insight in certain areas. I believe it has and will be helpful for all of us. This is must reading for any parent, and Dr.Dyer's research and flair of writing is second to none. He teaches us how to raise independent free thinking children, who will be productive, responsible,, caring and respectful adults. He has a wonderful way of showing we adults, on how to reach children on their level, so as not to intimitade them, but guide them in a positive and loving manner.
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