When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships

( 39 )

Overview

A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of people caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair rocks their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity, and identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they’re in and what it means. Is it a:

—“See-if” affair?

...
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When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships

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Overview

A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of people caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair rocks their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity, and identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they’re in and what it means. Is it a:

—“See-if” affair?

—Ejector-seat affair?

—Distraction affair?

—Unmet-needs affair?

—Panic affair?

Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as:

—What am I missing in my marriage?

—How do I decide between two people when it’s like comparing an apple to an orange?

—How do I decide to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both?

When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
“Gets to the heart of the matter…a fascinating and insightful read.”—Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Prime

“Offers some helpful—and sometimes surprising—advice.”—Time

“A wise and welcome addition to the self-help literature on infidelity.”—Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, author of After the Affair

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780312563448
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press
  • Publication date: 7/21/2009
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 272
  • Sales rank: 255,961
  • Product dimensions: 5.54 (w) x 8.26 (h) x 0.72 (d)

Meet the Author

MIRA KIRSHENBAUM is clinical director of the Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, and has been treating patients in individual and couples therapy for over 30 years. She is the Relationship Expert at Revolution.com, and the author of ten other books.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xiii

Introduction: "You Just Don't Help Those People" 1

1 No Regrets 7

First Level Getting Beyond Guilt

2 "I'm So Tired of Feeling Ashamed" 25

Second Level Uncovering the True Motives

3 The Seventeen Different Kinds of Affairs 35

Third Level Finding the one True Love

4 Is Your Radar Working? 77

5 How to Compare an Apple to an Orange 93

6 Not Stupid, Crazy, Creepy, Mean, Ugly, or Smelly 97

7 Better Living Through Better Chemistry 110

8 Loving the Lifestyle 126

9 The Feelings Inside 134

10 The Final Comparison 143

11 What's Closest to Your Heart 147

Fourth Level Doing What's Best for the Children

12 What About the Kids? 165

Fifth Level Breaking up the Triangle

13 Making a Clean Break 185

14 Look Before You Leap 197

Sixth Level Healing the Past, Building a Future

15 It's Not About Saying You're Sorry 209

16 Don't Think Trust, Think Bowling Balls 217

17 "Sweetie, It's You" 225

18 The Love You've Been Searching For 234

Resources Stuff You Need to Know About Divorce

Lawyers and Money: Ouch! 237

Protecting the Kids When There's a Divorce 246

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 39 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(17)

4 Star

(8)

3 Star

(3)

2 Star

(7)

1 Star

(4)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 39 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 6, 2008

    Incredible!!!

    This book has been a life changer for me! She took the most complex and painful thing i've ever faced in my life and gave me a clear, rational, and amazingly simple way out of it. After reading the book just once, i was able to get myself out of a hole i've been digging and suffering in for 5 years!! I'm deeply grateful for all her insight and help on this subject no one else could help me with!

    9 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 31, 2010

    It helped me find the answers i have been looking for

    If you are going through the turmoil of any side of an affair. Read it. It will not solve the problem, but may help you to review different sides of the issue before deciding what is next.

    5 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 8, 2013

    Good people dont have affairs

    Only scum of the earth have affairs. They love a book that lets them KEEP THE LIE ALIVE. Above all other criminals they are the least fit for society because they spread their disease and destroy homes and the hopes of children.

    4 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 11, 2011

    What a great help!

    I would highly recommend "When Good People Have Affairs," for anyone that has had an affair, is thinking of having an affair, or even whose partner has had an affair.

    This book has helped me tremendously. I don't feel quite so alone, and it has helped me better understand my actions. Ch3 helped me recognize why I had an affair and Ch7 helped me focus on and feel validated for the 'something' that was missing in my marriage. The book itself really put things in perspective, and showed me that I am not a terrible, evil human being.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2013

    A must read for the offender

    If you are the offender, this will help you to forgive yourself without justifying that what you did was ok.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 24, 2014

    Thirty pages into this book, the author tells the reader they sh

    Thirty pages into this book, the author tells the reader they should NOT come clean about their affair to their partner because "not hurting people" is higher on the morality scale than "telling the truth."  I stopped reading at that point.  What a waste of money. 

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 11, 2013

    It didnt help me fall out of love. It just made me more sad.

    It didnt help me walk away from the love of my life. It didnt help me fall out of love. It just made me more sad.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 11, 2012

    Was ok

    Felt as though it did an awful lot of justifying affairs.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 12, 2012

    Excellent book - sensible and non-judgmental. Provided tremendou

    Excellent book - sensible and non-judgmental. Provided tremendous clarity around a set of very powerful emotions and confusing decisions.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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    Posted August 12, 2010

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    Posted September 2, 2010

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    Posted November 5, 2011

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    Posted June 4, 2011

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    Posted June 16, 2011

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    Posted January 26, 2010

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    Posted January 25, 2010

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    Posted November 1, 2011

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    Posted October 22, 2010

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    Posted January 3, 2014

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 25, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 39 Customer Reviews

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