What Women Want Men to Know: The Ultimate Book about Love, Sex, and Relationships for You - And the Man You Love

Read an Excerpt

What if I told you that by doing a few simple things, you could get the woman you love to stop acting in some of the ways that drive you crazy? What if you knew some magic words to say that would work in seconds to make a woman feel like you were the most wonderful mate she could ever imagine? What if I taught you some secret techniques that would make your partner want to have more sex with you?

Do I have your attention yet, guys? Does any of this sound interesting? if so, you've come to the right place, and you're reading the right book!

Let me alleviate any suspicions you may have and say from the start what this book is not:

It's not a "chick book," written just for women, that I hope your wife or girlfriend will somehow convince you to read.

It's not a thinly disguised condemnation of men, explaining how it's all your fault.

It's not chapter after chapter of instructions to follow that will make you feel as if you have no
power in your relationship and are just obeying orders.

It's not a book designed to make you more like a woman, and less like a man.

I wrote What Women Want Men to Know to help you feel more successful, more powerful, and more in control of your love life. I wrote it so you could have more of the things you want in relationships, and less of the things you don't want. It's a book written specifically with you in mind, a book written to make your life easier.

I've spent the past twenty years working with tens of thousand of people, about half of them men. Men of all ages and from all backgrounds have opened up and shared with me what frustrates them in their relationships, what confuses them about women, and what they want in the areas of love and sex. I've been listening carefully, and here's some of what I've heard men want --

• You want to feel successful in your relationship, like you're doing a good job and not messing it up.
• You want less hassle, stress, and drama.
• You want more peace, calm, and harmony.
• You want frequent and passionate sex with your partner.
• You don't want to have to emotionally process all the time and feel as though you're always "Working on things."
• You want your mate to criticize you less and appreciate you more.
• You want to feel like you're making your woman happy.

This book is designed to help you achieve these goals. How? By understanding more about why women are the way they are, and learning some simple, practical ways you can communicate with us and relate to us that will make you and your partner happier and more satisfied in every way.

Now I have some really great news for you:

You know all of the stuff you hate about how women can get? Our neediness, our clingyness, our insecurities, the feeling you have that no matter how much you do or give, it's never enough for us? I want you to know that so much of this is avoidable. Perhaps a woman has tried to explain: "If only you'd do x or y, it would make such a huge difference," and you've thought to yourself, "Yeah, right." But I'm here to tell you that this is the most important secret about women you will ever discover:

When you learn just a few simple things to do and to the woman in your life, you'll prevent her from having the very kinds of emotional reactions that you dislike.

Does this sound too good to be true? Well, it isn't. I wrote What Women Want Men to Know to offer you the information you need, presented logically, clearly, and to the point, for creating the kind of relationship with a woman that is fun, enjoyable, satisfying, and much less work than you could ever imagine.

Are you convinced that this book is worth reading yet? I hope so!

The More You Know, the More Powerful and Successful You Are

Recently I gave a lecture to a large group and included some of the material you will be reading in this book. During the question-and-answer session, a man stood up and said defiantly, "I'm what you might call a macho sort of guy, and I'm having a hard time with this. It sounds like what you want is for me to basically think like a woman; act like a woman; in other words, to become a woman."

"Why do you think I want you to become like a woman?" I asked him.

"Well, if I'm always trying to figure out what my wife wants, and remembering her three basic needs like you talked about, and do this and that little thing to make her happier, aren't I becoming like a woman?"

"Let me ask you a question," I replied. "Do you own a car?" The man nodded. "Is it a nice car that you'd like to keep for a while?"

"Yes," he said proudly. "Actually it's only a few months old." "Okay, so did you read the manual when you got the car?"

"Sure," he said.

"And the manual taught you how to operate the car properly, what kind of gas to use in order to run the vehicle efficiently, what warning signs to look for that might indicate you're having problems, when to get checkups so the car can last for a long time, how to service the car so it doesn't break down, and stuff like this, right?"

"Right," he answered.

"So," I said to him with a mischievous smile, "by learning about your car and understanding how it works, were you becoming like your car? Do you feel more like a car since you read the manual? When the dealer who sold you the vehicle gave you the manual, did you become defensive and say, 'Hey, do you want me to become like a car?'"

The audience laughed, and the man laughed along with them, because he couldn't argue with my logic.

"See, your car is very valuable to you," I explained. "It's an investment, so you want to protect that investment and learn everything you can about making sure the car works perfectly. Now, I notice you're sitting next to a woman who appears to be very happy with everything I'm saying, so I assume it's your wife?"

"Yeah, she made me come tonight." He grinned.

"Well, guess what? She's your investment, and a more expensive one than the car, I might add! So why not learn all you can about her, how to keep her 'running properly,' so to speak, and then you'll get the most out of your investment . . . and more enjoyable rides too!" The audience applauded enthusiastically, and the man thanked me and sat down, kissing his wife, who was, I'm sure, thrilled that she had dragged him to my seminar. I admit I like using car analogies with men, because they are effective in getting the point across -- that learning more about that which is valuable to you is your way of protecting and taking care of what is yours. Educating yourself about what is important to you is a way to make yourself more powerful as a man, not less powerful. in areas of your life other than your intimate relationships, you probably find it easier to be open to learning and improving yourself. For instance, you'd never be defensive or reluctant about reading the manual for your new car, or your new VCR, or your new cell phone. in the same way, if you had to make an important presentation for work to a new client, you'd want to learn everything you could about him and his company to ensure that you'd make a good impression -- you'd never say to your boss: "I don't need any help figuring out what to say. Stop telling me what to do all the time." And if you're a golfer, or if you play tennis, or participate in any other sport, you read and learn everything you can about how to master that sport -- you'd never stubbornly insist that you didn't need any help, that learning from other people would make you a wimp. You know where I'm going with all of this, right? Your intimate relationship is your most important and valuable investment. The more you learn about women and about love, the better you'll become as a husband or lover, and the more control you will have over your love life.

While flying to New York recently, I was seated next to a gentleman of Asian-American descent who is a consultant to large corporations and business executives on understanding and operating successfully within the Asian culture. He is considered an expert in his field, and companies pay him a lot of money to train their staffs in how to relate to their business counterparts in Japan, China, Singapore, and other Pacific Rim countries. This man told me fascinating stories about companies that tried to take their businesses overseas without educating themselves about the cultural differences, and ran into problem after problem. "It's amazing," he explained to me, "how comprehending the differences between cultures, and learning just a few simple tips for effective communication and behavior, can be the key to billions of dollars of profit, and the difference between success and failure."

As I listened to this very intelligent man, I couldn't help but think about the work I do, and when he was finished with his story, I said, "Well, it seems that we're in the same profession."

"Really?" he replied. "Are you a cross-cultural consultant too?"

"In a way," I responded with a smile. "I teach men and women how to understand each other."

The man laughed and said: "Then I have no doubt your job is harder than mine!"

Just as, until they undergo the proper education, this man's clients can't be expected to understand their business associates from a totally different culture, so too you can't be expected to understand women just because you love us! Why? Because as you already know too well, men and women are very different. Besides, the truth is that as women, we don't always understand ourselves, and if we can't figure out why we are the way we are, how in the world can we expect you to understand us? As you'll see when you read What Women Want Men to Know, it wasn't just written for men in order to help you understand women -- it was written to help us as women understand ourselves, so we can communicate more precisely and more effectively with you about what we want and need in ways you can actually hear us.