Read an Excerpt
...from Chapter 1: Who is a Narcissist?
What is Narcissism?
Arrogant, cocky, self-centered, selfish, self-absorbed, egotistical, egomaniacal, full of himself, God's gift to the universe, player, playboy, conceited...all of these terms have been used to describe a certain type of man. In fits of anger they are often strung together, as in: that arrogant-self-centered-conceited-egotistical-jerk. There is something about this type of man that brings out the fury in women and can be extremely damaging to them as well, especially in romantic relationships. Here is the basic story.
Step 1: You meet a man who is self-confident, perhaps a little cocky, and physically attractive.
Step 2: He presents himself as successful, popular, and important.
Step 3: He is smooth and charming.
Step 4: You feel an immediate sense of attraction-He may be the one!
Step 5: You start a relationship.
Step 6: For a brief time you are very excited you may feel special or important.
Step 7: He becomes controlling and manipulative.
Step 8: He cheats on you.
Step 9: He still does enough positive things to keep you confused.
Step 10: You eventually realize that he might not be the guy he said he was.
Step 11: The relationship (finally!) ends.
Step 12: You keep thinking about this person: how could this person you cared for be so nasty?
Step 13: Your friends repeatedly assure you that he was no good, but it is still difficult to let go.
Now, compare this to the standard story about dating a decent guy:
Step 1: You meet a man who is genuinely nice and sincere.
Step 2: You go out a few times and get to know each other.
Step 3: You find that the more you know him, the more attracted you become.
Step 4: You get involved in a relationship where there is caring and emotional intimacy.
Step 5: The relationship might end (most relationships do) because of various circumstances.
Step 6: You do not feel confused about the relationship and may even remain friends with the man.
These episodes, of course, do not always happen exactly this way; sometimes various elements are different or missing and sometimes things are more complex. However, the first story is acted out again and again when women become involved with a certain type of man. After the relationship ends, many women don't know what hit them-they simply can't make sense out of the experience. Other women may have a hint that the person they were dating was a self-centered jerk or a "player." The truth is that the first story describes the standard romantic relationship with a narcissistic man. The focus of this book is on relationships with these men. My hope is that by reading this book you will:
o Gain insight into narcissistic men and their approach to relationships
o Learn why you fall for narcissistic men
o Discover techniques for analyzing your current and past relationships
o Learn how to get over a past relationship with a narcissistic man
o Learn how to avoid narcissistic men in the future