When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation

Overview

One in every six males has experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences before the age of sixteen. The myriad of lasting effects are as varied as the men themselves and can have a devastating impact on future relationships. Yet while so many must deal with it, few are talking about it. Until now.

Writing with the empathy that only a true survivor can convey, New York Times best-selling author Cecil Murphey has written an honest and forthright book about surviving—and ...

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When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation

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Overview

One in every six males has experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences before the age of sixteen. The myriad of lasting effects are as varied as the men themselves and can have a devastating impact on future relationships. Yet while so many must deal with it, few are talking about it. Until now.

Writing with the empathy that only a true survivor can convey, New York Times best-selling author Cecil Murphey has written an honest and forthright book about surviving—and thriving—despite past abuses. Both informative and highly practical, When a Man You Love Was Abused will help you understand the continuing problems that survivors may encounter but are unable to express, including hurtful memories issues of self-worth, and the need to feel in control. Whether the survivor is your brother, father, son, boyfriend, or husband, you will find strength and encouragement from this balanced mix of statistics, personal insight, and inspirational stories from other survivors.

A powerful, compassionate, and timely tool, When a Man You Love Was Abused offers the strength men need to confront the past—and the encouragement women need to help them recover and heal.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780825433535
  • Publisher: Kregel Publications
  • Publication date: 4/7/2010
  • Pages: 256
  • Sales rank: 473,750
  • Product dimensions: 5.40 (w) x 8.40 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Cecil Murphey has written or coauthored more than one hundred books, including the autobiography of Franklin Graham, Rebel with a Cause and the New York Times best-seller 90 Minutes in Heaven. Cecil lives in Georgia.

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Table of Contents

Preface 7

Acknowledgments 9

Introduction: If You're an Important Woman in His Life 11

Part 1 Who He Is

1 Who Are the Molested? 17

2 A Personal Journey 24

3 Randall Rusher's Story 30

4 Where Was God? 38

5 A Theft of Childhood 40

6 “That Was the Past” 48

7 Flashbacks and Dreams 57

8 False Memories? 62

9 If His Abuser Was a Woman 70

10 The Effects of Abuse 75

11 The Inner Abuser 81

12 Typical Symptoms 92

13 Male Self-Images 101

14 Compartmentalizing Himself 108

15 His Need for Control 112

16 What About Boundaries? 116

17 To Feel Again 123

18 Facing His Abuser 132

19 Forgiving His Abuser 139

20 Forgiving Himself 143

21 Going Public 152

22 Positive Effects 159

23 When Is Healing Complete? 162

Part 2 How You Can Help Him

24 The Other Victim 167

25 Accept His Unspeakable Problem 170

26 Believe Him and Help Him Believe 172

27 Support His Spiritual Recovery 176

28 Help Him Honor His Body 179

29 Accept His Shame 183

30 Remind Him That You Care 187

31 Listen, Listen, Listen 190

32 Pray for Him 200

33 Respect His Privacy 203

34 Let Him Mourn 205

35 Be Honest with Him 208

36 Pay Attention to His Emotions 210

37 Don't Let Him Self-Punish 214

38 Allow His Inconsistencies 219

39 Be Careful About Touch 223

40 Don't Push Him to Forgive 227

41 Let Him Move at His Own Pace 232

42 Refuse to Let Him Justify the Abuser 237

43 Encourage Him to Break the Silence 240

44 Ask Him to Consider Professional Help 242

45 The Healing Influence of Women 245

Conclusion: He Needs You 255

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Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Posted June 29, 2010

    "When a Man You Love Was Abused" by Cecil Murphey

    When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphy is written in two parts. The first part deals with his own personal horrific trauma and how he handled it over many years, as well as his compassion for men who were sexually molested/abused as children. He reaches out passionately and directly about some of the areas abused men will need to address to become whole-giving an inside peek of the male's psyche and emotions. He's direct about what worked for him and what didn't. It's not a `fix-it' book, but instead helps men realize they aren't alone or crazy and that healing can be reached. The One who ultimately does the healing is the Lord, and He uses many different people to accomplish the task.

    A few of his topics in Part 1: Who He Is

    * Who Are the Molested?
    * A Personal Journey
    * Where Was God?
    * A theft of Childhood
    * Flashbacks and Dreams
    * The Effects of Abuse
    * Male Self-Images
    * Forgiving the Abuser/Himself
    * plus 14 more topics

    The second half of the Cecil's book is directed specifically to the women in these men's lives-how they can help him through the healing process by being there for him and encouraging him. Easy? No way! Necessary? Absolutely!

    Part 2 contains some of the following:

    * The Other Victim
    * Accept His Unspeakable Problem
    * Believe Him and Help Him Believe
    * Accept His Shame
    * Remind Him You Care
    * Listen, Listen, Listen
    * Pray for Him
    * Be Honest with Him
    * plus 14 more topics

    Women, this is definitely a book to have on your shelf if the man in your life is struggling with childhood sexual abuse. Cecil has wise words of advice that will you help stand beside the man in your life through his healing process by encouraging him. Whether the survivor in your life is a brother, father, son, boyfriend, or husband, you will find encouragement and strength from Cecil's book. I personally feel that the book could also be used in reverse circumstances where it's the woman who has been abused, especially part 2.

    Special thanks to Danielle Douglas of Douglas Public Relations for sending me a review copy.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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    Posted July 2, 2010

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 12, 2014

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