What Was She Thinking? Notes on a Scandal

Overview

A lonely schoolteacher reveals more than she intends when she records the story of her best friend’s affair with a pupil in this sly, insightful novel

Schoolteacher Barbara Covett has led a solitary existence; aside from her cat, Portia, she has few friends and no intimates. When Sheba Hart joins St. George’s as the new art teacher, Barbara senses the possibility of a new friendship. It begins with lunches and continues with regular invitations to meals with Sheba’s seemingly ...

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Overview

A lonely schoolteacher reveals more than she intends when she records the story of her best friend’s affair with a pupil in this sly, insightful novel

Schoolteacher Barbara Covett has led a solitary existence; aside from her cat, Portia, she has few friends and no intimates. When Sheba Hart joins St. George’s as the new art teacher, Barbara senses the possibility of a new friendship. It begins with lunches and continues with regular invitations to meals with Sheba’s seemingly close-knit family. But as Barbara and Sheba’s relationship develops, another does as well: Sheba has begun a passionate affair with an underage male student. When it comes to light and Sheba falls prey to the inevitable media circus, Barbara decides to write an account in her freind’s defense—an account that reveals not only Sheba’s secrets but her own.

What Was She Thinking? is a story of repression and passion, envy and complacence, friendship and loneliness. A complex psychological portrait framed as a wicked satire, it is by turns funny, poignant, and sinister. With it, Zoë Heller surpasses the promise of her critically acclaimed first novel, Everything You Know.

Second Place Winner, 2003 Discover Award, Fiction

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers
More than a decade ago, Kazuo Ishiguro wowed readers with The Remains of the Day, a novel requiring readers to see past the self-deceptions of an uppity English narrator to understand the true significance of the story. In the same vein, Zoë Heller offers a riveting story of friendship, jealousy, and betrayal, with a narrator as unreliable as Ishiguro's infamous butler.

Heller's narrator is Barbara Covett, a British schoolteacher who lives a quiet, solitary life with an aging cat as her sole companion. For reasons she cannot comprehend, Barbara has never been good at making friends. But she is drawn to Sheba, a pretty new pottery teacher, and jealously tries to edge out the other teachers to win Sheba's friendship. When Sheba begins an inappropriate relationship with a young male student, it is Barbara in whom she confides. Soon, Barbara begins a written account of Sheba's illicit affair, detailing the actions of a woman caught in the grip of an obsession larger than herself.

As Barbara continues to infiltrate Sheba's life, their friendship acquires a dangerous undercurrent. And although the book title ostensibly refers to Sheba, readers might ask themselves the same question of Barbara, as this psychologically rich, complex tale unfolds. In penning her wickedly wonderful second novel, Zoë Heller certainly had her head squarely on her shoulders. (Fall 2003 Selection)

From the Publisher
“An inspired tale of two women, one seen through the other’s eyes, with the viewer revealing more of herself than she ever suspects. From the first sentence to the last, the story and the writing of it have a thrilling intensity that holds the reader’s rapt attention.” —Paula Fox

“The most gripping novel of the year. You leave this extraordinary book utterly shaken, with new knowledge of the human heart. Heller writes with a precision that stirs the blood and an uncommon insight into the darker sides of love.” —Nuala O’Faolain

The New York Times
In the end, What Was She Thinking? isn't so much about the standard student-teacher affair as it is about the complicated weights and balances of female friendships. Some of the novel's funniest scenes show the women adopting a posture of honesty and ''supportiveness'' while privately judging or dismissing one another. It's a recognizable snit-fit of ''enough about you, what about me'' that pushes Barbara into her final betrayal. In a way, Barbara risks more for friendship than Sheba does for romance. The plot twist may not be a huge surprise, but Heller handles it with wry grace, managing to mock her characters without allowing their story to tip into farce. — Lisa Zeidner
The Los Angeles Times
What Was She Thinking? is a tartly readable portrait of terminal neediness, as sharp and merciless as any of Zoë Heller's columns. — Heller McAlpin
The Washington Post
In literature as in life, one of the most dangerous turns of events is to get what you want, and for all its surface tawdriness and chatty asides, What Was She Thinking? achieves some worthy literary aims indeed. — Chris Lehmann
The New Yorker
Barbara Covett, a sixtyish history teacher, is the kind of unmarried-woman-with-cat whose female friends sooner or later decide she is "too intense." Thus when a beautiful new pottery teacher, Sheba Hart -- a "wispy novice with a tinkly accent and see-through skirts" - chooses Barbara as a confidante, she is deeply, even rather sinisterly, gratified. Sheba's secret is explosive: married with two kids, she is having an affair with a fifteen-year-old student. The novel, Heller's second, is Barbara's supposedly objective "history" of the affair and its eventual discovery, written furtively while she and her friend are holed up in a borrowed house, waiting for Sheba's court date. Barbara has appointed herself Sheba's "unofficial guardian," protecting her from the salivating tabloids. Equally adroit at satire and at psychological suspense, Heller charts the course of a predatory friendship and demonstrates the lengths to which some people go for human company.
Publishers Weekly
Subtitled Notes on a Scandal, Heller's engrossing second novel (after Everything You Know) is actually the story of two inappropriate obsessions-one a consummated affair between a high school teacher and her student, the other a secret passion harbored by a dowdy spinster. Sheba Hart, a new 40ish art teacher at a London school for working-class kids, has been arrested for having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old student, Steven Connolly. The papers are having a blast. Sheba is herself the object of fascination for her older colleague and defender, Barbara Covett, whose interest in Sheba is not overtly romantic but has an erotic-and at times malevolent-intensity. Barbara narrates the story of Sheba's affair while inadvertently revealing her own obsession and her pivotal role in the scandal. The novel is gripping from start to finish; Heller brings vivid, nuanced characterizations to the racy story. Sheba is upper-class, arty, carelessly beautiful in floaty layers of clothing, with a full life of her own: doting older husband, impossible adolescent daughter, a son with Down's Syndrome, real if underdeveloped talent as a potter. She never got a driver's license, she tells Barbara, because she is always given rides; people want to do things for her. Barbara's respectable maiden-lady exterior hides a bitter soul that feasts on others' real and imagined shortcomings: one colleague's carelessly shaved armpits, another's risible baseball jacket. Even characters on stage for a minute (a Camden barman who hams it up for Barbara) live and breathe. Author tour. (Aug.) Forecast: Some readers will pass this up as yet another take on the shopworn theme of student/teacher romance, but Heller's light touch will win over others and please reviewers. Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
Spinster schoolteacher Barbara Covett lives a somewhat lonely life (although that's not how she would describe it). She disdains her fellow teachers at St. George's, and her closest companion is her cat, Portia. When the bohemianly attractive Sheba Hart arrives at school as the new art instructor, Barbara strikes up a friendship with her, thereby becoming the only person who knows that Sheba is having an affair with a young student. But somehow the news is leaked to the school administration, and Sheba becomes the focus of a media avid for scandal. Anxious to protect Sheba and to run interference with her husband and children, Barbara persuades Sheba to move in with her and begins secretly writing a defense of her friend's behavior-the book we're reading-which inadvertently reveals more about Barbara than Sheba. Heller's (Everything You Know) first-person narrator seems totally self-deluded. Or is she? Are Barbara's motives saintly or sinister? This deliciously subtle novel about obsession, love, and (possibly) friendship belongs on most public library fiction shelves. [Previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 4/1/03.]-Nancy Pearl, Washington Ctr. for the Book, Seattle Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
After Everything You Know (2000) comes the tale of a London art teacher, married with children, who has an affair with a student of 15. When Sheba (Bathsheba) Hart comes to St. George's school, she's completely inexperienced-as clueless about disciplining hormone-driven students as she is about how to dress, inclining toward the sheer, diaphanous, and fey when corduroy or tweed would be in order. More expert, however, is experienced faculty member Barbara Covett-40ish, single, lonely-who casts a cool eye on the exotic Sheba, gradually is drawn closer, and ends up an intimate friend: kind of Wuthering Heights's Nelly Dean to Sheba, making notes, keeping a timeline, and writing a narrative (this novel) of the whole debacle of Sheba's affair. Barbara's tale is often stiff and clumsy ("I daresay we shall never know for certain the exact progress of her romantic attachment"), but it neatly limns the contrast between Barbara's drab, spinsterish life and Sheba's charming, fecund, expansive domesticity, with her academic husband (though he's a snob), and her two healthy children (the older, though, a fiercely troubled teenager and the younger, doted on by Sheba, a victim of Down's syndrome). There's a major disconnect between all of this on the one hand and, on the other, Sheba's letting herself be seduced by the callow working-class Steven Connolly, then continuing the affair for months, keeping it a secret even from Barbara, until inevitable exposure and with it the promise of loss, penalty, breakup, dislocation, perhaps even imprisonment, though the story (wisely) ends with this last yet to come, leaving us only with a powerful sense of the piercing loneliness of Barbara of the inexplicablyself-invited ruin of the charming and yet utterly lost Sheba-her family ruined, her future depraved. Unbelievable yet compelling: it's almost as if Heller tried for a salacious potboiler and ended up-her talent refusing not to intrude-with a portrait that remains indelible. Watch for her next, whatever it may be. Author tour
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780805073331
  • Publisher: Holt, Henry & Company, Inc.
  • Publication date: 8/1/2003
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 272
  • Product dimensions: 5.76 (w) x 8.58 (h) x 0.93 (d)

Meet the Author

Zoë Heller

Zoë Heller was born in London. Her work as a feature writer, critic, and columnist has appeared in The Independent on Sunday, The London Sunday Times, The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The London Review of Books, Esquire, The New Republic, and The Times Literary Supplement. She currently writes a weekly column for the London Telegraph, for which she won the 2002 British Press Award for Columnist of the Year. She has lived in New York since 1993.

Biography

Although Zoe Heller made her initial splash with a series of addictively entertaining "girl about town" columns for Britain's Telegraph and Sunday Times, she has made the transition to literary fiction with a degree of success that can only be called extraordinary.

London-born and Oxford-educated, Heller acquired her M.A. from Columbia University in 1988. After graduate school, she returned to England, where she worked briefly in publishing, then as a journalist, book reviewer, and feature writer for various mainstream British newspapers. In the 1990s, she moved to New York and began chronicling her experiences as a single woman in the Big Apple. Her wry, witty, and outrageously confessional dispatches turned her into a household name in Britain and inspired a wave of Bridget Jones-style journalism that has never matched Heller's signature brio and artistic flair.

Despite the popularity of her columns, Heller began to feel confined by the kind of writing that had made her reputation. In 2000, she plunged into the choppy seas of literary fiction with a darkly comic novel entitled Everything You Know. Although it was savaged by the British press (a sour grapes-induced snubbing and drubbing Heller admits still stings), the book received enthusiastic reviews in the U.S. Writing in The New York Times, Michiko Kakutani called it ""A sparkling first novel...As affecting as it is amusing," and the Los Angeles Times called it "... a shrewdly funny portrayal of a first-class curmudgeon."

There was nothing mixed about the reception for Heller's sophomore effort. Released in 2003, Notes on a Scandal (incongruously entitled in the U.S. What Was She Thinking?: Notes on a Scandal), was an unqualified success. The story of an obsessive affair between a teacher and her underage student, the novel unfolds in the form of a manuscript written by the teacher's "friend," an embittered older colleague with a few obsessions of her own. The book was shortlisted for Britain's most prestigious literary award, the Man Booker Prize, and went on to become an acclaimed, award-winning film starring Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett.

Following the success of Notes on a Scandal, Heller gave up her award-winning column, admitting that she was somewhat embarrassed by its egregiously autobiographical content. (In 2005, she told the Independent, "[T]he sound of the barrel being scraped became too resounding.") And while devoted fans still miss her wry, sly, self-deprecating articles, there is no question the literary world has gained a formidable talent. In the words of the American writer Edmund White, "Heller joins the front ranks of British novelists, right up there with Amis and McEwan." Lofty praise for a former Bridget Jones!

Good To Know

  • On her right shoulder, Heller sports a faded tattoo of a small, green tortoise. "I was 17," she explained in an interview with the Daily Telegraph. "On the Finchley Road. And I was with some boys who were getting naked women, the ace of spades and so on. I wasn't going to get a naked lady and it happened at the time that my favourite animal was a tortoise."

  • Heller's father, Lukas Heller, wrote Hollywood screenplays (including The Dirty Dozen and What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?), and her mother was involved in politics, including the Save London Transport campaign.

    Some fascinating outtakes from our interview with Zoë Heller:

  • "My very first job was as a milkman's assistant on an electric milk float in London. (This was in the days when British homeowners got their milk delivered to their front doorsteps.) I was 14 at the time. It was an okay job, but the smell of stale milk tended to linger horribly on my clothes."

  • "I wish I could have been a jazz singer."

  • "I have two daughters. One is named Frankie Ray (Frankie after the 12-year-old protagonist of The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers; Ray for Ray Charles) The younger one is named Lula Nelson (Lula because we liked it -- and oddly enough it turns out to be the name that Carson McCuller's was given at birth; Nelson for Willie Nelson)."

  • "I am pathetically without hobbies. I like lying in a hammock with a gin and tonic and a book."

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      1. Also Known As:
        Zoë Kate Hinde Heller (full name)
      2. Hometown:
        New York, New York
      1. Date of Birth:
        July 7, 1965
      2. Place of Birth:
        London, England
      1. Education:
        B.A., St. Anne's College, Oxford, 1987; M.A., Columbia University 1988

    Read an Excerpt

    What Was She Thinking?

    1

     

     

    The first time I ever saw Sheba was on a Monday morning, early in the winter term of 1996. I was standing in the St. George's car park, getting books out of the back of my car, when she came through the gates on a bicycle—an old-fashioned, butcher-boy model with a basket in the front. Her hair was arranged in one of those artfully dishevelled up-dos: a lot of stray tendrils framing the jaw, and something like a chopstick piercing a rough bun at the back. It was the sort of hairstyle that film actresses wear when they're playing sexy lady doctors. I can't recall exactly what she had on. Sheba's outfits tend to be very complicated—lots of floaty layers. I know she was wearing purple shoes. And there was definitely a long skirt involved, because I remember thinking that it was in imminent danger of becoming entangled in her spokes. When she dismounted—with a lithe, rather irritating little skip—I saw that the skirt was made of some diaphanous material. Fey was the word that swam into my mind. Fey person, I thought. Then I locked my car and walked away.

    My formal introduction to Sheba took place later the same day when Ted Mawson, the deputy head, brought her into the staff room at afternoon break for a "meet and greet." Afternoonbreak is not a good time to meet schoolteachers. If you were to plot a graph of a teacher's spirits throughout the school day, afternoon break would be represented by the lowest valley. The air in the staff room has a trapped, stagnant quality. The chirpy claptrap of the early morning has died away, and those staff members who are not milling about, checking their timetables and so on, sprawl in lugubrious silence. (To be fair, the sprawling is as much a tribute to the shoddy construction of the staff room's three elderly foam sofas as an expression of the teachers' low morale.) Some of the teachers stare, slack-shouldered, into space. Some of them read—the arts and media pages of the liberal newspapers mainly, or paperback editions of the lower sort of fiction-the draw being not so much the content as the shield against having to converse with their colleagues. A great many chocolate bars and instant noodles in plastic pots are consumed.

    On the day of Sheba's arrival, the staff room was slightly more crowded than usual, owing to the heating being on the blink in Old Hall. (In addition to its three modern structures—the Gym, the Arts Centre, and the Science Block—the St. George's site includes two rather decrepit redbrick buildings, Old Hall and Middle Hall, which date back to the school's original, Victorian incarnation as an orphanage.) That afternoon, several teachers who might otherwise have remained skulking in their Old Hall classrooms during break had been driven to seek refuge in the staff room, where the radiators were still operative. I was off in a far corner when Mawson ushered Sheba in, so I was able to watch their slow progress around the room for several minutes before having to mould my face into the appropriate smile.

    Sheba's hair had become more chaotic since the morning. The loose tendrils had graduated to hanks and, where it was meant to be smooth and pulled back, tiny, fuzzy sprigs had reared up, creating a sort of corona around her scalp. She was a very thin woman, I saw now. As she bent to shake the hands of seated staff members, her body seemed to fold in half at the waist like a piece of paper. "Our new pottery teacher!" Mr. Mawson was bellowing with his customary chilling good spirits, as he and Sheba loomed over Antonia Robinson, one of our Eng. lit women. Sheba smiled and patted shyly at her hair.

    Pottery. I repeated the word quietly to myself. It was too perfect : I pictured her, the dreamy maiden poised at her wheel, massaging tastefully mottled milk jugs into being.

    She was gesturing at the windows. "Why are all the curtains drawn?" I heard her ask. Ted Mawson rubbed his hands, nervously.

    "Oh," Antonia said, "so the kids can't look in at us and make faces."

    Bill Rumer, the head of chemistry, who was sitting next to Antonia on one of the foam sofas, snorted loudly at this. "Actually, Antonia," he said, "it's so we can't look out at them. So they can smash each other up—do their raping and pillaging—and we're not required to intervene."

    Antonia laughed and made a scandalised face.

    A lot of teachers at St. George's go in for this sort of posturing cynicism about the pupils, but Bill is the chief offender. He is a rather ghastly character, I'm afraid—the sort of man who is always sitting with his legs aggressively akimbo, offering a clearer silhouette of his untidy crotch than is strictly decent. One of the more insufferable things about him is that heimagines himself tremendously naughty and shocking—a delusion in which women like Antonia are all too eager to conspire.

    "Oh, Bill," Antonia said now, pressing her skirt against her thighs.

    "Don't worry," Bill said to Sheba, "you'll get used to the gloom." He smiled at her magnanimously—the grandee allowing her into the little enclosure of his bonhomie. Then, as his eyes swept over her, I saw his smile waver for a moment.

    Women observing other women tend to be engrossed by the details—the bodily minutiae, the clothing particulars. We get so caught up in the lone dimple, the excessive ears, the missing button, that we often lag behind men in organising the individual features into an overall impression. I mention this by way of explaining why it was only now, as I watched Bill, that the fact of Sheba's beauty occurred to me. Of course, I thought. She's very good looking. Sheba, who had been smiling fixedly throughout Bill and Antonia's droll exchange, made another nervous adjustment to her hair. As she raised her long, thin arms to fuss with the chopstick hair ornament, her torso lengthened and her chest was thrust forward slightly. She had a dancer's bosom. Two firm little patties riding the raft of her ribs. Bill's eyes widened. Antonia's eyes narrowed.

    Sheba and Mawson continued on their journey around the room. The change that took place in the teachers' faces as they set eyes on Sheba confirmed my appraisal of Bill's appraisal. The men beamed and ogled. The women shrank slightly and turned sullen. The one exception was Elaine Clifford, a St. George's alumnus who teaches lower school biology. Assuming what is her characteristic stance of unearned intimacy, Elaine stood very close to Sheba and began to blast her with impudent chatter. They were only a few feet away from me now. After amoment, Mawson turned and beckoned to me. "Barbara!" he shouted, cutting off Elaine in midstream. "Do come and meet Sheba Hart."

    I stepped over and joined the group.

    "Sheba is going to be teaching pottery," Mawson said. "As you know, we've been waiting a long time to replace Mrs. Sipwitch. We feel tremendously lucky and pleased to have got her."

    In response to these words, a small, precise circle of scarlet appeared on each of Sheba's cheeks.

    "This is Barbara Covett," Mawson went on. "She's one of our stalwarts. If Barbara ever left us, I'm afraid St. George's would collapse."

    Sheba looked at me carefully. She was about thirty-five, I estimated. (She was actually forty, about to be forty-one.) The hand that she held out to be shaken was large and red and somewhat coarse to the touch. "How nice to be so needed," she said, smiling. It was difficult to distinguish her tone, but it seemed to me that it contained a note of genuine sympathy—as if she understood how maddening it might be to be patronised by Mawson.

    "Sheba—is that as in Queen of?" I asked.

    "No, as in Bathsheba."

    "Oh. Were your parents thinking of the Bible or of Hardy?"

    She smiled. "I'm not sure. I think they just liked the name."

    "If there's anything you need to know about anything concerning this place, Sheba," Mawson continued, "you must ask Barbara. She's the St. George's expert."

    "Oh, smashing. I'll remember that," Sheba said.

    People from the privileged orders are always described as having plums in their mouths, but that wasn't what came to mind when I heard Sheba speak. On the contrary, she soundedas if her mouth were very empty and clean—as if she'd never had a filling.

    "Oh! Love your earrings!" Elaine said now. She reached out, like a monkey, to finger Sheba's ears and, as she raised her arms, I caught a glimpse of her armpits, which were violently pink, as if inflamed, and speckled with black stubble. I do hate it when women don't keep their personal grooming up to scratch. Better the full, bushy Frenchwoman's growth than that squalid sprinkling of iron filings. "They're so pretty!" Elaine said of the earrings. "Where d'you get 'em?"

    Sandy Pabblem, the headmaster, is very keen on having former pupils like Elaine on staff. He imagines it reflects well on the school that they should wish to return and "give something back." But the truth is, St. George's alumni make exceptionally poor teachers. It's not so much that they don't know anything about anything. (Which they don't.) Or even that they are complacent about their ignorance. (I once heard Elaine blithely identifying Boris Yeltsin as "the Russian one who doesn't have a thingy on his head.") The real issue is one of personality. Invariably, pupils who come back to teach at St. George's are emotionally suspect characters—people who have surmised that the world out there is a frightening place and who have responded by simply staying put. They'll never have to try going home again because they're never going to leave. I have a vision sometimes of the pupils of these ex-pupils, deciding to become St. George's teachers themselves—and these ex-pupils of ex-pupils producing more ex-pupils, who return to St. George's as teachers, and so on. It would take only a couple of generations for the school to become entirely populated by dolts.

    I took the opportunity, while Sheba was explaining her jewellery, to examine her face more closely. The earrings were beautiful,as it happened: delicate little things made of gold and seed pearls. Her face was longish and thin, her nose ever so slightly crooked at the tip. And her eyes—no, not so much the eyes as the eyelids—were prodigious: great beige canopies fringed with dense lash. Like that spiky tiara that the Statue of Liberty wears.

    "This is Sheba's first teaching post," Ted said, when Elaine had stopped talking for a moment.

    "Well, it'll certainly be a baptism by fire," I remarked.

    Ted laughed with excessive heartiness and then abruptly stopped. "Okay," he said, glancing at his watch, "we ought to get on, Sheba. Let me introduce you to Malcolm Plummer ..."

    Elaine and I stood watching for a moment, as Sheba and Mawson moved off. "She's sweet, isn't she?" Elaine said.

    I smiled. "No, I wouldn't have said sweet."

    Elaine made a clicking noise with her tongue to indicate her affront. "Well, I think she's nice," she muttered.

    During her first couple of weeks at school, Sheba kept very much to herself. At break times, she often stayed in her pottery studio. When she did come into the staff room, she usually stood alone at one of the windows, peeking round the curtains at the playground outside. She was perfectly pleasant to her colleagues, which is to say she exchanged all the standard, weatherbased pleasantries. But she did not automatically gravitate to another female teacher and start swapping autobiographies. Or put her name down to join the St. George's contingent on the next march against government spending cuts. Or contribute to sarcastic group discussions about the headmaster. Her resistance to all the usual initiation rituals aroused a certain amount of suspicion among the other teachers. The women tended to the opinion that Sheba was "stuck up," while the men favouredthe theory that she was "cold." Bill Rumer, widely acknowledged as the staff expert on such matters, observed on more than one occasion that "there was nothing wrong with her that a good boning wouldn't cure."

    I took Sheba's failure to forge an instantaneous friendship as an encouraging sign. In my experience, newcomers—particularly female ones—are far too eager to pin their colours to the mast of any staff room coterie that will have them. Jennifer Dodd, who used to be my closest friend at the school, spent her first three weeks at St. George's buried in the welcoming bosoms of Mary Horsely and Diane Nebbins. Mary and Diane are two hippies from the maths department. They both carry packets of "women's tea" in their handbags and use jagged lumps of rock crystal in lieu of antiperspirant. They were entirely ill-suited—temperament-wise, humour-wise, worldview-wise—to be Jennifer's friends. But they happened to get to her first, and Jennifer was so grateful for someone being nice to her that she cheerfully undertook to ignore their soy milk mumbo jumbo. I daresay she would have plighted her troth to a Moonie during her first week at St. George's, if the Moonie had been quick enough off the mark.

    Sheba displayed no such new girl jitters and, for this, I admired her. She did not exempt me from her general aloofness. Owing to my seniority at St. George's and the fact that I am more formal in manner than most of my colleagues, I am used to being treated with a certain deference. But Sheba seemed to be oblivious of my status. There was little indication, for a long time, that she really saw me at all. Yet, in spite of this, I found myself possessed by a strange certainty that we would one day be friends.

    Early on, we made a few tentative approaches to one another. Somewhere in her second week, Sheba greeted me in the corridor. (She used "Hello," I was pleased to note, as opposed to the awful, Mid-Atlantic "Hiya" that so many of the staff favour.) And another time, walking from the Arts Centre after an assembly, we shared some brief, rueful comments about the choral performance that had just taken place. My feelings of connection to Sheba did not depend upon these minute exchanges, however. The bond that I sensed, even at that stage, went far beyond anything that might have been expressed in quotidian chitchat. It was an intuited kinship. An unspoken understanding. Does it sound too dramatic to call it spiritual recognition? Owing to our mutual reserve, I understood that it would take time for us to form a friendship. But when we did, I had no doubt that it would prove to be one of uncommon intimacy and trust—a relationship de chaleur, as the French say.

    In the meantime, I watched from afar and listened with interest to the gossip that circulated about her in the staff room. For most of the staff, Sheba's dignified self-containment acted as a sort of force field, repelling the usual impertinent enquiries about home life and political allegiance. But elegance loses its power in the presence of the properly stupid, and there were a few who were not deterred. From time to time, I would spot certain staff members zooming in on Sheba in the car park or playground, stunning her into submission with their vulgar curiosity. They never achieved the immediate intimacy that they were seeking. But they usually managed to extract some piece of information as a consolation prize. It was from these eager little fishwives that the rest of the staff room learned that Sheba was married with two children; that her husband was alecturer; that her children were educated privately; that she lived in "a ginormous house" in Highgate.

    Inevitably, given the quality of the intermediaries, much of this information arrived in somewhat scrambled form. On one occasion I overheard Theresa Shreve, who teaches educational guidance, informing Marian Simmons, head of the sixth year, that Sheba's father was famous. "Yeah," she said. "He's, like, dead now. But he was a very important academic." Marian asked what discipline he had worked in.

    "What?" Theresa said.

    "What was his academic subject?" Marian clarified.

    "Ooh, do you know, I don't know!" Theresa said. "He was called Donald Taylor and he invented the word inflation, I think."

    Thus did one gather that Sheba's father was Ronald Taylor, the Cambridge economist, who had died five years before, shortly after turning down an OBE. (His official reason had been that he didn't agree with the honours system, but the newspapers speculated that he was offended at not having received a knighthood.)

    "I think you'll find, Theresa," I interrupted at this point, "that Mrs. Hart's father's name was Ronald. He didn't 'invent inflation' as you say. He devised an important theory about the relationship between inflation and consumer expectation."

    Theresa looked at me with the sullen expression that so many people of her generation wear when one attempts to assail their ignorance. "Uh-huh," she said.

    The other thing that became known in those early weeks was that Sheba was experiencing "class control issues." This was not entirely unexpected. Because Highgate is part of its catchment area, people often assume that St. George's is one of those safe, soft comprehensives, full of posh children toting their cellos toorchestra practise. But posh parents don't surrender their offspring to St. George's. The cello players get sent to St. Botolph's Girls or King Henry's Boys, or to private schools in other parts of London. St. George's is the holding pen for Archway's pubescent proles—the children of the council estates who must fidget and scrap here for a minimum of five years until they can embrace their fates as plumbers and shop assistants. Last year, we had 240 pupils sit their GCSEs, and exactly six of them achieved anything higher than a grade E pass. The school represents—how to put it?—a very volatile environment. Attacks on the staff are not uncommon. The year before Sheba arrived, three second-year boys, leaning out of one of the science lab windows, pelted the school secretary, Dierdre Rickman, with Bunsen burners. (Her resulting injuries included a fractured clavicle and a head wound requiring fourteen stitches.)

    The boys naturally present the worst problems. But the girls are no picnic either. They're not quite as disposed to violence, but they are just as foulmouthed and they possess a superior gift for insult. Not long ago, a girl in my third-year class—an angry little virago-in-training by the name of Denise Callaghan—called me, without any apparent forethought, "a chewy-faced old bitch." This sort of thing occurs very rarely in my classroom, and when it does, I am able, in almost every case, to stamp it out immediately. But for more junior members of the St. George's staff, maintaining basic order is an ongoing and frequently bloody battle. For a novice like Sheba—a wispy novice with a tinkly accent and see-through skirts—the potential for disaster was great.

    Later on, I learned the details of what happened in Sheba's first class. She had been put in what is grandly called the school studio—a prefabricated hut adjoining the Arts Centre, which,for some years, since the departure of the last pottery teacher, had been used as a storage room. It was rather dark and musty, but Sheba had made an effort to cheer the place up with museum posters and some geranium cuttings taken from her garden that morning.

    She had worked very conscientiously on her lesson plan. Her intention was to begin her first class of third-years with a short talk about what pottery was—the primal, creative impulse that it represented and the important role that it played in the earliest civilisations. After that, she was going to let the children handle some clay. She would ask them to construct a bowl—any sort of bowl they liked—and whatever they managed to produce she would fire in the kiln, in time for the next class. When the bell rang for first period and her pupils began trickling in, her mood was bordering on elation. This, she had decided, was going to be great fun.

    She waited until she judged that most of the class was present before standing up to say hello. But as she was introducing herself she was interrupted by Michael Beale—a wiry boy with a sinister, grey front tooth—who rushed towards her from the back of the class, shouting, "I fancy you, Miss!" She chuckled gamely and asked him to take a seat. He ignored her and remained standing. Shortly thereafter, another boy joined him. Having looked Sheba up and down, this lad—it was James Thornham, I think—announced to the class, in a sardonic monotone, that their teacher had "little tits." Even as the class was showing its appreciation for this witty observation, yet another boy stood up on one of the worktables and began chanting, "Show us your tits." Apparently this met with a derisive response from some of the female class members, who called upon theboy in question to "show his willy" and made offers of a magnifying glass for the purpose.

    Sheba was having to hold back her tears by this stage. She sternly enjoined the class to settle down, and for a moment, to her surprise, there was semi-quiet. She was starting to introduce herself again when a girl of Southeast Asian parentage, whom Sheba had identified as one of the more demure and well-behaved pupils, leaned back in her chair and shouted, "Oi! Miss is wearing a see-through skirt. You can practically see her knickers!" The entire class broke out in cheers. "Miss, how come you're not wearing a slip? ... Come on, Miss, show us your tits ... . Miss, Miss, where d'you get that skirt? Oxfam?" Sheba did begin to cry now. "Please," she kept shouting above the din. "Please. Would you please stop being so beastly for a minute?"

    At the time, I was aware of none of these particulars. But I received a general idea of Sheba's troubles from the gleeful staff room hearsay. The word on Sheba was that she was a short fuse type. An exploder. One lunchtime, a fortnight into term, I overheard Elaine Clifford describing what one of her second-years had told her about Sheba. "The kids go wild on her apparently," Elaine said. "She, like, begs them to be good. And then the next thing, she loses her rag. Curses at them. Bloody this and F that. All sorts."

    This worried me a good deal. The head tends to be pretty soft on cursing. But, strictly speaking, uttering expletives in the presence of the children is a sackable offence. It is not so uncommon for teachers—particularly inexperienced ones—to start out negotiating with unruly pupils and then, when that approach fails, to resort abruptly to anger. But, in most cases,these transitions have an element of calculated or affected ferocity. The teacher is performing rage. If children see someone like Sheba truly losing control—shouting, swearing, and so forth—they are delighted. They sense, not incorrectly, that a victory has been won. I wanted very much to take Sheba aside and tell her, tactfully, where she was going wrong. But I was shy. I didn't know how to broach the matter without seeming like a busybody. So I kept my own counsel and waited.

    In Sheba's third week at the school, a geography teacher called Jerry Samuels was patrolling the property for truants when he passed the Arts Centre and heard what sounded like a riot inside Sheba's hut. When he went in to investigate, he found the studio in uproar. The entire second-year class was having a clay fight. Several of the boys were stripped to the waist. Two of them were endeavouring to topple the kiln. Samuels discovered Sheba cowering, tearfully, behind her desk. "In ten years of teaching, I've never seen anything like it," he later told the staff room. "It was Lord of the Flies in there."

    WHAT WAS SHE THINKING. Copyright © 2003 by Zoë Heller. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address Picador, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y 10010.

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    Reading Group Guide

    Our Book Club Recommendation
    Why would an upper-class, middle-aged married mother of two risk her marriage, status, and career for a fling with a 15-year-old student? Aptly titled, What Was She Thinking? is a surprising and sharp study of this and a multitude of human relationships -- one that will challenge your assumptions about love, adultery, and the precarious balance of power in all our interactions. What better choice for a book group?

    This is the story of a scandal -- or rather, the evolution of one -- as observed by Barbara, a lonely, unmarried teacher whose only friend, Sheba, embarks on a torrid affair with an underage student named Steven Connelly. As the details of the affair unfold, opportunities arise for readers to explore the motivations behind Sheba's deception: Was it a longing for something absent from her marriage; a defiant attempt to recapture her lost youth; or a simple, if unlikely, crush? The affair also raises more serious issues for discussion, as book groups will be challenged to examine the legal and social ramifications of Sheba's actions. If she were an older man obsessed with a younger woman, would she be considered a sexual deviant? Can we place an age limit on emotional and sexual maturity? And, Sheba's subservience to Connelly suggests that although she is the older participant in the affair, is it not always clear who is the predator and who is the victim.

    As the book's narrator, Barbara tells not only the story of Sheba's scandal but also of her own lonesome life on the perimeter of it. In her devout, cautious attempts to form a bond with Sheba -- and the hints of desperation in her past relationships -- readers will find much to discuss about the gray areas between the longing for companionship and sexual desire, between intimacy and dependency.

    This book welcomes an exploration of the psychology of adultery, the rhythms of married life, the delicate boundaries present in all relationships and the circumstances under which they are crossed. Casting a keen eye on the nature of loneliness and blowing the lid off our notions about the wisdom that comes with age and experience, Zoë Heller's latest is sure to raise issues that are relevant to all our lives. Elise Vogel

    An Introduction from the Publisher
    What Was She Thinking? is the story of a scandalous relationship between Sheba Hart, the new pottery teacher at St. George's, and her fifteen-year-old student, and its aftermath. The novel is narrated by Barabra Covett, an older teacher who lives alone with her cat, and sees in Sheba the possibility of companionship. Barbara's repressed and solitary existence contrasts sharply with Sheba's chaotic life of privilege and marriage, the difficulties raising a sullen adolescent daughter and a disabled son. The disastrous results of the affair provide a way for Barbara to become indispensable to Sheba, and their friendship begins to develop. By turns poignant and satirical, What Was She Thinking? explores love, passion, envy, loneliness, and friendship from every angle to create a vivid psychological portrait of characters caught between circumstance and manipulation.

    Discussion Questions from the Publisher
    1. There has traditionally been a taboo on older women/younger men relationships. In the novel, the news media describes the affair between Sheba and Connolly as "despicable" and "unhealthy." Why do you think it has historically been viewed this way, and do you agree?

    2. Heller expertly captures the insulating and sometimes claustrophobic atmosphere of academia. Give examples of this, and discuss the differences and similarities between Sheba and Barbara that brought them to teach at the same institution.

    3. Connolly's unabashed admiration and innocence prove irresistible to Sheba. How are Connolly's attentions much different from the oglings of her academic colleagues since both indicate that they find her sexually attractive. Why is one so much more flattering?

    4. What makes a woman like Sheba behave so irresponsibly? How easy was it for her to risk everything for the danger of the relationship? Does Sheba really think about the consequences of her actions?

    5. Why does Sheba's friendship with Sue Hodges seem so ill-founded to Barbara? Why would Sheba choose Sue her as her confidant--she never mentions Connolly's visits to Sue. How does Barbara seduce Sheba away from Sue?

    6. Barbara observes that Connolly's overt effort to please Sheba is like "the cynicism of all courtship." Discuss what she means by this.

    7. Barbara asks why Sheba insists on seeing Connolly as gifted and extraordinary in a sea of fairly ordinary, untalented students. Does the element of class exacerbate the forbidden nature of the relationship? Is Connolly exploiting this? What is his culpability in the situation?

    8. Why, when Barbara seems like such a prim and formal person, is she initially so sympathetic to Sheba's predicament? Why is she not appalled? She says she thinks that Connolly is actually benefiting from the relationship, not being abused by it. Is it her desire for Sheba's friendship or pure feminist support? Does she take vicarious pleasure in it?

    9. Sheba is presented throughout the first portion of the book as a very appealing character, seeking few of the advantages her money and class could provide. She bemoans her own lack of ambition. How much do her feelings of insecurity, boredom, and her problems with Polly affect her vulnerability to Connolly?

    10. What is Barbara's reaction when she finally finds out about the affair? Is this the cause of her betrayal? Does it lead to her punishment at St. George's? Does Barbara have the right to set down the events in writing? Discuss how their friendship provides as fertile ground for mutual misunderstanding, jealousy, and treachery as does the illicit love affair.

    11. At the end which woman is more sympathetic? Is Barbara friend, guardian, foe, jailer, interloper, predator? Is Sheba a victim of circumstances, an understandably bored housewife, or a selfish woman spoiled by privilege?

    12. The story is finally about the two women, and the many facets of female friendship. Discuss the ways in which Heller's device of having Barbara tell the story serves to enrich the novel by revealing both women's emotional lives.

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    Sort by: Showing all of 7 Customer Reviews
    • Anonymous

      Posted August 25, 2004

      A TRIUMPH OF A NOVEL! HOW COULD ANYONE NOT LIKE IT?

      I can't believe how great this novel is. Zoe Heller has reached literary value with this book. It's worth reading over and over again. It's funny at times, saddening in others, and certain characters you learn to hate through Barara, the narrator. Loved it.

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    • Anonymous

      Posted March 9, 2004

      Unique and wonderfully entertaining novel

      I loved 'What Was She Thinking? Notes on A Scandal.' Author Zoe Heller was able to incorporate every imaginable element into her work - humor, grief, seduction, fantasy, scandal, love, sadness, furry, jealousy etc. - for one big boom of entertainment. I loved that what was supposed to be Sheba's story was told from Barbara's point of view. Along the way what was supposed to be 'facts and notes' on Sheba's affair with Connolly became a diary of Barbara's feelings, thoughts, and longings. It was fascinating to see the story through Barbara's eyes. Fabulous novel - highly recommended!

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    • Anonymous

      Posted March 27, 2004

      Frighteningly funny

      A difficult topic in the hands of an expert novelist creates an opportunity for all of us to examine our own passions and self-deceptions. As were the other reviewers, I was struck by Zoe Heller's depth of insight into the tiny psychological quirks that make her characters simultaneously funny and pathetic. In the short description of Sheba's mother toward the end of the book, I found a number of quick, wry observations that could have been based on my own mother. In Barbara's (Heller's narrator) interpretation of Sheba's ability to justify her young lover in her own mind, I saw reflections of how we all allow ourselves to step over the lines of propriety at times, telling ourselves stories about why we richly deserve our indiscretions. More than once I looked at the picture of Ms. Heller on the book jacket and thought, 'She looks so young. How did she know that???' The tragedy of Lillian Hellman's classic play, The Children's Hour, echoed through the pages of this amazing book. I recommend it to all readers for the story line, and especially to those who love to read about the deceptions of the soul, even unto itself.

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    • Anonymous

      Posted November 27, 2003

      Interesting, beautifully written!

      This is an exceptional book, exquisitely written, each character drawn to the tee. Fascinating story from the very first word to the last. If you like an intelligent book that captures parts of life that has you saying, 'yes!' and wondering who you can read that portion to, I highly recommend this book. I found it a treat and will look for her other books.

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    • Anonymous

      Posted November 27, 2003

      Powerful--yet palpable

      This mellifluous book really makes you think about age. What age should we be considered adults these days? Kids are growing up at a much faster rate, or so it seems; puberty is hitting sooner and sooner. Is our current standard of being an adult at 18 or 21 really the case anymore? This book hits on those issues quite well. It, also, brings up questions such as: Is our society too reserved about sexuality? Are we still up-tight about sex? Why are we so wrapped up someone's private life? We are all shocked and outraged at Kobe Bryant, yet is it really our business? How has television impacted these ideas? I recommend that you read this book and develope your own views on these very important issues; don't let television form your views for you, especially not Bill O'Reilly.

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    • Anonymous

      Posted September 18, 2003

      What was I thinking reading this book

      I was terribly disappointed reading this book. I would NOT recommend it to anyone unless you are having trouble sleeping.

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    • Anonymous

      Posted October 14, 2003

      Entertaining and Gripping

      I really enjoyed reading Zoe Heller's book. She writes from every point of view, and you're left wondering: what's going to happen next? I really recommend this book its very interesting!

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