Why Can't I Change? How to Conquer Your Self-Destructive Patterns

Overview

As children, our brains are hard-wired to form attachments with others as a way to ensure our physical and emotional survival. How we attach to our primary caregivers directly affects how our brain develops and guides our feelings and thoughts in later relationships.

Why Can't I Change? is a psychological self-help manual to improve self-esteem and overall well-being. It is for anyone who feels stuck repeating patterns in their lives that don't work - from a series of dead end ...

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Why Can't I Change?: How to Conquer Your Self-Desctructive Patterns

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Overview

As children, our brains are hard-wired to form attachments with others as a way to ensure our physical and emotional survival. How we attach to our primary caregivers directly affects how our brain develops and guides our feelings and thoughts in later relationships.

Why Can't I Change? is a psychological self-help manual to improve self-esteem and overall well-being. It is for anyone who feels stuck repeating patterns in their lives that don't work - from a series of dead end jobs, bad relationships, or even self-sabotaging behaviors. Why Can't I Change? incorporates the latest research on brain science to see how your identity is not defined by your behavior but is a reaction to your early programming. Dr. Shirley Impellizzeri identifies four categories of attachment styles we adopt as children based on our perceptions of how those most influential in our lives perceived us.

Throughout the book, Dr. Impellizzeri uses a particular case history from infancy to adulthood to illustrate how an attachment style plays out in life. The stories and other concrete examples bring this concept to life and make it easy to identify with. This book shows you how to put an end to dysfunctional patterns of behavior by helping you discover what your unconscious patterns are and how to let go of those patterns. Why Can't I Change? includes questionnaires, exercises, and tools to facilitate change.

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
The good news is that, according to psychologist Impellizzeri, the adage "old dogs can't learn new tricks" is false. She gives no bad news in this book, which aims to help readers get unstuck from their ruts. Impellizzeri uses neuroscience to explain how patterns develop in the brain and how a person's ingrained style of attachment to others can define behavior. Through quizzes, case studies, and abundant research, she helps readers realize how they might sleepwalk through some aspects of their lives, how to recognize behavioral triggers, and how to wake up to life. VERDICT Those who find themselves hopelessly stuck will find hope in this book.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781934716373
  • Publisher: Sunrise River Press
  • Publication date: 5/15/2012
  • Series: Sunrise River Press
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 428,102
  • Product dimensions: 6.08 (w) x 8.82 (h) x 0.52 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Shirley Impellizzeri received her doctorate in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles, and has a successful private practice in Beverly Hills, California. Her work focuses on individuals, families, couples group therapy, and hypnosis. She has been featured on Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab-Sex Addiction and the third season of Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab.
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Table of Contents

Table Of Contents:
Foreword ix
Preface xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction 1
Chapter 1: Planting the Seeds That Lead to Your Patterns 5
Attachment Theory and the Infant 6
Four Distinct Attachment Styles 13
Emotions and Arousal Regulation 17
Attachment in Adulthood 23
Conclusion 35
End-of-Chapter Exercises 36
Chapter One Takeaway 37
Chapter 2: Attachment and Your Developing Brain 39
The Brain and How It Works 41
Survival Is King 50
How the Brain Interprets Threat 54
How We Remember 56
Attachment and Brain Development 61
It’s All about Emotional Regulation 70
The Body Remembers Everything 76
Conclusion 83
End-of-Chapter Exercise 85
Chapter Two Takeaway 85
Chapter 3: How Your Brain Affects Your Behavior 87
How the Past Affects Your Present 88
The Nervous System and Your Behavior 89
Defense Mechanisms 99
The Four Fears 110
Conclusion 118
End-of-Chapter Exercise 119
Chapter Three Takeaway 120
Chapter 4: Are You Sleepwalking? 121
Everyone Develops Unconscious Patterns 122
How to Change Your Patterns 136
Conclusion 152
End-of-Chapter Exercise 154
Chapter Four Takeaway 155
Chapter 5: How to Wake Up 157
Recognizing Your Triggers 160
How to Regulate Your Nervous System 164
A Reminder about Your Amygdala 177
Releasing Stuck Impulses 179
Respond, Don’t React 187
Know Your Audience and Speak Their Language 189
Conclusion 194
End-of-Chapter Exercise 195
Chapter Five Takeaway 196
Chapter 6: Now That You’re Awake 197
Compassion and Self-Esteem 198
Why We Focus on the Negative 199
“Just Notice” 201
Achieving Equanimity 202
Refocusing Your Attention 203
Dual Awareness 205
Be the Change 206
Coming Full Circle 207
Conclusion 209
End-of-Chapter Exercise 211
Chapter Six Takeaway 212
Resources 213
References 214
Index 217
About the Author 225
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