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|Chapter 1||Why do Certain Relatives Upset You at Such a Deep Level?||3|
|Chapter 2||When and How to Change a Family Pattern You Don't Like||25|
|Chapter 3||Five Ways to Improve Family Get-Togethers and Holiday Visits||63|
|Chapter 4||What to Do about Religious Disagreements and Pressures to Conform||93|
|Chapter 5||How to Resolve Family Battles about Food, Weight, Clothes, and Appearance||117|
|Chapter 6||Why Families Get Weird about Money, Status, and Competition (and What You Can Do about it)||141|
|Chapter 7||How to Deal with Drugs, Alcohol, and Other Addictions in Your Family||175|
|Chapter 8||Is There Anything You Can Do about Relatives Who are Intolerant?||209|
|Chapter 9||What if There's Been Serious Physical or Emotional Abuse?||237|
|Chapter 10||How to Make Sure Future Generations Will Have an Easier Time||261|
|Appendix||About the Research Study||287|
|Sources and Suggested Readings||293|
Posted December 26, 2004
As a psychologist, author of EMBRACING YOUR FATHER - HOW TO CREATE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU ALWAYS WANTED WITH YOUR DAD (Mcgraw Hill 2004) and only professor in the country who has been teaching a fathers and daughters course since 1990, I applaud this author for offering ideas that can be used to strengthen father-daughter relationships. Dr. Linda Nielsen Wake Forest University EMBRACING YOUR FATHER has helped thousands of fathers and daughters strengthen or rebuild their relationships. A PBS special on fathers and daughters featuring Dr. Nielsen will be aired in June, 2005.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 3, 2004
For those of you out there anticipanting dread, anxiety and concerns over a difficult relative this book is perfect for this holiday season. Lenny teaches you, first how to make a request in a way for you to feel heard, and for the Other to want to be supportive. He also gives you a hand holding guarantee to survive this time with your relatives and reassure yourself that YOU ARE OKAY! Anyone who did not find this book supreme for this topic.... indeed has family issues. Lenny knows what he is talking about and has lots to give to us to enhance our well-being during this season and always.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 26, 2004
The family situations depicted in Dr. Felder's book illustrate all kinds of hurtful and difficult interactions...many of which applied to my own family life. His solutions don't make anyone a villain, but instead provide easy-to-remember tools that I now can use to help myself communicate needs and limits in ways that others can actually hear and accept. Dr. Felder's suggestions to try things out as an 'experiment' and the questions he asks that inspire curiosity about relatives are more effective strategies than power struggles and confrontation. With his tools, I find that I can approach family gatherings with more hope about having a pleasant time and less fear that I will be manipulated into a familiar corner. The tone of the book was very loving and accepting and left me with the feeling that I don't have to do things perfectly and I can always try again. Great to read and re-read!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted October 6, 2004
Shallow, stereotypical examples limited the scope of practical help that could possibly be derived from this book. The jacket blurb leads the reader to believe that innovative ways to deal with relatives in difficult situations will be offered. Other than the 'caring sandwich', most of the advice was to either repress your feelings and instincts by silently repeating pre thought of mantras, or scheming with other relatives (triangulation) to obtain some power or leverage to enact your own way and/or desires. No really new ideas were offered, including the 'caring sandwich'.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 29, 2003
Don't let the title of this book scare you! This book is about love. Dr. Felder makes house calls. He first visits his own home and cleans out the closet. He discusses his family gatherings and upbringing, which is probably why he dedicates this book to his sister, Janice. Difficult family members are normal. However, having a self-absorbed, narcissistic personality in the family could lead to little, or no teamwork and non flexibility; which can be troublesome at times when their is a family crisis that needs to be dealt with. The delicious delicacy, 'The Caring Sandwich' approach, I found unique, because you're feeding into that enormous ego, while getting that person to know that you are upset and you want a behavior stopped. Dr. Felder does'nt advocate trying to change a person, which was clear in the case study of Camilla, where she tries to get her dad to stop the sexist attitudes placed upon her, due to his big sisters adolescent, resent-filled childhood, in which she abused him. Or in Corey's family, the dilemma is, 'not to try to change your drug addicted brother,' he'll just keep putting up barriers, but to accept him the way he is and use prayer or meditation to keep yourself well. It would take someone like Felder, to invite us into the affects of the effect of slavery. This is the scenario of Robert, an African American man from a family where his parents have inflicted racism upon their child, because his skin was not light like his siblings. Most of the subjects in this book are considered taboo, but it's about time, someone spoke-up to some of the damage caused in families. This book is like a 12 step program and if that's not enough; 'The doctor', prescribes books, tapes, and movies that can get you to see 'THE BIG PICTURE'. A must read for the survival of you, and future generations to come.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 9, 2003
Dr. Felder's new book strikes an important balance between deconstructing the dynamics that occur in family conflicts, setting realistic limits of one's ability to control and change family members, and offering concrete suggestions to improve one's outlook on troublesome relatives so that family events become less of an ordeal. Rarely have I found a self-help book that ably addresses these three perspectives, but Dr. Felder accomplishes this with wisdom and humor. I especially enjoyed the chapters regarding religious issues and holiday dinners.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 2, 2003
'The Doctor', has whipped up a delicious delight! At that next family fiesta, serve up, A CARING SANDWICH. Remember the old sayings, that you can catch more bees with honey and fish and guess and...family stinks after three days: Think of this book as a 12 step approach, so that you won't be stung again. This buzzz should spread like a virus! A wonderful read.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 7, 2003