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The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that 80 percent of childhood abuse victims later suffer from at least one abuse-induced psychological disorder. It’s proven that the effects of childhood abuse follow women into adulthood. Yet few men are prepared to deal with those effects, even when their own wife is the one who is suffering. And their wife’s suffering becomes their own suffering as their needs aren’t being met by a wife who is powerless to control her ...
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that 80 percent of childhood abuse victims later suffer from at least one abuse-induced psychological disorder. It’s proven that the effects of childhood abuse follow women into adulthood. Yet few men are prepared to deal with those effects, even when their own wife is the one who is suffering. And their wife’s suffering becomes their own suffering as their needs aren’t being met by a wife who is powerless to control her inner turmoil.
Author, pastor, and survivor Dawn Scott Jones candidly shares her own abuse experience to help husbands understand the varied emotions, fears, distorted thoughts, and triggers that hold their wives captive. In practical and accessible language, Jones explains the stages of the healing journey (processing denial, asking for help, grieving, expressing anger, learning to forgive, and finding resolution). Building on that knowledge, Jones then moves to an honest discussion of what husbands can do to help. Whether it’s creating a healing environment, understanding the need for control, building trust, or even just praying for healing, a husband plays an active role in helping his wife survive and thrive despite her past abuse.
Offering hope for a healthy marriage relationship, When a Woman You Love Was Abused answers the questions men have and offers the advice they need to help their wives finally find peace.
Foreword Cecil Murphey 9
Introduction: She Needs You 11
Part 1 Understanding the Survivor
1 Her Story Is Unique 19
2 When Innocence Is Stolen 25
3 The Circumstances Surrounding Her Childhood Abuse 31
4 Emotions and the Beginning of Healing 40
5 The Emotional Carnage of Shame, Guilt, and Fear 46
6 Beyond Emotions, from Loneliness to Depression 51
7 How Her Memories Surface 56
8 Messages She Hears, Lies She Believes 63
9 Her Distorted Self-Image 70
10 God and Her Abuse 80
11 Sexual Intimacy 85
12 Her Inner Child 91
Part 2 Understanding the Healing Process
13 Healing Stages 99
14 Denying the Truth 102
15 Deciding to Heal 105
16 Surviving Crisis 108
17 Remembering 112
18 Choosing to Tell 114
19 Releasing Responsibility 120
20 Finding the Inner Child 122
21 Grieving Loss 125
22 Expressing Anger 135
23 Forgiving 137
24 Resolving the Conflict 144
Part 3 How You Can Help
25 Fostering a Healing Environment 151
26 Understanding Her Need to Control 162
27 Building Trust in Sexual Intimacy 168
28 Praying for Her 176
29 She Needs You 178
30 And What About You? 185
31 Questions Men Have 192
32 Finding Peace 196
About the Author 205
Posted September 19, 2012
I am still always sickened by books that I read that involve child abuse but I know that it has to be talked about so that perhaps one day, we won't have so many of these incidents come up. It is important for the victims to come forward and get justice! I have never had that problem, so I can't even begin to know what it is like, but I hope that if it had happened, that I would be strong enough to tell someone. When A Woman You Love Was Abused written by Dawn Scott Jones is a book that everyone needs to read in order to even begin to comprehend what it is like.
The assumption that most people make, is that there should be a certain date or time frame when it is over. There is no magical date that anyone can give you. Each woman is different as night and day, so how can a date help anyone? It will take as long as it takes. And the spouse needs to know that. It will happen, given time, just don't push it or you could make things worse.
In Dawn's story she is married over 27 years to the same man and I guess somewhere along the way, the abuse became a problem and instead of them both speaking about it and trying to resolve it, it looks like they both shut down. And of course, in the end, they did get divorced, which in itself was sad because after 27 years, it should have been the easiest thing to do. After all, they knew each other a long time. I am not sure if they were best friends, I did not get a grasp of that but it seemed like they or he took the easy way out.
Posted September 19, 2012
When a Woman You Love Was Abused was a tough book for me to read.
However, I am glad Dawn Scott Jones wrote this book. There aren't many books written on the subject of helping the spouses of abuse survivors.
The only other book I have read on this subject was The Haunted Marriage by Clark E. Barshinger, Ph.D., Lojan E. LaRowe, Ph.D. and Andres T. Tapia.
I found When A Woman You Love Was Abused to be a more comprehensive guide to understand and help spouses as they undergo the healing process/recovery.
I must write a disclaimer, however, to warn women or men who are survivors. Depending on where you are at in your recovery, I would use discretion and exercise caution in reading this book. There is graphic details which could trigger and/or upset you.
Dawn Scott Jones is a survivor and does a great job in breaking down the sequence of healing throughout the various chapters in this book.
There are three parts:
Part 1. Understanding the Survivor
Part 2. Understanding the Healing Process
Part 3. How You (the Spouse) Can Help
I found each part and chapter to be extremely helpful and full of good information to help inform and guide spouses of abuse survivors.
I highly recommend this book to husband's who are married to survivors. This book will help husband's understand what their wives are going through and offer helpful suggestions.
In conclusion, I want to thank Litfuse Publicity for sending me a complimentary copy of this book to review.
Posted September 7, 2012
Reviewed by Karen P. for Readers Favorite
In "When a Woman You Love Was Abused" Dawn Jones has written a thought-provoking and up-front book of what it is like to be an abused child and what emotional problems may be faced by those trying to love the survivors of childhood sexual abuse. There is a clear and concise section related to the various forms of sexual abuse and then the emotional sequella of abuse is considered. The fact that sexually abused children grow up with a sense of shame and fear is an important factor in why they generally develop distorted self-images that will bring problem after problem in adulthood. One of the important sections in the book is that of trying to understand the importance of bringing abuse into the memory of the survivor so that it can be dealt with openly and in a healing environment. As the author points out, it is only in the telling that the healing can realistically occur.
Ms. Jones uses her own personal abuse story to illustrate the many facets of abuse to the child and to the adult survivor. She vividly describes the cost to an intimate relationship should the abuse story remains hidden. One of the most helpful sections must surely be that of advice to husbands and/or loved ones. The "helpers" also need counsel and guidance as their self-images are bound to be tarnished because of the actions of the abused partner. This is a highly readable book for anyone who has survived and it is equally insightful for those choosing to help.
Posted August 23, 2012
YOU REALLY SHOULD GET THIS ANOINTED BOOK,I GOT IT FOR MY HUSBAND AND OUR MARRIAGE AND I BEGAN TO READ IT AND STARTED TO GET SO MUCH UNDERSTANDING OF MYSELF.I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR BUYING IT I HAVE EVEN BOUGHT ONE FOR MY THERAPIST AND WANT TO GET A COUPLE MORE FOR OTHERS, I WILL DIFFIDENTLY SHARE THIS BOOK WITH THOSE WHOM MIGHT NEED IT.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted August 15, 2012
Trying to reach out to the husbands of abused women, the author draws on her own experiences and those of women she’s counseled. Of course, their wives will also benefit from reading about others like them and about how they may be trying to heal. The book is divided into sections which focus on the emotions, loneliness, and depression that survivors of sexual abuse feel, on the healing process, and on how husbands can help. I’ve never experienced abuse myself, but Scott Jones’ writing and advice seemed intuitive and balanced. As early as page 12, she cautions husbands that the journey will be exhausting and daunting. The author warns them that their struggling wives will turn to them…but might also turn on them.
The experiences, the coping skills, the suppression of feelings, the memories and triggers… - there are so many aspects surrounding the consequences of the cruel crime that these women suffered through; Scott Jones discusses them all. I had to read and skim the chapter dealing with forgiveness a few times. It’s so incomprehensible to me that the victimizer should ever be forgiven. Yet, this is a step toward healing. Even God must be forgiven, and Bible quotes are used to illustrate the precedent for having the capacity to forgive such an evil. The book is well-written, heartfelt advice; however, even with excellent guidance, I wonder if many men would be able to support and break through the lack of trust and the hurt these women must feel. I hope so.
Posted October 4, 2012
No text was provided for this review.