When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life

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More About This Book

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
In her well-researched study freelance journalist Secunda draws on 100 interviews with grown daughters in which they describe early painful relationships with their mothers, protracted in their adult emotional lives and memories. To help repair the damage done to the psyches of daughters whose mothers are characterized as, for instance, the Avenger, the Doormat, the Smotherer, the author suggests a measure of separation from the mother--``divorce'' if need be--designed to rid the daughter of guilt, restore her self-esteem and prepare her for her own motherhood. Secunda advises daughters to forgive their fallible mothers, ``who did the best they could,'' and attempt a balance based on generosity and self-preservation. Nevertheless, this study tends to treat daughters as hapless victims, underestimating the pressures imposed on mothers of yesterday and today. Major ad/promo; first serial to Redbook; BOMC featured alternate; author tour. (May)
Library Journal
Extensive research went into this detailed study of troubled mother-daughter relationships and how these relationships can be improved, usually through the efforts of the daughter. Dysfunctional parents usually raise dysfunctional children who pass the same behavior on to their children unless a conscientious effort, often with the help of therapy, is made to break the chain. Practical advice on how to come to terms with, and often improve, unhealthy mother-daughter bonds is offered through excerpts from many interviews and quotes from experts. Serial rights to Cosmopolitan and Redbook will bring additional attention to this book.--Marguerite Mroz, Baltimore Cty. P.L.

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780385304238
  • Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 5/28/1991
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 432
  • Sales rank: 255,986
  • Product dimensions: 6.10 (w) x 9.20 (h) x 0.90 (d)

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 6 )

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(4)

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Sort by: Showing 1 – 8 of 6 Customer Reviews

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 10, 2005

    helpful for the hopeful

    I have an estranged 19 year old daughter who chose her dad during the divorce. I am only hopeful that she contacts me again someday because I really love her. I have hurt and heartache. Can anyone help me and encourage me please?? still hoping and praying in Oakville, Missouri

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 7, 2003

    Excellent Book

    A friend bought this book for me several years ago and I read it several times. The help it provided me was immeasurable. After several years and moving a couple of times I needed to read it again. I couldn't find it so I ordered it again. I have read it again and this time will keep it close so that I can refer to it when ever I feel sad about my mother. It is a wonderful book that you will want to read again and again. A.R. Wylie

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 4, 2002

    Right on

    As a 30-something daughter of a well- meaning "critic", I found this book extremely informative and helpful in providing insight into the complicated mother-daughter relationship. It also offers realistic ways to find peace and acceptance and/or make changes to improve the existing relationship. Highly recommended for any mother or daughter.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 26, 2010

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    Posted January 26, 2010

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    Posted May 20, 2011

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    Posted October 21, 2010

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 26, 2009

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