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The question is whether this wrong happened two minutes or twenty years ago, whether this person is living or dead, why are you still allowing yourself to suffer because of it?
Why is this pain still being allowed to destroy the very relationships that you have with your friends, family, God and even yourself? There is help, but are you ready to accept it?
In this ground breaking study of the power of forgiveness, R.A. Clark, an award-winning educator and life coach, challenges not only what you thought that you knew about forgiveness, but also questions the heavy emotional price that you are willing to pay to live without it.
In a world where it is hard to love and there is so much to hate, finally somebody will tell the truth about the lies that we tell ourselves about forgiveness. Including...
• Why you should never forgive and forget?
• When is the right time to forgive anyone for anything?
• Why your “silence” maybe slowly destroying your family?
• The only biblical way that there is to forgive anyone.
• Also, discover just who is the one person that you should
always forgive, even when your heart tells you not to.
Prepare yourself. This book is the first step in a remarkable journey to help you to become the spouse, parent, and/or friend that you were truly meant to be; the one person that many people wish they were and others only pretend to be.
Quick Question: Could you forgive someone who has hurt you or someone you love? According to R.A. Clark, an award-winning educator, life coach and author of the groundbreaking, new book about forgiveness, "When God Stopped Keeping Score," for millions of people that answer would be a simple "no." Clark reveals, "Even in knowing that good and bad things are going to happen to almost everyone, how can anyone find forgiveness, when they never learned how to forgive themselves for 'allowing' it to happen in the first place?"
"The problem is," Clark suggests, "that most people are too concerned with the fact that they have been hurt to even consider forgiveness. Look at what happens when any celebrity, politician, or sports athlete betrays our trust in them. We never look at them the same way again. We don't want to see their movies, buy their albums, watch them play, or even, vote for them, as a politician. Yet, if we make a mistake, we often are the first to apologize to other people with a simple 'I'm sorry,' 'Excuse me' or 'I apologize.' This shows that we want other people's forgiveness. We want to move forward."
"The question then becomes, have you ever learned to apologize to yourself?" Clark questions. "You will hear someone say 'How could I have been so stupid?' when something happens faster than you'll hear, 'I owe myself an apology for allowing that to happen, or having did that. I should have paid more attention to what I was doing.' This almost never happens for anybody. How can you find forgiveness in others, or have other people forgive us, when we haven't found it for ourselves? This is a common mistake."
"The truth is forgiveness requires honesty." Clark reveals, "Some people simply don't want to deal with the reality of their situation and that's that they have been hurt, misled or made a mistake. Denial, guilt and shame are powerful emotions, even when the truth is that what happened is not always our fault, like losing a job or even the family's home in hard economic times. That's another mistake."
Clark also asserts that "It does not help that the minute you tell somebody about what happened to you or what you already did, they either pity you, shaking their head, or they tell you what they would have said or done. This only makes you feel worst. It makes you question what you should have said or done. You will find yourself getting angry again. You are not alone. It happens to almost every one."
"You, then, find yourselves saying whatever is needed to make yourself feel better, like 'I'm okay. It is all right. I'm over it.' In the back of our minds though, you are actually playing a daily game of 'what if.'
'What if I did this or what if I did that?' The one person that you end up blaming for all of this will be yourself or try to rationalize it by blaming others. This is another very common mistake that many people make. The truth is, we are not always entirely at fault for everything we do. Even adultery takes two people to commit. That's why, we should always accept responsibility for the things that we do and role that we play in each situation that we encounter."
"That is why self-forgiveness is the key. It helps to bring closure to the pain and suffering that you might feel. Forgiveness simply means 'to stop feeling anger and resentment towards a person or at an action that has caused upset or harm.' It doesn't matter if the person who has been hurting you is you. When you are finding forgiveness, forgiveness isn't about what happened to you, it is about how you respond to it. "
"With forgiveness," Clark provides, "your goal is to acknowledge that something bad has happened, forgive yourself for what happened and learn to move on by accepting the truth that you can not change what happened, but you can change what happens next. Most people can't do this because they consider forgiveness a sign of weakness, which is another mistake."
"Forgiveness is actually a sign of strength," Clark reveals. "By forgiving others, you are putting faith in yourself to be a better person. You have to take the initiative to become better, to actually be better. You are easing the guilt that is deep down inside of you and promoting a healing of your mind, body, and soul. That's why forgiveness is for you, and not for the other person."
"You have to believe that forgiveness is possible for everyone, especially you," Clark continues to stress. "It takes time and it takes patience. Yet, as long as you avoid the mistakes of continuing to blame yourself and not taking the time to forgive yourself, it will become a valuable tool in your everyday life. When it does, it will allow you to forgive early and forgive often."
Anonymous
Posted July 11, 2010
After years of battling depression, due to a failed marriage, a bitter divorce and a nasty custody battle, I was given a copy of this book by my Mother. She had already read it and felt I could use it. She didn't say anything about it, she just said read it and I am so happy that I did. Let me warn you this book isn't for everyone. The author, himself, will be the first to tell you that this book isn't for everyone and it isn't. It isn't for the skeptics and the people who claim they already know what forgiveness is. Some will, or have, read it, just to say something negative about it. (There is a chapter in here about people like that too.) If anybody has a problem with this book, you should know that it's not on the delivery; it is in what the book says and what it will mean to you. You don't know how many times that this book made me so angry, not at what the author wrote, but because for years, I had allowed myself to be angry at my ex-husband, my family and my friends and the only person that I ended up hurting was me. I found myself at times blaming myself for very things that weren't my fault. Other times, I was, as the book also says, pointing fingers and found three fingers being pointed right back at me. In the end, I had to learn a very important lesson about myself, where some books will only talk briefly about forgiveness; this book did more than that. When God Stopped Keeping Score is the first and only book that I have ever read to teach me how to forgive the one person, who deserves forgiveness the most, me. You can not begin to forgive anyone until you learn to forgive yourself. Given a chance, I promise you, this book will change how you look at your friends, your family and more importantly, yourself. That's why I strongly recommend you make it a part of your permanent collection.
47 out of 48 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 8, 2010
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I can honestly say I didn't have the best relationship with my mother growing up. I often felt like everything that I did wasn't enough. It left me angry and at times, depressed. The first chance I got I moved away from home determined to start a better life. I still call home, but the calls are often short with me always making the call. Then, one day, a co-worker was reading this book. She shared the first chapter with me. Within minutes, I made up my mind to order a copy for both my mother and I. Last week, my mother called me. She has called me almost every day since to check in. The first night, we talked for over two hours about of all things this book and I am glad. We are talking. I mean really talking for the first time in my life. I am 28 and for me, it was a start. Everyone in your past shouldn't stay there. For the author, you have my respect. I could never thank you enough. This book is a must read and something you should share with the people that you love.
33 out of 33 people found this review helpful.
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Posted April 28, 2010
As a trained and licensed counselor, with years of experience dealing with individuals facing countless number of problems, I have found that, at the heart of it all, is my clients never learning how to forgive. They are often so angry and bitter towards the things in their lives, more specifically their past, that they cannot change. This is the number one reason that they cannot heal mentally, physically, or emotionally. This book offers not only practical advice about forgiveness, but also gets to the very heart of why you should forgive in the first place. This is finally a book I can actually recommend to my clients and with good reason. That's because "When God Stopped Keeping Score" is the best book that I have ever read about forgiveness. It is the one book that I can both professionally and personally recommend to everyone.
24 out of 25 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 27, 2010
After a very rough childhood, a failed marriage and years of anger and self-doubt, I thought that I had heard it all and seen it all when it comes to forgiveness. So, when a friend shared this book with me, I was skeptical. I soon realized that this book proved me wrong in what I thought I knew about forgiveness and I am glad it did.
You see I actually thought I knew what forgiveness was, because when I made a mistake I aways apologized. I had made every attempt to put the past behind me, but in my heart, I never felt that that was the end of things. I soon learned that I was making of the biggest mistakes ever because I never forgave the one person that needed it the most. That person was me.
The other books that I have read only glossed over what forgiveness truly is. "When God Stopped Keeping Score" is the first book to truly put a face to it. This book gave me the strength to confront my deepest fears and I am grateful.
Until now, I honestly couldn't say that I had the strength to wish someone, who has hurt me so, well and mean it. Now I can. That's why I even ordered a copy for my mother and my ex-husband, because I came to realize that they needed it just as much as I did. For anyone feeling any residual anger, hurt, guilt or pain, like me, this book is a must read. You owe that much to yourself.
23 out of 25 people found this review helpful.
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Posted May 25, 2010
Initially I was looking forward to reading this book as a result of growing up in a family dynamic that included in-fighting and blaming. I was looking for inspiration on how to forgive and move on. I will say that the intent of this book is very well-meaning, but the overall construct is VERY disorganized which results in the message being lost in the weeds. What this book sorely lacks is organized thought and a clear presentation of the message it tries to convey. It was very difficult to follow, in large part because of poor sentence structure and paragraph construction, spelling errors, and punctuation errors throughout. I was getting a headache trying to follow along, because some of the sentences didnt even make sense due to all the errors and I found myself having to read them over and over to get at what the author was trying to say - this were akin to someone's random incomplete thoughts just put down on paper and bound into a book. Clearly there was no editing nor spell checking done prior to publishing this work. Unfortunately, these problems made me question the author's purported qualifications, i.e. master EDUCATOR(?) and award-winning (what awards? I couldn't find any information at all) and I found myself disappointed in the overall effort. I am glad others have found inspiration - to each his/her own - but I would not recommend this book. Valient effort, but sadly falls short in getting it's message across in a cohesive way.
21 out of 45 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.The_Book_Mom
Posted May 25, 2010
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Hello! Hello! Hello! I have read many books in my lifetime, and still, it took me until today to say anything about one of the best of them. The book is When God Stopped Keeping Score. By page 77, I was asking myself why isn't this book on Oprah? I have never read a book that underlines the message, that it is not what happens to you that matters the most, but how you handle it that does.
After reading some other review, well one in particular, I don't have the slightest idea why some people pick up a self help book and expect it to provide a relief to years of hatred and anger or as one dysfunctional individual put it, family dynamics that include blame and in-fighting. Instead of them blaming you and fighting amongst themselves, they should have been teaching you how to write a review. Your review made me think about something the author says about pointing fingers.
Every time you point one, you get three pointed right back at you. Where were all the grammar errors, mistakes and errors. It has been a long time since Sister Frances made me write a book report, but, I suspect you needed somebody to blame for your problems and your blamed this author. You had me wondering did we read the same book, dear? I don't think you even read it, you couldn't point out one thing about it. What happened to the old woman who missed the bus? Who is Donna? I cried about the man and the window. Did you?
What When God Stopped Keeping Score does, through helpful tips and powerful lessons, offers the reader a chance, as the author say, to find out what ails you mentally and emotionally, by helping you to find the moment when something or someone failed you. What I love most is how the author pulls back the curtain to his own life as well to show that you are not alone. How else can anyone talk about overcoming obstacles, if they never had to get deal with them? My heart goes out to the author.
I'll let you be the judge. I challenge others to buy a copy and decide for themselves. How else are you going to know what happens to with hams or the speeding car and the cops? Those stories were my favorites. This book is a wonderful. But, sure to order another copy for somebody you know. I made the mistake of not doing that. You are going to want to talk about this one with someone, anyone. I called my sister at 11 at night the minute I was done. Yes, she was asleep.
20 out of 21 people found this review helpful.
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Posted July 24, 2010
I will re-read this book many times because the advise is excellent.
However, this book is not just for Christians. The large cross on the cover is a narrow minded and closed representation about the act of forgiveness. Once you move beyond that, it is well worth reading and incorporating into your life but you have to be absolutely clear about your goal of forgiveness. There is a comment on the Amish and their act of forgiveness after their tragedy. I find their acts of forgiveness to be questionable and very selfishly motivated. Despite these 2 bumps in the road, take the time to read it and re-read it. It's good for the soul.
16 out of 16 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.MB5
Posted May 26, 2010
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Today, I came online to order more copies for family members of "When God Stopped Keeping Score" for several members of my families that tried everything they could to get their hands on my copy. One had read the story of the two men and the window and another had read the story of the mother, daughter and the rock and loved it. I had actually gotten my copy as a gift and refused to part with it. Imagine my surprise when I saw someone had posted one of the most hateful reviews I have ever read for any book. It honestly made me smile because it made me realize that whoever this person was, obviously the book hit too close to home. Not only was his or her review filled with the same poor sentence structure and grammatical errors, he or she accused the author of. Which aren't true, but he or she didn't have anything else to say. I had to wonder if he or she ever even read the book. I also found myself questioning was his or her life that miserable that she didn't bother to leave his or her name. This to me sounded like somebody angry with themselves or God and I can only pray for them. It sounds like the ramblings of a fool. My mother always said never to argue with a fool, especially one that I can't call by name. Speaking of name, he or she suggested that they tried to find out about the author's education and awards; i.e, stalking, which is illegal. I had to ask myself how can you find out what awards or education anyone have by just their initials. I feel sorry for whoever this poor misguided person is. I wholeheartedly recommend this book. It is well worth the price. Reading it, it almost felt like therapy. From the story of the potatoes to the story of Donna. I'm about to order six copies for my family and a few friends, like someone has done for me, because they are worth it. You owe it to yourself to decide for yourself.
16 out of 20 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.LedByFaithInTheWillOfGod
Posted July 20, 2010
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After reading some of the reviews on here, I feel good that I am not alone in how I felt about this book, while this book isn't perfect, who is really perfect. You are not perfect and neither am I. As a Christian woman, I have always tried to live my life right. But, being human, I sometimes fall short. Now that I have read this book for the second time, and still leaf through it from time to time, I have come to realize that I am not alone. Yet, for each time I fall short, I can start again a little bit wiser than before. I agree this book isn't for everyone. I do think that anyone who ever gave it or ever will give it a low rating probably hasn't even read it. Look around this site, you will see people giving one or two start to books that haven't even been released yet and can't even tell you specifically why! That's why I too recommend that you read it for yourself. Who is a better judge of what you might like than you? Who knew that for the price of a movie ticket, I found something that changed my life. The stories in the book like the father, the son and the bible or the story of Honi are worth the price of the book alone. Give it the same chance to open your eyes to some of the things you only thought that you knew. I can safely say I am glad I did. You will too.
14 out of 15 people found this review helpful.
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Posted September 23, 2010
Call me foolish, but I read this book based on the "bad" reviews, because I secretly felt this book must be that good to strike so many raw nerves. Boy, I wasn't disappointed. This book hit the nail on the head so many times, I wondered when he'd put down the hammer. It is a great book. The only way this book is that hard to read is if you can't read it. To the the author, you did a wonderful job! I loved every minute of this book! I'd recommend this book to my worst enemy and my ex-husband! Keep on trucking! You have made this Southern Gal a believer in the power of forgiveness! Thank you!
12 out of 13 people found this review helpful.
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Posted September 26, 2010
Yes! Yes! Yes! I just finished reading this book for a second time and I felt a need to sing its praises. Just like millions of people, I thought I knew what forgiveness truly is. This book opened my eyes to the truth and I will never be the same because of what I now know. If you are looking for a book that is as informative as it is insightful, then look no further. Buy it for yourself and someone you really love. They will thank you for it.
10 out of 10 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 15, 2010
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As a person that actually read "When God Stopped Keeping Score," I can understand why somebody would sing it's praises. It's a great book with a good message. It helped me a lot. What I don't agree with is a need for somebody to put people and books down in a review to make themselves feel better. It is petty and childish. If you read the book, Emily, you'd understand why I forgive you. Take care!
9 out of 12 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 13, 2010
I am so sorry that I waited so long to buy this book. I kept coming back to it again and again and tried to find excuse after excuse not to buy it. I was wrong. This book is so good. No one has ever and I doubt ever will again explain what it means to forgive anyone like this book did. I can't say enough about it. Buy it. You'll see. You will see.
9 out of 11 people found this review helpful.
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Posted September 5, 2010
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No one person can provide all the answers to life's problems, but when it comes to forgiveness, this book is an excellent start. Maybe that's because this is the first book that I have ever read in forty years that spoke to me and not just talked about me. It was written, and might I add written very well, not to be a textbook or even the bible. It is an honest look at so much more than forgiveness. I will warn you though, that this book isn't for everyone, especially not the types that read a lot of great reviews about a book and write something negative to try to prove people wrong. Negative reviews only come from negative people. Why even bother? You are wasting your time, because one bad apple never spoils a bunch. That's why I suggest other readers don't even take my word for it. I recommend that you decide for yourself after you have read your copy. You will gain a light of insight about a subject few people ever want to talk about.
8 out of 9 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 15, 2010
If you follow Author R.A. Clark on Facebook, you'd know he doesn't even see a dime of the money from this book. He's donating it all to several charities that help women and children like Women In Transition, that helps the victims of domestic violence, and families like Feeding America, that feeds thousands of hungry families every year. So much for stuffing the ballot.
7 out of 9 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 15, 2010
If you haven't read the book, why are you posting comments and playing review police with no badges? If someone likes the book, good for them. If they tell other people great! If you read the book, you'd know R.A. Clark is a teacher. Who has the time to keep posting reviews? If you want to do something, go vote on Election Day!
7 out of 12 people found this review helpful.
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Posted September 28, 2010
As somebody that doesn't usually write books, I felt a need to add my two cents. This book is really thought provoking and straight forward. I knew the road to forgiveness for a lot of things in my past wouldn't be easy, but this book is great start. Thank you.
7 out of 9 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 24, 2010
As somebody like millions of others, I too struggled with truly forgiving others. I am not perfect. What surprised me more was this book's ability to teach me how to truly forgive myself. As a divorced mother, I don't think I was ready for even how this book addressed the topic of a failed marriages or even dealing with death. I dealt with both and I am so glad that I read this book. It made just the price of the book well worth it. You will see. This book is filled with stories that you'll want to share and helpful things that anyone can draw from to improve their own lives. As someone who has actually read this book, I feel better because of it. What will you say?
4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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Posted October 24, 2010
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It is absolutely amazing. I have been having major problems with my teenaged daughter and I did exactly what the mother did in the story of the mother, the daughter and the rock. My relationship with my daughter has never been better. Thank you.
4 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 18, 2011
I was so excited to read this book as I had just finished Max Lucado's In the Grip of Grace (excellent book) and was thrilled to continue on a path towards forgiveness. This book was suggested by several reviews for other Christian books and I just had to read this next. I have not been able to make it through this book due to the horrible grammar. The sentence and paragraph structures are extremely distracting. I find myself rereading sentences multiple times in an attempt to understand them. I think the subject matter is great but it needs a thorough review and to be rewritten in a more organized and easily readable way.
3 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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Overview
The question is whether this wrong happened two minutes or twenty years ago, whether this person is living or dead, why are you still allowing yourself to suffer ...