What to Wear for the Rest of Your Life: Ageless Secrets of Style

First Chapter

What to Wear for the Rest of Your Life

Springboard Press

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something, but someone.

—Coco Chanel

PART ONE

HOW SHOULD I LOOK?

Middle-aged women have a lot in common with kids—all of us are on the cusp of the unknown: enticing and scary.

—Jane Pauley, Skywriting: A Life Out of the Blue

1

Endings and Beginnings

I woke up one morning and couldn’t believe this was my life. I had turned fifty, sent my youngest daughter to college, closed my business, divorced, and none of my clothes fit. Not only had my life changed, but my body was changing, without my permission! I could no longer count on my clothes to get me through any occasion, special or not. They seemed to have shrunk overnight. I’d look in the mirror and wonder How do I look?—and suspect it wasn’t the way I had long imagined. Was it really the way I appeared in photographs—the fuller face, weaker chin, and thicker middle, much like my dad? Was I growing into my genes while growing out of my jeans? I was confused, but my mother wasn’t.

I didn’t want to believe it—my ever-supportive mother disapproving of me? Her sunny demeanor froze as she looked me up and down while I was wearing the bikini my sister Jill had given me for my fiftieth birthday. I’d like to think it was a gift my sister thought I’d look good wearing, rather than a challenge or taunt. At forty-seven, Jill remained trim, while my body had gradually betrayed my genetics, most notably my dad’s flabby stomach.

But my mother’s stinging assessment shocked me: “You must lose weight and never wear a two-piece again!” Granted she is a stylish and fit octogenarian, but I’m no slouch. And although I have built a successful career as a style expert, I really couldn’t see why she was so upset. Her rebuke reminded me of an afternoon when I was nineteen, lounging around my friend Bella’s pool, sneaking surreptitious glances at her uncle’s new wife wearing a tiny bikini. Aunt Katje had a tanned leathered face and pillowy flesh swelled around her middle, making her look old and careless to me. Looking back, I suspect she was only in her forties. I was simultaneously repulsed and intrigued. Was that what my mother was feeling now?

Aunt Katje lived in France and Sweden with Bella’s uncle, an architect. They were creative intellectuals who traveled the world. He designed buildings; she wrote about art and food. There was something strangely glamorous about Aunt Katje—was it the substantial gold hoop earrings she wore, along with the kicky mules and colorful sarong that she unwrapped to tan her practically naked body? Or that she seemed utterly comfortable in her skin? Acutely aware that I wasn’t, I suspected that her allure had much to do with her self-confidence.

In the years since, I have acquired my own wrinkles and fleshy middle. I have also gained a certain amount of wisdom and confidence, and needed all of it that day to cope with my mother’s piercing words. A mother’s opinion has an impact. I longed for her guidance, not her consternation. It took writing this story, which first appeared in More Magazine, for me to understand that her reaction was primal: a mother wanting her divorced daughter to attract, remarry, be loved and taken care of by a man. Only then could she rest in peace. I have similar dreams, but if I were to constantly try to recapture a youthful appearance to “get” the man and not enjoy who I am at any age, what kind of relationship would that be between him and me—and worse, between me and myself? One of high anxiety, I suspect.

Little did I know then that this incident was to be the start of many more closet challenges. I was entering a new phase in my life and was determined to make the very best of it. I had to rethink the way I had been dressing for the last thirty years. It was time for a fresh start.

wrapped

Aunt Katje might feel comfortable in a bikini, but for many of us, wearing a bathing suit challenges our body-confidence. That is, unless we treat it as a style opportunity by wearing it with an attractive cover-up, kicky sandals, a dramatic sun hat, and fun earrings.

Aunt Katje’s Secret

Aunt Katje is European. Even in adolescence, my unworldly eyes suspected that was the mystery of her allure.

European women and men honor their lifetime of experiences and their physical manifestations. They enjoy the sensuality of everyday life, whether it’s sex, a ripe peach, or the feel of cashmere against their bodies. They respect the powerful connection between what they wear and how they feel. We, too, can adapt aspects of their approach to life to gain our own clothes-body-life-confidence.

DRESS FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN. A Paris-based research company polled three hundred European women and asked what they would take with them to Mars. The number one choice was moisturizer, ahead of husbands.

HAVE AN AWARENESS AND APPRECIATION OF THE EVERYDAY CHOICES YOU MAKE. The tea you choose to drink and the cup you drink it from; the sheets and pillow you nestle into at night; how you want to feel in the clothes you wear.

SENSUALIZE YOUR SENSES.

Touch. Wear fabrics that feel good against your skin. Cotton is as desirable as cashmere depending on thread count. The higher it is, the more luxurious it feels.

Sound. The click of heels, the romance of jazz, the jangle of bracelets, the joy of a laugh (laugh lines are sexier than no lines).

Taste. A kiss, the taste of ripe fruit—take time to enjoy.

Scent. Freshly picked herbs, a breeze of salt water, the body of someone you love. Pheromones are a scent secreted to attract the opposite sex.

Sight. If it is aesthetically pleasing to your eye, enjoy. If not, keep experimenting.

WISDOM IS SEXY. Flirting is sexy. Lingerie is sexy. Sex is sexy. Mature women are sexy.

BEAUTY HAS NO EXPIRATION DATE.

STYLE DOESN’T AGE, IT EVOLVES.

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Excerpted from What to Wear for the Rest of Your Life by Gross, Kim Johnson Copyright © 2010 by Gross, Kim Johnson. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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